by Wells, Nancy
She had become so reckless in giving him a single moment of happiness that the thought of scandal never crossed her mind. She was feeling silly. She had overreacted over something so insignificant. Margaret was younger than her, yet she was cleverer than her.
She had never wanted to ruin her sister’s future before and it was still not her intention, but she was not thinking straight when she saw forlorn expressions on his face. Her only aim at that moment was to remove the morose, dejected and mournful memories of his father’s death from his mind. He had brought joy and happiness to her life. Her intention was to repay him in a similar fashion.
“I am so silly,” she said tearfully. “I threw a tantrum over something so insignificant.”
Margaret smiled, but the concern was still evident on her face. Isabella was aware of the scare she gave her sister and the rest of the household. Her mother would be pacing in the hallway, boring holes into the floor with her worry. Her mother would have already interrogated the maids. She had to intervene before her mother sent Philip after Russell.
They stayed inside for few more moments and then came out of the room, intending to put a stop to the rumors that would be circulating in the whole house.
She was puzzled when she did not find her mother outside the door. In fact, the whole corridor was deserted. She was a bit disappointed when she realized, no one cared for her. With a heavy heart, she followed her sister to the gardens for fresh air. On their way, she heard voices coming from the parlor room. Out of curiosity, she peeked inside. She was rendered immobile at the scene that greeted her. Russell was sitting on a sofa, head bowed, listening to her mother while she chastised him for making her daughter cry. She knew her mother cared for them, but she had never realized the depth of her feelings until this moment.
She stepped inside the parlor, without bothering to compose herself. She had to stop her mother before he was forced to leave her for real. It dawned upon her at that moment that she would follow him to Hell if he asked her to accompany him. She would never stop loving him, even if he broke her heart into a million pieces.
“Mother, I want a moment alone with him,” she said softly. “Margaret will explain the situation to you.”
Her mother looked from her to him and then to Margaret who was standing in the doorway. She waited impatiently for her mother to hear the silent plea of desperation in her voice.
In reality, only a few moments had passed, but it felt like decades to her while her mother made up her mind.
“Very well,” her mother said. “You can have twenty minutes alone with him.”
Twenty minutes was not enough for her. She wanted a lifetime alone with him, but at the moment she would settle for the few drops of time her mother had graciously allowed her.
As soon as her mother left the room, she looked towards him. She had been afraid to meet his eyes, afraid to see resentment and disdain on his face. Her mother had told him about her little tantrum. She was expecting to see wrath and fury, but there was sorrow and defeat in his eyes. For reasons only known to him, he seemed in a fragile condition. She was afraid if she took another step towards him, he would collapse on the floor.
“Lady Isabella,” he whispered. “Would you sit beside me for a moment? I have something to share with you.”
She would have preferred if he had called her with the term of endearment he usually used. She did not like her own name on his lips. It made her feel estranged from him. Her own name was making her feel uncomfortable in her skin. There was a time when she had believed he did not know her name and a part of her wished he would call her by her real name, but at this moment, it dawned upon her that she did not like the sound of her own name coming from his mouth.
“Please,” he pleaded softly.
She realized she had been standing rooted to her spot. She was so busy in her gloomy thoughts, she had forgotten about his request. She took a small step towards him, watching intently the number of emotions playing on his face. He seemed conflicted. A war was waging inside him and he was indecisive on which side to favor.
She stood before him, her hands clutching her skirts to resist the urge to touch him again. She knew he would not object to her hands in private, but she was still afraid to raise her hands.
“Forgive me,” she said, bursting into tears.
Russell was already bending under the burden of guilt and her tears doubled that burden. He had run away from the park like a coward, chased by his own demons, leaving her behind. He had no intention of making her cry, but he was not seeing straight at the time. He had turned back at the entrance of the park, but by then he was already too late because she was gone once he returned. He had looked for her in the whole park, searching for her family seal on every carriage, but she was gone.
“Why are you apologizing to me?” he asked, afraid to know the answer. “I am the one who has wronged you today.”
He had come knocking on her door, intending to apologize and explain his reasons. He had accepted that hiding the truth from her would not bode well for their future. Instead of keeping her in the dark, she should be aware of the demons he was facing every day. She had a right to know about his dark secrets because it would impact her life too.
When he had entered her house, her mother had come bearing down on him. She had chastised him for making her daughter cry. He would have never believed her mother, had he not seen her puffed up eyes and tear stained face when she entered the room.
“I know you were trying to save my reputation by not allowing me to touch you in public,” she said morosely. “You are the epitome of a gentleman. I made you look like a villain in my mother’s eyes.”
His mind stopped working for a moment. He had been known by many names in his life, but a gentleman was not one of them. He started to rethink his decision of coming here. He did not deserve an innocent person like her. He had expected to see wrath on her face, but she was apologetic. He would have gladly endured her ire, but the guilt on her face was too much for him.
“Have a seat, please,” he said, patting the sofa.
She sat beside him, her hands clasped between her legs. She knew he would not run away if she raised her hands, but there was still a small doubt in her mind. She was not sure about his intentions.
He was conflicted about how to start the conversation. He had never let anyone glimpse inside his soul. It was the first time he was baring his weakness to someone and he was afraid of being rejected. His own brother was not aware of his struggle against his own demons. He smiled and made fun of others to appease his brother. Shane had seen him at his worst when they were children. It had been a long time ago, but he could still see the worry on his brother’s face. So he did what he thought was the best course of action. He hid behind a veil of humor and guffaws.
“When I told you about my father’s murder,” he said, clearing his throat. “I skipped a few details. Something else happened that night which made me the way I am.” She nodded her head slightly, giving him permission to continue. “I am unsure about your reaction… actually, I am frightened,” he chuckled humorlessly. “I am afraid you will see my flaws and push me away. I never thought a day would come when I would be struggling to find words, but I guess I was wrong.”
He was blabbering. His words were not making sense to her, but whatever his secret was, it was clearly making him uncomfortable to speak aloud. He was not aware that there was nothing that could make her stop loving him. Even if he confessed to being a murderer, she would still love him. Her love for him would surpass any boundaries. If he asked her to dance on the streets, she would not think twice before twirling in the streets.
“If you knew the depth of my feelings for you, Russell,” she said, interrupting him. “You would know that I would go to any length to see a smile on your face.”
Time stood still for him. He thought he could not love her more, but his heart started to burst from the rise in his feelings. She was everything he had wished for, still, his conscien
ce was not appeased. The trust in her eyes was making him feel guilty for not disclosing his flaws before this day. She would have been spared the pain and suffering, had she known beforehand about his history.
“I am not sure I deserve you, my Siren,” he said guiltily. “Your soul is pure while I am tainted. You are a perfect person while I am ridden with burdens that are too heavy to carry on weak shoulders.”
Her forehead crinkled in confusion. He was not making any sense. She looked down at his hands. His hands were shaking. She did not think twice before holding his hands in her own. He looked at her sharply but did not pull his hands back. She offered him a small smile, wanting to offer him her assurance that nothing was big enough to diminish her confidence in him.
“Go on,” she said. “Tell me what is troubling you.”
He looked down at their joined hands, contemplating the right words to start his story. She did not speak while he remained silent. He was grateful for her patience and understanding. She had no idea that her understanding was reviving his hope in their future.
“My father was killed because he was trying to save me. The noblemen who murdered my father were after me,” he sighed deeply. “I did not understand their intentions at that time, but now I am aware of the depth of their heinous intentions. I was only eight at the time. It never crossed my mind that something other than my life was at stake… I was not strong enough to defend myself at that time… My father stood before me like a shield, defending me from those animals until his last breath.” His voice was getting an octave higher as he relived the same horrors. “When I tried escaping from them, the leader grabbed me by my shirt. He did not succeed in getting what he wanted, but I still feel branded where his hands had touched my body,” his voice was breaking. “I feel tainted and branded by his touch. I know he is dead, but whenever someone tries to touch me, I become the same child who had witnessed the death of his father and was running for his life.”
Once again, he was in the same stable, running from his attackers while his father’s lifeless body remained on the floor. Eight-year-old Russell was aware that his father could not hear him, but he was still screaming to his father for help. A small child against three adults was a cruel joke of fate. He tried his best to evade their hands, but his small legs were no match for the long strides of his attackers. He had called to his father in fright when a hand had grabbed him. He thought he would die at their hands, but the door had knocked him out.
“If it will make you feel comfortable, I will never try to touch you again,” she said tearfully. “I can live my whole life admiring you from a distance. I love you for your beautiful soul. Your presence in my life is all that matters to me.”
He might not have explained in detail, but she heard the unspoken words in his sentence. Someone came after him with the intention of abusing him, but his father saved him by sacrificing his own life. She had known that he was close to his adopted father, but she had not realized the extent of their bond. A man who would willingly die for a child who was not his own surely deserved to be revered by all. She had questioned his loyalty towards his birth father, but now she understood the reason for his deep love towards his adopted father.
“No, this is not what I want,” he said hurriedly, applying pressure on her hands as she tried to pull them back. “I want to know your touch. It will probably take time before I am comfortable with your touch, but I want to try anyway. I might never become whole for you, but I want you in my life nonetheless.”
Her heart was beating fast as he raised her hand to his face. She was afraid he would change his mind at the last minute. She understood that he was traumatized by the events that occurred in his childhood and was finding it difficult to feel someone else’s touch without his mind conjuring up the old memories.
He held her hand against his face and closed his eyes. She saw him struggling against the urge to pull back. She wished she were not feeling so helpless. She wished she could do something to ease his pain.
She remained utterly still while he trembled against her hand. He kept her hand against his face for only a few seconds, but it was enough for her to feel loved. He was taking a huge step by allowing her near him. He did not have to speak out loud for her to know that he loved her.
“Thank you for understanding my reasons,” he said. “I will understand if you change your mind about accepting me.”
She would remain by his side through all the horrors of life. She would become his pillar, supporting him whenever he stumbled and was in need of support. She would never leave him.
If she had the power to travel through time, she would have wrapped herself around the small child who was utterly alone against the people who had killed his father. She would have sheltered him from becoming a broken man. She did not understand how someone could fall so low as to attack a child. It was disgusting and repulsive even to think about it. Those men were indeed animals.
“Nothing could sway my determination to make you mine,” she said with determination. “You are mine. You, Russell Simon, are my anchor.”
He had never felt so much at peace as he felt at that moment. He was worried about her reaction to his weakness, but she made him whole with her declaration. She was more than he deserved, but he would try his best to give her everything she ever dreamed of. He would never let her look wistfully at anything. He would lay the whole world at her feet.
“Even if I smacked you with a hairbrush?” he teased.
She knew humor was his way of protecting himself whenever the situation was overwhelming for him. She understood his reason to protect himself. She also knew that he was not aware himself that he was reverting to old habits by putting his shields up, but she did not mind. She loved this deranged and broken man to an extent that sometimes scared her too.
She was aware that he was reminding her of the smacking he had given her when she had practically begged for it. She did not like the experience of being smacked even if it did not damage her skin. It had hardly left a small pink blush on her bottom when she had inspected her bottom in the mirror, yet she had asked him to stop spanking her.
“You can use that brush only if you fish its ashes from the hearth,” she replied with a mischievous grin.
His eyes widened. He threw his head back and rolled with laughter. He had no idea that she would respond with such vengeance towards her brush. He knew she would throw the brush, but it never occurred to him that she would burn it to ashes. She surprised him at every turn. She had a melodic voice and a sense of humor. She was perfect and the best part, she belonged to him.
He was still chuckling when the door opened, and her mother entered the room. He realized that he had spent more than twenty minutes with her. He was grateful to her mother for not interrupting and giving him more time to have a moment alone with her daughter.
“Has my daughter convinced you to stay, Mr. Simon?” her mother asked humorously.
Isabella narrowed her eyes at her mother, knowing full well that her mother had been eavesdropping on them. Her mother had entered at the exact moment he had finished confessing all his secrets. Her mother ignored her and fixed her eyes on his face, fully knowing that Isabella did not appreciate her presence.
“I am afraid she had me wrapped around her fingers, madam,” he chuckled.
Isabella looked towards him, their eyes meeting with one another. She saw his love and devotion in his eyes. His soul was bare to her and she did not see any flaw and weakness. She saw a man who was deeply in love with her. They smiled at one another, reaching a mutual understanding.
“Did he forgive you?” Margaret said, breaking their moment.
Margaret was standing in the doorway, hopping from one foot to another, impatiently waiting for her answer. Isabella smiled, shaking her head in disbelief at her sister’s childish behavior. One moment, Margaret was giving her sage advice that could only come into the mind of a mature person and in the next instant, she behaved like a child that was more suited to
her age.
“I am not sure which daughter is more smitten with you, Mr. Simon.”
Her mother was grinning while looking from one daughter to the other. Margaret was smiling sheepishly when she became the center of attention for all of them, and Isabella wanted all of them gone so that she could lunge at him and prove just how much she was smitten with him.
Sometimes she got scared by the depth of her emotions for him. If, God forbid, something were to happen to him, she would never survive his loss. He had become her center of the universe. Her day started with thoughts of him and her nights ended with longing for him.
“I am glad to earn a little sister in this relationship, madam.”
She looked towards her sister. Margaret had moisture in her eyes. Her sister was having trouble with hiding her emotions. Russell had given her the status of his little sister, which would be overwhelming for her because she already liked him. Margaret rarely showed interest in someone else, but it was evident that her sister liked him. She was afraid that if they ever got into a row, her own sister would take his side. This thought should have scared her, but it only made her more determined about her decision. He was her perfect partner.
“You should think twice before accepting this challenge, Mr. Simon,” her mother said, pointing to Margaret.
Russell did not mind the challenge of taking a little sister. He did not have a sister, but after meeting with Margaret, he realized he had missed a very sweet relation in life, but now that life was granting him a sister, he was not going to let this opportunity slide. From the moment she had come running towards her sister’s aid in the alleyway, he had wanted to keep her in his life. He had wanted to know her because she was as protective of her sister as Shane was of him.
“You might not know this, but I have a brother who is more challenging to handle than your daughter.”
He could not wait to see her sister and his brother knowing one another. Shane had a diabolical mind when he acted alone, imagine the amount of chaos he would cause once he got Margaret as his partner. Her violent tendencies and his evil mind would wreak havoc in their lives. Scary as that thought was, he was still looking forward to bringing them together.