by Nina Clare
‘I warned you he was faded,’ whispered Ziller.
Nurse took my arm and steered me towards the chair near his bed. ‘He looks better since the master returned,’ said Nurse. ‘But he doesn’t wake up much. He didn’t wake at all yesterday.’
‘He was worse than this?’ It didn’t seem possible he could be any frailer than he looked now. His breath came as a whisper, his sleeping chest barely rising.
‘He knew you would come,’ said Ziller. ‘He’d tell me the dreams he had of you. Fancy dreams about castles and swan knights and things.’
‘Dear Alexis and his dreams,’ I whispered. I saw peeking out from under his pillow the carving Hansi had made him. I drew it out and put it inside Alexis’ thin hand, closing his fingers over it. I took my swan pendant from my neck and put it in his other hand. Perhaps it would have some power to help him. He needed every bit of strength.
‘Hansi,’ I said decidedly, looking at the carvings.
‘What did you say?’ Ziller looked a little startled.
‘Hansi. And Christian. They must come quickly. Tonight.’
‘Hansi is coming here?’ Ziller’s cheeks coloured.
‘I hope so.’ I stood up again. ‘He has too. He must.’ It was impossible to sit quietly knowing that Alexis’ cure lay somewhere between Vogt and his bedside. I had not the patience to wait a moment longer. ‘Are there any horses in the stables, Ziller? Or has my—has that woman sold them all?’
‘There’s the last of the carriage horses,’ said Ziller. ‘They only put two to the carriage for the mistress, but you can’t be—’
I flew to my bedroom. It was strange to see it again; happy childhood memories mingled with the trauma of my last days locked up in it, but there was no time to linger with thoughts, it was now early afternoon and there were not many hours of winter daylight left. I pulled on riding boots, snatched up a warm riding coat and hat and fled the room, Ziller following behind me like a worried spaniel.
‘M’lady, where are you—?’
‘I won’t be long, tell Papa!’ I called back. ‘I have to find something!’
I overtook Gerling within half an hour of hard riding. ‘Follow me!’ I yelled as I passed him. He looked startled, but urged on his horse after me.
We had to drop our speed to a trot after a couple of miles; I wished we could gallop all the way there, but it was too far, and my horse was complaining. I scoured the road at every turn and every bend. Why were Hansi and Christian nowhere to be seen? When we reached the inn, I threw the reins at the groom. ‘Wait for me!’ I ordered, rushing into the inn, snatching up the hand bell at the desk and shaking it violently.
‘Hoy! You’ll raise the dead making that racket!’ scolded the hosteller, coming through the kitchen door, wiping his hands on his apron.
‘Two men were here this morning!’ I gasped out. ‘Herr Haller and his groom!’
‘Yes. What of it? You’re Frau Haller. It’s in the book. Have you lost your husband?’ He laughed, and I wanted to shake him.
‘Where are they?’
‘Are you the girl they took away? You are, aren’t you?’
I decided to pull rank. ‘I am the daughter of Baron von Winterheimer, and I demand you tell me where those two men are—it’s a matter of life and death!’
He regarded me doubtfully. My boots and coat were fine, but my unkempt hair and borrowed gown were not. I did not look like a baron’s daughter at that moment.
‘Don’t know where they went,’ he said. ‘Took their three old mules and settled up. Come to think on it, they were asking everyone where you went.’ He broke into a laugh again. ‘Baron’s daughter! Hah! I’ve got sixteen suppers to see to!’ And he disappeared through the door to the kitchen. I could hear him laughing on the other side.
There was no time to lose. I flew round to the stables, interrogating the grooms—someone must know of where the two men with the three mules went! But no one did. One man said he thought they took the road to Kißel, a young lad said he’d seen them over at the magistrate’s house, a third said he thought they’d headed south.
‘Where’s the magistrate’s house?’ I demanded.
I hurtled through the streets in the directions given me. A po-faced footman answered my hammering on the door. ‘Servants’ door is round the back,’ he said, looking at my wild appearance before shutting it in my face.
I flew round to the back where an equally humourless serving girl answered the door. Yes, some man had come calling that morning. No, he had not been admitted, for the magistrate was not at home that week. No, she did not know where the man had gone next, only that he had gone. He’d wanted to know where a person would be taken if the constabulary had them, and he was told that as decent folk never got taken away by the constabulary, they could not say where they went. And then she shut the door in my face.
I felt deflated. Where else could I look? Where could they have gone? I could not linger; it would be dark soon. I had to return home in defeat. I was so bewildered—had not the king said the cure would find its way to the one it was given for? Did I believe him? Could I trust that it would be so? It was only easy to believe something when the life of one you loved was not at stake.
I returned to the inn, where Gerling waited.
‘We can’t ride home at the pace we got here, my lady,’ he advised. ‘The horses can’t take it.’
‘I know,’ I groaned. ‘Don’t you think I know that everything is against me!’
We reached home in the dark. I trudged back into the lamp-lit hall. Ziller flew to meet me. ‘Where have you been?’ she cried. ‘Hansi’s been waiting for hours!’
Chapter 40
Something Magical
I could not speak at first when I ran into the drawing room. Hansi and Christian stood near the fireplace while Papa sat on the edge of a sofa.
Christian quickly crossed the room to meet me. ‘We’ve been looking everywhere for you!’ I wanted to fling my arms around him, but was aware of Papa’s perplexed stare.
‘Have you got it?’ I gasped out.
‘The nurse, understandably, would not let me, a stranger, administer it.’ He pulled the small wax-sealed bottle out of his breast pocket and I snatched it up with tears of relief and ran to Alexis’ room.
‘What’s this?’ Nurse demanded, as I burst in, waving the little bottle.
‘Don’t try to stop me, Nurse,’ I warned, struggling to loosen the seal. ‘This will make Alexis well.’
‘Don’t you go giving him no snake oil potions!’ retorted Nurse.
‘Let me do it, your hands are shaking,’ Ziller said, plucking the bottle from me. ‘How much do I give him?’ she asked. ‘Oh, my!’ she exclaimed, as she removed the seal and a powerful perfume was released. ‘Oh my, I’ve never smelled anything like it!’
‘Oh my!’ echoed Nurse, and her fierce expression softened.
The fragrance was heady, and I felt myself revived a little.
‘His eyes moved!’ I said, seeing a flutter of movement on Alexis’ face. ‘Put the bottle under his nose.’
Ziller did, and his eyelids fluttered again. His nose twitched, his mouth parted, and then he gave a surprisingly strong sneeze— ‘Achoo!’
Ziller drew the bottle away, kneeling down beside me.
‘Alexi, it’s me,’ I whispered. He opened his eyes. ‘Can you sit up and drink something? I’ll lift his head, Ziller, you hold it to his lips.’
‘I’ll hold his head,’ Nurse insisted.
‘All of it?’ Ziller asked.
‘All of it.’
‘Oh, the smell!’ she exclaimed. ‘And it’s shiny, like something magic! What is it?’
I did not answer; I was too busy watching carefully to see that every precious drop was drunk down. One stray drop escaped from Alexis’ pale lips and ran down his chin leaving a trail of lily-scented light.
I was holding my breath, watching for some sign of change. But nothing happened. He closed his eyes again, sank against the pi
llows and fell asleep once more.
Nurse felt his forehead and smoothed the hair from his face.
I slumped back onto my heels.
‘It might take time.’ Christian put a hand on my shoulder. ‘Be patient.’
‘But what if it doesn’t work? Tante Trudy said she’d never made anything like it before. She said she didn’t know what to expect.’
‘She also said it was very powerful. Have faith. The king wasn’t deceiving you when he gave you it, was he?’
‘No,’ I said in a small voice, my frustration evaporating under Christian’s calm touch and words.
‘King?’ said Ziller and Nurse in unison?
‘What’s happening?’ said Papa’s voice, coming into the room. His eyes fell upon Christian’s hand resting on my shoulder. He looked at me questioningly, but the look on my face subdued any questions for the moment.
‘I gave Alexis the elixir,’ I opened my clenched fist to show Papa the empty bottle. ‘But I don’t know if it has worked.’
‘What is that smell?’ said Papa, sniffing the air. ‘Reminds me of the flowers your mother used to grow.’
My exhaustion and the tension of the day caught up with me now, and I feared I would break down sobbing in front of everyone, something I could not bear to do. The room seemed overwhelmingly crowded, and my emotions were about to spill over. I got up abruptly. ‘I need to take a breath of air,’ I said. ‘Excuse me. I’ll be back.’
‘I’ll come with you,’ said Christian.
‘No. I need to be alone. I won’t be long.’
‘Elisabeth, it’s bitterly cold outside,’ said Papa. But I fled from the room. I was still wearing my coat. I paced up and down in the stables, out of the chill wind that had risen. I did not care if the horses saw my tears.
My exhaustion must have overwhelmed me, for I fell into a strange half-sleep, sprawled across a hay bale.
‘Elsa,’ said a voice. Someone was shaking my shoulder. ‘Elsa, wake up. Come inside, it’s cold out here.’
It was Christian. ‘My word, Elsa, I didn’t think you could get any rougher looking than you already were,’ he said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear and plucking a piece of hay from my coat. ‘You look like a wild woman of the forest. What’s your brother going to think when he sees you like this?’
I stared at him, gripping the hand that had lifted my hair.
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Your brother. Who’s sitting up eating enough pastries to fill a baker’s shop and asking where you are.’
I shrieked, leapt from the hay bale, and flung my arms around his neck, jumping up and down and laughing and crying into his shoulder all at the same time. He laughed with me and hugged me tight, keeping me from tottering over as we lurched about the stable in a wild dance.
‘You smell like a stable hand,’ he said, when I pulled away again. ‘But if I don’t mind, I don’t think he will either.’
There were so many good things in those days. There was Alexis, bounding about the house and grounds as though making up for all his lost years of health. I suppose I shouldn’t count the banishment of my former stepmother and her maid as a good thing, it was not a happy time for poor Papa, but I was glad her malignant influence was removed from our home. But life is never without some tension or difficulty. How can it be? There is no growth and new beginnings without the death of former things. And some things had gone and had to be let go of.
I loved my home because it was where Alexis and Papa were. But I didn’t quite belong there anymore. I refused to heed it at first, pushing away the nagging, aching restlessness. What was I restless for? Christian had gone. It had been a shock when he had announced that he must go. He said he had personal matters he must see to. Old relationships he must repair. People to forgive and reconcile with, that he might move on with his life. I had stared at him in disbelief. What had I thought? That he would follow me around forever? Always be there when I needed him?
Hansi went with him as a kind of valet, which struck me as odd. Christian Haller the apprentice with a valet? But they left. I often caught Ziller lost in thought, with the same unhappy look on her face as I knew my own must show.
What had I to be sad about? I did not understand. I distracted myself, kept busy. Papa’s affairs were not so bad as they had been thought. He’d had the foresight to take out a note of insurance on his last venture, an insurance that could only be payable to him, and not to his widow. The house did not now need to be sold.
‘We shan’t ever be as rich as we were,’ Papa said, looking over his papers in his study.
‘We don’t need to be. I have no desire for ball gowns and fancy dinner parties. All I want is you and Alexi. Though I wish I could have Pumpernickel back.’
‘You shall have your horse back,’ said Papa. ‘Gerling knows where he was sold. I shall buy him back directly. Will that cure you of your restlessness, Elsa?’
‘Me? Restless?’
‘As a caged animal. What’s troubling you? You can’t settle at anything.’
I was going to deny that there was anything wrong, but I couldn’t. ‘I don’t know, Papa,’ I said honestly. ‘I really don’t. It’s like…it’s as though…I’m not the same person I was when I left here. And I can’t settle back to the way I was, even though I want to.’
‘Is it that young artist?’ Papa asked.
‘Chris—Herr Haller? No. How could it be him?’
‘Good. He seemed a gentlemanly young man, but he’s not of your class. I should be sorry to see you lose your heart to a penniless man.’
‘How do you know he’s not of my class?’ I countered, suddenly angry that Papa should think so little of Christian. ‘His father is a nobleman.’
‘What nobleman? What is his name?’
‘I, I don’t know,’ I stammered. ‘He never told me.’
‘I’m glad to hear it. If he told you nothing of his family then he never had a serious thought for you.’
‘Even if he’s not of my class, what of it?’ I cried, feeling as though my father had put a finger on something painful that I had not realised was there. ‘What’s so special about us?’
‘Elisabeth, please, you’re losing your temper.’
‘We’re not so rich anymore. I’m not even as well-educated as Chris— Herr Haller. He has more talent and manners and, and everything that really matters in a man, should I ever consider marriage. Not that I am!’
‘Of course you’re not. And I would not part with you to a man who could not provide for you, no matter how talented or well-mannered he was.’
I had nothing more to say on the subject, so I made a swift exit from Papa’s study before I said something I would regret.
There was an uneasy politeness between Papa and me in the days following. We skirted round the one subject that might cause friction. I had no wish to displease him, I was so grateful to have him and Alexis back, so I did my best to be good and push down unruly feelings. Life shaped new routines as Alexis grew in strength. Pumpernickel was returned to the stables, and I took great comfort riding out on him. Only when I was out in the open air, away from any sight of the town and the roads full of market traffic did I feel some release. But how I yearned for blue mountains, for meadows full of wild flowers, for turquoise lakes. For Christian’s quiet and comfortable friendship.
Alexis never tired of hearing all my stories. I took pleasure in his shining eyes as I described palaces and magical castles and caves that led to Faerie. He longed to see blue mountains and turquoise lakes for himself. But still my restlessness deepened.
Chapter 41
King of the Swans
I heard the first cuckoo on my ride out the morning he returned.
Two fine chestnut geldings came trotting up the drive; I saw them from Papa’s study window.
‘Is that Herr Lenbach?’ Papa asked.
‘I don’t think so,’ I said, craning my neck to see through the ivy around the window. The sharp tat-tat of the doorknocker sounded
in the hall. Jank, our old butler, answered the door, and I strained to hear the voices.
‘Who is it?’ Papa asked.
I did not reply, I was too busy listening. The timbre of the youthful voice could not be mistaken—it was him!
‘Do I look all right?’ I said anxiously, patting my hair and smoothing my skirt.
‘Look all right for whom?’
‘Come this way, sir. The baron and baroness are in the study.’ Our butler neared the door, and I sprang away, feeling the colour rise into my cheeks. Until the moment I heard his voice again, saw his face once more as he followed Jank into the room—only then did I realise what had been missing in my life—the one thing my heart still wished for: Christian Haller.
‘Elsa,’ he said, and promptly walked into a side table, knocking two books to the floor. ‘Sorry, I should say, Fräulein Schwan, no—Freiherrin von Winterheimer!’ He picked up the books and smoothed down a bent page. ‘Sorry,’ he said, putting them back.
I laughed. ‘Herr Haller, it’s so good to see you!’
‘Is it?’ he looked about to teeter into the table again; he really was anxious about something. I was just overjoyed that he was here.
‘Come in,’ I said, gesturing towards Papa’s desk. ‘Papa is here. You should have sent word you were coming.’
‘Should I? I’m sorry. Have I inconvenienced you?’ He was bowing to Papa as he apologised and caught his foot on the fur rug between the door and the Papa’s desk.
‘Herr Haller,’ said Papa, not smiling, but putting out a hand. He looked uneasily between my grinning face and Christian’s embarrassed one.
‘But where is Hansi? I thought I saw two horses arrive.’
‘He is with me. He, er, has been taken to the kitchens.’
‘The kitchens! He shall be treated as one of the family after all the kindness he has rendered me, is that not so, Papa?’
‘I think, El—my lady, that he would be very pleased to be taken to the kitchens for the time being,’ said Christian.