He shrugs, and I look past him, torn. Should I get them? Should I leave? “Who are you?” he asks.
I swallow, my mouth so dry. “Rose. I’m a friend of your mom’s.”
“I’ve never seen you before.”
“You like Star Wars?” I blurt, frantically steering him off course.
His little mouth twists a fraction as he pads forward on bare feet and pulls a chair out. The legs scrape the tile floor loudly, and while I cringe, the sound seems to go over Daniel’s head. “Mom says I’m a Star Wars whizz.”
Mom. It hurts so much hearing him refer to the woman who bought him as Mom. Me. I’m his mom. He should be calling me that. “What else do you like?”
He considers my question as he regards me, closely and carefully. “What do you like?”
His counter question throws me, his little forearms settling on the table as he gets comfortable. “Me?” My mind blanks. What do I like? “The sun on my face,” I tell him, smiling when his little brow furrows.
“Do you like Star Wars?”
Crap. I’ve never seen a Star Wars movie in my life. Silly, but I fear admitting that might destroy our relationship before it’s even started. “I’ve never seen Star Wars.”
His little face is astonished. “Never?”
I shake my head. “You could show me sometime. We could watch them all together.” I see the excitement on his face.
“Cool,” he chirps, as a woman’s sob sounds in the distance. Daniel looks over his shoulder, and I shrink in my chair. I’m mute again. And for the first time, I try to comprehend the turmoil Hilary’s in. How desperate she was for a baby, how she got that baby, and how she must feel now it’s come to bite her on the ass.
“Why’s Mom crying?”
I shoot my eyes to his. “I don’t know.” A lie. But it’s not my place to tell him. It pains me, but I know that.
Daniel links his fingers on the table and starts studying his entwined hands. “So, you’ll watch Star Wars with me? Mom and Dad are fed up with it now. They say there’s only so many times they can watch the same films, but I could watch them every day for the rest of my life.”
“I would watch them every day for the rest of my life too.” I really would.
“Really?”
“Really,” I affirm.
“But you don’t even know if you like it yet.”
“If you like it, I’m sure I’ll love it.”
He smiles, and it very nearly has me weeping. “You’re cool.”
“Does that mean you like me?”
“Yeah, I like you.”
A ragged breath cuts my throat. There’s only one thing that’s ever been said to me that can compare to my son’s words. The first time Danny told me he loved me. “I like you too,” I tell him, compelled to extend my hand across the table. He doesn’t hesitate to take it. I see all the qualities in him that should have been in me. Grace. Warmth. Honesty. For the first time in my life, I don’t look back on my life and curl up in pain. Because everything I should have been is sitting before me. My miserable life seems acceptable now.
I squeeze his hand, looking up when we’re joined by Hilary and her husband. Her eyes are red and puffy. Her husband’s face is grave.
“Daniel, why don’t you get your homework out?” his dad suggests.
He’s up out of his chair quickly. I’ve never known a kid to be so eager over homework. “It’s algebra,” he declares, almost proudly. “I don’t need your help.”
“Then maybe you can teach me,” his dad replies. “Say goodbye to Rose.”
My time is up. For now, at least. “Bye, Daniel.” I fight off the excruciating pain radiating through me. Be thankful. Be grateful.
He wanders around the table and offers his hand. Unsure, I accept, and he shakes it. “It was nice to meet you.”
My heart breaks. “And you.”
“One day, we’ll binge-watch my Star Wars box set.”
“I’d love that.” I feel so warm inside. So optimistic. It’s an odd feeling, but I like it. “Can I have a hug, Daniel?” I ask.
“Sure.” He dives on me like it’s nothing, when it is absolutely everything. His little body against mine feels like the best medicine. A lifesaving medicine. I embrace his cuddle and let my mind wander back to the only other time I held him in my arms. I love you, I say in my head, closing my eyes and cherishing the moment. “You’d better go do that algebra.”
He’s gone from my arms faster than he dived into them, zooming out of the kitchen at one hundred miles an hour.
Then it’s just me and his parents. Worry is rife on their faces. “I’m sorry. He just walked right in here.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Of course not.” My face must be as offended as my tone. “I’m not here to ruin your lives. I’m here because I should be. I realize it’ll take time and a gentle approach.”
Hilary relaxes. “Thank you.”
“How do we get hold of you?” her husband asks, pulling out his phone. I reel off my number and smile gratefully when he calls my cell, giving me his. “I’m Derek.”
I nod. “I’m going away,” I say. “But I’m still contactable. There’s no pressure. But I need you to know that I’m not dead. I’m more alive than ever. And I’m here.”
They both look away briefly, ashamed, because they have both wished me dead.
“Thank you,” I say quietly, rising to my feet. “For looking after him, thank you.” I can’t hold back the tears. They’re powering forward now, the gravity of the moment settling. “I just want to get to know him.”
Hilary shoots forward and takes me in her arms, and it’s now I realize what makes her such a good mother. Comfort and peace blankets me, just from being in her arms. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me too,” I admit, breaking free and brushing away the tears. “You’ll be in touch?”
She nods, and I smile, moving past them toward the front door. When I make it there, I look up to the top of the stairs and silently tell him I love him once again. That I’ll see him soon.
As I wander down the perfect pathway toward the road, I see Esther still idling at the curb in the cab. She smiles at my tears, and I smile in return. I should have known she wouldn’t leave. “Okay?” she asks when I slip into the seat.
“It will be.” I look to the house, zooming in on the window that has Star Wars curtains hanging at them. “I met him,” I say and Esther’s eyes nearly pop out, making me smile. “He doesn’t know who I am yet, but I saw him. He’s the most beautiful kid I’ve ever seen.” My voice quivers, a perfectly clear image of Daniel at the forefront of my mind.
Esther’s hand reaches for mine and holds it gently. “I’m so happy you’ve found him.”
My heart squeezes for Esther. She found her son, and then she lost him all over again. I lean across the car and take her in a hug, relaxing into her warmth. I don’t say anything. I don’t need to. We’re both utterly devastated by the loss of her son. Had it not been for the gift Danny left me, I’m not sure where I’d be heading right now. Actually, I do. I’d be freefalling into nothing. I detour from my thoughts before I soak her shoulder with my tears.
She pulls away from me. “Where to?”
“The airport,” I say, resting back and gazing out of the window. I need to do as I’m told. Remind myself of who I am. Strong. Fierce. And soon, I pray, a mom.
Chapter 29
ROSE
* * *
Crystal clear waters. Golden sand. Space for miles and miles. Peace and quiet. It’s paradise here. The beach house Danny left me isn’t quite a beach house. More a giant villa. Eight bedrooms, four reception rooms, five bathrooms. What the hell will I do with eight bedrooms? My mind was blown when the cab driver pulled up outside the gated complex earlier today. I wandered around in a daze of shock and confusion, finding room after room. The garden is the beach, and that’s where I’m standing now, looking out to the horizon as the sun sets. The breeze has loose strands of my hair w
hipping my face, and my toes are sunken into the wet sand, water swishing around my feet. There’s not one cloud in the sky, and as I look up, closing my eyes, I breathe in the sea air, relishing the lowering sun on my face.
I remain there for an age, soaking up the rays and peace, looking out to sea. The colors here are vivid. My world isn’t black anymore. And that was his intention.
I hear someone approaching behind me, and I turn on a peaceful inhale, pulling my hair into a ponytail as I do. I see a short man, dressed in a white uniform. “Miss Cassidy?”
“Yes?”
He says no more and hands me an envelope before leaving. Looking down at the paper in my hand, my mind swirls. What is this? I look around the beach, for what reason I don’t know. I’m just . . . thrown. Slipping my thumb past the seal, I peel it open, pulling out a sheet of paper. My heart gallops, wondering if this is another note from Danny. I don’t want to read it if it is. He’ll haunt me for the rest of my damn life.
Holding on to my breath, I unfold the paper, squeezing my eyes closed when I see my name in his handwriting at the top. “You bastard,” I say out loud, wishing he was here to go psychotic at the mention of that word. Backing up from the shore, I find some dry sand and lower to my ass, knowing I’m going to need to be sitting.
* * *
Rose,
Isn’t it beautiful? My dad used to bring me here in the winter. Where you’re sitting is where I put my first wetsuit on and in front of you is where I rode my first jet ski. I cherish this place. I hope you will too. Up the road a few miles, there’s a private hangar. Inside is a private jet. The contact details for your private pilot are on the table in the lobby. You’ll want to visit Daniel as much as possible, and hopefully sometime soon his parents will agree to you bringing him here to visit you as well. The jet and hangar are in your name. The papers for the villa are now in your name. I know I said you can sell it if you want to, but I really hope you don’t. Because then I’ll have nowhere to live . . .
My fingers tense around the paper, crumpling it in my grasp. My eyes are dry as I read the letter again. “Where you’re sitting now . . .” I look down at the sand, my mind spinning. How does he know where I’m sitting now? The exact spot? My pulse rockets, and I dive to my feet, my eyes glued to his words. The note slips from my fingers, floating to the sand at my feet. And I stare at it. Trembling where I am, I just stare at it, my vision blurry from the onslaught of tears. Am I losing my mind? Have I got this all wrong?
I know I said you can sell it if you want to, but I really hope you don’t. Because then I’ll have nowhere to live . . .
My lungs scream for air as I spin on the spot. I can’t see through the tears that are springing into my eyes, can’t breathe through the blockage in my throat. Everything is a haze of yellow and blue. Except for one thing.
Danny.
“No.” My muscles disintegrate, and I fall to my knees on the sand, battling with my logic and prayers. He’s a mirage. I’m missing him so much, my mind is playing tricks on me. Yet the distant form of a man grows as he strolls casually down the shoreline, his hands in the pockets of his shorts, his chest and feet bare.
And then he’s perfectly clear and perfectly here.
My head lifts as he nears until he’s towering over me. His face is straight as he pulls his shades off. His skin tan. His black hair is longer than usual, his eyes bluer. More alive. At peace. His body sharper. My eyes land on a dressing just shy of his collarbone. A bullet wound.
He lowers to his haunches before me and reaches for my cheek, softly stroking away the trails of tears. “You remind me of someone I used to know,” he whispers, smiling mildly.
I break down, covering my face with my hands and sobbing into them. He’s not real. He can’t be real. I’m dreaming, or maybe even having a nightmare. I sniffle and peek through my fingers. He’s still there.
Astonishment.
Then anger.
I dive to my feet, knocking him to his ass. And I stare down at him as he looks up at me. “You bastard,” I choke, diving onto him, finding his lips, kissing him, relishing the familiar feel, the smell of him, everything. My hands and mouth are in a frenzy, getting as much of him as I can, my mind telling me that he’s going to turn to dust at any minute. That I’ll wake up.
“I’m here,” he murmurs into my mouth, rolling us so he has me trapped beneath him in the sand. Pulling back, he brushes my hair from my face and studies me for a few, quiet moments. He kisses me, a kiss like nothing I’ve had before. It’s so deep, so intense. So us. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “So sorry.”
“How?” I ask, my mind a mass of questions. I saw him in the water. I heard the FBI agent. I saw Brad when he got back from identifying his body.
“I would never have been left to get on with my life with you, Rose. There would always be someone vying for my blood. As I hung off the side of that boat, as I looked at you, I knew what I had to do.”
I shake my head, feeling like it could explode. Explode with happiness. With relief. “So you played dead.”
“No, I held my breath for fucking ever and swam for my fucking life,” he replies, full of sarcasm.
Good God, I’ve been through hell. Cried a thousand tears and more. Ached, hurt, and ached some more. “You could have told me, Danny.”
“You had to be seen to grieve.”
“But Brad . . .”
“He knows I’m alive, Rose.”
He needs to tell me how he pulled this off. “Tell me how.”
He smiles at my wonder. “After I made it to the shore, I switched clothes with one of the dead and loaded him onto one of my skis. Rode out a way and dumped the body. Then I tracked down Spittle. Made him a few promises.”
“Promises?”
“I was keeping hold of a few pictures.” He shrugs. I don’t need to ask what kind of pictures. “Spittle led the search and found the body. Paid Brad a visit, as you know.” He reaches for my face, stroking my cheek, his touch full of apologies. “Poor fucker looked like he’d seen a ghost when he walked into the morgue and found me waiting for him.”
I’m amazed. Speechless. The two bottles of Scotch Brad sank when he got back make sense for more reasons than one now. “And Esther?”
“She knows. But to everyone else, I’m dead.” He stares down at me, thoughtful. “And it was all so fucking easy, Rose. All of it easy, except one thing.”
“What?”
“Missing you,” he whispers, placing a kiss on my lips. “It was fucking agony being without you. Not seeing you.” He searches my eyes. “Feeling you.” His hand drifts between our bodies, cupping me between my thighs. My breath hitches, and he smiles. “Hearing you. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
My smile matches his, and with my hands in his hair, I nuzzle his scarred cheek, my eyes closing, my sense of smell taking a hit of his familiar scent. “I hate you so much.”
He breathes in and lets out the air on a long sigh. “I love you too.”
Also by Jodi Ellen Malpas
The This Man Series
This Man
Beneath This Man
This Man Confessed
All I Am – Drew’s Story (A This Man Novella)
With This Man
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The One Night Series
One Night - Promised
One Night - Denied
One Night - Unveiled
* * *
Standalone Novels
The Protector
The Forbidden
Gentleman Sinner
Perfect Chaos
Leave Me Breathless
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The Smoke & Mirrors Duology
* * *
The Controversial Princess
His True Queen
* * *
The Hunt Legacy Duology
* * *
Artful Lies
Wicked Truths
About Jodi Ellen Malpas
Jodi Ellen Malpas was born and raised
in the Midlands town of Northampton, England, where she lives with her husband, boys, and a beagle. She is a self-professed daydreamer, a Converse and mojito addict, and has a terrible weak spot for alpha males. Writing powerful love stories and creating addictive characters have become her passion—a passion she now shares with her devoted readers. She’s a proud #1 New York Times bestselling author, a Sunday Times bestseller, and her work is published in over twenty-five languages across the world. You can learn more about Jodi & her words at: JEM.Website
* * *
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