Wynnie’s voice played in her mind. Don’t expect change to be easy. You have to honor the difficulty, experience the pain, and deal with it as it comes. Marie’s familiar voice chased Wynnie’s. Change starts with attitude. Acknowledge every positive attribute about yourself. Seeing yourself as capable is a good first step.
Attitude might not be everything, but it was a start.
She knew she was capable and needed to allow herself space to be sad, but she was no longer a lost young girl. She was determined to think through this situation without falling apart. She could do this. She just needed a plan. That’s why she felt so off-balance. What was really bothering her?
He was leaving. But she wanted him near. She needed to feel his presence even in his absence. She looked around her Zev-free office.
This she could fix.
Next!
Timing. She needed to get a handle on when she and Zev would see each other again. She made a mental note to talk with him about it tonight, to see if they could nail down something solid for her to look forward to. Once those things were in line, she could focus on her business.
With those two pieces of her plan in place, she pushed to her feet and retrieved her secret stash of pictures. She sat down in the chair behind her desk with the box in her lap. She whipped off the top of the box and began sifting through the pictures. She’d spent so much energy repressing their memories, she’d forgotten the sweetness of them. The way the pictures filled her with happiness and hope. The painful memories felt like they happened a lifetime ago. And they had. Not just for her, but for him, too. They’d grown up in their time apart. They’d spent the last week talking and healing, allowing their love to bloom again, and all of that allowed her to see the good memories without experiencing the pain of the past. In the pictures, she saw two kids who were madly in love and believed the world was theirs for the taking. She felt that way now, too, only like a grown, competent and confident woman. She was a businesswoman, and, she realized, he was a businessman. Even if his business wasn’t conventional, he had a job to do, and just as her job relied on science, customers, and marketing, his relied on weather, research, and a good bit of luck. Sure, they’d have to piece their time together for a while like a long-loved quilt spun of desires, hopes, and dreams. But it was their future to build, theirs to discover, and theirs to make last forever. Only they could mess it up, and she knew he was as determined not to as she was.
Maybe she didn’t need a solid plan after all.
She just needed to believe in them.
Which she did, with every iota of her being. He wasn’t going to take off and disappear this time, and she wasn’t going to leave without a trace, either.
Feeling more grounded, she selected several of her favorite pictures of Zev and several more of the two of them. She hung a few on the message board behind her, and she tacked up a few others around the room—securing two with magnets to the side of the file cabinet, and she wedged another in the corner of the picture of the mountains hanging across from her desk. She placed the framed pictures of them with their passports in their mouths and of them holding the Goonies-style map on her desk, and felt a lot better.
She’d take the rest of the pictures home and hang them up there. Her stomach knotted at the thought of going home. She hadn’t slept there all week, but it felt more like months. But even as she thought about hanging pictures up in her house, she knew it wouldn’t be enough. With her heart in her throat, she scrambled for her phone and called Zev.
“Hey there, sexy girl. I just ate a few of the chocolates from the treasure chest you made me.” His tone turned seductive, and he said, “I have a few ideas about what we could do with the remaining chocolate.”
“Zevy,” she said urgently. “I’ve made a horrible mistake.”
ZEV SHOT TO his feet at the inn’s dining room table where he was working, his protective urges surging at the desperation in Carly’s voice. “What’s wrong? Where are you?”
“I thought I needed Zev-free zones, but I don’t. I need your scent on my sheets and to feel you in my house. I need to remember what you looked like in every room and what it feels like to have you there with me. You were right—you were always with me and part of me. But having you just in my heart and on my mind is no longer enough. I’m sorry I waited so long to come to my senses, but if you leave tomorrow and I go back to a Zev-free house, I’ll be a mess. Can you bring Bandit and stay at my house tonight? Please? We can get up at the crack of dawn to take care of the chickens.”
“Babe…” Zev bowed his head, relieved she wasn’t in danger. “Do you have any idea how much that means to me? How much I love you?”
“Hopefully enough to say yes.”
“Yes, of course. I know how big a deal this decision was for you, and I appreciate the trust you’ve put in me. I’ll sleep anywhere you want, and we don’t have to get up early. The chickens will be okay until we get there.”
She exhaled loudly, her relief palpable.
“Are you okay, babe? Do you want me to come to the shop? I was just lining up shipping to get the concretions back to the island and doing laundry.”
“No, I’m fine. I’m glad you’ll come over tonight, though.” She gave him her home address and said, “I was putting up pictures of us in my office when it hit me that you haven’t even been to my house yet, and it knocked my legs out from under me. I’ve slept without you for a decade, and suddenly the idea of it feels awful. How did that happen so fast?”
“It wasn’t fast, Carly. You set your sights on me in second grade.”
“Oh, this is all one-sided now? Is that how you’re going to play it?”
He heard the smile in her voice and said, “It feels fast because we’ve opened the floodgates, and now all we can do is ride the tide, baby.”
“You make it sound so easy. It’s going to feel weird being in a house where you haven’t spent time in every room.”
“Then we’ll make it our mission to get our scent in every room, on every surface, so there are no Zev-free areas left. You sure you don’t want me to stop by the shop so we can make sure there are no Zev-free surfaces there, too?”
“As much as I want to say yes, I think Birdie and Quinn would pull up front-row seats for that show.”
The lightness in her voice told him she was feeling better. “That’s just fine by me, gorgeous. My first mate is only for your eyes, mouth, hands, and body.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
ZEV COULD HAVE picked out Carly’s cedar-sided bungalow even without having been given the address. It was as unique as she was, with one story in the front, a two-story A-frame in the back, surrounded by lush lawns, full trees, and gardens overflowing with leafy plants and colorful blooms. The other houses on her street had perfectly manicured lawns and organized gardens, while hers looked like it had been dropped in the middle of the wild.
Zev shouldered his backpack, thinking about the call he’d received from Carly’s father earlier. He grabbed the box with the chocolate treasure chest in it and the bouquet of roses he’d bought for her. He knew he had to tell her about the call and hoped the right time would present itself.
He headed up the slate walkway with Bandit by his side. Bandit veered off with his nose to the ground.
“Come on, boy.” He waited for Bandit to amble over before climbing the stone steps to the spacious front deck, which had forest-green balusters and natural railings. While Bandit sniffed along the edge of the deck, Zev admired the picture windows on either side of the yellow front door and the maroon trim around the porch roof, all of which underscored Carly’s natural style. He had no idea how something like a house could make him love her even more, but he had a feeling it was because it proved once again that she’d never completely silenced the creative nature girl with a flair all her own that he’d fallen in love with when he was just a boy. The girl who had challenged him to a race just to prove she wouldn’t be outdone. She’d outdone him by miles in the years they�
��d been apart.
Then again, she’d always outshone him.
Bandit leaned against Zev’s leg, and Zev crouched to love him up. “I get why Beau takes you everywhere, buddy. I mean, besides your klepto habits. You’re a good companion, and I like having you around. But this is a special night, and I need you to remember our talk.”
As if on cue, Bandit barked.
“That’s right. You promised to behave, and I’m holding you to it. I’ll hold up my end of the bargain, too, and help Beau build you that doghouse we talked about.” Just in case, he’d bought two new chew toys, which he hoped would keep Bandit out of trouble.
Bandit barked again.
“Yeah, I know he doesn’t need my help, but you don’t have to rub it in.”
Bandit pushed his snout against the crook of Zev’s neck, and Zev hugged him with one arm. “Attaboy. Now, let’s go see our girl.”
Zev pushed to his feet to knock, but the door swung open, and there before him, wearing denim shorts with floral patches and a Journey T-shirt, her hair tousled and beautiful, was his heart, his home, his future.
He was ninety-nine percent sure she was wearing his shirt, which they’d bought together at a concert their senior year of high school. He doubted there were two Journey concert shirts with a hole in the right shoulder that had been stitched up with red thread. That made him feel pretty damn good.
“Hey, baby.” His heart thudded even harder as he leaned in for a kiss and Carly’s summery scent enveloped him. He wished he could bottle it up and take it with him. “Did you steal my T-shirt?”
She looked down at the shirt. “No. I thought you put it in my backpack.” Bandit barreled into her, and she stroked his head.
Zev chuckled. “I have a feeling Char has taught Bandit a bit of matchmaking magic. When I was doing laundry, Bandit brought me the clothes he’d stolen. After I washed them, I put yours beside my duffel bag and left the room to get a drink. When I came back, he was lying on my bag and your clothes were gone. I thought Bandit had absconded with them again, but when I went to zip my bag, I found them stuffed inside it. I’m holding your clothes hostage by the way, so you have a reason to make time to see me.”
She smiled and said, “Then we’re even, because that was my plan, too, only I have no intention of giving your shirt back even after we see each other again.”
“You can have everything of mine, as long as I have you.” He leaned in for another kiss and handed her the bouquet. “I know you didn’t use to love getting flowers, but while cereal says I’ve never forgotten anything about you—us—or stopped loving you, red roses say I love you in a universal language, and I want you to know I love you in every way possible.”
“Zevy. They’re gorgeous, but you didn’t have to buy me anything. I know you love me.”
“That’s great, but I’m not leaving any room for miscommunication.”
“I love them. Thank you.” She lifted them to her nose and said, “They smell beautiful. I’ve actually never gotten roses before. I think I like it.”
“Good, because I intend to discover all of your undiscovered likes.”
Her eyes heated. “I look forward to that.” She motioned with her hand, and said, “Come inside.”
“You sure you’re ready for that?” he teased. “Once I’m in the Zev-free zone, there’s no going back.”
“Oh my gosh, get in here.” She grabbed him by the collar, dragging him into the house. A savory scent hung in the air.
“Something smells delicious.” He slid his backpack off his shoulder and set it by the door. Bandit’s nails tapped along the hardwood floors as they followed Carly through the living room, passing a coral love seat and two yellow chairs that formed an inviting nook by the fireplace. In the far-right corner of the living room was a spiral staircase, and just beyond was a sunroom with a small round table set for two. A half wall lined with pretty plants separated the living room from a cozy kitchen.
“Grown-up Carly knows how to cook,” she said as they walked through the sunroom. She opened a cabinet, pulled out a vase, and began filling it with water. “You’ve done so much for me, I wanted to do something special for you. I know your mom’s whiskey crab soup and herb butter lobster tails and your dad’s cheddar biscuits used to be your favorites, so I called your mom and got your parents’ recipes.”
She lifted the top of a pot sitting on the stove, and the delicious, spicy scent of whiskey crab soup billowed out with the steam.
“Wow. That brings back memories,” he said, setting the bakery box on the counter. “You called my mom? Was she surprised to hear from you?”
“Mm-hm.” She set the vase on the counter and hooked her fingers into the belt loops on his jeans, stepping closer. “I thought it might be a little awkward, even after how great your family was during the video chat on the boat. But your mom was just as warm and friendly as she used to be. We ended up talking for a long time. She asked me all sorts of questions about us, even the hard ones, like was I sure I trusted you and did I still love you.”
“Ouch. Way to throw me under the bus, Mom.”
Carly laughed softly. “It wasn’t like that. You know she was always like a second mom to me. I think she wanted me to know that I could still tell her anything. She said it had been hard for her, letting you wander the world for all these years, when what she really wanted to do was send your father and brothers after you and—I’m quoting here—drag your butt back and make you see that you couldn’t run from grief or from what we had.”
“Now, that sounds like my mom.”
“She loves you so much, Zevy. She said true love was rarely a straight and narrow path and that some people got lost along the way, but love always brought them back.”
“It sounds like we need to start calling Char and Jilly Love, since this was all part of their master plan.”
“Right? It might get confusing if they both have the same nickname.” She pressed her lips to his, and then she withdrew bowls and plates from a cabinet. “I told your mom all about Redemption Ranch, but I guess my mom had already filled her in on everything that I’d gone through back then.” As she ladled soup into the bowls, she said, “Sometimes I forget how quickly word spreads back home.”
“Faster than a shark in the sea.”
“Definitely. Your mom really is happy for us. I called my mother right after that. So much has happened so fast, I haven’t had a chance to call her or my aunt. But as it turned out, your mom had called my mom after our video chat, and mine had called Aunt Marie. Which reminds me, I should really call my aunt, too, or she’ll feel left out.” She took the biscuits and lobster out of the oven and transferred them to plates.
“This looks incredible. Thanks for going to all this trouble.” He kissed her neck, earning a sweet peck on his lips. “Carls, there’s another call you need to know about.” She was reaching for wineglasses. He waited until she looked at him, then said, “Your father called me today.”
“My dad?” she asked as she poured the wine. “Are you kidding? Why?”
“Would I kid about that?” Morris Dylan was the chief of police in Pleasant Hill. While he’d always been a loving father to Carly, he was stern and had high standards. In order for Carly to take part in adventures with Zev, she’d always had to first do her homework and tell her parents where they were going. He’d never caught them sneaking out, but Zev had always been terrified that if he had, he would have tried to stop them from seeing each other. Before Tory’s death, nothing could have stopped him, not even Carly’s father.
Carly picked up their glasses. “Help me carry?” As she carried them to the table, she said, “What did he say?”
Zev carried the bowls to the table. She’d set their places close together, which he loved. Sitting across from her would feel too far away. They went back for the biscuits and lobster, and he said, “He actually had a lot to say. I wrote a letter to your parents a few months after I left town, before I saw you in Mexic—”
&nb
sp; “You wrote to them? Why would you write to them and not to me?”
The hurt in her voice sliced through him. He moved from his chair, kneeling in front of her, and took her hand, hoping to waylay the look of betrayal in her eyes. “I couldn’t have written to you knowing you would have no way to write back. I didn’t know where I was going—”
“But Graham wrote to you.”
“Not until two years after I left home, when I had a better sense of where I was going. I couldn’t have done that to you right after I left. It would have just made things worse.”
“It would have been worse, but still,” she said sadly.
“No but stills, babe. I’d done enough hurting for one lifetime. There was no way in hell I would have done anything to hurt you more. You can be mad at me, but that’s the truth.”
She closed her eyes for a second, breathing deeply. When she opened them, the betrayal he’d seen was gone, but the sadness lingered. “I’m not mad. I know you’re right. It wouldn’t have done any good. I just wanted to hear from you so badly back then, it kind of hurts knowing that they did.”
“I’m sorry, Carls. It seems like all the hurt I tried to avoid happened anyway.” He held her hand between both of his and bowed his head, resting his forehead against their joined hands as he tried to push the ache down deep. She ran her fingers through his hair, and when he lifted his face, the forgiveness in her eyes slayed him anew.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “But we said we’d always be honest with each other. I’m not mad at you now, and that hurt wasn’t the kind of hurt that clings to your bones. It’s already almost gone.” A small smile curved her lips, and she said, “But why didn’t they tell me you wrote to them? What did the letter say?”
Searching for Love (The Bradens & Montgomerys (Pleasant Hill - Oak Falls) Book 6) Page 30