My breath hitches like I’m a lad. I have to close my eyes and gather my wits before I can look at her again. Every curve, peak, and valley . . . I can’t believe she’s mine. All mine.
“Like I said,” I grit out. “Just right. On the bed with you now.”
She obeys and I know she’ll do anything I say right now, because she trusts me, she wants me. It fills me with a masculine pride that makes me want to roar. I lie next to her on the bed and force her to stay on her back while I peruse every inch of her skin. Each time she attempts to touch me or pull me, or move closer, I stop her. It’s driving her mad, and the delicious power rush makes me want to go even slower.
Shoulders, collarbones, breasts—she lets me kiss her and taste her and learn her—waist, belly button, hips, stomach, every inch of her as smooth and sweet as the next. She squirms and groans, grabbing sensually at my hair. When I get to her panty line, and go lower, down to her thighs, she lifts her hips and I firmly push them back down.
“Please,” she whispers.
“Not yet.”
I know what she needs, and I know I can make it even better by building that need within her, just as my own is building. I flip her to her stomach and start at the top of her body again, moving her hair aside so I can kiss her upper back. She gasps and cries out when I get to the base of her spine. I smile to myself, having found one of her zones. And when I get to her arse—the most perfect, round bit of flesh to ever exist—I nearly lose my head and rip the tiny piece of lace from her body. A low rumble emits from my chest.
Anna takes advantage, saying, “Take them off.” I am too lost to drag this out a moment longer. I sit up and pull the knickers down her smooth legs. What’s left before me is my sexy little Anna’s backside, completely naked.
“My God,” I whisper. She’s more perfect than I imagined, and I imagined this a lot.
Anna turns over and I soak in the front image of her. . . .
Heaven.
She reaches for my shorts, but I grasp her hand and gently bite her naughty finger.
“I’m not done yet.”
She falls back with a moan as I make my way straight to her lower stomach again, this time with no barrier of fabric to block me. I kiss down her inner thigh, and Anna’s breathing goes ragged. I kiss her again, right where she needs, and my sight shatters into a myriad of white shards.
Within seconds Anna cries out and I tighten my grip on her hips. She overwhelms my senses. Anna is the scratching of nails in my hair. She’s the sound of high moans in my ears. The firm thighs against my unshaven cheeks. The sweet scent that surrounds us.
Her cries turn to tired breathing, and her grip on my hair relaxes. Only then do I relent and move up to place kisses on her flushed face and closed eyelids. I love knowing I’ve done this to her.
“You can nap, luv,” I whisper.
She sags further into the bed, murmuring. Then her eyes pop open. She pushes to her elbows and glares as if I’d said something offensive. I have to laugh. Her hair has gone a bit poofy in the back, and she’s a right gorgeous sight.
“It’s your turn,” she says.
Oh. I go still, wondering exactly what she has in mind. Inside, my body claps like a damn seal, but outside I’m suddenly too nervous to move. She leans forward and kisses under my ear. Ah, yes. That’s nice. She kisses my neck and I reach for her hip, pulling her closer.
“My sweet little vixen.”
She licks my earlobe, and a bolt of arousal forces me on top of her.
Anna is naked underneath me. All mine.
But she tsks and makes a little uh-uh-uuh sound, as if I’ve got it all wrong. She pushes me off her and continues pushing me until I’m on my back and she’s beside me on her knees, looking down at my body as I did to hers. She bites her lip. Her hands are shaking as her fingers trail over my chest and down my abs. I want to tell her she doesn’t have to do this, but she reaches for my belt, determined.
Oh, dear God. I could quite possibly make a terrible fool of myself right now. I grasp her hands and breathe out harshly. Her eyes fill with worry and I have to say something.
“Sorry . . . it’s just that . . . it’s been a while.”
“It’s okay,” she whispers. It’s as if she’s relieved that I’m showing weakness, though I am not at all happy about it.
Once I’ve taken several breaths, I release her hands and she continues to undress me. I lift my hips for her and kick off the shorts.
“Um, wow,” Anna murmurs. She stares so hard that I’m about to lose it. Damn it, Rowe, be cool, I chide myself as she takes her visual fill of me with an expression of awe and curiosity.
I close my eyes and swallow. I try to imagine non-sexy things, but it’s difficult when she’s hijacked all of my senses. I breathe, trying to regain control, but when Anna finally touches me, I have to wrap my hand over hers again.
“Just a sec,” I say. She bites her lip, and I hope like hell she’s not about to laugh at how my voice cracked.
“Kai . . .” Her voice beckons me to look at her. I lift my eyes. “It’s just me.”
This is Anna. This isn’t work. She wants something genuine from me, not an act. I release her hand, and allow myself to feel her touch. To watch her face as she discovers me for the first time.
“Like this?” she whispers, sultriness underlying her voice.
She goes slow, and it’s pure torture. Though I suppose it’s only fair play after what I put her through.
I shut my eyes and flex every muscle. “Yes, luv. Bloody hell. Just like that.”
Heaven.
I talk her into taking an outdoor shower, and I promise to keep an eye out for whisperers, but there are a few moments as we wash where hands wander and I get a bit distracted. It’d be safe to assume the wandering hands belong to yours truly, but I’m happy to announce Anna was the culprit. Can’t keep the girl’s hands off me.
Afterward I wrap her in an oversized towel and take her inside to feed her berries and cheese and crackers.
She falls over with laughter when I turn on Marna’s music and belt out the chorus of “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful.”
“Oh my gosh!” she says through her laughter. “You sound just like them, and you know every single freaking word!”
“Bit hard to avoid that song, yeah?”
We laugh together and I happen to glance over and see the hilt, wrapped in its case by her bag. My smile falls and my pulse spikes.
I know Anna is ready, but that stupid fear rises up, clawing at me. I rip my eyes away from the sword and stand to stare out the window at the blackened night. If the Sword of Righteousness rejects Anna, it will be my fault.
“Hey,” Anna says softly, coaxing my eyes across the room to her. She stands on the opposite side of the bed, still in her towel, as am I. “It’ll be midnight soon. Our wedding day is almost over.”
I want to tell her it’s not too late to change her mind. That I’ll understand if she wants to remain a virgin, but then she says in a seductive voice, “Come here,” and I know her mind is set.
I slowly walk to my side of the bed, across from her, and put my hands on my head. Her hair is damp and her cheeks have pink spots. I feel so bloomin’ lucky for this entire day—the best day of my life.
In the next moment, when I blink, Anna opens her towel and drops it to the floor. Her chest rises and falls faster as she watches me. Then she climbs onto the bed and crawls, like a prowling cat, toward me. My body stiffens, in shock.
By the time she makes her way to me, rising up onto her knees, I am awake and alert.
“Are you scared?” she purrs. “Been too long? Out of practice?” Her head cocks to the side, a bad-girl grin on her face.
And then her words register.
Too scared to shag her? I can’t even dignify that with a response. I can’t even sputter. And then she gives me a purple-nurple, twisting my nipple.
“Oy!” I grab her wrist, the mad little cat. I should spank her arse for th
at.
Suddenly my towel is gone and my body is announcing just how much I’ve enjoyed her naughty act, complete with the ripping-off-of-the-towel finale. There’s laughter in her eyes. Time for me to take control.
I swing an arm behind her legs and a hand behind her waist, and I have her on her back before she can blink. I’m pressed heavily on top of her, and from the satisfied smile on her face, this is exactly what she wants.
“You win,” I say.
She doesn’t gloat. She simply reaches up and cups my face, running her fingers down my cheek and jawline. I lower my forehead to hers, overcome.
“This is right, Kai. We love each other.”
I close my eyes. Is our love enough to blot out my past? It’s always there, in my mind, a foul and murky swampland. How can Anna not feel it when she’s with me? She seems so certain this is right. And sword or no sword, this will at least keep her safe from Father for the time being.
“I’d do anything for you,” I say.
“Just love me.” She strokes my cheek again.
There’s so much I’ve never had the nerve to tell her. So much I should have said before now. She watches me intently.
“I need you to know this is different for me,” I manage. “I’ve never felt like this with someone.” I take a shaking breath. “I don’t just love you, Anna. I adore you.”
She kisses me, her hands traveling over my arms and shoulders until they’re at my face again and her eyes are on mine.
“Don’t look away from me,” I whisper. Her eyes will tell me if I’m hurting her.
She nods and whispers back, “Okay.”
“If you need to stop—”
“Kai. I’m not fragile.”
“Right.” She’s strong, I know that. I also know how to make her first time a very pleasant experience. I move my hips and nuzzle myself between her legs. She lets me. I watch her mouth open for a silent gasp of air when I circle my hips against her to make sure she’s ready.
And because I still feel like I haven’t said enough—because I need to prove just how momentous this is for me, I bash down the barriers I’ve kept up for eight years, unleashing my aura for Anna to see. I shiver as I bare myself, and I feel Anna holding me tighter. I want her to see my love, like I saw hers once upon a time.
“Oh . . . ,” she whispers. “It’s beautiful.”
I shake my head. Only one thing deserves that word. “You’re beautiful.”
She wraps her leg around me and I move my hips until I find her.
We arch, slowly, and Anna gasps. Her hands go around my lower back, holding me tight.
I move slowly. So slow.
Oh, dear God. It is killing me to go slow.
Her eyes shut and I stop. She opens them and nods. “I’m okay.”
I move again, slowly, gritting my teeth, watching her eyes. I move a bit more, ignoring my bastardly instincts not to be gentle. Her eyes flutter and a whimper escapes, but she quickly meets my eyes again and says, “Don’t stop.”
I fight for breath. Slow movements.
There. My hips are flush against hers and we’re both breathing heavily. She lets out a breathy sound of joy and I grin at her. My wife.
I kiss her. She keeps one hand on my back and the other in my hair as the kiss deepens. My hips begin a slow circular motion, grinding gently against her. Anna breaks the kiss to catch her breath and let out a moaning, “Oh, my gosh, Kai.”
Everything we’ve gone through has led to this moment.
For the first time in my life I make love, and my heart is full. And though I’ve been a man by society’s standards for a while now, this is the first time I’ve felt like one. I am Anna’s man. Her lover. Her husband. Her ally and friend.
Always.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Celebration Above
“The heart is a bloom, shoots up through the stony ground . . .
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow.”
—“Beautiful Day” by U2
I am immediately ready to go again when I wake in the middle of the night. I can’t remember the last time I slept so well. I reach for Anna in the darkness and bolt upright in the bed. She’s not there.
“Anna?”
It’s too quiet in the cabin. I leap from the bed and sprint to the bathroom, but she’s not in there, either. “Anna!” I wrench open the door to the outdoor shower—empty as well. I rush to the front door and realize I’m completely naked.
“Fuck!” I run back to the bedroom and flail through the clothing on the floor until I find a pair of shorts. My heart is banging in my throat. Did they take her while I slept?
I barrel through the front door barefooted and stare wildly around the darkened area. Forests. Road. No lights anywhere. I force myself to concentrate on my hearing, sending it out in a circle around me, slowly letting it extend outward, trying not to miss a single sound.
“Anna!” I call. I am fighting to breathe. “Anna!”
How could she disappear from under my nose? How could I let this happen?
I stop and stare toward the path that leads to the canyon. Yes. Footsteps. Maybe half a mile. The steps stop and it gets quiet. I take off running.
Jagged rocks and branches cut into my feet, but I can hardly feel their sting. My extended night vision is on high to make use of the tiny bit of moonlight. I still cannot sense anything up ahead. A minute later I think I hear a feminine giggle.
“Anna? Anna!” I race ahead faster now. Two seconds later I hear her call to me.
“Kai! It’s all right. I’m at the canyon!”
Christ Almighty, I’m about to have a heart attack. I’ve never run so fast. She sounds okay, but I have to see her for myself. I burst through the trees into a sudden open space and halt at the sight of a massive spirit, bright white. I nearly fall back, but Anna rushes to me.
“It’s okay,” she says, wrapping her arms around my heaving chest. I hold her, never taking my eyes off the exquisite spirit. It’s not Belial. It’s not a demon at all. Nor is it a warrior angel.
As Anna tugs me forward, I feel stranger and stranger the closer I get to it. This spirit doesn’t fill me with a sense of threat like the warrior angels from the summit. In fact, it’s as if this spirit has purified all the dark feelings from my soul, and I’m left only with love and happiness within.
The spirit watches me closely as Anna brings me to stand before it, and I’m astonished by the overpowering sense of peace that blankets me. Anna squeezes my hand and stops short at the cliff’s edge, never letting me go. She looks up at me. “Kaidan . . . this is my mother, Mariantha.”
My face snaps back to the angel, who levitates over the empty space with a contented smile. I have no words. Just . . . wow. Anna’s mother.
I lower my head and say, “It’s an honor to meet you.”
“It is I who am honored to meet the soul who loves my daughter more than any other.”
I am too full. Her words, the emotion she’s emitting, it all makes me want to inexplicably weep. I keep my head down and swallow.
“You have embraced life and the truth, Kaidan Rowe, and are now reaping the blessing.”
Yes. I raise my eyes to her and nod, then swallow again, overly grateful. I’m feeling like a boy next door, all wholesome and shit—er—stuff. I drop my eyes again.
“I must go,” Mariantha says. “Guard your love, for it will lead you through the darkness.”
I nod again and stand there stunned beyond belief as she and Anna say their good-byes. Then her mother’s spirit stretches its wide wings and flies away.
I search all around us, but nothing else is in sight. I take Anna’s hand and we race back down the path, eager to get out of the open. But I don’t feel any fear. The exalted feeling still swirls around inside me, making me want to laugh with unfathomable joy. Anna feels it, too, because a smile is on her lips as we run.
“What did she say to you?” I ask Anna when the cabin is in sight.
“Tha
t they’re celebrating our marriage in heaven!” She laughs, and I shake my head at this astounding turn of events.
We burst through the cabin doors and I shut the door, locking it. Then I take Anna’s face in both my hands and walk her over to the wall where I can hold her in place. I’m finally coming down from the adrenaline rush of fear.
“You scared me to death,” I tell her. “Don’t ever leave me like that again.”
“I’m so sorry. You were sound asleep, and I saw her . . . I know it was dumb, but she was like . . .”
I think of her mother’s bright, welcoming form. “A beacon?”
“Yes.” She takes my wrists, rubbing them to soothe me.
“Were they really celebrating us? Up there?”
Her smile is luminous. “They really were.”
Unbelievable. I try to imagine it, that the souls in heaven know us—not just Anna, but me, as well—and they’re cheering for us. I want to ask why they would celebrate us but never give us the chance to be there with them, to join them in heaven, when we leave this place.
Anna breaks my desolate train of thought by crushing her lips to mine, and I react on instinct, pressing her back against the wall and dropping my hands to her body. I remember how I felt when I awoke, before I knew she was gone, and that need returns with a vengeance.
“Let’s not sleep tonight,” Anna says.
Oh, woman, you’re speaking my language. “I’m going to let you make all the rules in this marriage, Anna.”
“Good boy.”
I laugh and grasp her around the waist. She looks down and gasps.
“You’re bleeding!”
I glance at the scrapes and cuts along my feet, ankles, and legs from where I ran in the darkness. Most of the blood is already dry.
“I’m fine. Nearly healed already.” But she frowns, and I know she wants to nurse me. I kiss her pouting lips and tighten my hands around her waist.
When I lift her, she wraps her legs around me and I carry her to an oversized chair. I fall back onto it and give her bum a good slap, making her scream. “Hey!”
I hush her complaint with another kiss, and pull her hips down against mine until she lets her head fall back and sinks into my lap perfectly.
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