by Cath Crowley
I feel better after a while. Ed’s breathing calms me. So does the wash of traffic coming from the side road. I sit up and look at the monster waves on the wall. ‘You think it’s a tsunami?’
‘Tsunami waves aren’t steep like other waves,’ Ed says. ‘If you were in a boat in deep water a tsunami might go underneath and you’d never notice. It’s only when they’re close to shore that they get big.’
‘I didn’t know that. You could be in trouble and have no idea.’
‘Uh-huh.’
I think back to what Ed said about the money. Maybe Mum and Dad are fighting because of that but I never realised. ‘I wonder what Shadow does for a living.’
‘Maybe he’s unemployed. Maybe he can’t get a job.’
‘He buys paint,’ I say.
‘Maybe he steals it.’
‘He wouldn’t do that. He’s not that sort of person.’
‘You didn’t think Malcolm was that sort of person.’
‘So you think Shadow is a bad guy?’ I ask.
Ed scratches his head and looks at me. ‘We should stop talking, in case you think of the blood and the broken bones and the cockroach.’
The others arrive while I’ve got my head between my legs again, taking deep breaths. ‘Things are going well I see,’ Leo says.
Jazz kneels and holds back my hair. ‘You got her drunk?’
‘I didn’t get her drunk,’ Ed says. ‘I got her attacked by Malcolm Dove. Technically, he attacked me and she attacked him. Broke his nose.’
Leo laughs when he hears that. He slaps me on the back, which really isn’t a good idea. ‘I need water,’ I say.
Jazz and Daisy help me over to the tap. After I feel better we move to the skate ramp and lean our backs against the curved concrete so we can watch the guys.
‘What do you think they’re talking about?’ Jazz asks. ‘It looks kind of intense.’
‘Maybe how much money Leo owes Malcolm,’ I say.
Daisy hugs her legs. ‘Dylan talks about that guy but I always thought he was exaggerating.’
‘He’s threatening to pierce Ed’s nipple if Leo doesn’t pay up.’ I stare across at the wave on the wall. ‘This has been the strangest night.’
‘I’ve got material for my drama audition coming out of my ears,’ Jazz says.
‘Lucky you. I’ve got it coming out of my mouth,’ I tell her, and she hands me some gum and a roll of peppermints. I give her and Daisy the details about Ed almost kissing me.
Jazz whistles. ‘If you hadn’t nearly vomited I’d have said you were in.’
‘You think I put him off?’
‘I’m saying it’s something you have to consider. Then again, you did break his nose and he came back for more. Daisy?’
‘Vomit doesn’t turn a guy off. I remember this time I had the flu in Year 10. Dylan skipped classes to sit next to me with tissues and a bucket. He never does stuff like that anymore.’
‘Sometimes you sound like you still like him.’ Jazz hands her some gum as well.
‘I do like him,’ she says. ‘You know he arranges the textbooks in his locker in alphabetical order?’
I shake my head. Some things you can’t guess about a person.
‘But he forgot my birthday. It’s today.’
‘Then we forgot it too,’ I say.
She laughs. ‘You never knew it. But now I’ve told you when it is I bet you remember next year.’
‘You should have told us before,’ Jazz says. ‘We could have celebrated.’
‘I wanted Dylan to remember on his own because he forgot last year too. When today he said, “I got something for you,” I thought he’d remembered. Then he threw a carton of eggs at my head. What sort of girl likes a guy who does that?’
Jazz rubs Daisy’s shoulder. ‘On the bright side, eggs are good for the hair. Your hair looks great tonight.’
‘Thanks.’ She stretches her chewing gum till it breaks. ‘But I’d rather have bad hair and a birthday present.’
‘I think Ed still likes Beth,’ I say after a while. ‘I asked him why they broke up. He wouldn’t say.’
‘Guys don’t always talk about that sort of stuff, Luce,’ Jazz says. ‘That’s not necessarily a bad sign.’
‘She was at the party looking for him,’ Daisy tells me. ‘He knows that and he hasn’t called her.’
‘He doesn’t have a mobile phone.’
Jazz thinks for a bit. ‘The important thing is, Beth’s not here and you are and there was an almost kiss so you’ve got a window.’
‘I thought you liked Shadow,’ Daisy says.
‘Shadow is a figment. She’s got to forget Shadow. Ed is real and standing over there with an almost-pierced ear.’
Jazz might be right. I’m still on the fence between Shadow and Ed but I’m leaning towards falling off on Ed’s side. ‘What should I do?’
Jazz thinks again. ‘Don’t talk about the almost kiss. That will kill any hope of future kisses. People like you and Ed have to grab each other and go for it.’
‘People like me and Ed?’
‘Uptight people,’ she says.
‘I’m that bad?’
‘You are, and it’s worse because Beth Darling is like that singer from the Bleeding Hearts.’
‘Oh my God.’
‘Don’t worry, you’ve got your own style,’ Daisy says.
Sure I do. She might be like the singer from the Bleeding Hearts but I’m cool too. ‘I’m like Courtney Love without the drugs, right? Edgy. Full of unspoken feeling.’
‘You’re a brick when the guy is real and in front of you,’ Jazz says. ‘Don’t take that the wrong way.’
His ex is grungy-sensitive-girl-band and I’m a brick when I’m not being delusional. ‘It would have killed you to humour me with the Courtney Love comparison?’
‘Bricks aren’t bad.’
‘Say that when one’s sailing towards your face.’
‘There’s hope if you take my advice. Stop over-thinking it, stop wishing for a Shadow you’ll never find and start flirting with Ed.’
‘Ed may need a faceguard,’ I say. ‘I flirt like chopper blades.’
‘So start slow. Ease into it.’
‘Flirt like slow chopper blades,’ Daisy says, blowing a bubble that pops on her face.
‘So what’s happening with you and Leo?’ I ask. ‘Did he leave you to get the van?’
‘It was like he wanted me to follow him but he couldn’t tell me that so I followed him without being asked.’
‘The stalker defence,’ I say.
‘He danced with me all night and recited poetry. He was begging for a good stalking. Anyway, so Daisy and I catch up with him and Dylan after a while and we walk the couple of blocks together then Leo makes us wait at the corner. He wouldn’t tell us why.’
‘Maybe the van has something to do with the money.’ I look at Daisy. ‘What do you think?’
She shrugs. ‘I think Ed and Leo are good guys. I think Dylan’s an idiot but he’s a good guy too. Leo’s brother knows some scary people, though. Leo probably didn’t want us to freak out when we saw who he was borrowing the van from.’
‘That makes sense,’ Jazz says. ‘So you don’t think it was because Emma was at the place?’
‘She’s not the type of girl who’d be out in the middle of the night. She’s the sort of girl Leo could take home to his gran.’
‘Why does he live with his gran?’ Jazz asks. ‘What happened to his parents?’
‘Ed said they drank a lot,’ I tell her.
Jazz sits up. ‘I’ve been dancing with the guy for two hours and you know more about him than I do. All I know is that he likes poetry. I mean, why does he need a van anyway?’
‘Guys like vans,’ Daisy says. ‘No mystery there. I know what you mean, though. It’s frustrating. Dylan hardly tells me anything.’
We look across at the three huddled shadows. ‘Something’s not right,’ Jazz says. ‘They look like they’re plotting. Doesn’t it lo
ok like they’re plotting something?’
‘Is it time to kick Dylan?’ Daisy asks.
‘It might be,’ Jazz answers, and we watch their outlines move.
Ed
The girls walk Lucy to the tap and I get straight to the point. ‘Malcolm’s piercing my nipple if you don’t get him the money.’
‘I don’t like the word nipple,’ Leo says.
‘Me neither,’ I tell him. ‘I like it even less when it’s in the same sentence as compass and Ed.’
‘He won’t be piercing anything once I find him. Stick with me. You’ll be fine.’
‘I’ll have to stick with you for the rest of my life if you don’t get him the money. Lucy will, too. He has many bad men with him, Leo. You need to call Jake and organise backup.’
‘He’ll be fine once he gets paid.’
I think about the blood coming from his nose and the screaming. ‘I don’t know about that but at least get Jake to advance the money so you can give it to him now.’
‘I don’t want Jake knowing I owe Malcolm.’
Leo looks cagey. Apart from tonight, Leo never looks cagey. ‘Why’d you need five hundred dollars in the first place?’ I ask.
‘None of your business.’
I point at my piercing. ‘This makes it my business.’
Dylan looks closely at my ear. ‘Did he sterilise the compass? Because if he didn’t that’ll get infected.’
‘You know, he didn’t seem all that concerned with my welfare.’
‘And since the bad men might still be in the park somewhere I think we should go,’ Leo says. ‘Lucky we’ve got a getaway van. It’s legit to call it the getaway van now because we’re using it to get away from Malcolm.’
‘I get it, Leo.’ I also get the feeling he’s changing the subject, which makes me more curious about the five hundred dollars so I ask him again.
‘I told you, I needed it for Gran.’
‘Blue rinses gone up in price?’ Dylan asks.
‘My gran could take you in a fight, so shut up.’ It’s true so Dylan does what he’s told. Leo turns to me. ‘Beth told me to tell you to meet her at the place at five this morning. She wanted to meet earlier. I said you were busy.’
‘Great. She either thinks I’m with a girl or robbing a place.’
‘You are with a girl and robbing a place.’ He pulls out his keys and swings them around. ‘So I was thinking. It’s only one-thirty. We’ve got an hour or so to kill before we take the girls home. What’s the name of the hocus-pocus lady your mum went to see at the casino? The Jazz Lady loves psychic phenomena.’
‘We’ve got secrets coming out our arses and you want to take them to a clairvoyant?’
‘Speak for yourself. There aren’t any secrets coming out of my arse.’
‘Only shit,’ I tell him, and Dylan steps back a little.
‘Okay,’ Leo says, ‘what’s your problem?’
My problem is I got attacked for him and Lucy nearly got attacked for him and he won’t tell me why he needed five hundred dollars. But it’s been the other way round plenty of times and Leo hasn’t had a problem with me.
‘Nothing,’ I say. ‘My ear hurts. And even if I wanted to go see Maria I don’t have money for a ticket.’
He pulls out fifty bucks. ‘Here.’
‘Where’d you get that?’
‘Jake gave me some money for petrol.’
I don’t take it because if I do I’ve taken money from the job and that means there’s no way out and I’m hoping that there is. I imagine a piece I could do, a tree with money dripping off the leaves and a guy picking it up. I put a girl next to him and she looks a lot like Lucy and the guy looks a lot like me and when they kiss the money falls softly on their shoulders.
Leo tucks the fifty into my pocket. ‘Relax. You don’t even believe in psychics. We make a quick stop at the casino. Far away from Malcolm. We get something to eat there. We drop the girls home.’
‘Who’s going home?’ Jazz asks, walking over with Daisy and Lucy.
‘Ed thought he might need a jumper,’ he tells her.
‘It’s over thirty degrees.’
‘I told him he was worrying about nothing.’
She points a finger. ‘Out with it. You’re up to something.’
‘Relax,’ Leo says. ‘We’re not up to anything.’
Jazz points two fingers at us now. One from each hand. ‘If Daisy has to kick someone to find out what’s going on then she will.’
Daisy taps her foot and I stand in front of Dylan. I’ve seen her in action and one kick sends the truth spilling from his mouth.
‘We were planning a surprise,’ Leo says. ‘Ed’s mum is seeing this all-night psychic at the casino and we thought we’d take you.’ He looks at me. There’s no way out now.
‘Maria Contessa,’ I tell them.
‘Maria Contessa? She’s the best in the business. The cops use her to solve crimes. My mum’s seen her. She comes to Australia like once every five years . . .’
Jazz keeps talking about the great Maria and I know we’re going with all our secrets to see the clairvoyant who works with the cops.
Leo grins. ‘To the getaway van.’ He walks ahead towards the road with his arm slung around Jazz’s shoulders.
‘So you’re not really up to anything?’ she asks him.
‘I’m up to nothing.’
‘Promise that you’re not up to anything,’ she says.
‘Are you and Leo and Dylan up to anything?’ Lucy asks while I’m waiting for Leo to answer.
I think back to the night Leo talked to me from the floor, telling me he didn’t like sleeping because that’s when he dreamt. Telling me because in the dark it felt like we weren’t awake, weren’t even real.
‘I promise,’ Leo says to Jazz.
‘You can tell me,’ Lucy says, and we walk closer to the road where the cars wash sunlight across the night. I’m about to say, it’s me you’ve been chasing, what do you think about that? Do you still want to do it with Shadow now? But before the words are out Leo starts the van and I get distracted.
He’s grinning and revving the engine as I walk over. ‘Tell me this isn’t the getaway van,’ I say quietly, leaning into the driver’s window.
‘Don’t worry. It’s better than it looks.’
I stop worrying about the rest of them hearing. ‘It looks pink. It looks like a pink VW van with Free Love written on the side in huge letters.’
‘So?’
‘So people are going to notice us.’ Police are going to notice us.
‘People are noticing us now,’ he says, looking at the girls. ‘Get in quietly and we’ll talk about it later.’
It’s Jake and the Jag all over again. Only this time Leo and Dylan and me are the ones being caught and we’re not getting off easy. It’ll be the cops dragging us by the ear and not his gran.
I don’t move. ‘Get in,’ he mouths through the window. I walk the way Lucy’s gone. ‘It’s got pink carpet on the walls,’ she says. ‘And there aren’t any seats in the back.’
‘You sit on the floor,’ Daisy says. ‘And hold on to the sides like this.’ She shows her. ‘See?’
Lucy nods, gets in and holds on tight to the pink fur of the free love van. Dylan and Daisy are on the same side as her so I heave the bike in opposite them. I stay outside, thinking things through. If I was a good guy I wouldn’t take her for this ride. Don’t take her for this ride, Bert would say. If she gets arrested then there go her chances at uni. There go her chances at studying glass. Tell her to get out of the van and go home.
‘Ed?’ she asks. Go home now, I think. Go home and forget about me and Shadow. Go home and sit in front of the TV and get up in the morning and make glassed-in memories and study for your exams and get into uni.
But then she smiles and I think about sitting next to her so I cram in and close the door.
‘Whose is this, anyway?’ she asks, running her hands along the fluffy pink walls.
�
��Crazy Dave’s,’ Dylan says before he thinks about it.
‘You took the girls to Crazy Dave’s?’ I ask.
‘We waited on the corner,’ Jazz says. ‘Leo wouldn’t let us go to the house.’
At least Leo’s acting like he’s got half a brain. Wait a minute. ‘This van belongs to Crazy Dave?’ I try to be calm but the calm’s not coming.
‘Who’s Crazy Dave?’ Jazz asks.
‘Some guy,’ Leo says. ‘Nobody. A friend of my brother’s.’ He looks back at me in the mirror, eyes telling me to shut up. Lucy looks at me too, and now’s the time to say stop the van and get out. But if I say that then I don’t get to touch that spot on her neck, ever.
‘They just call him crazy because he ate five cockroaches once,’ I say, and everyone laughs and talks about urban legends like I knew they would. I don’t look at Lucy because she’s looking at me and if I look back then maybe I’ll tell her the truth.
Leo swings around a corner and we bounce and her leg touches mine. I lean my head back and my ear throbs and the lights through the front windshield flicker and everything’s messing together and I want to get out but we’re on the freeway and there’s no escape till Leo takes the exit and maybe there’s no escape even then.
I close my eyes and spray a piece in my head, a wall with a shadow guy on it and a shadowy road in front of him. I feel Lucy next to me and I want to tell her right now, tell her everything. But those shadows are laughing and asking me, what good would that do? What are you thinking? You can’t go back to the bottom of that hill and stay with her there. You got to climb to the top sooner or later and people like Malcolm are always waiting for you.
I had a chance while Bert was alive. I had a place to go every day. I had Beth, someone who kept the shadows from my blood. But now there’s just me, wandering round the galleries and trying to write job applications full of spelling mistakes. Job applications for things I don’t want to do anyway.
Daisy tells Dylan to get lost and I open my eyes to see him aim a pillow at her head but miss and hit Lucy. ‘Oops,’ Dylan says, and Daisy gets stuck into him and the two go at it, ducking and sending punches and it’s clear they’ve got just enough love left to murder each other.