by Lucy Smoke
Texas paused, his laughter stopping as he frowned. “Uh…well…I guess, we just didn’t think about it?”
“Is that a question or your answer?” I pursed my lips at him.
“An answer?” he tried again.
“You can have our schedules, Sunshine,” Marv said, drawing my gaze. “We’re sorry, we just didn’t think of it.”
“It’d be nice if you thought of it more,” I said quietly. I turned my face away as I tried to hide my hurt. It wasn’t necessarily easy to hide it, however, especially as I kept talking. “If I’m going to be part of your team, you need to treat me like I am. If everyone else gets my schedule, then I should get yours as well.”
“We just focus on you because we want to keep you safe,” Marv replied softly. Though his tone was understanding and suitably chastised, the knowledge that they hadn’t thought to include me still stung.
I shook my head. “And I appreciate that, really, I do. But it’s not a fair trade.”
Texas looked at us with wide eyes. “Yeah, okay,” he said, holding out his hand. “Just…um…give me your phone and I’ll put in our schedules.”
I handed over my phone, feeling a mixture of relief that they weren’t fighting me and irritation that I even had to point out the unfairness of it in the first place. When we were done eating, I stood up as Marv took our plates, cups, and silverware to the dish disposal area. Texas handed back my phone. “I’m sorry, Spider-Monkey.”
I sighed, my shoulders drooping. “I just want to be as much a part of the team as you all are,” I said. “That’s it. I don’t think it’s too much to ask, right?”
He nodded. “We’re not used to it, but I know how you feel. When Bellamy brought me in, I was the low man on the totem pole. We’ll get used to it, I promise. It’s just gonna take a hot minute or two. We didn’t mean to upset you.” I knew they hadn’t. They weren’t being malicious or cruel. They weren’t even being sexist—most of the time. They just weren’t thinking of me as part of the team yet. Not a full-fledged member. I hoped that this was a step closer to that.
“Can I have a hug?”
I huffed out a laugh. “You never have to ask,” I said, going into Texas’ open arms.
“Even if you’re mad?”
“I’m not mad,” I assured him. Frustrated? Yes. Hurt? Definitely. But mad? Well...I knew their intentions were well-meaning, but that didn’t mean I had to like them.
“I have to go get Grayson,” he admitted. “I’ll text you when we get there.”
I gave him a small smile. “I’d appreciate it.”
Marv stopped at the table and grabbed my bag. “Ready to go?”
Texas released me, but not before pressing another kiss to my cheek. Because my face was turned towards Marv, I noticed the slight firming of his lips. But surprisingly, he didn’t look angry. Just uncomfortable. Like he thought he should look away to give us some privacy.
“I’ll see you when I get back, Princess.”
I rolled my eyes. “Pick one name,” I said. “Not both. It’s either Spider-Monkey or Princess.”
“What about Spider-Monkey Princess?” Texas challenged.
I blanched.
“Spider Princess?”
I lifted a brow.
“Monkey Princess?”
This time, I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “Oh, my God.” I pushed at his chest. “Just go already.”
“You know you’ll miss me,” he called over his shoulder as he walked away.
He wasn’t wrong.
Chapter 4
The "house" that Grayson, Texas, and Marv were sharing turned out to be a duplex much like the one I had lived in with my mom. Marv and I walked back from my second and last class of the day, cutting through one of the staff and faculty parking lots. We were going to be alone for a few hours. With everything going on, I hadn’t realized how deeply my relationships with the guys were changing. Before, I might have been unsure or awkward for a completely different reason. Now, I kept wondering if he would try to kiss me again. When we arrived, I glanced at Marv out of the corner of my eye as he unlocked the front door and held it open for me. He didn’t appear as phased by our proximity or relative aloneness as I was. Maybe I was reading too much into the moment.
As I entered, at first glance, the place seemed small. Even smaller than my old duplex. The living room was barren except for a threadbare couch shoved under the front windows that overlooked the rickety porch. In front of it was a scarred, cheap, black coffee table that didn't match the wooden entertainment center holding the tiny box television across the room. I blinked as I looked at it, and Marv laughed.
"Yeah, I didn't know those things still existed outside of junkyards either."
"Does it work?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Dunno. I can try and see if it'll work, but I thought you wanted to call the others."
"I do," I replied immediately. "I just didn't want to call them in the dorm or anything because of my roommate."
He nodded. "I figured. That's why I offered the place. You know this is our base of operations for the time being. Before you leave here today, I'll give you a key in case we're not here to let you in."
I moved further into the house, peeking down the hall. "You can use any of the rooms," Marv offered. "I'm sure you'll want privacy."
I paused on the threshold of one of the proffered rooms, the door hanging open and revealing a double wide bed, a dresser, and not much else. "Are you really okay with doing this?" I asked. I hesitated to look back at him.
"Doing what?"
"The...you know...the dating thing." I finally turned and faced him.
Marv's gaze met mine and he stepped closer. My breath caught, and my heart picked up the tempo of its movements against the inside of my ribcage. I felt like it was racing faster and faster, trying to run away from something...or maybe to someone. "I don't begrudge them," he said. "The others. I understand it. You're amazing, Harlow, whether you realize it or not. I knew you'd be trouble the second Bell and I saw you jump after Cleo." Marv's hand raised, and his fingers brushed my hair away from my shoulders. "If I had to guess, I'd say Bell fell in love with you right then and there. You have him firmly entrapped, but I'm sure it's one prison he'd never want to escape from."
I frowned, confusion clouding my thoughts. "I don't want to be a prison for anyone."
Marv's lips twitched. "It's not a bad thing—maybe prison was the wrong word for it. In every relationship there are expectations, there are rules. You have to respect the other person and they have to respect you. Rules seem like a prison to some people. But in a healthy relationship, it's merely a side note to all of the other things. The safety. The care. The love."
"And you think Bellamy is already in that relationship with me?" I wondered if he was right. After all, Bellamy and I had gone a lot further in the intimacy department than any of the others.
He nodded. "I do, but I'm not afraid."
"You're not jealous?"
Marv laughed sardonically, his chest rising and falling quickly with the sharp movement. It was the kind of laugh that made it clear he didn’t truly find it funny. "Oh, I'm incredibly jealous," he finally admitted. "Bell is a good person, though. He'd never take advantage of you or hurt you." A dark emotion passed over his expression and he stepped back. "With him, I'm sure you'll be just fine. I'll be in the kitchen, let me know when you're done with your phone call."
Before I could say anything, he turned and left, heading back down the hallway and back into the main portion of the house. A weight settled on my chest, filling me with dread, sinking deep in me like rocks to the bottom of a lake. With a frown, I entered the bedroom and slowly closed the door behind me. The more I was reminded of their expectations, the more I felt like I was the one trapped in a prison—a prison of choice.
Shaking away the foreboding thoughts, I set my bag to the side and dragged my phone out, quickly dialing Knix's number. He answered on the second ring.
"Harlo
w?"
I smiled at the sound of his voice—deep and steady. "Hey," I said, "I'm just calling to check in on you guys. How is everything there?"
"Everything is good. Alex has us working on some stuff here. Bell checked on your mom. He visited her yesterday; she's doing okay."
I sniffed, tears misting my eyes. "Thank you," I said. "That was really thoughtful."
Knix's voice softened. "Harlow, we look out for our own. She's important to you. There are no thanks necessary."
I sniffed again and released a breath. "Did he talk to her doctors?" I asked.
"He’s here with me; you can ask him about it." I waited as the phone exchanged hands and then Bellamy's voice came through the speaker.
"Sweetheart?"
My hands slipped against the phone and a tingle erupted in the palm holding it to my ear as I recalled Marv’s words. Is it true? I wondered. Is Bellamy in love with me? "Hey," I breathed out the word, a smile rising to my lips.
"What's wrong?"
I laughed. "Nothing's wrong. I just miss you guys. And Knix said you went and saw my mom?"
"She's doing fine," Bellamy said. I could tell he was smiling too, and it only made mine grow. I felt so silly and foolish, grinning and smiling while talking to boys. Like I was back at the start of high school again. When all the other girls had gone boy crazy, I had gone job hunting. This was a strange feeling.
"Did her doctors say anything about her medication?" I asked. “How did she act?" The last time I had been there and talked to the doctors, just before we left for Alex's, they had told me that her mood swings might increase with the new medication they were giving her. I hadn't noticed anything, but from a lifetime of living with her, I knew changes in medications sometimes took weeks and months to get used to.
"She was a little tired during my visit, but all in all, she was good," Bellamy promised. "I didn't get a chance to talk to the doctors, though. I'll see if I can the next time I go. She asked how you were; I told her you were checking out colleges. She seemed pretty excited about that."
"Thank you." Bellamy’s breath puffed through the phone, but I stopped him from whatever he was going to say. “…and before you tell me that a thank you isn’t necessary—like Knix—I’m going to tell you, too bad. I’m thankful and you’re gonna know it.”
Bellamy laughed, and it sounded like coming home. My own breath caught, and Marv’s words slid back through my mind. If you choose him, I’m sure you’ll be just fine.
Our conversation turned to Cleo—Clarissa was really enjoying her, apparently. Knix and Bellamy were too busy to take care of her still. I wondered if I’d have a cat to come home to. When I finally hung up the phone I decided that Marv and I needed to talk. I found him in the kitchen, where he said he would be, but when I arrived, I wasn’t quite sure what I was seeing. At first, I thought I had accidentally walked in on something embarrassing, then I realized what I was actually seeing. Marv's firm backside faced outward as he bent over and rummaged through the pantry.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Marv straightened and looked over his shoulder. “We don't have anything to make for dinner tonight,” he said. “I thought I might find something to set out, but no such luck. How was your talk with Knix?”
“It was fine,” I said absently, peeking over his shoulder. Wow, he was right. Their pantry was even more barren than the duplex. “Do you need to go to the grocery store?”
He grimaced but nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I’m certainly not planning to eat at that cafeteria for every meal.” The pasta had been good, but I could understand not wanting to walk across campus every time I got hungry.
“Okay, then let’s go.” I spotted his keys on the counter and swiped them before he could. “I’m driving.”
“Oh no,” he said, “you don’t even have your license yet!” Marv rushed out after me as I hightailed it to the front door.
“I have my permit and you’re 21, so it’ll be fine.” I opened the door and skipped out, pausing when I realized the BMW was nowhere in sight.
Marv closed the front door and smirked. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “I thought you said you were driving?”
“Very funny.” I looked down the street—nothing. “Where’s the car?”
“It’s right there.” Marv moved closer, so close I could feel his breath on the back of my neck as he reached around me and pointed to the nondescript, dark green sedan sitting in the driveway. Blinking away the haze of confusing attraction that Marv had unwittingly brought about, I stared at the car as he slid around me and descended the front steps. One second we were joking and the next, I couldn’t breathe for fear my heart would leap out of my chest over how close he was, how his body just barely brushed against mine. “Knix didn’t want us to stand out.”
He walked to the driver’s side door and popped it open. “Hope you can drive a stick.” My eyes rounded, and I shook my head. “Oh, no?” His smirk grew into a full-fledged grin. “Guess you’re not driving, then.”
I narrowed my gaze on him and when I passed to head around to the passenger side door, I smacked him in the chest with his keys. Marv’s laughter followed me as I got into the car.
“Awww, don’t pout, Sunshine,” Marv cajoled as he clipped his seatbelt on and started the car. There was a short bulbous looking stick shift in the console and he adjusted it as he pulled out of the driveway and headed for the end of the street.
“I’m not pouting,” I said, “just drive.”
He laughed again, pulling out into light traffic. “As you wish.”
The car in front of us slowed to a near stop as it turned and so did we, unintentionally following. "So..." I began, leaning back in the passenger seat, eyeing the precarious license plate. Before I could continue though, a cell phone buzzed, drawing my attention away from both the license plate and what I was about to say. Since mine was in my bag and my bag was by my feet and I certainly didn't feel the vibrations against my ankle, I knew it wasn't mine. Marv shifted to the side, pulling his out of the back pocket of his white-washed jeans. He hadn’t even glanced at the screen before he noted me staring at him. He handed the phone over without commentary.
“Thanks,” Marv mumbled as I flicked the screen to unlock it.
Texas: Got G, heading out.
I relayed the message to Marv. "What do you want me to say?"
"Tell him okay and let me know when he gets there."
Marv: Okay. Let me know when you get there.
I pressed the side button to turn the screen off and set it in the console between us. "How is it?" I finally asked, turning sideways in the seat to face him. The seatbelt cut across my chest and over my shoulder, pulling tighter until it slipped over my arm.
"How is what?" Marv clicked the blinker and repositioned the gearshift as he slowed down.
"Living with Grayson," I said. "I was a little worried that you two would be at each other's throats since you don't like each other all that much." If my admission surprised him, he didn't show it.
Marv waited until he had made the turn before his eyes slid my way. "We're fine," he said sharply before turning back to focus on the road.
I tilted my head and watched him, narrowing my eyes as I did. "You sure about that?”
Marv’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “We’ll work together and get through this and then he can be on his way.”
“Why can’t he stay?” I asked. Then in a smaller voice, I whispered to myself, “Maybe I want him to.”
“No.”
There was no explanation. No outburst. Just a sudden and quiet “no” as my answer. I stared at him in surprise, then narrowed my eyes. “Why does Grayson bother you so much?” I persisted. “It's obvious there's history there. He's here, he's with us—why can't you just let whatever happened between you two go?"
Marv clenched his jaw so hard I thought he was going to crack a few teeth. "Caruso is not with us," he practically growled. “The only reason he's on this case is b
ecause of his brother. Don't forget that. Caruso isn't here to help us, or to help you. He's here to look out for the only thing he cares about, himself."
I shook my head. "I don't understand your animosity. Grayson doesn't seem as bad as you make him out to be. What did he do to you that was so bad?"
Marv shifted the gears angrily, snapping his wrist to the side as we slowed down and turned into the parking lot of the grocery store. He pulled into a spot and then jerked the car to a stop, yanking up the emergency brake before turning to me. "You want to know what he did?" he asked, his eyes dark, his expression furious.
"Yes," I snapped, "maybe then I'll understand why you're being such an asshole."
"He was in Iris, Harlow." Then, quieter, he said, “Well, almost. He was in training for a brief period. He was never fully inducted. But that doesn’t matter, you can’t trust him.”
I listened with a quiet stillness as my lips pinched down in frustration. Marv’s gaze was filled with volatile emotions and it was that expression that kept me from lashing out in anger and irritation. He technically still hadn’t answered my question, though he had given me a hint as to why whatever Grayson did was being treated like a betrayal. Because it was. To Iris as much as Marv.
They both had their own thoughts about each other, and I wondered if either of them was right. Grayson obviously didn’t feel as though Iris was safe. Marv obviously didn’t feel as though Grayson was safe—for others. I sighed and shook my head.
When my phone buzzed, I pulled it out but didn’t recognize the number, so I slipped it in my pants pocket and turned back to the man next to me. “Marv—”
“Let’s go.” He cut me off and I jerked towards him, reaching out to snag his shirt as he turned the car off and unlatched his seatbelt, quickly stepping out and away from me. My hand closed around air, and I released a subtle growl of frustration.
I frowned even harder as, instead of walking around to open my door for me as he normally would, he strode purposefully towards the front of the grocery store. One way or another, he would have to get over his dislike of Grayson because I had a feeling—despite what Marv or Grayson believed—that Grayson would be sticking around for quite a while.