“Yes, I’ll go,” I say with a measure of bitterness. “You’ve got help.”
I slip past her halfhearted attempt to stop me, and she doesn’t come after me. I’m too angry to listen anymore. I don’t want to hear them talking, even though I’m dying to know every detail about the whisperers.
The footsteps coming down the dim stairs behind me are too heavy to be Anna’s. I flex my fists as I turn to face Kopano at the bottom of the stairs. Rain is falling in torrents around us, and we’re barely protected by the edge of the stairwell’s awning.
“Let us go somewhere and talk,” Kopano says.
“We can talk here. She never uses her senses.” It feels good to throw that fact at him—there’s loads about Anna he doesn’t know.
“Do not be upset, Kai,” he says calmly. “I feel only concern for her.”
Right. If by concern he means attraction and awe. “I’ll bet you do.”
“Even you are willing to risk yourself for her, brother.”
Okay, so he can tell I feel attraction and awe, as well. So what? “That’s because I actually know her. What’s your reason? I suppose you’d like to get to know her, too?”
“You have made it very clear that she is not available in that way.” And yet, he has pursued. “Be reasonable. There is plainly more at stake here. I only wished to help.”
Bullfuckincrikey. How is he going to help? By being her shoulder to cry on? He’s just as powerless against the Dukes and whisperers as I am. He can lie to himself, but not to me. He wants her. “There’s nothing you can do, Kope!”
He tries to calm me, which makes me more furious.
“There is no stronger weapon for Pharzuph to use than your concern for each other. If he learns you were here to console her, you will lose all leverage with him. Do not fool yourself into thinking he will not discard you.”
“Yes,” I say with pure malice. “Some of us have to worry about such things. Thank you for the reminder.”
I’ve been taken off guard by this conversation, and I catch the sound of heavy footsteps too late. Kope’s eyes widen as he peers over my shoulder, and I spin, whipping out my switchblade with a zing and holding it in front of me where Duke Belial stands mere feet away, looking lethal as a bomb.
He smiles down at my knife, water dripping from his face.
“Put it away, boy. Sorry to break up the testosterone party.”
With a shaking hand, I slide the blade back in and slip it into my pocket. Anna comes racing down the stairs barefooted and stops herself just short of us.
She looks up at Belial and yells, “Dad!” Her hands cover her mouth as she looks between us. When Belial faces her full on, her hands fall to her side and her face goes slack.
“It was you,” she whispers. “You sent them.”
My head snaps to Belial to see his jaw set. Everything suddenly makes itself clear, and I nearly sag where I stand. He sent the whisperers to haunt her. Anna is not under suspicion, and her father does not want to hurt her. He’s trying to smarten her up. He’s forced her to acknowledge and see the demons. It’s admirable and heinous all at once.
Belial turns on me and Kopano, stepping closer, and we both stand taller under his intense scrutiny. This is obviously a man who wants to protect his daughter, and right now he’s staring us down like we’re threats. Shame burns me as I realize what fools we were, standing out here arguing when larger issues are at stake.
“This little thing,” Belial says, pointing between Kope, Anna, and me, “isn’t gonna fly. Don’t worry yourselves about Anna anymore. You hear?”
I nod, but there’s no way in hell I can stop worrying about Anna. I’m in too deep.
“Then get on out of here,” he says in that low voice. “And keep your heads in the game.”
Anna is watching the ground where the rain falls next to us. I don’t look at anyone as I turn to leave, climbing into my vehicle, driving straight into the storm, head on.
“Love Letter” by Kaidan Rowe
Staring at this paper
Tryin’ to write a “love letter.”
This is not my thing,
Yeah, it’s just not me.
My mind turns instead
To a wicked beat in my head,
And I bang out the lyrics to a song.
Yeah, I bang out the lyrics to a song.
You’re soft to my hard,
You’re sweet to my salt.
If we both end up naked
It’ll all be my fault.
Yeah, I’ll take the blame,
That’s it, say my name.
You’re gorgeous, you’re stunning,
Let me win at this game.
CHORUS:
Gimme, gimme, gimme,
I’m Greed when you’re near.
I want more, I need more,
Ignore all of my fear.
Heat me, scald me, burn me,
I’m Lust for your touch.
You kill with a smile
And I refuse to be rushed.
How’s this for a love note?
Do my words rock your boat?
If not, I’ll try harder
Take things a bit farther.
You bet your ass I’ll do that,
Raise the bar, sexy cat.
So step closer to me, turn up the AC.
You’ll be singin’ the chorus in 1, 2, 3 . . .
CHORUS
Roses are red and violets are blue,
That played-out shit isn’t for you.
I got your love letter right here in my eyes.
If you look deep enough, you’ll see through the lies.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Good Witch, Bad Ape
“Baby, you’re beautiful, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
It’s me, I’m a freak.”
—“Whataya Want from Me?” by Adam Lambert
I’ve always lived life like a game, moving my piece along the board, taking pleasure where I can, but feeling otherwise numb. Until a surprise came along and fucked it right up. Life is still a game now, only the rules have changed. Each move I make lands me on a mystery space, and I’m forever unsteady.
Over and over I imagine her as she was that night, sitting on the bed in the hotel room, like a still shot captured in my brain—her fluorescent pink aura, shockingly beautiful, surrounding her skin as she held a pillow to her nearly naked chest.
That image. It does me in every time. It slices me to pieces.
She’s safe now, in her father’s care—or as safe as a Nephilim can be. I resist the urge to drive over and check on her each time Father leaves for New York. I remind myself the whisperers could see us, and I’ve already tempted fate enough by spending far too much time with her in the past. It’s made me careless.
I only work the days Father is in Atlanta. I know it’s bloody dangerous to limit myself to only a few halfhearted hookups a week, but Anna has ruined me with a craving for something far more substantial. She possesses the only thing that can fill the deep void within me, and nothing else comes close.
It’s been over two months since I’ve seen her. When I caught sight of Jay at a party last week I was caught in a moment of desperation.
“Heard about the Halloween field party, mate?” I’d asked. Good ole Jay lit up at the invitation, just as I’d counted on. I’m not certain he’ll bring Anna, but it’s worth a try.
She probably won’t come, smart girl that she is. Halloween is one of the demons’ favorite nights of the year to whisper their sweet nothings.
I didn’t let Father see the Halloween costume I’d rented. It’s the ultimate way to hide from people. Only one girl will be able to recognize me in this giant gorilla costume. She’ll see an ape with a red badge.
Halloween has always been my favorite holiday: people dressing in ways they normally wouldn’t dare. Inhibitions down, even without drugs and alcohol, and dark exhilaration in the air. Tonight is no different as I scan the field of laughing people, but I
don’t feel the buzz I normally do on this night.
The gorilla head smells rank, and it’s hot inside this damned thing. Between my nerves and the lack of ventilation, I’m sweating. I look through the mesh eyes at the crowd. There must be several hundred people there to see the five bands play. Not our band tonight, though I’m certain Raj, Michael, and Bennett are around here somewhere.
I focus my eyes, pulling each face into clear view from across the field. I wonder what Anna’ll be wearing. I imagine her in a sexy angel outfit—the irony would be our secret.
My gaze halts on the fuzzy blond head of Jay with an eye patch, and a fake parrot propped on his shoulder. Next to him is a small green witch wearing a ratty black wig and pointy hat, with a badge at her sternum only I can see. I grin to myself inside the mask as cool relief floods my system.
She’s here.
I won’t approach her. I don’t know how she feels anymore. A lot can change in two months, especially when I’ve done my best to push her away. She deserves better.
I feel the burn rise when I think of Kopano. Makes me want to rip off the gorilla head so I can breathe easier, but I’m not in the mood to be recognized by anyone other than Anna.
Kope is quite possibly the only man on earth worthy of Anna, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let him have her when her love’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted. Impossible thoughts plague me. Impossible desires. Dangerous dreams.
I watch Anna now as she glances down at herself, then crosses her arms, looking self-conscious of her chest in the tight black dress. I have a spanking good view of Anna’s side profile. My gaze outlines the curve of her back down to her waist, landing on her round arse. A deep, intoxicating stir is triggered within me. Good thing this ruddy costume is roomy.
My thoughts sober and my pulse spikes when I realize she’s looking at me now, recognizing me. I don’t move. We stare for what feels like forever before she finally waves. I’m overcome with joy at this simple acknowledgment. I lift a paw and chuckle at Anna’s greenness. A girl I hadn’t noticed before grabs Anna’s hand and says something. I focus my hearing on them.
“—Who are you waving at?” the girl asks. She’s dressed like a provocative Minnie Mouse.
“Um, that big monkey,” Anna says. “I think he’s staring at us.”
Correction, dear. I’m only staring at you.
They both watch me expectantly, so I lift an arm and scratch the furry armpit, which makes them laugh. I think I recognize the girl as the one Anna was dancing with at that lake party ages ago. I still love thinking about how I stole her away from that wanker in the bedroom that night, and the look on his face. It’s one of my few prized memories.
Anna turns away from me and starts chewing on her nail. She’s not coming over, the stubborn thing, but I’m too greedy not to see her face-to-face while I can. I won’t talk to her for long. Just a moment. Just to get my fix. And then I can leave.
I walk to them and pull off the costume head, shaking out my sweat-dampened hair and sucking in the fresh night air. Both of the girls’ eyes widen. Minnie’s white polka dots temporarily cover over with a red aura. Anna frowns when she notices. The girl has a slight bump in the arch of her nose that gives her face a certain seductiveness, though she probably hates it. Girls are like that when it comes to their bodies.
I look at Jay and say, “Arrgh, matey.” He laughs and sticks out his hand for me to shake, which I do. Nice bloke.
“What’s up, man?” he says.
I throw a drummer joke at him, since he always likes to lay them on me.
“What’s the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?” I ask.
His grin is huge and his aura bright yellow. “I don’t know. What?”
“A savings bond matures and eventually makes money.”
He laughs and reaches out for another appreciative hand slap. When we turn to the girls, Minnie’s colors have settled back down.
“This is my friend Veronica,” Anna says in a level voice. “And this is Kaidan.”
“Oh, I’ve heard all about you,” Veronica tells me with a big, knowing smile. I raise my eyebrows with interest. Girl talk. Brilliant. I find nothing more amusing than eavesdropping on girls in conversation. They give blokes a hard time for things we say behind closed doors, but girls are just as bad.
I focus my attention on Anna now and decide I don’t like the green face paint. It covers over her freckle. And what is that blob on the end of her nose? A wart? Only Anna would try to make herself less attractive.
“Nice wart,” I say, then flick the dangling thing off. She gasps, and both her friends laugh.
“I told you it was stupid,” Veronica gloats.
But Anna’s a good sport. She rubs a finger over her nose to even the paint, going adorably cross-eyed in the process. I fight back a smile.
Anna and I lock eyes. I used to be uncomfortable under her gaze; the way it made me feel vulnerable. Now I welcome that feeling, even for a moment.
She crosses her arms and says, “Your hair’s grown a lot.”
“So has your bottom,” I respond without thinking.
Ah, shite. I know better than to make “growth” comments to girls, or anything indicative of size that could be deemed unflattering, but it just sort of slipped out. Her friends burst into laughter, and there isn’t enough paint in the world to hide the shock on Anna’s face.
“Dude, you can get away with anything,” Jay tells me.
“I meant it as a compliment,” I say honestly.
Veronica is still laughing when she grabs Jay by the hand and leads him away. He shoots me a serious look of warning as they go. I respect him even more for his protective feelings over Anna. Especially now that I know he’s never fancied her, which is insane to me.
I flick my head to the side to get the hair out of my eyes while Anna shifts, biting her lip and staring at the grass.
Say something, you git.
I haven’t a clue what to say, though. Should I apologize for the bum comment?
“My dad gave me a cell phone,” Anna says in that sweet voice of hers, looking up again. The green paint and night sky make her brown eyes even darker.
I pull my own mobile from the ape pocket and blow a piece of lint from it. When I raise my eyebrows she starts giving me her number, but the damned costume is not cooperating. Without asking, Anna takes the phone from me and programs her number. That small act of familiarity, as if she has every right to touch my things, makes me even hotter for her. I want to throw her over my shoulder and carry her into the woods to claim her.
Right. She’s staring at me in that way that makes it seem as if she can read my mind. I clear my throat.
“How did things go with your father and the training?” I ask.
“It went fine. I guess.” She answers quietly, crossing her arms again. “I know my drinking limits now and all that.”
I try to imagine Anna drinking. Is she a silly or a sad drunk? I kind of hope I’ll never find out.
Anna moves closer and my breath stops. “I understand what you mean now about the dangers of being together. I didn’t get it then, Kai, but I do now.”
I can’t breathe. She gives me her trademark look—the one that drains me of all strength and makes me want to give her anything she wants. I’m too weak. I turn toward the stage, where the music begins, and try to regain my momentum, but she keeps talking, moving closer.
“I know it’s risky to see each other, but we could talk on the phone when your father’s not around. If you want.”
If I want. She has no clue how much I want. But I can’t simply have a tiny slice of Anna. I’m no masochist. It has to be all or nothing, and “all” would ensure the death of us both.
“That’s not a good idea,” I say.
Even now, since we’ve been standing here together, I’ve not once looked around for whisperers. She turns me into a single-minded idiot every time.
I turn from the stage toward a group of loud people b
ehind us, but I can’t concentrate on a damn thing.
“I think about our trip all the time,” she whispers, her words sinking into my bones. “Do you ever think about it?”
Every day.
“Sometimes.”
With a feminine grunt of frustration, Anna grabs hold of the front of my costume with her little fists, shocking me. I look anywhere but at her.
“Why did you invite Jay to this party?” she demands.
To see if you still love me. But I won’t let her pry my feelings from me. It’ll only make things harder. Ironically, isn’t that what I’m trying to do, as well? Find out if she loves me so it can be difficult, all over again?
“I don’t know,” I grind out. Who am I kidding? I am a complete masochist seeking out pain, and a sadist as well, the way I keep hurting her.
She pulls harder on my costume, and the amount of passion in her tiny form fills my body with a buzzing need.
Her voice quavers. “I can’t keep living like this, Kai. I need to know how you feel. I need to know one way or another so I can have some sort of closure.”
It’s clear she still cares, but she doesn’t want to. I have to stop doing this to us. I have to stop thinking about her, and make her stop thinking about me, no matter how it hurts.
“I thought you’d be over it by now,” I say harshly, making the mistake of looking down into her eyes, lively even in the darkness.
“It doesn’t work like that,” she says.
I stare down at her in desperation. I need to burn this bridge—to deceive her into believing I don’t give a shit. But haven’t I tried that already? Hasn’t she seen through me like no one else ever has? Damn her see-the-best-in-people ways.
Smoke from a nearby bonfire blows over us.
“Don’t invite Jay to any more parties, Kaidan. If there’s even the slightest chance you’ll be there, I’m not going. It hurts too much to see you.”
Even when she’s being tough, she’s too sweet, grabbing me by the heartstrings and twisting.
“So why did you come?” I ask.
Her green face bears an expression of sad turmoil. Reaching up, she pulls off the tangled black wig and I feel like the wind had been knocked from my lungs. Her long, natural, honey-colored hair is gone, replaced by bright blond streaks and a sexy chopped style. A wave of sadness and loss rocks through me. She’s had to change. With or without me in her life, she is a Neph, and there is no escaping it.
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