It was a pretty quick decision. It had to be Stockholm. Most of them hadn’t got further than Jönköping, a few to Gothenburg. But Stockholm, that was something else, something completely different. At the reunion she would of course not just jump people and tell them she lived in Stockholm, no, it had to happen naturally, as if in passing. If she asked some old classmate what he did, maybe he would answer ‘I’m a dentist.’ Then Elin would say ‘oh, how exciting’ and give him her full attention, without playing her trump card. But sooner or later the dentist would ask ‘And you then? What do you do yourself?’ Then she would be able to say it as it was. ‘Me? Oh, I live in Stockholm.’ Sort of quietly humble. She was always careful to not brag, it was a bit nauseating when people did, she would just answer questions, show an interest in others, just shine with her friendly attentiveness. It would then spread of its own accord. ‘Stockholm,’ it would be whispered, maybe people would point. She herself would act as if there was nothing at all special about living in Stockholm. There wasn’t either, really. Lots of people lived in Stockholm, more than anywhere else in Sweden when she thought about it, so strictly speaking, Stockholm was the least special place of all. But still. Stockholm was Stockholm, there was no getting away from it.
Certainly life at home was stable. She travelled a fair bit, had been to most countries in Western Europe. Spoke a little Spanish, a little French. Could order una cerveza in any case. Surely she had learned things, surely she was something of a citizen of the world? But all that would seem like a vain escape from reality if she still lived in Nässjö, the railway town. People said that the best thing about Nässjö was that it was easy to get away from there. And she would get away. She was basically ready to go now, the only thing left was to organise a job.
She took the train there. Oh, rolling into Central Station! Oh being drawn into the hustle of the underground! People with disposable coffee cups in their hand and dignity in their expression. A man with a guitar, the case full of change. Mind the doors, the doors are closing. This would become her city. You could be yourself here, everyone dressed in their own style, no one else’s. A woolly hat in the middle of summer, flat shoes and no socks. Oh the freedom!
She got off at Rådmansgatan and walked to the address that she had written down on a piece of paper, registered with the reception and sat down. ‘Well, I’m living in Stockholm,’ she whispered to herself. She smiled. Come on, get the job sorted now! She had already sorted an apartment, just outside the centre. It was called Rotebro, a charming district to the north of the city. It would take forty minutes to commute so long as the bus and the commuter train lined up. And then it was just a couple of stops on the underground plus a short walk. An hour, tops. A little longer, perhaps. But no more than that. It was a great apartment, a one bed. Slightly smaller living room than what she was used to, but on the other hand, there was less to clean. And once she had sold the villa, there wouldn’t be too much more to pay.
Elin heard a pair of high heels clicking towards her, a woman appeared and waved to her from a distance. Elin got up. The woman was called Viveka Odén, she was the one Elin had spoken to over the phone. Could she be Elin’s new boss? She definitely looked boss-like. Hair up, tweed skirt. They said hello, walked through an office landscape while Odén’s clicking shoes echoed in time with the rustling from Elin’s trousers and on into a small room. Odén sat behind a desk, Elin opposite on a small chair, a good few inches closer to the ground.
‘So you’ve driven the whole way from Småland,’ stated Odén.
Elin nodded. ‘Or rather, taken the train.’
The first thing Odén brought up was that Elin could be considered overqualified for the job, which was in essence secretarial work. It surely couldn’t be a problem that she was overqualified, thought Elin. She had applied for this job precisely to be sure to outclass all the competition. It was about getting a job quickly, not getting on some form of career ladder. Not yet. She’d have time for that later. So long as she got her foot in Stockholm’s door, the rest would follow. Better mid-table in the Premier League than top of the fourth division, she thought. Better to have an ok job in Stockholm than a top job in Nässjö. Odén was so Stockholm. Imagine being like that, imaging having her bearing, what grace!
Odén rocked back on her chair, which had been made in Nässjö, Elin noted, they were easily recognisable. This was where she wanted to be, not in the town that produced chairs, but in the city where people sat on them. If only her old classmates could see her now. In Stockholm, at a job interview, for real.
‘I usually always start by asking the same question. Where do you see yourself in five years?’
‘In five years, wow.’ Elin puffed up her cheeks, let the air blow out. ‘Five years. Well. Here, maybe?’
Odén smiled. ‘It’s ok to not be able to answer that question. What are you passionate about?’
‘What I’m passionate about?’ said Elin, almost to herself. Odén looked at her. ‘I’m always so curious as to why people move here from the country. It seems so cosy out there!’ she said.
Elin shrugged and smiled.
‘I once had a colleague who came from Småland.’
‘Ok.’
‘Johanna, what was she called… Blonde, about my age. A bit of a gap between her teeth. In a cute way, I mean.’ Odén was searching for an answer with her eyes.
‘No, I don’t think I know who that is,’ said Elin.
‘Really? But oh, my mind’s gone blank. What was she called? Lundström, Lundgren, no what on earth was it? She used to wear a cardigan. Sort of civil servant look to her. Well, anyway,’ said Odén and waved it away.
Elin hugged her handbag on her knee. What was she actually passionate about? She went for it: ‘People. I’m passionate about people. Maybe it sounds like a bit of a cliché, but I think “community” is the word I’m looking for. That’s probably what inspires me the most. Speaking with friends.’
Odén nodded. ‘Then you are in the right place. We’re a great gang here. Do lots of stuff together, even outside of work hours. Have a glass of wine, or just hang out.’
‘That sounds lovely.’
‘We often do something we call a “team social”. Usually at a pub near the office.’
‘Ok.’
‘Of course you don’t have to drink alcohol,’ Odén quickly added.
‘No.’
‘There is absolutely nothing strange about that, I hope you realise. No one will give you looks for that. Then they’d have me to deal with,’ laughed Odén.
‘No, sure…’
Odén became serious. ‘It’s something I respect, that I have a lot of respect for. There are a couple of people in my circle who are… yes,’ she nodded at Elin, ‘and they are good people. A lot of folk say that you’re a little nuts, but I have to say that some of the most kind and honest people I have met are… well…’
‘Are?’
‘Yes, well,’ she cleared her throat, ‘non-conformist.’
‘Right, I see,’ said Elin, ‘Although I’m…’
Odén shot up. ‘Got it!’ she shouted. ‘Berglund! She was called Johanna Berglund.’
‘Ok,’ said Elin and searched her memory. ‘Berglund… No, I don’t know who that is.’
‘No?’ asked Odén.
‘No. Sorry.’
‘Shame. She was really nice. I think she moved back to the country a while ago. Växjö, I think it was.’
‘Ok,’ said Elin. It felt as though that was the only thing she had said. ‘Ok.’ She tried at least to change the inflection and tone. Sometimes she put weight on the first syllable, sometimes the second, with a varying level of feeling. There were many ways to say ok, when she thought about it. O-k. O-k. Or with a Stockholm accent: O-kay-ee. She ought to learn that now, the Stockholm dialect. It shouldn’t be too difficult. Toss in an English r. Say u instead of a short o. Although sometimes the o almost became an a, didn’t it? Shopping. Shapping. How did you know when to use the one or the
other?
‘For us it’s really important to find someone who fits in with the group. We always carry out a personality test on those we interview.’
Elin had worked it out now. Double o became u, one o became a. Door became durr, chop became chap. That must be it. She had cracked the code. But there was so much she had to learn, not just the language. Like going out. To cafés, pubs and so on. Mingling. Networking.
Odén was waiting for Elin to answer.
‘A personality test?’ said Elin.
‘Yes. Have you tried something like that before?’
‘No. Or maybe, a long time ago. I don’t know.’
‘If it’s ok by you, I thought we could do the test?’
‘Sure, let’s go.’
Odén opened her laptop. ‘We use a model that splits people into different colours. There are four possibilities: red, yellow, blue and green. They represent different qualities and it’s a simple way to get an idea about a person.’
‘Ok.’
‘So let’s see. There is a number of questions with two possible answers and you reply with the one that fits you best.’
‘Yep.’
‘Right. First question. Do you seek out conflicts or are you sceptical?’
‘Well, neither to be honest…’
‘Just go for the one that is the best fit!’
‘Sceptical then.’
‘Sceptical,’ repeated Odén and clicked the response with the mouse. ‘Are you self-controlled or environmentally conscious?’
‘Well. Yes. Uh huh.’ Elin thought. ‘Self-controlled.’
‘Self-controlled,’ Odén repeated and clicked again. ‘Are you pedantic or sloppy?’
‘Pedantic then,’ said Elin.
‘Pedantic… Ok, this one – are you tolerant or loving?’
‘Tol… loving.’
‘Great,’ said Odén and clicked a couple more times. ‘That was everything, so let’s see… exciting right?’
‘Was that it?’
Odén nodded. ‘The technology has progressed. It works out your colour just from those questions. Now it’s thinking.’
‘Impressive.’
Odén drummed on the desk with her fingers. They both sat in silence. Elin rubbed her legs with the palms of her hands. It was so exciting, all this.
‘There we go! Do you want to hear?’ Odén said at last.
‘Yes.’
‘You are… yellow!’
‘Ok. Is that good?’
‘Definitely. Or rather neither nor. None of the colours are good or bad, they just symbolise different personalities. I’ll read out a bit about your type, what your strengths are and what perhaps your weaker sides are, so that you can give them some thought.’
‘Ok.’
‘On the positive side then: you are a person who rarely starts conflicts. You understand how to control yourself, you are meticulous and usually really loving.’
‘Wow! Yes. That’s amazing.’
Odén held up her hand. ‘But – there is always a but – here are the negative ones: you can have a tendency to be overly sceptical, you’re not too interested in the environment – climate change denier? – you tend to be a little pedantic and, unfortunately, quite intolerant.’
Elin was quiet for a long while.
‘Intolerant? I mean, I guess I can be a bit pedantic, sure, but a climate change denier? And intolerant? No, I really don’t recognise that in myself.’
Odén smiled. ‘You aren’t the first to be shaken by it. That’s how it can be when you look at yourself in the mirror for the first time. When you see how you really look.’
‘Yes, but it’s just not accurate.’
‘Are you sceptical about the test?’ Odén smiled smugly.
‘I just think that the questions were a bit… how can I put it, I mean the options were really quite limited.’
‘It’s the same for everybody,’ Odén said brusquely, but quickly changed to a more friendly tone: ‘Can you hear yourself? That’s your colour speaking now. The yellow, sceptical personality.’
Elin felt distraught. She knew who she was, at least she thought she knew who she was, but clearly she had a darker side. An intolerant, sceptical, climate hating side. Yes. Maybe there was something in that. But she was in spite of everything loving, the test had confirmed it. That was something to build on. Wasn’t this why she was moving to Stockholm anyway, to develop? To expand her horizons, become more tolerant, more urbane? The environmental friendliness would come too, because everyone in Stockholm really cared about the environment. It was in the countryside that there was the meat industry, cows that chewed up resources and let out greenhouse gasses, it was in the countryside that everyone drove to work, it was there that people were intolerant, voted for the wrong parties and ate carbohydrates. In Stockholm one was conscious in a completely different manner. She needed to see this as a possibility rather than a threat, now she knew what she had to work on with herself.
‘Don’t focus on the negatives,’ said Odén.
‘Just what I was thinking,’ said Elin.
‘Everyone has good and bad sides.’
‘Exactly.’
‘But the funny thing is,’ said Odén, ‘that yellow fits in nicely to our palette right now. It’s precisely a yellow that we need right now. Well, I don’t mean a yellow in that sense, we don’t need any of them…’
Odén became nervous. ‘Not that we have anything against them, absolutely not! Lars here is adopted from Korea, so we’re all for… One really shouldn’t say yellow like that actually, it’s a bit of a slur, you should maybe think even more about that because you’re intolerant. I meant yellow as in the personality test, nothing else. But whatever! You’re yellow, we need someone who’s yellow, that’s all I wanted to say.’
‘What luck!’
‘It doesn’t mean that I’ll be offering you the job here and now. We may have other yellow applicants.’
‘I understand,’ said Elin.
‘We’ve had a hell of a lot of them,’ Odén put her hand in front of her mouth, ‘sorry, we’ve really had a lot of applications. I don’t know what came over me, I never usually swear.’
‘It’s fine.’
‘I really hope it didn’t offend you. It was poor of me. I do apologise.’
‘Don’t worry about it.’
‘I feel so stupid.’
‘Don’t.’
It went quiet.
Odén breathed in, as if to say something, but hesitated, breathed out again. Elin whistled silently. Odén tried again:
‘Just out of curiosity by the way…’
‘Yes?’
‘How does it work, do you celebrate Christmas?’
‘Do we celebrate Christmas? Who?’
‘Well, you. Your, how to put it… gang.’
‘In Småland?’
‘Haha. Well, sort of… Yes, exactly.’
‘Yes, sure we do.’
‘But you don’t have a tree?’
‘Yes we do.’
‘But you don’t have Santa, do you? Because from what I’ve heard, Santa isn’t really… welcome.’
‘In our family we don’t have Santa as such. But then we don’t have any small children where we celebrate Christmas.’
‘No, that’s what I figured,’ said Odén. She tilted her head to one side and smiled. ‘It’s rather nice in a way, the whole thing. That you take everything seriously.’
Elin laughed. ‘Yes, you think that…’ she started to say but was interrupted.
‘We’ve all struggled with the big questions at some point. I can’t say that it’s in my nature, all this brooding, but sometimes you think that there must be something more,’ Odén said.
‘I think you’ve misund-’ started Elin, but realised that it was pointless. Odén seemed to like Elin for what she believed she was and it would be of no benefit to try and clarify matters. It would probably more likely reduce her chances. No, she’d let Odén make of her what she wante
d, so long as it gave her a chance to live in Stockholm. How she wished they could see her now, her classmates. What had they achieved in all these years? Stayed in Småland? Malmö? Gothenburg? It was kind of sweet really, the thing with Gothenburg. The little city that wanted to be big. But she shouldn’t really disparage them because of it. Gothenburg certainly had its charm. When she lived in Stockholm she could well imagine popping over there from time to time, to reduce the tempo, find a bit of calm. Nothing wrong with that at all, if you’re satisfied with it. A good quality in fact, being satisfied. But we all have different tastes.
‘How many are you that work here actually?’ asked Elin.
‘We’re thirty employees here and around twenty at the office in Oslo.’
‘Uhuh.’
‘Yep. So if we were to go further with you Elin…’
‘Yes?’
‘…what are your thoughts around salary? What are your expectations?’
‘Gee, I hadn’t actually thought about it. I’m on thirty-six thousand kronor at the moment.’
‘Thirty-six thousand? Ouch. You’re going to have to be prepared to take a pay cut.’
‘Really? Well yes, I had almost expected that.’
‘The starting salary here is between twenty-one and twenty-three thousand.’
Elin nodded. ‘Yep. Sure.’
‘But then there are naturally possibilities for promotion. If we can see that you show potential, then we’ll of course reward that.’
‘I appreciate that.’
‘And you plan on moving here?’
‘Yes, I’ve already signed up for an apartment in Rotebro.’
‘Ah great! Yes, it shouldn’t be a problem to commute in. How long does it take to get into town from there?’ said Odén.
‘Into town? What do you mean?’
‘Yes, how long does it take to commute into Stockholm?’ said Odén.
Elin felt shivers inside. ‘What, commute to Stockholm?’
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