It wasn’t really a question, but he nodded anyway.
“Good. If you see Melanie in the lobby, walk the other way.” I held the door for him. There was half a second where I wondered if he was going to disrespect me by leaving at his own pace, but he moved at an efficient speed and completely at my direction. His lounging mannerisms were gone.
THAT WAS MY LAST INTERACTION with Greg the psychopath. Neither Mark nor I have heard or seen him since that day. I’m pretty sure he moved. (In fact, I know he moved to the East Coast for two years, but Mark won’t be happy to read that I kept tabs on him. I also found out when he moved to Miami before his social media posts confirmed it. And this is why I no longer want to do Pride in Miami, even though Mark used to love it. Sorry, Mark... Greg is the real reason I hate Miami.)
Mark and Melanie joined me in the apartment several minutes later.
“We saw Greg on the street,” Mark said. “The fuck did you tell him? He turned around and walked away without me doing anything.”
I shrugged.
“Dude, you’ve got to tell me what happened.” Mark couldn’t get it out of me that easily, so he tried a different strategy: “Let’s go out and get brunch.”
“I already ate,” I said, glad to have the conversation move on. Melanie was reserved and I wanted to make her comfortable. “Plus, Melanie doesn’t want to wear my tee shirt out to whatever fancy restaurant you have in mind.”
Mark disappeared into the guest room and returned with my mint green button down.
“She can wear this, plus those shorts. She’ll start a new fad.” Mark beamed.
Melanie smiled. She walked into the bathroom to change. Meanwhile, I removed the sheets from the guest bed.
“What are you doing?” Mark asked.
“Mark, she was taken advantage of. These sheets have to go. Put ‘em in a bag. I don’t know if you need them to press charges.”
“She won’t press charges. She said she wasn’t raped.”
“Mark,” I hissed, not wanting to be overheard. “This is really serious. Greg used her as a replacement for you. He used her. She was already feeling low emotionally. Why do you think she showed up here on a Wednesday night? Doesn’t she have college?”
“I thought she had a couple days off.”
Ahhh!
“Use your brain! She came here to clear her head, and instead it got filled with Greg. Fuck, I told you to send him away. But you wouldn’t listen.”
“So now this is my fault!”
“Stop getting worked up—”
“—I’m not worked up.”
I smiled at him stiffly and held his head in both my hands. I was eerily reminded of how I had held Greg’s head just a few minutes earlier and with entirely different intentions. “She came to the city to get away and find a rebound after this douche boyfriend left her like he did. Let’s make sure she has the space to do that.”
“She won’t have space tomorrow. Not with all my brothers and sisters around.”
We made a plan to stay by Melanie that afternoon in case she needed support or had an emotional breakdown.
As it turned out, she wouldn’t need us. She was calmer than either Mark or I were—at least outwardly. That incident with Greg had been very scary from my perspective, but it prompted a lot of introspection on her part. Greg’s intrusion into her life was a turning point, just like how Mark’s summer college course was a turning point in his.
We got a late breakfast with Melanie. I had a small fruit salad. We skipped our workout with Tim and Ryan. Mel yelled a hello to Tim as I called him with the cancellation notice.
I asked Mark if we were still getting dinner with my roommates like we had planned. Mark shrugged and looked at Melanie. She shrugged and looked at me. Then I texted Suhail and said our dinner would be earlier than usual.
We shopped (yuck). Mark said the spree was to take Mel’s mind off the events of the previous night... so-called ‘retail therapy’. I said I wasn’t going to enter any changing rooms because that was how Mark forced me to try on outfits. I stayed adamant throughout our spree. Melanie laughed at our dynamic.
I was stressed. Melanie’s emotions were boiling under the surface—it was in the set of her shoulders and the forced laughs. She was tough, but she was also overwhelmed.
Now that I think about it, Mark and I being together might have triggered her introspection just as much that horrific night with Greg. She saw how much we teased each other and laughed. She didn’t have that—never had. Mel was very much one of Mark’s devotees and slept around like crazy just like he used to.
I had an inkling as to why Mark had been such a man whore. He had told me about the loss of his high school friend and the pain of his coming out. He was also very attractive and narcissistic. It all fed into his hyper-sexual behavior.
I couldn’t figure out where Melanie got it from. Maybe it was genetic and I was thinking about it too much.
We went to dinner and met Nick and Suhail at a restaurant within walking distance of my apartment. I hadn’t seen either of them in some time, seeing as I had slept with Mark for the past few nights and only visited the place during the day when no one was there.
I shook hands with Nick. Suhail offered a fistbump. Both guys watched Melanie with fascination.
“This is Melanie, Mark’s sister. She’s been spending a couple nights with us before we head up to their dad’s party.”
“Niiice,” Nick said, probably stoned.
“Nice hair,” Melanie quipped.
Nick shook his dreads. His hairstyle was incredibly disgusting. As a coder he could have that weird look, but within a year I would force him to cut his hair before our presentation for grant funding—we wouldn’t have gotten the money if he had kept the dreads. Honestly, looking back on our earlier years, I sometimes think Nick’s dream life was to be a Jamaican stoner. I don’t think he resents me for making him give up that ambition, but sometimes he has a dark, distant look in his eyes.
“Isn’t that Chris’ shirt?” Suhail asked.
“What are you, the fashion police?” Melanie was imposing her will on the guys—exerting her dominance. “Are these your gay friends?” Mel asked me sweetly. She knew they weren’t gay seeing as she had asked Mark that question before we arrived.
Nick and Suhail jumped apart quickly, then looked scandalized. “I’m not gay,” Suhail said.
“He’s not gay,” Nick said.
Suhail stared at Nick. “What are you talking about? I see you with a different girl every week. You aren’t gay either.”
“Who knows? Let’s give the girl a little mystery. Maybe she’ll want to find out...” Nick raised his eyebrows at Melanie, who responded.
I was honestly surprised. This is what constitutes flirting?
“My sister is not here for that,” Mark said firmly. “We’re just here for dinner.”
“Yeah nerds. Cool it.” She smirked at Nick. “And you need to work on your moves.”
That did anything but cool the two guys down. Melanie prodded them at every opening in the conversation. First she would look interested in the one, then the other. She had a similar effect on the guys as what Mark could do in the club. When Mark focused on you, you felt like the center of the galaxy.
I felt that way all the time.
I loved my man.
“So, what do you do, Nerd?” Mel asked. She was looking at Suhail, but he didn’t respond.
“Are you talking to me?”
“Are you talking to me?” she mocked. “Yes... Nerd number one, I’m talking to you.”
“Nick is just as smart as me,” he said.
“Smarter,” Nick added.
“I heard Nick gets laid on a regular basis,” Mel countered.
Suhail blushed. Melanie had apparently won that round. “And what about Chris?” Suhail asked.
“What about him?”
“He’s a nerd.”
Mel looked at me. “He’s got a nice body,” she said simply
. “And he has style. I really love this shirt.” She plucked at the collar of her mint button down.
“Your brother picked it out. I don’t have any control over that stuff. I used to look just like Suhail.”
“You have control,” Mark scoffed. “You have so many rules that hearing you lie like this burns my ears. And yeah, you were worse than Suhail when I met you. So weak.”
“Was not. I was a runner.”
“I cycle!” Suhail protested.
“No. I mean you were way more nerdy and awkward,” Mark explained. He laid an arm on my shoulder. “Not that much has changed.”
“Fuck you.”
“How can you guys stand watching this?” Melanie asked. “Do they do this all the time?”
“All the time,” Suhail confirmed.
“I’m not around. I have a life,” Nick said.
“Some of us have to work,” Suhail said pointedly. “I don’t want to live here forever.”
“Oh yes. Let’s talk about your shitty apartment. I’ve heard all about it.”
“It’s not that bad,” I said.
“Chris has the smallest room. I have the largest,” Suhail said.
“Ooo. The largest.” Mel batted her eyes and Suhail got flustered again.
“Largest room for the smallest guy,” Nick taunted. Suhail was annoyed. Our dinner arrived and Melanie retired her sartorial weapons.
I liked that Melanie was so talkative. She had been somewhat introspective as we shopped. Compared to the hurricane that I had dealt previously, this was quite a change. It was comforting to see her return to her normal, brash self.
Mark and I were happy to see it. Nick was turned on by it. Suhail was confused by it.
Suhail managed to slip into the conversation that he worked for a large tech company. Nick countered by saying he worked at a startup music streaming service called Spotify.
“You don’t work there yet. You just put in your application.”
“I do work there. I’m doing freelance with the potential for a full-time gig.”
“That’s if you want it. And that’s a big if.”
Nick shrugged. “I like having my me-time. Work hard, play hard.”
“When are you two getting married?” Mel asked. Suhail opened his mouth and was speechless. Nick grinned at her like a hyena.
Our dinner finally ended. I hadn’t said much after Mel sunk her teeth into my roommates. They bantered easily with each other. Suhail was overmatched in every way imaginable. Nick talked dirtier and dirtier until I was really ready to call it a night.
“Okay. That’s enough of that,” I said after Nick made a euphemism for Mel’s vagina. “We’re heading out. Sorry for adding an extra to our guestlist.”
“Bring her any time,” Nick said suggestively.
“It was nice to meet you,” Suhail said while extending his hand. Mel said the same thing back, but mocked him and shook his hand with an exaggerated motion.
We drove to Mark’s apartment. Suhail and Nick were going to stay in the party section of the neighborhood before walking home.
“How did you find those dweebs?” Melanie asked.
“Craigslist,” I said.
“What else were you looking for on Craigslist?”
“Just an apartment.”
“You know Mark used to find hookups on Craigslist?”
“What?”
“Mel. Let’s not go into that.”
“He did! He said it was like playing roulette.”
“It is a gamble,” Mark confirmed. “And I do like to live on the edge.”
My mind supplied questions without my consent. “What do they have... personal ads for sex? Do they have prostitutes on there, too?”
“I’ll do anything. I’m in a bad spot. Give me a place to live.” Melanie used a breathless voice like she were grabbing onto the anchor line of a passing ship and begging for passage. “You get plenty of those on there.”
When we arrived back at our apartment, the first thing Mel did was get on a computer and look up Craigslist. She showed me the ‘Relationship’ page. “Here, click on m4m. Or maybe m4mm or m4mf.”
“Ew.”
“Chris doesn’t like that stuff.” Mark walked over until he stood behind me. “Turn it off. He doesn’t want to know about that.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
“He looks interested.”
I was.
“He might be. But he doesn’t want to know. Trust me, it nearly broke him when he learned how much sex I had on this couch.”
“Ah!” I covered my ears. “You said we weren’t going to talk about that! You never explicitly said it happened here.” I tightened my shoulder blades and squeezed my eyes.
“Sorry, I thought I wasn’t supposed to talk about doing it in the kitchen, not the living room.”
“Ah!” I squeezed tighter. “You did that on purpose.”
Mark rubbed my back until I was relaxed enough to open my eyes. He talked to me evenly until I was back to normal.
“That wasn’t funny,” I said. “You can’t spring that shit on me. I don’t even...” My back spasmed.
“It’s okay, babe. That’s all in the past. Give me the computer and let’s forget all about it.”
“No,” I said. “I write mysteries. I wonder what would happen if I put a killer in a Craigslist ad?” I clicked on one of the personals. “Oh look. This guy is 43, fashionable and loves guys young and muscular. You fit right in with that,” I teased.
“The guy is married. Next.”
We read a couple more. Mel chose some. Mark chose some. I chose some. It left me feeling empty and sad, like it was a digital monument to all the lonely people who were looking for temporary fulfillment.
“Hey look!” I said excitedly. “There’s a platonic section. Maybe I could find a cuddle buddy.”
“You don’t want to go there,” Mark said. “They don’t mean platonic like you mean platonic.”
I scanned over the links. “All these people want sex,” I said incredulously. “That’s not platonic! Platonic literally means ‘without sexual implications’.”
“This is usually one night stands. Doms looking for subs. This is a grabbag.”
I clicked on a link. There was a picture of two older gentlemen dressed in suits with a white, small dog. I read the listing. “Holy shit!” I cried. “These people want a boytoy to live in their house. Must be willing to bottom. No bisexuals and no tops.” My eyes bugged out. “Wow. Does this actually exist?”
“You could find out.”
“Shit! Then I’d wake up dead!” I shivered and thought about what it would be like to accept that invitation... what poor soul would be willing to be a houseboy for some random couple in their late fifties. And who would be willing to swim in the pool and show off their body, like the ad requested. It didn’t say anything about hooking up, but it said you must be willing to bottom.
I started shivering uncontrollably. Mark took the computer out of my lap and handed it to Melanie. “It’s okay, babe. Don’t worry about it.”
“But who does stuff like that. That’s so...” dangerous.
“I know. I told you not to read the ads. But you wouldn’t listen.”
“I can’t believe there’s all that stuff on there. And that’s only in the last couple days.” I was whispering and leaning into him. I cuddled and he held me. I smelled the skin on his neck. Then I remembered what had happened to Mel last night and figured that Greg probably got his kicks setting up or responding to Craigslist ads like that.
“Let’s head to the bedroom.”
“I don’t want to do that now,” I wailed softly.
“For some privacy. Let’s just lay down and give Mel some space.”
I hadn’t looked away from him since he shut the computer and had completely forgotten about Mel being in the room. “Yeah. Let’s go back.” Mark helped me off the couch and we walked to his bedroom. I didn’t speak or look at Mel. Mark had at least one hand
on me the whole time.
Mark helped me into bed and we cuddled on top of the sheets. He soothed me.
“I told you not to read that shit. I know it upsets you.”
“But I have to read. I have to understand why people do the stuff they do.... Did you really go on Craigslist?”
“Do you want the truth?” Of course I want the truth! “You know I’ve done everything and anything under the sun. Yes, I had a phase in college where most of my hookups were older guys through Craigslist.”
I shuddered and blinked, trying to center myself.
“See, you didn’t want to know that. You don’t have to know everything.”
“I was just curious. I told you I would try anything once. And I can’t stop imagining myself accepting that horrible ad. And how bad it would be.” I started to cry.
“Calm down. Calm down. You don’t have to think about it. Let it go, babe. Let it go.”
But I couldn’t let it go. Mark knew me well enough by that point to know that certain things got stuck in my head and I obsessed over them. I was curious about Craigslist, and I probably wouldn’t satisfy that obsession until I tried it for myself.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better.”
“You want to look through more ads, don’t you?”
I nodded miserably.
He stroked my hair. “You’ve got to listen to me when I say not to do something. I knew that was a bad thing to do. You get fixated on stuff like that so easily.”
Like how I’m fixated on you?
“I’m not fixated,” I denied. “I just can’t stop thinking about it.” And dealing with Greg really did a number on me, too.
He kissed me on the side of the cheek. “How about if I set up a Craigslist ad? Would that make you feel better? If we did a little role playing...”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ll make a creepy ad, something that makes you scared like this. And I’ll help you live it out, so you satisfy your obsession.”
“I’m not obsessed.”
“I know you. You’ll be thinking about this in the back of your head for weeks. And we have a lot of polishing to do on your book and then we have a book release party. We need to stay focused.”
The Lover (It's Just Us Here Book 4) Page 22