by Lee Quail
Raw slurped anything liquid. He did it unconsciously without even realizing it.
“Mr. Curisco,” Edward said. “I won’t have any milk, thank you all the same. I’ve decided not to accept.”
Curisco sat behind his desk, deadpan.
Raw choked on his milk and it came spraying out of his mouth. He shook his head in dismay. “What?”
“A long time ago I decided to quit boxing and I’m sorry, but I’m not changing my mind.”
“Too bad, my boy. I could have made a star out of you.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Curisco.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. I’m disappointed but the gym is more important to me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get some fresh air.”
The disappointment on Curisco’s face attested to Edward’s disappointment in himself. “I’m sorry, sir.”
The door closed behind him and Raw drew the blinds so no one could see them talk. He leaned on the desk, faced Edward, and slapped the desk.
“You’re kidding me, right. Please say you’re kidding.”
“I’m dead serious.”
“Right now I wish I could kill you. Did you see my dad’s reaction? He’s not happy. He looked so forward to having you here. And so did I.”
“I can’t box anymore, Raw. My mental health is more important to me.”
“Your mental health? Your fucking mental health! I’ve begged you to join us. I’ve apologized for being a prick. I’ve pinned my hopes high on you joining us because this gym needs you. We’ve set out each morning. How many more times must I ask? How many more times?” Raw came around and stood in front of Edward, their noses touching. “Why the fuck did you come? You could have left a message on Dad’s cell phone, maybe then he wouldn’t be outside wishing he could die.”
“You don’t understand. You have no idea how difficult this is for me.”
“All I understand is you’ve been wasting my time. Playing games with me. I thought we were getting to know each other, in the meantime, you were pretending. Tell you what, go back to your online dating thing but leave me the hell…”
“I killed a man!” Edward exploded. “Raw...I...” Edward’s eyes bloated with tears.
Raw shut up.
“I killed a man,” Edward whispered.
“What?”
“I killed a man.”
“You’re serious, right?” Raw stepped away from him.
“Masinga, from the Democratic Republic of Congo. In the ring. I fucking killed him with these!” He raised his fists. “Are you satisfied now? Does it make you feel in control now that you know?”
Edward headed for the door. He had to leave to escape the pain, never to return. He got as far as the door when Raw stopped him with a crushing hand on his shoulder.
“Leave me, Raw. Leave me. Let me go, please. I beg you. Let me go.”
“Talk to me, Ed. Jesus, how was I to know? Talk to me.”
Edward’s tears tore at Raw. He placed his arms around this poor man standing before him, naked as a fragile flower, a broken man who could not forget the past, a man who could not forgive himself.
“Talk to me.” Raw whispered, keeping Edward’s face close to his own.
“It’s lived with me all this time and I’ve kept it to myself all these years because I’m nothing but a coward and a murderer. I want so desperately to join your gym, but don’t you see how it’s been for me?”
“Jesus, Ed. I’m so sorry.”
“Talking’s not going to make a difference. Talking won’t bring Masinga back.”
“Sit down, relax for a moment. Breathe, buddy. Breathe.” Raw said, and buzzed reception. “Anita, bring me two cups of coffee.”
“What’s happening in there?”
“Don’t be nosy. Two cups of coffee. Now!”
Raw sat beside Edward and took his hand. “You don’t have to talk about what you’ve gone through. It hurts you. I feel it. You can’t live in the past. You have to pick up the pieces and move on. You have to be strong, Ed.”
Edward nodded. His throat constricted, wouldn’t allow him to speak.
“This is between us, okay. Between us.”
Edward nodded.
“You can tell me later what happened. Not now. Just know I’m here for you, buddy.”
Anita knocked and brought in the coffee which she placed on the desk then left the office.
“Drink up, it’ll calm you. I’ll need a cup too. How many sugars?”
“Two,” Edward said, wiping the tears. He took his coffee and gulped it down in one go. “I think I’m ready for your dad.”
“You don’t have to do this right now.”
Edward smiled. “I’m ready.”
“I’ll get him.”
The door opened and Curisco walked in. “I’m here.”
“I think Edward wants to tell you something.”
“You’ve been crying, Edwardo,” Curisco said. “Your eyes are swollen and red.”
“Let it go, dad. Let it go, okay?” Raw exclaimed.
“There is something about a man who can cry and show emotion. Such a man feels life as it should be. Has Raw upset you?”
“No, sir.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“No, Dad. He doesn’t want to talk about it.” Raw answered on Edward’s behalf.
Edward raised a hand, checking Raw’s eagerness to protect him. “It’s…it’s okay, Raw. Your dad has a right to know.”
“Oh, Jesus!” Raw mumbled.
“I’m all ears.”
“Three years ago I was ready to take on the world. There I was, commanding respect with each match. I was on a winning streak. My next fight took place in Cuba, it wasn’t promoted locally. It was promoted in Cuba as a friendly fight between two raging bulls. I would fight Masinga from the Democratic Republic of Congo, and I was expected to lose…”
The lump in Edward’s throat grew thick. His mouth felt sticky as he spoke, but he had to come clean. He could never face off another contender if he didn’t bring it out into the open. Edward gulped and didn’t take his gaze off Curisco as he sat down.
“In the fourth round, I knocked Masinga off his feet with a left jab to the head. He…he went down.”
“And?” Curisco asked.
Raw said, “You don’t have to do this, Ed.”
Edward ignored him. “He never got up. He suffered a fatal brain haemorrhage. Died immediately.”
Curisco kept quiet. His gaze never left Edward who stared, unmoving, at the floor. Curisco stepped towards him and lifted him from the chair, spoke directly into his face.
“And you blame yourself for this?”
Edward’s emotional discharge pulled and jerked at his gut.
“This is no fault of yours. We know the dangers of this sport,” Curisco explained. “It can happen to anybody. It’s happened often. Look at us. We all want one thing in this sport, recognition. You, me, Raw, Merriweather. Some are luckier than others. We all grow old with our injuries. Our injuries don’t blame us. They live with us.”
“I’ve missed this sport so much, sir. I’d like to join, if you’ll still have me.”
Curisco stared at Raw first, then at Edward. Stared right through them.
“You are sure about this?”
“Never been surer of anything. It’s time to live again.”
Raw squeezed Edward’s shoulder and smiled. Curisco noticed the squeeze, took the contract from his top drawer and a gold pen and showed Edward where to date and sign. Raw signed as a witness.
“I don’t want you to think about this anymore, you understand? You start tomorrow. Be here at 4.30 a.m.”
“4.30?” Edward exclaimed.
“You have a problem with time?” Curisco asked, raising his brow.
“I’m sure you’re used to it by now,” Raw said, smiling.
“Sure thing, sir. I’ll be here.”
“Good. Good. Now go home and get some rest.”
Raw turned to his fa
ther and asked, “Dad, do you mind if I go with him. I don’t think he’s in any frame of mind to drive by himself.”
“Go.” Curisco waved them out of his office. “Both of you.”
8
Edward’s apartment glowed in the rays of a lukewarm Winter sun. It filled the lounge with a welcome ambiance Raw found inviting.
“I love the way the sun holds this room,” Raw said, placing his cell phone on the glass table.
“This room is always warm,” Edward said.
Raw stepped closer towards Edward without saying anything. He raised his hand to Edward’s heart. “Your heart’s been unchecked for a long time.”
“I’ve been down long roads with this heart. At one stage I thought I’d never love again,” Edward said, staring down his nose into Raw’s face.
“And now?”
“I don’t know.”
They gazed at each other with a longing that transcended the games, boxing, and bad attitudes. Raw brought his lips closer to Edward’s and lightly brushed them.
Edward closed his eyes, tension turned to relief. He wanted to soar, to fly, be in the moment.
Raw pulled away and saw Edward’s eyes closed. He came in again and kissed him harder.
Edward whispered. “Hold me. I need you to hold me, please.”
“Take my hand,” Raw reached out, taking Edward’s hand. “Some things are meant to be.” Raw whispered, swiping his free hand through Edward’s golden hair.
“Angie should see us now,” Edward said, laughing. His emotions all over the place.
Raw laughed too. “She’d be happy to sit on the couch and watch us. I can see her knitting and saying ‘Don’t mind me.’”
“Exactly. It’s been a strained morning. Your dad, he’s good on his word? You think he’ll make it happen for us?”
“My dad will make good all of his promises.”
“Hope so.”
“You’ve had a three-year break from the sport. You have a lot of catching up to do.”
“Give me two weeks and you’ll be sorry.”
“Now who has the bad ass attitude, huh?”
“Both of us.”
“Wrong, only you. I might have to stop training with you in the mornings.”
“Just you try.”
“Are you going to be at the gym tomorrow morning?” Raw asked.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Sounds ominous. I need to pee.” Raw said, heading to the bathroom.
The moment Raw left the room, his cell phone vibrated on the glass table. Instinctively Edward lifted it and read the message.
Caine: Hey buddy, don’t forget we have tickets to see Callum Scott at Mark’s Park tonight.
Edward’s blood drained from his face. He replaced the cell phone on the table and waited a few seconds more before Raw returned.
“Listen, I think I’m going to hit the sack for an afternoon nap. Maybe you should go.” Edward said, yawning, not showing his disappointment.
“Sure you don’t want me to stay?”
“I’ll be fine. Thanks for all you’ve done for me today.”
“I did nothing, really.”
“I’m sure you have tons of work at the gym. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Want me to fetch you?”
“Nah, I’m fine to drive.”
“Ring me if you need anything, okay?”
Edward smiled and nodded. “For sure”
Raw shut the door behind him and Edward collapsed onto the couch.
Caine?
Edward thought if he wrote a note to God, he’d ask him to show the way.
Caine and Able.
The first two sons of Adam and Eve. Cain, the firstborn, was a farmer, and his brother Abel was a shepherd. The brothers made sacrifices to God, each of his own produce, but God favoured Abel's sacrifice instead of Cain's and eventually, Cain killed Abel.
This Caine.
Would he kill Edward’s affection for Raw?
Only time would tell.
Edward headed towards his room, washed his face on the way, closed his bedroom curtains and collapsed on the bed.
Caine.
***
Raw didn’t understand Edward’s sudden change in personality and heart. He’d taken a huge risk by opening up to Edward. After they met, he never expected to see or hear from Edward again. Edward’s reappearance, not once, but twice after their first meeting in the hospital, allowed Raw to drop his safety net by increasing degrees and he grew more and more comfortable in Edward’s company.
His thoughts turned to today.
One moment Edward had confessed to killing a man in the ring. The next moment he had asked Raw to leave his apartment.
Raw hesitated at first, but found the courage to send Edward a text message: Hey hero! Are you okay? What you did today was amazing. I feel you, bro. I wanted to be there for you.
A few moments later his phone pinged.
Edward: I’m no hero. I’m fine. Thank you for your kind words.
Raw: One minute we were talking and the next you asked me to leave. Did I do something wrong?
Edward: I don’t know. Do you feel guilty?
Raw: No. Hey, if you don’t want me around, just say.
A few minutes passed before Raw’s phone pinged again.
Edward: I never said I don’t want you around. I need some alone time. A lot to think about. Trying to get my head around boxing again.
Raw: I understand.. Please, if it’s anything else, talk to me.
Edward: I will, I promise. Thank you for your TLC today. Appreciated.
Raw: It’s my pleasure. You’re my hero. You stay strong and I’ll see you tomorrow.
His cell phone pinged again.
Edward: Enjoy the evening.
Suddenly a new message came through from Caine: Hey did you get my message? Callum Scott. Mark’s Park. Tonight.
Raw scrolled through his messages and found the first text Caine had sent at roughly the same time Edward had asked him to leave. It suddenly dawned on him. Edward had seen the message.
Raw texted Caine as soon as he read the message: Fuck! I forgot. Okay, I’ll be ready at seven.
Caine: Cool. I’ll pick you up. Missing you.
***
Edward awoke with his cell phone buzzing away on the bedside dresser. He answered quickly. The sun had set and his bedside clock read 19.30.
“Hi, Angie.”
“You’ll never guess who phoned me earlier.”
It had to be Raw or Curisco. “Tell me,” he said, voice raspy like sandpaper.
“Roberto Curisco. Oh, darling, I’m so happy for you. He’s a great man. You won’t be sorry.”
“Thanks, Angie. I don’t know if I made the right decision.”
“Oh darling, you have. The best in a long time. How are things between you and Raw? Will I be hearing wedding bells soon?”
“I don’t think so. Raw and I aren’t close. Besides, he has Caine to entertain him.”
“Caine’s nothing, just a sad, lost boy. There is no romance there.”
Edward’s mind told him differently. Caine would always be there, lurking in the background. He cut the call short and promised to contact Angie during the week.
Edward desperately needed to be in the company of people. He promised himself he wouldn’t go online again, but he needed to get out of his apartment. He’d heard of a gay bar called Barbara’s, read a few great reviews about the place. If Raw could go out with Caine, he shouldn’t feel guilty about going to a gay bar.
***
He sat at the bar drinking juice, then ordered a Southern Comfort liqueur with crushed ice, then another two juices, and another Southern. An hour later the bar had filled up with young night owls and no one in particular caught his attention, until he needed the toilet. Turning around he noticed two guys chatting away and asked them to keep his seat. They agreed simultaneously.
They aren’t bad looking, Edward thought. One wore
his long, brown hair in a ponytail, had a lean face and tattoos on the flat of his hand. The other, slightly taller, had short black hair and green eyes. His body, thick and muscular and his arms were big.
He returned to his seat and thanked them.
The green-eyed guy said, “No problem. I’m Graham, this is Mark. Man, I love the tats on your neck. It’s a rose. Beautiful.”
“Good to meet you both.” Edward brought a hand up to his neck and rubbed the tattoo. “This tat is all about my mom.”
“Looks like your whole body’s been inked.” Mark, the lean guy, said.
“Not my legs. Only upper half. And it’s all over. Even on my back.”
“Jesus I’d love to see them. Maybe later?”
“I don’t think so,” Edward said.
“What brings you here?” Graham asked. “Never seen you before.”
“My buddy has an arrangement for tonight so I thought I’d come by and have a few drinks.”
Mark said, “A few drinks and maybe shag later. Sounds perfect, hey Graham.”
“Perfect. Nice way to begin the weekend.”
Edward mumbled as an uncomfortable heat spread though his body. “Not going to happen.”
“What do you do?” Mark asked.
“I’m a boxer.”
“A boxer? Hey, Graham bro, we’ve never met a boxer. A total knockout!”
He and Graham were the only ones who thought the joke funny.
“Anyone here you like, Boxer?” Graham asked, smirking.
“Nope. Not looking.”
“Such a shame, ‘cos we think you’re fucking sexy.”
“Thanks, but maybe next time.”
“No next time between us. It’s either tonight or never.” Graham said, then called for the barman.
“What you having, Boxer?”
“I was about to leave.”
“C’mon. Don’t be a spoiled sport. A quickie. One for the road, how about it?”
Edward wanted out of this conversation. He didn’t know how to respond to a twosome, let alone a threesome.
“Fine – I’ll have tequila, no salt, no lemon.”
“Jesus Boxer, that’s cruel on your mouth. Hope you’re as cruel in bed, buddy.”
Edward ignored him. He’d ordered a quick tequila; an excellent farewell ticket. He swallowed the liqueur quickly, thanked them, and got up to leave. “It was a pleasure to meet you both. Take it easy guys. Maybe I’ll see you next time.”