CHAPTER XXXI. GERTRUDE AND TREVYLYAN, WHEN THE FORMER IS AWAKENED TO THEAPPROACH OF DEATH.
THE next day, Gertrude and her companions went along the banks of thehaunted Neckar. She had passed a sleepless and painful night, and herevanescent and childlike spirits had sobered down into a melancholy andthoughtful mood. She leaned back in an open carriage with Trevylyan,ever constant, by her side, while Du-----e and Vane rode slowly inadvance. Trevylyan tried in vain to cheer her; even his attempts(usually so eagerly received) to charm her duller moments by tale orlegend were, in this instance, fruitless. She shook her head gently,pressed his hand, and said, "No, dear Trevylyan, no; even your art failsto-day, but your kindness never!" and pressing his hand to her lips, sheburst passionately into tears.
Alarmed and anxious, he clasped her to his breast, and strove to lifther face, as it drooped on its resting-place, and kiss away its tears."Oh," said she, at length, "do not despise my weakness; I am overcomeby my own thoughts: I look upon the world, and see that it is fair andgood; I look upon you, and I see all that I can venerate and adore. Lifeseems to me so sweet, and the earth so lovely; can you wonder, then,that I should shrink at the thought of death? Nay, interrupt me not,dear Albert; the thought must be borne and braved. I have not cherished,I have not yielded to it through my long-increasing illness; but therehave been times when it has forced itself upon me, and now, _now_ morepalpably than ever. Do not think me weak and childish. I never feareddeath till I knew you; but to see you no more,--never again to touchthis dear hand, never to thank you for your love, never to be sensibleof your care,--to lie down and sleep, _and never, never, once more todream of you_! Ah, that is a bitter thought! but I will brave it,--yes,brave it as one worthy of your regard."
Trevylyan, choked by his emotions, covered his own face with his hands,and, leaning back in the carriage, vainly struggled with his sobs.
"Perhaps," she said, yet ever and anon clinging to the hope that hadutterly abandoned _him_, "perhaps, I may yet deceive myself; and my lovefor you, which seems to me as if it could conquer death, may bear me upagainst this fell disease. The hope to live with you, to watch you, toshare your high dreams, and oh! above all, to soothe you in sorrow andsickness, as you have soothed me--has not that hope something that maysupport even this sinking frame? And who shall love thee as I love; whosee thee as I have seen; who pray for thee in gratitude and tears as Ihave prayed? Oh, Albert, so little am I jealous of you, so little do Ithink of myself in comparison, that I could close my eyes happily on theworld if I knew that what I could be to thee another will be!"
"Gertrude," said Trevylyan, and lifting up his colourless face, he gazedupon her with an earnest and calm solemnity, "Gertrude, let us be unitedat once! If Fate must sever us, let her cut the last tie too; let usfeel that at least upon earth we have been all in all to each other;let us defy death, even as it frowns upon us. Be mine to-morrow--thisday--oh, God! be mine!"
Over even that pale countenance, beneath whose hues the lamp of life sofaintly fluttered, a deep, radiant flush passed one moment, lighting upthe beautiful ruin with the glow of maiden youth and impassioned hope,and then died rapidly away.
"No, Albert," she said sighing; "no! it must not be. Far easier wouldcome the pang to you, while yet we are not wholly united; and for my ownpart I am selfish, and feel as if I should leave a tenderer remembranceon your heart thus parted,--tenderer, but not so sad. I would not wishyou to feel yourself widowed to my memory; I would not cling like ablight to your fair prospects of the future. Remember me rather as adream,--as something never wholly won, and therefore asking no fidelitybut that of kind and forbearing thoughts. Do you remember one eveningas we sailed along the Rhine--ah! happy, happy hour!--that we heard fromthe banks a strain of music,--not so skilfully played as to be worthlistening to for itself, but, suiting as it did the hour and the scene,we remained silent, that we might hear it the better; and when it diedinsensibly upon the waters, a certain melancholy stole over us; we feltthat a something that softened the landscape had gone, and we conversedless lightly than before? Just so, my own loved, my own adoredTrevylyan, just so is the influence that our brief love, your poorGertrude's existence, should bequeath to your remembrance. A sound,a presence, should haunt you for a little while, but no more, ere youagain become sensible of the glories that court your way!"
But as Gertrude said this, she turned to Trevylyan, and seeing hisagony, she could refrain no longer; she felt that to soothe was toinsult; and throwing herself upon his breast, they mingled their tearstogether.
The Pilgrims of the Rhine Page 66