by Nia Lucas
I nod and plaster a fake smile on my face as I look at him, “Mates yeah?”, my voice is wobbly and he nods slowly.
I pull a face, “What have I got us into with this festival?”, I bite my lip and snort.
Lee smiles, “Fuck me Shortie, a festival eh?”, he shakes his head in disbelief
Shay stirs and sits up next to me, adorably rumpled and far too good looking for this time of the morning, “Mornin' you twats. Fuuuuuck, my neck is murder”, with his arms above his head, I get a whiff of sweaty boy.
I can't stop myself from blurting out, “Oh bloody hell Shay, you're stinky”
He grins wide and pounces on me, rubbing his sweaty t-shirt all over my face. I hear Lee laugh as I squawk and squeal in horror.
Shay's laughing, “Fuckin' take it Little Red”, as I batter his chest with my fists.
Smiling, he draws back and I smile from underneath him as whispers, “It's good wakin' up wi' you Little Red'”, Shay winks before yawning again.
Self-conscious, I look out of the window over his shoulder, spotting a burger van which offers the distraction I'm desperate for. I lean on their knees, grabbing my parka and levering myself up to get out the door.
I peer at them, “Cuppa? Food?”, prompting requests for tea and bacon sarnies.
At the van, hopping about to get warm, I decide to get a duplicate order for Rosa and Ti, feeling bad that I saw so little of them last night. Locating the BMW, a very rumpled and pale Rosa, who frankly has looked a LOT better than she currently does, opens the door and croaks her thanks as she takes the supplies.
I head back to the Escort, where Shay and Lee enthusiastically woof the bacon sandwiches and stamp to warm up as we lean against the car in the frosty car park.
A mouth full of food, Shay asks, “So Little Red, when we comin' to see them nuns? I gotta see tha' shit. Anyways tha’ club gig Nath was on ‘bout, it's time 'til then and you'll fuckin' miss us”, he's grinning, the masticated bacon sandwiches no barrier to his blue-eyed charm.
My mouth hangs open, “Are you serious?! You'd drive from bloody London to the middle of nowhere to see some nuns?”
Lee mumbles, “To see you Shortie, yeah”, I look at my feet, touched by his words.
Shay swallows his sandwich, “We got some lieu days comin' up, tho' this fucker migh’ have pissed Brian off enough for him to cancel tha'”, Shay's tutting.
Lee ignores him, “When we gonna visit, eh Shortie?”, he's persistent.
Still disbelieving, my words falter, “M-m-m-maybe Friday? I'd have to be home by five though?”, my Friday afternoons are lesson-free 'revision' periods .
Shay beams at me, “Wicked!”
Lee ducks into the car, grabbing a pen and what looks like an old betting slip, “Write the address down, Shortie, yeah?”, his words are quiet and he looks nervous.
Still not convinced that they mean a word of it, I write down the details and my phone number and Shay produces the world's most battered looking map, on which I find the town where my school is. I mark it with a little star.
My brain whirring, I suddenly feel the need to check a fundamental issue out with them, “Er, you know I said to Luca that we were a team?”, they both look at me as I gabble, “I panicked coz I didn't want to do the festival alone. Was it OK, y'know, to say that?”, I fiddle with my fingers anxiously.
Lee moves closer hesitantly and speaks softly, “Shortie, we’re a fuckin' team, yeah. We ruled that gig man, all them other jobs we done for Nath was shit”, Lee smiles shyly as I meet his eyes.
Shay pipes up, “Yeah, plus you're fuckin' fitter than this cunt, Little Red, it’s better watchin’ you dance wiv me than him”, his crude language makes us all chuckle.
Shay ducks his head into the car, groaning as he looks at the dashboard clock, “Fuck Lee, we gotta go bruv, Jock's meetin' us for munch. We gotta bounce Little Red”, Shay looks a bit sad.
The nosy parker in me can't be silenced, “Who's Jock?”.
Lee moves to open the boot, muttering, “Jock's our old social worker, from when we was young bloods. He's good people. He got us the flat and sorted that shit wiv him out at the Hostel”, he thumbs at Shay and I file that comment away for future exploration.
Shay huffs, “Little Red, we gotta go. You goin' wi' them yeah?”, he points in the direction of the BMW, having watched me deliver the food earlier.
I nod, my vision blurred with daft tears which I wipe away quickly as Shay laughs, “We'll be seein' you Friday then girl, get them nuns ready”, with no preamble, Shay grabs me in a bear hug, lovely despite the strong whiff of sweat coming off him.
As I pull back, he lowers his face and I get a soft peck on the lips, “See ya Friday Little Red”, and with that, he heads for the driver's seat.
Lee approaches, nervously looking at his feet, “Shortie, Friday yeah?”, Lee hugs me tight, lingering longer than Shay and smelling better too frankly.
He pulls back, biting his lip as he saunters off to the passenger door with his hands in his pockets. With a horn blast and squealing tyres, they're gone. I fight ridiculous tears.
At the BMW, all is very quiet, with Rosa just a lump of duvet in the backseat.
Ti nods at me and leans across to open the door grumbling, “Rose is fucked, you OK in the front menina?”, he starts the car, more gently than I anticipated and we make a sedate exit from the car park, respectful of Rosa's delicate state.
As he drives, Ti is unexpectedly chatty, “That Leon's brother, Malachi, he was good people y’know but the shit got him in the end, menina. Fuckin' sad, he was only like nineteen, I heard 'bout it when I was inside”. Ti flicks his gaze at me and carries on, “Their dad was a big dealer and their mum was some junkie white woman. Mal was dealing from when was kids”
Ti checks I'm still listening as he keeps going, “Mal starting takin’ the shit he sold, shit that messes you up. Never saw that Leon after school though. To see him doin' good, it's sound”, Ti's jaw clenches but I can only nod, worried I'll cry if I speak.
A few seconds pass before he speaks again, “What's the deal with you and that Irish eh? You his girl?”, Ti looks at me sideways again.
I mutter at my knees, “Oh no, we're just mates”, my voice is wobbly.
Ti shrugs, “I never really knew him much. At school, he was fucking louco, the Feds was always there dealing with him. Mal used to try and look out for him out coz they lived together at that kids home but the kid was wild”, he shrugs and turns the stereo on as I absorb it all.
In between tracks, Ti tells me how he crossed some dangerous people through a petty act of aggression against a gang member that he now regrets massively. Whilst he has no dealings with gangs now, he talks about the low profile he maintains and it's clear that he's as much a prisoner at home as he was serving his sentence.
“It ain't just me gotta be careful neither”, he mutters and I spot his nervous glances in Rosa's duvet-covered direction. I feel a tingle of anxiety for Rosa.
Under the duvet, she groans, “Ti, I'm dying caro. Make my funeral beautiful yeah, loads of flowers”, her pathetic whine making us snigger.
Pulling into a covert spot only a few hundred yards from my house, I turn and smile, “Ti, thanks so much for the lifts, you're a proper hero”, a new friendship feels initiated as he gives me a smiling nod.
With Rosa muttering endearments and orders to ring her tomorrow, I gently close the car door and wave them off. I walk like I’ve been sat on a horse for a fortnight and my poor hips struggle to lift my feet enough to walk in the first place. Death by Disco.
Chapter Four
Sunday 19th March 1995
In an unjustified stroke of luck, my parents are out when I get home from Mission and I race upstairs, ignoring my screaming muscles. Upon her return, my sneering mother finds me the shower-fresh picture of innocence and GCSE-loaded diligence at my bedroom desk. Not the under-age, podium-dancing, thwarted-fancier of Farm Boys. Nope, not me. She looks at me like I'm a skidmark on a pair of
silk knickers and walks off.
Dan saunters in and I’m genuinely pleased to see him, my newly acquired knowledge about Lee's brother still raw. If I ever lost Dan, well, my eyes get watery at the thought. I beckon him closer and whisper all that has occurred in the last twenty-four hours, confessing my sins. As he gets down on his knees and makes bowing 'worship' gestures at me, both of us collapse in hysterics.
Dan snorts, “You're serious? Podium dancing at a rave? Midget, you little ginger legend”
I wink, “Back atcha Danny Boy”, as we race for the doorway.
He wins. My legs are ruined.
Monday 20th March 1995
The school day is its usual shitty self however over a dodgy-looking lunch, I tell El and Jenny that I've got mates from London who might come to school on Friday because they want to see nuns. Gorgeous El looks intrigued and reserved Jenny looks mildly concerned at this news.
“Er, Lorna, isn’t that a bit, y’know, risky? I mean, what will you tell Sister if she sees them?”, as Jenny frowns I shrug, finding that I’m not that worried.
After school, I lure Han to my bedroom with Jaffa cakes and brushing her hair with my metal-toothed hairbrush that always gives her the scalp tingles, I finally confess my sins. I start from meeting Rosa at the shop and take her all the way through to Sunday morning. I’m literally monologuing for the best part of an hour with Han a rapt, Jaffa-cake-munching victim of my verbal diarrhoea.
At the end, there’s silence, then she nods, speaking slowly, “Lorn, this explains two things. It explains why you’ve been shifty as fuck for weeks and it also explains why psycho Nico D'Angelo, who I have spoken to three times in my entire life, came up to me last week as I was walking home from the bus. He started chatting to me like we were lifelong buds, the moody twat scared the very actual shit out of me. He asked me about you and what you do at weekends, if you had a boyfriend, where you hang out”, she's glaring and I look sheepish.
She rolls her eyes as she whispers, “Lorn, don’t you ever hide stuff from me again, y’hear? I love you but you're heading for deep shit if you carry this on. I mean with your mum? Having a few dates with some lads from the cafe was one things but a festival? London clubs? Chick, it's just not possible without so much ball-ache. You've got to walk away from it all, haven't you? Honestly?”, she cocks an eyebrow and looks concerned.
For the first time since 1989, when we fell out over costume choices for Denise McQuire's fancy dress party, I’m going to disagree with my best mate.
I reach for her hand, “Han, this is mental and I’m stupid for even considering it but I can't not do this”. I plead, “Han, I love you so much and I promise that I won’t get you involved in any of the craziness, unless you want to come along?”, I look at her hopefully as she snorts, looking astonished that I would even consider her willing to do this.
She sighs, “Look, you keep Psycho D'Angelo away from me and you tell me every detail about what you get up to and well, I'll make my peace with the fact that you’ve lost your mind Lorn. But you do not take any risks, you tell me exactly what you’re doing so that at least somebody knows where you are. You hear me? I'm serious, you could get hurt”, I nod as we hug tight, clinging like spider monkeys.
Penitent, I ask, “So, how's your Mum been?”.
Han bursts out laughing, “D'you know what Lorn, I've got nothing that compares to your little revelations. I might go home with that bottle of Sherry you won in the raffle and see if I can create me some drama”, she's chuckling.
Later that evening, I walk her back home, my sins forgiven. My Mum has always insisted that I walk Han back. Han, leggy, brunette and pretty while I’m, as my mum always asserts, deeply unappealing and unlikely to attract a would-be attacker. I think she is actually hoping one day I'll be abducted.
Han safely deposited, I take a detour to the phone box, dialling Justin, who answers with a whoop, “Oh you little beauty, I'm glad you rang. D'you know, you have rattled Nath something awful, he's desperate to get in with that Luca.“Has Lorna rung you about Luca's gig?”, “Is she doing the festival for Luca?”, Christ it's all I've had all day”, Justin sighs theatrically.
I laugh, “Yup, I'm gonna do the festival. I’ve no clue when my exams are or how I’ll get there but I'll work it out. So yes, tell Nath I'm in”, I beam down the phone
There’s another whoop from Justin, “Well, thank God for that Lonely Lorna. I can't work out if Nath fancies you or if he's scared of you, either way you have power girl, use it. Now, before I have to go tell me which of those shaggable boys are you messing around with?”
I squirm and mumble, “Neither, we're just mates that's all”.
Incredulity dripping from his tone, he sniggers, “Mates?! My fucking perky arse are you just mates. I know what I saw. CHRIST, gotta dash. I'll call you soon for a proper chat love, bye”, and he's gone.
The week drags on and I spend a lot of time daydreaming about their potential visit, torturing myself with anticipated disappointment. I dance in my deserted classroom every lunch break and ignore the increase in hissed insults and sneaky shoves that I now get from my school tormentors, my brain too filled with them to care.
Thursday 23rd March 1995
I head out straight after school to go and see Rosa, my disappointment at the lack of contact from Lee and Shay rendering me jittery and in need of her advice and company.
To my dismay, it's Nico who opens the door, poorly executed lechery smeared across his tanned, lightly-freckled face as he lounges in the doorway, “Lorna Davies, how you been? It's good to see you cara, you're looking fine tonight”, Dear God, it's like he's been stealing chat-up lines from the attendees of an Over 40's Disco.
Incredulity plastered across my face, his leer drops and he slopes off into the house dejectedly, shouting for Rosa as I snigger.
Up in her bedroom, Rosa is indignant, “I mean, where the fuck in Tottenham were those boys hiding before I got with Ti? I guess it's coz they weren't at our school”, she tuts and my lips twitch in a small smile.
I tell her that we're mates but with no call and no clue what they’re doing, my original suspicion that they were never really going to visit, is becoming confirmed. I plaster on a smile and tell Rosa how much I liked getting to know Ti, Rosa looks chuffed at this and I'm pleased because if Ti was an arsehole, it would have been hard to fake.
With a knock at the bedroom door, Nico's Mum comes in, “Oh Rosa, I didn't know you had a guest, sorry cara”, Maria D'Angelo is tall and slim, curly black hair pulled into a ponytail and a kind face decorated with a few delicate lines.
Maria looks at me for a second, recognition making her smile, “Oh, it's Lorna isn't it? Linda and Jim's girl? Oh cara, haven't you grown into a lovely one?!”
I blush as Maria carries on, “It's been so long since I saw you- you know my Rosa, eh?”, Maria bends and kisses Rosa on her cheek, affection between the pair clear. “Will you stay for food Lorna? I have cooked too much”, Maria's tone is encouraging and I look at Rosa, who nods.
I smile, “That'd be lovely, thanks Mrs. D'Angelo”.
The look on Nico's face as I enter his dining room twenty minutes later is the stuff of comedy gold. His jaw drops and he swivels his head from his mum to me in quick succession.
Rosa snorts, “Shut that mouth cuz, you'll catch flies”.
Maria scolds him into action, “Nico, we have a guest, you remember Lorna? Pass her the bread Nico, where are your manners?”
Nico's shock turns into a green-eyed scowl and he thrusts the bread basket at me, glowering through his freckles. The meal is gorgeous with creamy pasta, crisp salad and fresh, rosemary-scented focaccia bread. Maria is the heart of the conversation over dinner, asking me loads of questions about my school, clearly eyeing it up for Nico's little sister. She asks me about my family, my friends and by the end of the meal, I feel as if I’ve been an unwitting guest on 'This is Your Life'.
I learn that Nico is a promising footballer, the local mid-league te
am having signed him. His birthday, a few days before mine, saw him move up to Under 18's and he's leaving Han and Dan’s school to go to College in September, doing a Mechanic's course that fits around his football. To Nico's red-faced mortification, Maria tells me that he and his girlfriend Vanessa broke up at Christmas. I know Vanessa, a nice but slightly daft girl from primary school. Nico looks like he wants the dining table to explode immediately and end this torture. I smile into my focaccia, taking some cruel pleasure in his discomfort.
At nine-thirty, I give my thanks and go to leave, unable to avoid my mother any longer. To our mutual horror Maria insists that Nico, plonked on the sofa playing his games console, does the honours of escorting me back. Dismayed, we find ourselves out in the cold March night, alone and in each other's forced company for the next fifteen minutes. Oh Jesus. Nico strides off ahead, hands deep in jeans pockets, Black and white Kappa Jacket stretched over his broad shoulders, his dark hair tousled and his earring glinting, Nico has a right face on about having to walk me home.
I feel at liberty to cause a bit of aggravation, it's the only entertainment I've got for the next fifteen minutes frankly, “Oi, Nico! You worried about being seen with a stripper then? That why you're walking so far ahead?”, I smile, hoping he hears the joke.
Turning slowly, he mutters, “Told you I was sorry 'bout that Davies”, and he toes the tarmac with his trainers, looking dejected.
I catch up with him, “I'm only joking D'Angelo, you’ve gotta admit, it's not something anyone would forget in a hurry”, he raises his head and with a pretty disarming half smile that makes his emerald eyes twinkle he starts walking again, slower this time so that we’re side by side.