by H M Angues
I swear she whispers the words directly in my ear, but all I see is a pale-faced Bellamy when I glance behind me. Ryse looks just as disturbed.
The black mist puddles at Talon’s feet, and Calla reforms from the darkness at his side, the smoke billowing outward before it disappears.
“I’ve never seen that one before,” Syn says from across the mat. “But I’ve heard of it. It’s called Shade, right?”
Cal nods. “And this,” she reaches her hands to her sides, sunlight from an unknown source glinting off her skin until the light is blinding. When it fades, she’s gone again, but this time there’s no mist trailing in her wake.
She appears directly in front of me with another flash of light.
“…is Aurora. They’re both incredibly rare; more uncommon than Oceanus, but not as rare as Sanguinus.”
“What’s the difference? They seem to do the same sort of thing,” Ryse points out.
“Shade turns me into the shadows, and even allows me to disobey the laws of the universe, in a sense. I can move through objects and go a hell of a lot faster than I can when I’m running, almost as if I’m teleporting from place to place. Aurora is basically just manipulating light to make yourself—and others, if necessary—invisible. But I’m still restricted by all the other laws of physics when I move. If I bump into something when concealed, it’ll fall. For example.”
The light flashes again and Calla vanishes. Talon lets out a grunt and falls to the ground as if he’s been shoved by something, and he starts laughing. Cal reappears at her spot in front of me.
“I still haven’t gotten those two. Not even a little bit,” Talon explains as he stands. “Each ability is like a different compartment in your brain. You know it’s there, you just have to learn how to get in. Once you’ve opened it, you have unlimited access to that ability—strength still varies, though. I don’t even feel Shade or Aurora or Sanguinus. But she has them.” He nods at his sister.
“What about Anima?” Syn asks excitedly. “I always loved that one.”
Cal shrugs. “There are no animals here to control.”
Syn nudges my shoulder. “We’ve got this guy.”
Our whole group starts to laugh, Calla’s louder and more enticing than the rest. Damn, I missed that laugh. I didn’t realize how quiet the world was without it. How quiet the world will be for eternity, if she actually dies. My chest swells with an aching pain at the thought of losing her again. Seeming to sense the dark turn my thoughts have taken, Calla reaches out to squeeze my arm.
The emperor takes a couple of steps back, turning to the shooting range at the other end of the gym. The mannequins at the end of the range suddenly explode into thousands of small bits of synthetic material.
My eyes widen. Incendium. Pure, explosive destruction. Only one emperor had the ability—Kaysar the Third, and he was a major part of what started the Great War in the Borderlands.
Calla’s panting now, sweat dripping down her face and neck. “That’s enough for today,” she gasps, taking in long, deep breaths as she makes her way out of the gym.
Before she, Ryse, Talon and I can make it out the doors, we’re stopped by one of the Underground’s guards. Actually, Calla is stopped, not the rest of us, though we wait anyway.
I have to strain to pick up on what they’re saying, despite them only being a few feet away.
“You may see him now,” the guard whispers.
“He’s awake?”
The man nods. “He asked for you.”
Calla says something else that I can’t make out before she hurriedly marches in the opposite direction of her apartment. Toward the hallway that leads to the cells deep below the rest of Jurynn.
To Kainan.
Chapter 34
Kainan
When the door opens to reveal Calla on the other side of it, I almost break down in tears.
I run to her, scooping her into my arms, burying my face in her neck as I take in her scent. “I’m home now,” I murmur.
“I’m never, ever, letting you leave again.”
I set her back down on her feet, taking her face in my hands. “I don’t have any intentions of leaving, anyway. Also, there’s more that I need to tell you. About Ramsey.”
I take her hand, leading her to the small sofa. I’m being held in one of the older apartments below the main levels of Jurynn. It’s cramped and musty, but I’ve been unconscious most of the time so far, anyway.
She sits down beside me, tucking her knees up to her chin. “What is it?”
“She planned for my capture, Cal. In the beginning. Why do you think it had been so easy for Rysen and Fayette to get me out of Darinthe? Everything that happened up until the moment she thought you died was carefully planned by her. Right down to me killing you, and you wanting to die. After that, I thought she was going to let me go with the Underground. Instead, she held me hostage, using me as a pawn to get Namari in her claws.
“It was my plan to have you ‘killed,’ though. I knew Ramsey would already make sure it happened, but that if the Arena was unsuccessful, she’d do it herself. I didn’t know you would want to die, though, but I knew you would survive,” I explain. “I could feel your heart still beating, Calla. But I will never forget the look in your eyes when you asked me to end it.
“There’s more. Ramsey’s pagan, like the Primori in Helkyn. She worships gods and goddesses, follows their religion. She claims that everything she does is to serve the gods. Amorré, the goddess of death, to be specific.”
“There’s no proof their gods even exist, Kainan. What are you getting at, here? And why didn’t you tell me this before the Arena? I’m confused.”
I touch her cheek, then let my hand fall to rest on her knees. “I’m not saying they’re actual gods, but something else. Something… otherworldly. I know Ramsey, Cal, and she’s not one to fall victim to false beliefs or myths. She doesn’t even accept the existence of a higher power—there’s no fucking way she would believe in more than one if she didn’t have solid evidence to support it.”
“I still don’t know what you’re trying to tell me.”
I stand up, running a hand through my hair, trying to think of the best way to explain this. “Yes, you do, Calla. Think about it: How did we get to this planet, to Eterra, in the first place? You know the history of Namari better than anyone else. Why are there Primori? Why are the Namari races so similar to those of Earth? Because our ancestors were aliens, Cal. Because they came from Earth and interbred with the natives of this planet.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Are you trying to tell me the Primori worship aliens?”
“Maybe. I guess what I’m saying is that what we believe to be gods are just that—aliens. It makes sense,” I say, throwing up my hands. “We don’t know what created the Primori. It still baffles modern geneticists. But the Primori in Helkyn believe it was the gods coming down to Eterra and mating with the Eterrans. If they’re aliens, Cal, then they could still be around. It would make sense if their genetics were somehow powerful enough to create a whole race of people with special abilities.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “This sounds like science fiction.”
“You never studied ancient religions, or at least I don’t think you did. Primori mythology had many gods and goddesses, and Amorré is one of them, and she's even written into the Dormand itself as the goddess of death. On Earth, there was something called Norse mythology with a goddess almost identical to Morr. Her name was Hel. All these Primori deities are just slightly altered clones of the Norse religion. What are the fucking chances of that happening, Cal? The two civilizations didn’t even exist at the same time, not to mention Eterra is in an entirely different galaxy than Earth. And Earthens couldn’t have brought it because religions were long dead by the time they came here. The Dormand was written here, millennia before Earthens came.” I pause for a moment to let things sink in.
“I mean, shit, even the bond of the Twin Flames is very, very real. Who’s to say the rest isn�
�t?”
“You’re saying the Norse gods are real… and here? Waltzing around under different names as the Primori gods?”
“No,” I say fervently. “Not exactly. I’m saying they’re not gods, per se, but something… other.”
I can finally see her eyes light up as she figures it out and slowly gets to her feet.
“Aliens. They’re aliens,” I repeat.
Calla begins to pace, rubbing her temple with delicate fingers. I can practically hear the gears turning in her head, trying to make sense of things.
“You sound like a fucking lunatic,” she finally says.
I sigh, mentally exhausted. “I know it sounds ridiculous and far-fetched, but at least consider the possib—”
“I said you sound like a lunatic,” she interrupts. “I never said I didn’t believe you.”
Calla straightens up, raising her chin toward me to meet my gaze. “I missed you, you know,” she says softly. “I know I said it, but I missed you so damn much. And I know everything was part of some plan you and Jed devised behind my back. You turned Ramsey’s own schemes against her, and you saved my empire. I’m still mad you didn’t tell me about it, though.”
I let out a heavy sigh of relief, grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her against my chest. “I’m sorry, but it’s the only way it would work. I know how to hide certain memories from her. But you—you had to remain as ignorant as possible, or she would have discovered everything.”
We stand there for a few more minutes, just holding each other. Finally, she says, “I got some new armor from a Metallurge, you know, and I got to learn about their culture.”
“It’s your culture too, Calla. But Helkyn’s laws just never allowed you to be exposed to it.”
“I want to save them. All of them.”
“I know you do, and I love that about you.”
She jumps away, letting go of her hold on me. “You what?”
“Come on, Cal, you had to know. How many times do I have to remind you that you’re literally in my head?” I nervously run a hand through my hair, avoiding meeting that piercing gaze.
Calla grabs my chin in her warm fingers, forcing me to look at her directly. “I know. It’s just different hearing you say the words out loud.”
I stand there silently, staring at her. Her silence is frightening. Heartbreaking. Though I suppose I saw this coming all along.
“Cal?”
Her lower lip trembles. She bites it to steady it as her amber eyes seem to glow even brighter. “I love you, Kainan, but I don't think we love each other the same way.”
My whole body seems to go numb. “I just... I guess I thought that you were going to choose me. It's Rysen then, isn't it?”
Calla narrows her eyes, taking a step away from me. “You sound like your brother, now. What is all of this crap about me having to choose one of you?”
I bow my head, hurt and a little embarrassed. “Ramsey just made me believe I was the one you truly loved, not Rysen. I'm not saying you have to choose; I'm sure it was never really a choice, anyhow.”
She purses her lip, folds her arms across her chest. Her demeanor reminds me of that of an annoyed mother. “I love you because I care about you. I love you because we're mated to each other. I don't love your brother. Ramsey wasn't wrong.”
I rest my elbows on my knees, leaning into my hands. “I'm confused. You don't want Rysen, and you love me, but you're not choosing me?”
Calla starts pacing again, letting her frustration shine, clear as day. “I don't have to choose anyone, Kainan! My life does not revolve around a love interest. You and your brother have been so caught up in fighting over me that no one stopped to ask what I really want!”
“I thought I was what you wanted,” I murmur.
“Believe me when I say how much I care about you. But a person can learn a lot about themselves over the course of a year, including what they truly want. And who's fucking rule was it that I could only choose between you and Rysen? There are two-hundred-million men and women in Namari, and you think you two are my only options? Who decided that?”
I run a hand through my hair, hot tears stinging my eyes. I blink them away. “I understand, Calla. And I'm sorry. We shouldn't have made you feel like you had to make a choice, or like we were your only options.”
I stand, reaching out for her. She lets me grab her arm. “I really am sorry, Calla. You deserve to be with whomever makes you happy and do whatever makes you happy. I'm sorry I made you feel this way.”
“I don't think you meant to do it. I'm sorry I didn't speak for myself sooner.”
I pull her into an embrace, burying my face in her neck. “Just promise me something,” I whisper.
“Of course.”
“Don't let Rysen back in, don't let him close. I see too much of our father in him.”
A moment passes, and then, “I won't. I promise.”
I don’t want to let her go. I want to go back to my days of ignorance, when I actually believed I stood a chance with her. I should count myself lucky, I suppose, that she cares for me at all. Especially after everything I have been an instrument of.
“Can I ask you something else?” I pull away from her so I can see her face. She nods, and so I say, “What changed?”
Calla chews on her lip. “I don't think anything has changed. I think I always felt the same, but... After the Arena, every time I see your face, I see that moment. I see myself when I was in so much pain, I wanted to die. None of it was your fault, but...”
I hang my head, staring down at my feet. “But I still remind you of it all. I understand.”
This time, I let my tears fall.
∞∞∞
A few days after leaving my apartment-slash-prison, Calla tries to compel the Overseer to allow me out of my confinement, but he won’t have it. The people of the Underground still don’t know the truth and view me as the most traitorous of traitors. He’s concerned that they’ll tear me apart if I’m spotted wandering around. He can’t let me out, but I don’t mind. I prefer the solitude these days.
Today, there's a subtle knock at my door. Reluctantly, I climb out of bed to let her in. I can tell that she has a question brewing in that curly-topped head of hers, so I ask what's on her mind.
“He’s alive. Talon,” she says slowly. “My brother is alive. But you knew that already. How?”
“I met him.”
She crosses the small room in an instant. Even though she’s almost a whole foot shorter than me, she still is intimidating. I know she wants answers, but I don’t want to waste time with explanations.
“It’s a story for another day,” I say dismissively.
“I died, Kainan. At least, I felt like I had died. And I’ve lost far too much to just set things aside for another day.” Calla stands there defiantly, the glare in her amber eyes enough to set me on fire.
Figuratively and literally.
I have never met someone so small and so stubborn.
I think long and hard about the words I’m going to say next, a seemingly eternal silence wedging itself between us. Finally, I say, “There's something else I want to talk about first. Something, you could say, that we've been setting aside for another day.”
Her intimidating stance softens and the embers in her eyes begin to dim. The emperor of Namari, trained her entire life to read people, doesn’t need to pry inside my thoughts to know what I mean by those words.
“I'm sorry, Kainan,” she murmurs. “I wish things were different, but I can't change how I feel.”
I look down at my hands, beginning to fiddle with my thumbs. "You said you loved me. I still don't understand how you can feel the way that you do if you love me, Calla. It feels like you're messing with my head.”
“I’m sorry. That’s not my intention, Kainan. I’m…” Her voice trails off. I furrow my brows at her as I feel something inside her head.
I hold her gaze for a few more moments and would let the silence carry on, but a
question that’s been burning at the back of my mind starts to bother me even more. I decide to ask it. “What if our bond wasn’t there, Cal? Would you miss it?”
When she doesn’t answer, I add, “Would you love me if it wasn't there?”
“Yes,” she mutters, raising her head from my chest, “I don't think I would miss it, though. It feels like an invasion. I never agreed to it, and I don't think I ever would have. The whole concept of mates is odd to me, anyway. And clearly it does neither of us any good. And you? Would you be so in love with me if it weren't there?”
I think long and hard, several minutes passing by. I think so hard my head starts to hurt. Finally, I answer. “I don't know. I honestly can't say if I would or not, because I can't imagine my life without it. I can't imagine knowing you without the bond between us. All I know is that, here and now with things as they currently are, I'm in love with you. And you love me. Really, Cal, what difference does it make to love someone, versus to be in love?”
Calla holds my gaze with unwavering sincerity in her eyes as she answers, “A world of difference, Kainan.”
Chapter 35
Blade
When Calla finally returns to her apartment, I’m waiting in front of the door. I step aside when she nears, allowing her to unlock the front door.
“You know, you can ask for a key,” she reminds me, leaving the door open behind her to allow me in.
“I can't see what I would be doing in a place you weren't in. How is Kainan?”
She sighs, tossing her keys on the kitchen counter and running a hand through her long hair. “I... I rejected him, to put it simply. And he isn't taking it very well. I feel bad, but I can't make myself want him.”
“I'm sorry, Cal. I wish there was something I could do to help.” I cross her apartment, resting a hand on her slender shoulder. “How are you, Calla?”
“Me?” she snaps her head up. I scold myself for not checking on her more. With everything that she's been through, it's a wonder she's even still standing. “I'm doing well enough, I guess. I'm managing. What about you, Blade? I haven't seen you in a couple days.” She settles down on the couch, gesturing for me to take up the spot beside her.