by Ruskin Bond
Virendra felt that he was losing sense of time. He had no idea how long he kept sitting. When he got up and crossed the bridge, he realised he was walking southwards along the western bank of the canal. To his left flowed the canal; to the right were shops on the buildings. He had only a diffuse impression of the shops and the conversations on the embankment, but he could not resolve the details. He felt his eyelids getting heavy; he felt that he was having difficulty in keeping his eyes open. He also did not have any idea about how he reached the next bridge on the canal; he simply saw that he was in the middle of the bridge and looking northwards towards Har-ki-pauri.
The bridge was dark. The surroundings were also mostly dark. He was leaning forward against the concrete balustrade. At a distance to the left the lights of Har-ki-pauri shimmered as point objects. And from there the lighted floats were coming in endless streams, flickering, quivering, and dancing with the waves. Somewhere in between were several whirlpools; when the floats reached them they went through eddies and spread out on to the entire canal. By the time they reached the bridge where Virendra was standing, they had filled the entire width of the canal.
In the darkness the quivering, flickering lamps looked beautiful. Virendra felt an inner joy; he felt overwhelmed. He looked around; he could not see Har-ki-pauri any more; he could not see any more signs of the embankment either. His view was filled with tiny flickers of light in the backdrop of total darkness. There were countless numbers of them and they were all over; for a moment he felt that there was a fine pattern in the way they were distributed but he could not resolve the pattern in a simple manner, but it was extremely beautiful. He went on watching, totally immersed in it.
He kept his eyes on those patterns, but he did not quite realise when changes were taking place in those. Much later, when he realised that something was happening, he found that nearly all the flickering lights were dimming. But some were dimming more than others; as a result, some were appearing more intense than the others. Virendra did not understand why this was happening in that manner. He kept looking at the festival of lights but did not perceive anything beyond.
Soon a set of lights which seemed to be disposed in the shape of a note of interrogation caught his attention. The third and the fourth light in the line were much more intense than the others, and Virendra thought they looked like the stars in Ursa Major. He thought it curious; how could Ursa Major come here? Slightly east of this set of stars he found another set of lights on a slight curve, which looked like the constellation Dubbe. He looked at it carefully. Well, it was Dubbe! Then, the next set of stars must be the constellation Draco. Yes, that was Draco! Virendra felt excited. Was he looking at the sky? Then the pole star must be slightly north! Oh! There was Polaris! Virendra became excited but could not understand how this became possible.
Between Polaris and Draco he could spot Ursa Major, and on the other side of Polaris he could recognise Cepheus and Cassiopeia. All these constellations were around Polaris in a circular arrangement. The entire northern celestial sphere was above his head. He looked up and around. They were all there! He brought his view down from Ursa Major; there were Leo and Hydra in their positions. Some distance away to the east was Virgo. Below Draco were Cygnus, Lyra, Hercules, and Bootes; and below Hercules were Ophiuchus and Serpens. And below Cygnus were Delphinus and Aquila. Further to the east, Cassiopeia was reigning over Auriga, Perseus, and Andromeda. Below Andromeda were Pisces and Pegasus; below Perseus, Taurus, Triangulum, Aries, and Cetus; and below Auriga, Gemini, Orion, and Canis Minor. Virendra felt overwhelmed in the company of these heavenly bodies.
He looked up to Polaris again, but could not understand why Polaris was just near the zenith. That would be true only if he were on the North Pole; and he faintly recalled that he was in Haridwar. He was leaning on the balustrade on the bridge, but he now felt his hand was no longer on any support. He looked below. He could not see his body but only darkness. But there was more than darkness. He could see stars also there. What happened to the earth? How did it become transparent? His eyes were feeling tired; he made an effort to concentrate.
There was nothing distinct at the precise nadir. But he could spot a cluster of bright stars somewhat north of the nadir. He could recognize them as Crux, the Southern Cross, and Centaurus. Above that he could see the continuation of Hydra. Virendra wondered: was he then seeing the southern part of the celestial sphere? How could that be? But certainly he was. He could recognise other constellations. Further above and to the west he could spot Capricornus and Aquarius, and way behind them were Canis Major and above that, near the horizon, some of the bright stars of Orion.
So he was at the centre of the universe with all the heavenly bodies around! And the sun was dead! He felt that he did not have any dimensional presence but just existence at a point. He felt overwhelmed at the darkness and at the depth and at the thought of the distances of the stars and constellations. He also had a feeling of diffuseness; often he was feeling unable to keep his vision open and clear. And the stars were dimming continuously.
He did not know how long he remained gazing in that manner. He was feeling calm and peaceful, but in a way very tired now. He looked up. Except the brightest first magnitude stars nothing was any longer visible. Even Polaris had become very faint. Gamma Draco was still visible faintly, so were alpha Vega in Lyra, alpha, beta, gamma Cassiopeia, beta and gamma Andromeda, alpha Aries, beta Algol and alpha Mirfak in Perseus, alpha and beta Auriga, beta Pollux in Gemini, and several stars of similar magnitude in the southern sphere. He was finding it difficult to keep his eyes open; his perception was also becoming diffuse. He kept his eyes closed for some time.
When he thought that he had opened his eyes again, he could not see anything. He thought he would touch his eyelids to make sure, but he did not know where his hand was; he had no control over it, and therefore could not do that. It was all darkness. His perception had also become very weak and he could not make out anything. All the stars, constellations, and galaxies had faded out. It was only nothingness. There was no sound; there was no light. There was nothing happening either. Time and space both had disappeared. His senses did not tell him anything more. Total quiet and total darkness.
Coolness in the ambient air. And silence. Peace and tranquility. Now is a good moment to leave Virendra Chauhan by himself. We have been with him for long hours today. We clung to his physical movements. We were also with the journeys of his agitated mind. We have known his simple aspirations and perceived his deep anguish. His is a mixed lot, like everybody else's. He realises this, and this would be the reason why he would not attempt to physically annihilate himself. If his failure and success are entirely due to fate, then part of that fate is due to his time in the history of evolution and his geographical position. If there is even a speck of free will, as he acts as if there is, then we do not know how the story would end. Time will tell the rest. At the end of the day, his body is exhausted and tired, and at the moment his mind is calm. Let us hope that at least tonight, he will sleep peacefully.