“They’re leaving, Rashad. Let them go.”
“Nah, fuck that!”
“So, what are you gonna do?!” she shouted. “Shoot them?”
“Shit, I might,” he fumed. “Or make them bitches wish they was dead.”
“But for what?” she bucked her eyes.
“The fuck you mean?!” he spewed, as spit flew from his mouth. “They touched my fucking people!”
“Cause I paid them to!” she blurted.
His scowl deepened. “You what?”
She took a deep breath. “I said that I—”
Before she could finish her statement, he gripped her throat, and body-slammed her on top of Kass’ Lexus. “You did what, bitch?” he growled.
“Rashad, no!” Taraj screamed, as she jotted across the lot. “Get off her!” she demanded as she swung on him.
Bogus stood back, feeling conflicted. Taraj was the plug’s girl. Putting his hands on her wouldn’t roll over nicely, so he did nothing.
Becoming enraged, Kim bit Rashad’s hand, until he released her. Still, not satisfied, she leaned in, kneeing him in the balls. If that wasn’t enough, she reached back, slapping the shit out of him. “Fuck you, bitch!” she roared. “You put your hands on me behind that bitch?! After she been kicking dirt on my name? Okay. That hoe can have you! You’re dead to me! Bitch!” she stomped off. “Come on, Taraj. Let’s go. I’m done here.”
Jogging off, Kim and Taraj left behind a scene of utter chaos, and neither of them could care less. In their opinion, it was no more than everyone outside all deserved, and if they could, they’d do it all over again.
***
“I’m just finna turn my fucking phone off, because they’re working my fucking nerves now, I swear. Fuck,” Kim vented, as she sat on the passenger’s side of Taraj’s Porsche.
They were parked in the Galleria mall’s parking lot, talking, trying to figure out where they were going to head to next.
Taraj smirked while shaking her head. “That’s your mama, girl. She’s worried. Be glad that she even gives a damn about your ass. Cause the other side is way colder. Trust me.”
Kim sucked her teeth. “Yeah, I get that, but why won’t they just let me be? Damn.”
“I mean, after what Rashad done told them, they probably aint gone chill, until your ass walks through that front door.”
“And that’s just it. I don’t even know how to deal with any of this. I have my whole family’s livelihood tied into this relationship. Nobody in that house works. Everybody is relying on Rashad. My mama was quick to tell me to let Rashad go, but she hasn’t really thought about how life would be, if we go our separate ways. She haven’t even thought about what that would mean for her.”
“I don’t know about that, Kim,” Taraj sighed. “I honestly believe that you’re the only person that’s short-sighted in that house. I don’t think anybody in that house is broke, including you. You just haven’t tried to program your mind to imagine a life without Rashad in it. Like how much money do you personally have, not including Rashad’s?”
Kim breathed, as she calculated it all in her mind. “Hmmm, with all the different banks accounts, and safes…I’d say about…two hundred thousand.”
Taraj poked out her bottom lip. “Not bad. Hell, not bad at all.”
Kim scratched her forehead. “Shit, honestly, until you just made me count, I didn’t even realize that it was that much. Rashad has been giving me so much money lately that it’s hard to keep up. He gives it to me because he says that if anything ever happens, I’ll be able to make the moves on my own. With no help from another nigga or whatever.”
Taraj nodded. “That’s what’s up. And that means that he trusts you enough to give you money directly. He’s not spoon-feeding you, like a lot of insecure niggas would do. You know, like using their money as a string. With him, there’s no strings attached. You can go, if you want to, friend.”
Kim gulped. “Do you think that he’s been low key preparing me for this? Like he knew deep down in his heart that this isn’t what he wants, and he just wanted to make sure that me and the kids were straight before he moved on with his life?”
Taraj huffed. “Girl, I can’t answer that for you. If that is his plan, then consider yourself lucky, cause most niggas wouldn’t even do that. But honestly, I’d have to say no. I might look at it different if he was about to move out of town or do time. But that aint the case, so I don’t see the point of lacing you up with all that cash. Hell, even if he was scared that he was about to die, there’s big insurance policies for that. And him just leaving you don’t require all that money. He could easily funnel enough money to you monthly, like all other niggas do. But shit, who knows. He might see shit from a different perspective.”
“Taraj, Rashad is like that. He’d want to make sure that his kids are secure. So, him being a good provider doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s in love.”
“Okay, well, let me just say this. You’re giving him way too much power in this situation. You’re sitting here trying to figure out what it is that he wants to do with you. If he wants to leave or stay. That means that he’s not making you feel secure. I know you aint happy. And that’s crazy, cause when I first met you, I told Taz that you had a magnetic spirit. I was attracted to it. But you letting him kill that side of you. Your spiritual side. Probably the very thing that drew a troubled nigga like him in. And I know it, cause like recognizes like. Anyway, I said that to say, that I feel like you’re wasting time trying to figure out what he wants to do. You need to be asking yourself those questions. What does Kim want?”
Kim sniveled. “Honestly, I just wanna be happy again.”
Taraj tucked her lips into her mouth. “And what if you can’t find that with Rashad?”
“Then I’ll just have to accept that my life will have to continue without him in it,” she sniffed, as a tear slipped from her eye.
“Aww, friend don’t cry,” Taraj cooed, as she wiped away Kim’s tear. “Believe it or not, I’ve been here before. Taz done acted up on my ass,” she giggled. “It can get greater later. Trust me. But the one thing that I had to learn the hard way was that you can’t let them start believing that it’s impossible to lose you. Never do that. So, you might have to walk away to show him that life stops for nobody. Not even him.”
***
Rashad stepped Jarell’s game room, which was at the back of his home, and was greeted by a cloud of smoke.
“We pop out at your party, I'm with the gang. And it's gon' be a robbery, so tuck ya chain. I'm a killer, girl, I'm sorry, but I can't change. We ain't aimin' for your body, shots hits your brain. We come from poverty, man, we ain't have a thing. It's a lot of animosity, but they won't say my name—" Pop Out was pumping from the built-in speakers in the ceiling.
Neither Jarell nor Taz wore shirts as they individually puffed on blunts, while bobbing their heads to the music, as they played a game on the pool table. Rashad chuckled, realizing that they both rocked their chains, although they were indoors.
“What’s popping?” he greeted them, before dapping each man off.
“Aint shit,” they answered simultaneously.
“Aye, I see yall niggas are in here chilling hard, man,” Rashad chuckled.
“Hell, yeah,” Jarell nodded.
Taz glanced his way. “Yeah, but what’s going with you? What was you saying about Taraj earlier on the phone?”
“Man,” Rashad drawled. “Her and Kim are on some other shit, man. They got some hoes from 5th Ward to run up on Kass. I didn’t even know they was behind it until I’m already out there with the banger. That’s when Kim runs out there to tell me to stand down, basically, cause she sent the hoes out there.”
Jarell fell over with laughter. “Oh, Taraj on her best bald-headed hoe shit today. My girl.”
Taz shook his head. “How you know that Taraj was in on it?”
“Cause, man. When Kim admitted that shit to me, I lost it on her ass. I mean, she was fucking
with the money, putting people in the line of fire, putting herself into bullshit, and dragging me in the middle. So, I’m heated. Looking back at it, I was tripping, though. I shouldn’t have put my hands on her. Anyway, while I’m dealing with Kim Taraj comes out of nowhere, throwing blows. She busted my fucking lip.”
Jarell continued laughing. “Yep, that sounds about right.”
Rashad lifted both hands in surrender. “But say, I aint touch her.”
Taz nodded, as he clasped hands with Rashad. “Appreciate that, my nigga. Real talk. And I apologize for that. She tripping with herself.”
“Aye, no she aint. She was being a friend, which just shows that she fucks with Kim the long way. I can’t even be mad at that.”
“Real,” Taz commented. “But what’s going on? You and Kim falling out or something?”
Rashad stroked his goatee, as he exhaled. “Say, I aint even gon lie. Shit been fucked up for a minute, but it aint for the reasons that Kim be thinking.”
Taz narrowed his eyes. “Then what’s the problem, nigga?”
Rashad exhaled.
“Keep it real, dog,” Jarell insisted. “We aint here to judge.”
“No bullshit,” Taz added.
“Okay,” Rashad cleared his throat. “My T-lady been having me in tailspin and I just been distancing myself from everybody. You know. Just focusing on the money.”
“Well, what’s been going on with ya mama?” Jarell questioned.
Rashad shook his head. “Man, she came around, swearing to be clean. She been on that shit for years. She got a nigga hopes up, only to disappoint me. I been dealing with that, and then I go home to my gal. She got her mama staying with us. I mean, I aint never had a problem with that, but right now the shit is too much for me to digest. So, I been keeping my distance, trying to process some shit.”
Taz narrowed his eyes. “And you aint never discussed this with Kim?”
“Nah, man.”
Jarell chuckled lightly. “Yeah, lil’ nigga, you tripping. Sounds like you going about shit all wrong. I mean, I get that you in your feelings. Shit, Ion care how gangsta a nigga claims to be. We all bleed. So, we go through shit. And that’s the beauty of having the right bitch at your side. She supposed to be there, so that you don’t go through shit like this by yourself.”
“Exactly,” Taz agreed. “Ya bitch is supposed to be right there, weathering the storm with you. You don’t shut her out when shit gets rough. That only further complicates shit. Trust me. And then you never get in the habit of spending most of your free time away from your family. Your absence is always gonna be felt.”
“Like a muthafucka,” Jarell interjected.
“And I’ma tell you what you can expect to happen next,” Taz offered.
Rashad furrowed his brows. “What’s that?”
“While you thinking that yall just going through a lil’ rough spot, she’ll get to thinking all kinds of other shit, cause you got her mind wondering. That’ll either push her into the arms of another nigga or she just might leave your ass altogether.”
Rashad gulped. “I mean, that other nigga shit aint happening. I’m popping a nigga’s top back off the rip.”
Jarell shrugged. “Yeah, okay, nigga. That’s what they all say.”
“Yeah, a’ight, fuck you,” Rashad grumbled, as he dug into his pocket, before retrieving his cell and a blunt. “Gimmie a light.”
Jarell handed him a lighter. Rashad then lit his blunt and copped a squat on the couch against the wall, while Taz and Jarell resumed their game of pool. Sitting on the couch, he smoked for several minutes, while trying to clear his thoughts. Eventually, he decided to call Kim. He wasn’t surprise when she didn’t answer for him.
He’d gone home earlier and told Kay and Glenda about the showdown back on Spice Lane. Naturally, they were both disappointed in Kim’s actions and had vowed to talk some sense into her. He’d tried hanging around, until she came home, but after a few hours, he realized what type of time she was on. She was pissed and wasn’t showing her face in that house until she was good and ready. At this point, disappearing was Kim’s MO and that irritated him to no end, but he also recognized how she must feel when he’d spend an astronomical amount of time away from home. They’d both developed ugly habits over time, and things were bound to come to a head if one of them didn’t wave the white flag soon.
Frankly, after today Rashad was realizing that some drastic changes were necessary. Things should’ve never gotten to this point with him and Kim. More than anything he was realizing that he didn’t want to lose her. At this point, he didn’t even want to imagine a life without her, and he knew that he’d been taking her for granted. Not just that, after doing a little investigating, he realized that Kim and Kass’ beef was cattier than he’d known about; on both ends. Kass had been clearly overstepping her boundaries and wrote a check her ass couldn’t cash. And instead of getting her hands dirty, Kim simply allowed some hood girls to handle her lightweight, like a boss bitch should’ve. In hindsight, what she’d done wasn’t the worst, but she shouldn’t have left him in the dark. That’s where she’d fucked up at. And she should’ve caught Kass away from the money spot. Still, Rashad had to admit that most of Kim’s missteps could be contributed to their breakdown in communication.
“Where the fuck this girl at, man?” he asked himself, as scrolled to her Instagram.
Going to her Instasnap, he realized that she’d posted a few hours ago. She was riding around in the car with Taraj. It was evident to anyone with two eyes that she was going through something as she smoked weed on camera, which was so uncharacteristic for Kim. Yeah, she did her thing, but she never broadcasted it on social media. Then some of her cryptic quotes were fucking him up.
When will this love shit fade away? Somebody please tell me!
I remember when he said that he was no good for me. Man, I should’ve listened! Silly me, huh?
Nigga can remember every fucking thing except his fucking home address!
Got me out here looking stupid and making these hoes feel comfortable enough to speak on me!
It’s all good now, nigga, but it aint gone be no fun when the rabbit got the gun. I promise you that!
Then the last few clips were some videos, where she was on her Cardi B shit. She blew smoke from his nostrils, as she rapped. “I wanna get married, like the Currys, Steph and Ayesha shit. But we more like Belly, Tommy and Keisha shit. Gave you TLC, but you wanna creep and shit. Poured out my whole heart to a piece of shit—”
He shook his head. “She tripping with herself.”
Sitting there, he found himself zoning out, as he sat there listening to the lyrics of the song, as he felt like it was letting him know exactly what type of headspace Kim was in, which was good for nobody.
“I was here before all of this. Guess you actin' out now, you got an audience. Tell me where your mind is, drop a pin, what's the coordinates?
You might have a fortune, but you lose me, you still gon' be misfortunate, nigga.
Tell me, this love's got you this fucked up in the head. You want some random bitch up in your bed? She don't even know your middle name, watch her 'cause she might steal your chain. You don't want someone who loves you instead? I guess not though. It's blatant disrespect, you nothin' like the nigga I met.
Talk to me crazy and you quick to forget. You even got me trippin', you got me lookin' in the mirror different. Thinkin' I'm flawed because you inconsistent.
Between a rock and a hard place, the mud and the dirt. It's gon' hurt me to hate you, but lovin' you's worse. It all stops so abrupt, we start switchin' it up. Teach me to be like you so I can not give a fuck.”
Chapter 16
“Yeah. Body smoking, marijuana, I get that shit from my mama. He always asking do I love him. I always be tellin' him, "Uh-uh". He say that pussy so good that he wanna take off the condom. I told him he pushing his luck, he better be happy I fucked him—” Kentheman floated from the wireless speakers outside, n
ear Taraj’s hot tub.
Donning a borrowed string bikini, Kim danced in the area between the pool and hot tub. It was rapidly approaching midnight, and she and Taraj had been getting lifted for a better part of the day. They were now completely wasted and had no intentions of turning in any time soon.
Grabbing the back of her head, she nastily rolled her hips, as she wagged her tongue, while rapping the lyrics to the raunchy song. “He be like ooh, ooh, fuck, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, fuck, ooh. He be like, "Damn, you fine". He be like, "Damn, you thick". He be like, "Damn, you bad". He be like, "You that bitch, you that bitch".”
Taraj sat on the edge of the hot tub, rocking a skimpy bathing suit of her own. While laughing at Kim’s performance, she turned up a bottle of Rosè. “Yeah, do that shit. Show that nigga how it’ll be when you move on!”
Gassed up, Kim danced harder, and drunkenly removed her top. Grooving to the music, she slung the top to the ground, before clutching her boobs. “I don't be callin' him daddy or nothing. Only if that nigga carrying something. Dick so good, wanna put it on lock. Like baby, we should go get married or something,” she rapped, before squatting down. “Look, fuck him real good in the front seat, backseat. I ain't runnin', he ain't gotta catch me. Pussy in his mouth, he gon' suck it like a paci'. Bounce on it, drop on it, I do him nasty.” She bounced as if she was riding a dick, shamelessly popping her pussy.
“Damn,” Taraj gasped, as she shot to her feet. “Bitch, is that how you doing it?”
Not really giving a damn, Kim let it all hang out, doing a split, showcasing exactly how she’d bring Rashad to his knees in the bedroom. Popping her back, she made her ass jump.
Taraj slid her tongue across his lips. “Yeah, he be like ooh fuck, ooh.”
Kim laughed from the gut, realizing that this was exactly what she needed. She was going to party until she couldn’t anymore, and when the next day came, she was going to accept whatever came her way; with a smile. Life didn’t end or begin with Rashad, and she’d be alright, however things went.
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