by J. A. Saare
"I never stopped loving you. No matter how mad I was." He gripped me closer, like he thought I might vanish. "Do you love me anymore?"
"What I feel for you goes beyond love."
That much was extremely true. He was a full-blooded werewolf.
His feelings for me were absolute.
"Try to get some sleep."
"Are you leaving after the full moon?"
I didn't pull away or get angry. It was a valid question. "Things have changed, in a lot of ways. I'm going to sort out everything and take things one day at a time."
"I won't force you to stay, but I hope you think about it. We need you, Ray. All of us. Trisha would feel safer with you here. Jonathan won't admit it, but he would too. She doesn't need to be left alone."
"Okay. I'll think about it. Promise."
"Alright." I knew he'd closed his eyes, already drifting to sleep.
I continued stroking his hair, the blond strands thick and soft. This was something I'd done in the past as well, after he'd had a shitty day and wanted nothing more than to snuggle up with me and rest.
"I'm sorry," he stated quietly.
After a moment, I said, "So am I."
I stayed awake long after he'd passed out.
I didn't move, keeping him close.
I pondered his question, coming to several conclusions.
Love was a very strange emotion.
Especially for me.
I loved Mom and Steven, without question. They meant the world to me, and I'd die for them. The love I had for Annabel and Noah—hell, the entire pack that despised me—felt different. No doubt due to our connections and bond. Noah sighed in his sleep, and I felt a rush of warmth against my chest. His wolf had fallen asleep too, but even in dreams reached out to me. My beast responded, basking him in waves of reassurance.
I didn't think I'd be able to leave.
There was nothing for me in New York.
Not anymore.
I thought of Steven, and an invisible fist gripped my heart. I wanted to feel that being with Noah like this betrayed him, but I didn't. I didn't feel like I'd done anything wrong, in fact. Being this close to Noah felt perfectly right.
Noah shifted against me, about to wake, sensing my turbulent emotions. I tore dark thoughts from my mind and rested fully on the bed. His arms pulled me even closer, and I allowed it. As I closed my eyes, I brought our bodies even closer.
He needed this.
And so did I.
Chapter Fourteen
I rose early and cautiously eased from the bed. Noah needed the rest, I wasn't about to disturb him. I quietly dressed and went downstairs. No one was up and moving around, so I decided to make breakfast. Such a thing usually wasn't a big deal, but since I'd be feeding a ravenous pack, it would take serious effort. I started with the bacon, opening two large packs. I placed them on the rack designed to bake the pork slices in the oven. Once they were cooking, I went to eggs. This required two pans, even scrambling them.
I'd gotten everything done, and had just finished toast, when Trisha entered the kitchen. She studied the smorgasbord on the table and smiled. "This looks wonderful." She waddled to the refrigerator to get milk and orange juice. "Thank you for the assist. I dread cooking in the morning. My back hurts and my feet are swollen."
I rushed to her and took the milk and orange juice. "I've got it."
"Thanks." She carefully moved to the table and sat down. "You're a life saver."
"When will everyone be up?" I knew it all depended on how long many of them had been out the evening before.
"It's only Jonathan, Brady, Mark, and Jasper. Brady and Mark built their own houses a few months ago, since they're wanting to prepare in the event they find their own mates. Stanley and Mari built their home a couple of years ago, when they started trying for a baby. None of them are far and still have rooms here, but they mostly come to official meetings or to visit."
I almost dropped the milk.
No wonder Noah said what he had.
If four of the pack weren't living at Noah's, Trisha only had a few members at the house who'd be present if she needed them. Jonathan would likely have been given a reprieve of duties, so he could watch over her. But in his absence, she'd only have access to a pack who'd come and go as duty called, all of which were male. Trisha was heavily pregnant. She needed someone with her at all times.
"Are you having the baby here?" I tried not reveal my panic.
"That's the plan," she said, stroking her stomach. "We bought a wading pool for a water birth. The doula says it's the best way, but I'm not sure." She looked up and winced. "Water or not, it's going to take awhile. It's not going to be fun."
Understatement of the century.
"Will they give you nitrous?"
"That's part of my birth plan."
"I've heard it helps."
"I hope so."
I made her a plate and placed it in front of her. "You must be scared."
"Actually, I'm nervous but excited." She rested her hand on her tummy. "I can't wait to meet her."
I took the seat beside her. "Have you decided on a name?"
"Not yet." I heard the annoyance in her tone. "Jonathan thinks we should call her Johnnie. After him. But I want to name her Josephine. Josie for short."
"After your mother." She nodded, then she jolted, jumping in her seat. "Are you okay?" I started to rise but she stopped me.
"Give me your hand."
I did, and she pulled me forward, placing my hand on her swollen stomach. Upon contact, I felt a strong thump against my palm. My breath caught, and I leaned forward, amazed.
"That's her?" The baby kicked as hard as a soccer player.
Another hard whack followed, this one stronger. "That's her."
"Doesn't it hurt?" It felt like it would.
"Only when she pushes against my lungs. I have to push her down."
"She can do that?" Considering it, I asked, "You can do that?"
I'd never been around pregnant women, human or werewolf.
"I have to move all the time when I'm sleeping. I have a body pillow, but it doesn't help anymore. She's too big. She takes up a ton of space."
"I can tell." Trisha was all belly.
"I know. I'm a sight," she laughed and removed the hand she'd placed on top of mine, but I didn't move away. I felt fascinated by the movements. The baby was strong and healthy and would be beautiful. Jonathan was handsome, with his dark hair and eyes, but Trisha was a stunner, looking much like Noah. Her hair was lighter in color, almost white blonde, and her eyes were a deeper shade of blue, the color like bluebells.
The baby kicked several more times, and I smiled in wonder.
"I'm sorry, Ray."
I didn't remove my hand from her stomach but gazed at her. "What?"
"I should have told you the truth. You deserved to know."
Her words sank in, and I reluctantly moved away. "It's not important."
Given everything, that was true.
What she'd done was shitty, but she as a werewolf.
Her brother was her alpha.
She'd have done anything he told her. That's how it worked.
"It is important, I hurt you." She rested into her chair. "I never wanted that. I honestly didn't think it would make you so angry. For a long time, I didn't understand it, even though I tried to. It wasn't until I found out I was pregnant that I thought about it. I mean really and honestly thought about it. I wouldn't want someone doing that to my daughter, pack or not."
"I'm not mad at you."
Not anymore.
She didn't need to worry about me, not right now.
"I'm also sorry about Steven."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "So am I."
"You really loved him." Not a question, a statement.
"More than you can imagine."
"I just want you to know..." She paused, unable to meet my eyes. "I'll support whatever decision you make. You've been through enou
gh. With your mom, with Noah, with us." Then her eyes turned to mine and our gazes met. "The rest of the pack doesn't understand. I've told them I'm going to back you, but they say hormones are guiding my decisions. They're wrong, but I'm not going to argue with them. I've given up at this point."
The way she said it made me cautious. "Is there something I should know?"
"They want a decision. On if you're going or staying."
Of course they do.
"I'm assuming a pack meeting will be involved."
"Yes." I sensed she wasn't happy about it. "Noah knows, and he's argued with them several times. He's tried to make them understand, and they did, at least in the first year. But as time went by, the resentment grew. Then you were found, and they were told about Steven. That kind of thing isn't something they will ever accept. I'm sure you understand where they're coming from. And Noah, well, he's responsible for the entire pack. He has to put their interests before his own. It's really messed with his head. He's agonized over it."
"I understand." Of course I did. How could I not? "I'll make up my mind."
She leaned over and took my hand. "I wanted you to know. I didn't want it to happen out of nowhere. Noah's still hoping they'll back off. That's why he hasn't said anything."
"Thank you." I gave her fingers a squeeze.
Movement came from the living room, and I pulled away.
Noah entered the kitchen.
He'd showered and dressed for the day, prepared for work.
"Something smells good."
I looked him over.
He didn't look as tired or stressed.
I stood. "I'm going to get a shower. I think we should check on Peter."
Noah faced me. I was thankful the dark circles under his eyes were gone. "If you think we should, we'll go."
As he went to get a plate, I stepped over to Trisha. I placed my hand on her tummy again, and was rewarded with a sound kick. I bowed my head, placing my mouth by her ear. "I do love you, Trisha. I always have."
Before she could say anything, I moved away.
I didn't hesitate, and I didn't look back.
In seconds, I left the kitchen.
◆◆◆
Resting with Noah had been a very wise choice.
He was back on his game, ready to do his job.
"He's probably fine," Noah stated. "He's confused and needs guidance, but he did stop using bane. His mind is clear. He can accept things with a level head."
"Maybe," I agreed. "But he resents what he is. He could start using again."
As we pulled into the drive, Noah's phone rang.
He immediately answered the call. "This is Noah."
I heard the voice on the other end of the line.
Michael.
He asked questions about Peter and Floyd's cases. Noah filled him in, admitting his mistake with Julian. I felt like crap, and hoped Michael didn't know I'd contacted the vampire. If so, I'd have a lot of explaining to do. Noah parked in front of Peter's cabin, and I sensed something amiss. I wasn't sure what it was. The door was ajar, but that could have been from the heat. The humidity was high.
Then I noticed the windows were closed.
Peter wasn't airing out the cabin. He wasn't trying to combat the heat.
"Noah," I said, reaching for the handle on the door. "We need to get inside."
He heard me, but didn't end the call.
I exited the truck and walked toward the cabin. Noah would follow, I knew that with certainty. I strode up the stairs, crossed the porch, and went inside. As soon as I did, I knew I'd had a serious lapse in judgment. I scented the change in the air, the subtle shift in the scent and energy. The door slammed behind me, and I cringed at my bad fortune when I heard the wooden latch that kept the door closed fall into place. I turned instinctually toward the sound. Peter stood behind me, completely shifted. Or as much as he could be.
He was half-man, half-wolf.
"Peter?" For a moment, it seemed like he'd heard. "It's me. It's Raven."
Suddenly his pupils dilated.
Oh no.
Oh shit.
The man was no longer in charge. Only the wolf remained.
In a split second, he rushed me.
I got a decent balance and prepared for his attack.
He wasn't a good fighter, but he didn't need to be.
Not in his current form.
"Ray?" Noah pounded on the door. "Open the door!"
I brought my arms up to protect my head as Peter's arms came down.
I cried out when his claws slid through the skin of my forearms.
My wolf rose without hesitation, sensing the danger, changing my perception. My eyes sharpened, my muscles radiating power. Noah was no longer pounding on the door, he was kicking the damn thing. He'd built the house to withstand damage, which cursed him now. He'd have to completely obliterate the wood to get through, which would take time. I dodged Peter's right arm as it came down, swiftly moving aside. He clawed at me with the left, and I repeated the motion. I angled back when he moved again, putting my weight into my right shoulder, and brought my hand around.
I meant to hit him the face but caught his right shoulder.
I relied on my wolf again, needing her with me.
If anything could break through to him, it would be her.
"Peter." I let her speak through me, the words a deep growl. "Stop."
Again, he seemed to hear. He paused and shook his head.
Then the moment was gone.
He barreled at me again.
"Peter! Touch her, and I'll fucking kill you!" Noah roared. "Ray!"
I couldn't respond, busy dodging the claws Peter aimed at me.
I rushed to the kitchen table, using it as a barrier. A plate, fork, and glass of water wobbled and slid over the side. Peter slammed a hand down, breaking it in two. He didn't pause, determined as he carved a path in my direction. I decided to get as much protection as I could, barreling from the kitchen into the bathroom. I made it inside but didn't close the door in time. Peter's arm prevented closure, his hands swiping at the wall.
"Peter, stop!" I repeated, my voice garbled. "Stop now!"
My wolf wanted out. She wanted control.
But I couldn't let that happen.
The change wouldn't be fast enough.
In the time it took to change form, he'd tear me apart.
"Noah!" I pushed against the door, keeping Peter outside.
I heard a loud crash and the sound of breaking glass.
Relief swept over me.
Noah had come through a window. He was on his way.
"Son of a bitch!" Noah snarled.
I could feel his rage burst through the house.
The sheer strength of his wolf punched into me.
The claws ripping at the bathroom wall vanished, as did the pressure on the door. I hesitated, and something in my mind clicked, telling me Noah was outside with Peter. In human form. I grasped the edge of the door and flung it open. Noah had grasped Peter around the midsection, trying to keep him in place. Peter didn't care, clawing at Noah's arms. Blood poured from deep gashes, spilling onto the floor.
I rushed forward, ready to assist, when Noah saw me.
He took in my injuries, seeing I'd been harmed.
His eyes flashed sliver, and he snarled.
Then I heard a loud snap.
Peter's legs stopped moving, and his arms dangled and dropped.
I knew what it meant, even if I didn't want to.
Noah had broken Peter's back.
"Angel," Noah said, dropping Peter to the ground. He burned the carpet between us as he rushed forward to look me over. "Are you alright? Show me where you're hurt. Is it just your arms?"
"I'm fine," I said, realizing I was in shock.
"No, you're not." Noah studied my arms and kneeled, doing a thorough check. "Is anything broken?"
"No," I said, looking at Peter, knowing something was very wrong. I grasped Noah's face, forcing h
im to look at me. "How did he change, Noah?"
"What?" Noah was distracted by the deep lacerations of my arms.
"He shifted." It wasn't possible. Only an alpha could make that happen. Aware Noah wasn't paying attention, I grasped the hair on the top of his head and squeezed. "Stop and listen to me. He shifted, Noah," I repeated. "He changed. It's not time."
Noah froze and really looked at me. "Get in the bathroom."
He tried to shove me back into the space, but I didn't allow it. "Check the house. Do it now." He tried to shove me into the bathroom again, but I fought him off. "Stop it! Check the house. We're running out of time."
There were only two alpha wolves in Rhea.
Michael an Noah.
And only an alpha could force a shift upon a wolf-man.
Noah pulled away from me, looked me in the eye, and turned. I immediately followed, knowing we had to locate a scent or evidence to assist us. When he pulled the gun from his holster, I cried out, screaming, "Don't!"
The order came too late.
Noah put a bullet in Peter's head.
"Why did you do that?"
Peter hadn't done anything wrong. He'd been influenced by someone.
"His back is broken, Ray," Noah stated, remorseful. "Even if I made him shift back to his human form, he'd be crippled for life. Would you want to live like that? I sure as hell wouldn't. There's no coming back from that."
"What if he could have told us something?"
"He was forced to shift. His memory is gone."
Dimly, I accepted the assessment was correct.
Wolf-men, when forced to shift against their will, didn't retain memory.
Even if Peter changed back, he wouldn't recall anything.
He'd only know his back had been broken, and he'd never walk again.
Werewolves who could completely shift form to a wolf could mend from such injuries, but that kind of healing for Peter would be considered a medical miracle, and would require a lot of time. Even by werewolf standards.
"Go to the truck," Noah commanded. "Get your gun."
I didn't argue, moving past him.
I made it outside and ran to the vehicle.
I opened the door, dug around in the glove compartment, and removed one of my guns from a holster. I immediately went around the side of the house, sidearm in hand, scenting the air. Honeysuckle pervaded nearly everything, but then I caught something else.