by Sarah Till
“OK then, I’ll have a half. I’ll be OK to drive after that.”
I nodded.
“Double vodka and tonic for me, dear.”
We passed Shiralee who smiled sweetly at Ellis but smirked at me. Pressing through the throngs of teenagers, we finally reached our alcohol destination. I sighed and ordered.
“Half a lager and a vodka and tonic, please?”
My hand went to my bag to reach for my purse. The barman leaned forward on his arm.
“No alcohol, love. Sorry. Soft drinks only.”
I frowned my confusion and Ellis protested.
“No alcohol in a pub?”
“It’s been dry for years. Since your mother wed Mr Baxter over there.”
Ellis and I looked at each other. I marvelled at the new concept: a pub without alcohol. It had been my dream solution to the teenage problems of binge drinking and underage sex in my rare, more right-wing moments. I never dreamed it would become a reality.
“Really. How do you make your money, then?”
The barman laughed.
“It’s still a public house. We have quizzes and jam nights and karaoke. Just without the alcohol. We even have cocktails. But without the alcohol.”
Ellis smiled.
“Bet you don’t get many fights!”
“No, we don’t. Hardly any crime in the village. Very low crime rate.”
I sniggered loudly.
“Except my mother’s murder. Let's not forget about that.”
The company fell silent. It was as if I had just farted loudly on a crowded bus. Swiss Steve looked round from the family table where my children sat with him and John Baxter, yet I was excluded.
“Thanks for that, Jinny. We’re here to celebrate Sally’s life. Can you please, just for one moment, let it drop. We all know what happened, and the person responsible will receive their punishment. But just for today?”
I turned back to the bar, muttering.
“What’s it to you? She was my mother, not yours.”
Swiss Steve heard me. He stood up, surveyed by a smirking John Baxter.
“No, Jinny. You’re right. Always right, aren’t you?” His voice was loud and brusque. His eyes watered over and he began to sob. “She wasn’t my mother, Jinny. She was my lover. For years and years. All the time that you were cold and distant. All the time you pandered to your father, that weak hypocrite who couldn’t face his own faults. You blamed her when all the time it was him.”
I stared at him for a moment, incredulous. Then the torrent of anger I had stored for years at this previously revealed but now confirmed infidelity with my own mother erupted.
“Steve, she pretended to be disabled. She lied about not being able to walk for years. You helped her deceive him. And you saw what it did to him.”
Steve was crying loudly now.
“Yes, I did. I did. I helped her. But did you ever ask yourself why Sally did it? Why she had to do it?
I had never actually asked my mother that question. I had always halted at my own perception of her evil.
“No, I didn’t ask her. How could there be any excuse for what she did?”
Steve laughed through his tears.
“She was devastated. Heartbroken. Your father had been having an affair since before you were born. Not an affair. More than that. Leading a double life. All those business trips, they were to the other side of town. They were to stay with his mistress. Sally found out about it when she was pregnant. She asked him to stop but he said that he couldn’t, that he loved the other woman, that he wanted to leave. Sally begged him to stay and did all she could to keep him.”
I screamed at Swiss Steve.
“All she could do to keep him? Like the threats to kill herself, the overdoses, the drinking, the violence. I saw it all, Steve. I saw everything. Eventually, she made it so he would look like a complete bastard if he left. She made herself so helpless that he had no option but to stay. And all the time she was sleeping with you. She was no more bloody crippled than I am. Is that right, Steve? Does that sound right to you?”
He looked down at his feet as the tears hit his shoes.
“All I know is that I loved her. She was everything to me. But I had my family to consider. Shiralee and Jupiter. And you. So, unlike your father, I broke off from what I wanted to do the right thing without being forced. When I realised that Shiralee had guessed, I was so ashamed that I went to Sally and ended it.”
I stared at my daughter who stared back into my eyes. They had known. They had known that their father was sleeping with Granny but still blamed me for running from someone who didn’t love me and chasing my happiness. Ellis took my hand and turned me to him.
“Come on, Jinny. It’s time we went.”
I nodded but there was something else I needed to say before I left them.
“OK, I’ll leave. I’m going. But just as an afterthought, you’re all so pious and full of faith, how can all of you associate with someone who has intentionally messed with people’s lives. Someone like him.” I pointed at Swiss Steve who was still sobbing, “Someone who has killed, who has committed adultery and who had deceived his family. How can you? Tell me.”
I was almost hysterical but, I felt Ellis tense beside me and DI Payne’s interest level increase when I mentioned Swiss Steve’s criminal indiscretions. John Baxter intervened.
“He gave us his testimony, he asked God for forgiveness and he was forgiven. By all of us. You should try it sometime, Virginia.”
Ellis was dragging me through the crowd, but I turned at the door, desperate for the last word.
“And you two,” I pointed at Jupiter and Shiralee who sat silently beside John, “should be ashamed of yourselves. You knew about all of this and you never told me.”
DI Payne pushed me through the doors and Ellis almost ran me to the car. He turned to DI Payne.
“I’ll take over now. It’s been a heavy day.”
I still fumed.
“Don’t make excuses for me, El. There’s something wrong there. Something very wrong. It’s like the fucking Wicker Man round here.”
Ellis helped me into the car and DI Payne shut the door. I wound the window down to hear what he was saying.
“I’ll be in touch. There seem to be several matters we will need to speak to you about. In the meantime, we’ll post someone outside your house.”
Ellis drove away slowly. As we gather speed up the lane, I could feel the air cloud with tension. Finally, he spoke.
“Happy now?”
His tone wasn’t nasty, but I knew he was irked.
“About what?”
“Well, you were right. Your mother was shagging your husband. Feel better now?”
I reddened.
“No.”
“Why did you have to say that, Jinny, about Steve killing someone? You know Payne will be round like a flash, asking you what you know. You do know that if they find out you knew something after all this time and anything materialises that you’ll be an accessory after the fact?”
I bowed my head.
“Sorry.”
Ellis’ hands gripped the steering wheel and his knuckles were white.
“Look, love, I know it’s been a difficult day. I’m absolutely disgusted at their behaviour in the church, and the way they rounded on you. Totally uncalled for and could have been left for another time if they really wanted to address it. But can you see now? Can you see that it’s best left alone? Keep away from them, Jinny. They’re trouble.”
Of course Ellis was right. Additionally, I needed to be hit over the head with something before it registered. Obviously, I was already aware of the wide, ever gaping gulf between my children and me. I had not, however, anticipated that they and their father were now part of a cult-like organisation that banned drinking and divorce. Ellis was right. I had seen enough. I decided that after the reading of the will tomorrow and after I had collected Mum’s clothes from the cottage on Saturday, I would distance myself. A
fter all, there was the business of the terrorist on the tube to contend with. I needed my full attention on that. I also conceded that Ellis might need some attention, too.
“OK. I’ll just get the will reading over with...”
Ellis pulled up at the side of the road.
“You’re not seriously going to go to the solicitors with them? After what was said today?”
I sighed deeply. Surely he understood.
“Look, Ellis, I need to get it over with. I need to know where I stand, then I can finally put this to bed. I’ll go tomorrow and go and get her stuff on Saturday, then that’s it?”
He snorted his dissent.
“Back to the village? To that? Jinny, wake up. They don’t want you there. They’re happy there in their happy-clappy little world. You don’t belong there. Oh, and Steve isn’t your husband anymore. You and he are divorced and we live together. Just in case you forgot when you were fighting for the truth about him and your mother. Remember me? Your partner?”
I gulped back my hurt and put my hand on his arm. He was shaking and near to tears.
“I promise Ellis. This is the end. No more going on about it. I just want to get all the loose ends tied up.”
He gritted his teeth and his voice was broken.
“I don’t want you to go. And I’m certainly not going. I want to support you but it’s impossible. I’m not subjecting myself to that kind of madness. I’ll understand if you go, but please, Jinny, please don’t expect me to come with you.”
I nodded as he started the car.
We drove home silently and I made spaghetti bolognaise for dinner. I refused wine, so Ellis gulped down a whole bottle of red before going to bed alone. I sat up for a while, going over the events of the day in my mind. It was too much to take in. I glanced out of the window at the police car parked outside my house and tried to reconcile myself with the fact that I was wrong. I struggled through my anger about Swiss Steve and my mum, through the confusion about both my mother and father’s infidelity, onto the notion that I had once again proved myself almost fatally gullible. Looking for the best in everyone, I had refused to follow the frightened sheep on the tube. I had stayed on the train, thinking that the couple in front of me were innocent lovers. It seemed that I was the innocent. I had to concede that the police would never have taken the matter so far if they were not sure that the couple had some connection to my mother’s murder. Would they? A fragment of doubt punctured what I wanted to believe was the balloon of common sense lifting my enlightenment. Mr Smith hadn’t seemed so sure of the connection. He was right about one thing. This was the only lead. It seemed that my God-fearing mother had annoyed her opposite number so much that they had poisoned her then stabbed her. That much was possible, after all, she had annoyed the hell out of me for years.
I laughed a little, mainly at myself. All these times she had gone off with Swiss Steve to the community centre. A likely story. She was clearly fucking him senseless. Then they would return with her in her wheelchair and him pushing her dutifully up the road, her arms laden with flowers, which I now realised were probably gifts from him. By the looks of him today, he had loved her. I had never seen him cry before, not in all the years we were married. Not even when he saw the appeal of the dead man’s wife on the TV, and her four children under five crying for their daddy. Not when we parted; he had just shrugged and turned to leave. Of course he loved her. Everyone loved Sally.
I went to bed, slept immediately and woke with my alarm in the morning. I dressed quickly as Ellis stirred in our bed. His eyes flickered as I pulled on my black tights and black suit.
“I have to go. I won’t be long.”
He turned over and rested his head on his arm.
“I’ll come if you like. Sorry I was mad. It really upset me. I was worried for you, for your mental health. I just don’t want this to push you over the edge.”
I smiled and touched his hair.
“It’s OK. It’ll be over soon. I just need to do this. Then finally we can have some peace.”
My mobile rang and it was DI Payne.
“Virginia. I just wanted to say that we have released the two people we were holding. On bail, of course. Mr Smith will be in touch, but for the time being just call me if you notice anything suspicious.”
I laughed in disbelief.
“So, you tell me that I’m the target of a terror campaign by my mother’s murderers then you let them go and tell me to be careful?”
“Well, I didn’t exactly say that, did I, Virginia? We are continuing with our enquiries. I’ll be in touch later today.”
I pulled back the curtains and the police car had gone.
Ellis sat on the edge of the bed.
“Panic over?”
He pulled me to him and we hugged. It reminded me of the time before he moved in with me, when I left him in bed while I went to work. I longed for that time again, just Ellis and me with work in between. My stomach churned as I released myself from his grip.
“Uh-huh. They let them go. Maybe it wasn’t true after all.”
Ellis stretched long and hard.
“We’ll chat about it later. We need to dissect this, my love; your family forming a cult, a village without a pub and some fundamentalist plot against you.”
I laughed and left. Grabbing my bag, I headed up Buckingham Palace Road on foot. It would take me a while to reach my destination, but I didn’t want to use the tube. I told myself that I didn’t feel the slightest bit paranoid, that I didn’t feel like someone was watching me. The solicitor was in Westminster, where my father hadworked. I was a little early, so I hung around outside. Lots and lots of tourists passed me, all wearing sunglasses in the autumn and carrying plastic bags with Union Jack flags on them. I stared up at Big Ben in the distance as it struck ten. I called Martina and told her I would be working at home today, then went into the solicitor’s office.
I pushed through the double glass doors and announced myself at reception. My stomach felt slightly queasy as I followed the direction in which the receptionist was pointing. In fact, I had been here many times before. The family solicitor had handled my father’s affairs and my divorce. So I was no stranger to the chambers.
I arrived at Henry Mills’ office and strode in purposefully. As I had expected, John Baxter sat beside Swiss Steve and Shiralee and Jupiter waited like a pack of hyenas around dying prey. Henry stood.
“Ah, Jinny. How are you. On your own? Mr Baxter here told me to expect your partner. Mr Brunel.”
I smiled brightly.
“Henry. How good to see you. Shame it’s under these circumstances. Ellis. No. After yesterday’s debacle he decided that he wanted nothing further to do with the whole sorry situation. And who can blame him?”
I glanced around the room at a set of blank faces. Clearly, I was the only one who thought that my mother’s funeral had been some kind of blame-purveying circus. Henry coughed.
“All right. Down to the business of the day. We’re here to find out what poor Sally had left to whom. John here is the executor of the will and, of course, as such, will receive nothing material. The first item is the property. Shall I read directly from the document?” We all nodded and Shiralee licked her chops in anticipation. “I bequeath the property at Cherry Tree Cottage to my daughter Virginia to dispose of or to do with whatsoever she pleases. I bequeath the farmland and property adjoining Cherry Tree Cottage to Steven Munro in regard of the happiness he brought to my life for a short time. My jewellery and clothes I bequeath to my dear granddaughter, Shiralee Munro, save for my diamond pendant and earrings, which I bequeath to my dear grandson, Jupiter Munro.”
Henry paused for breath and Swiss Steve swivelled in his chair to look at me.
“Didn’t expect that, did you?”
His face was contorted with mocking glee and Shiralee rubbed his arm.
I looked down at the Axminister wool carpet. On examination of my feelings, I was surprised to find that I didn’t really ca
re. All I wanted to do was get out of there, collect my mum’s stuff from the cottage and sell the whole fucking liability. Henry continued.
“Now. On to finances. The farm finances were kept separately from the personal finances. I will read from the document again: ’The balance of the farm accounts, which total around £350,000 will remain in the farm estate as a going concern and John Baxter will benefit from any profits thereafter for the furtherance of the church in the village as he sees fit.’ By way of explanation, this was Sally’s way of protecting her husband. He wouldn’t gain directly from the will, but any profits including interest from the farm account balance would pass to him. ‘I bequeath £100,000 each to Shiralee and Jupiter. I bequeath £400,000 to Steve Munro. The rest of my finances which consist of money, shares, bonds etc I bequeath to Virginia.”
Everyone looked around the room in stunned silence. Jupiter broke into the deep fog of disbelief that currently united the company.
“I didn’t know she had so much money. She was loaded. A millionairess. I never knew that. She was so kind, I never knew.”
Shiralee nudged him.
“Dad gets the farm and she gets the house. That means we will get something after all.”
John Baxter, who now looked extremely smug, corrected her.
“Certainly, you will benefit from your father’s property, Shiralee, but I understand that your mother wants to sell the cottage. Is that right, Virginia?”
I sighed heavily.
“None of your business, John.”
He laughed manically and Henry winced.
“Well, now, it is my business because I live there. It’s my home. I just need to know if I need to pack my things, that’s all. A simple enough request, isn’t it? Do I have to leave, Jinny? Are you going to sell the cottage?”
Again, he was using the sort of sanctimonious tone that had made my blood boil the previous day.
“I don’t have to answer that now, do I, Henry?”