Can’t Touch This

by Michael Todd

  Brock groaned, slamming his fist on the table. “It doesn’t matter what I’m doing here. I should be there to help those people. To help Katie with all those demons. We have to do something.”

  Korbin leaned back, knowing how he was feeling. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go help his teammates, but with the job they had, they could be potentially leaving the place vulnerable. Korbin clicked off the news and turned to Brock. His eyes shifted as he put his words thoughtfully together. He could tell that Brock was on edge, and he didn’t want to push him over.

  Korbin grabbed his water, taking a sip. “Look, I know how you feel. Trust me, I do. But we need to wait this out. We need to put our faith in Katie like we have from the beginning. She has handled worse things than this before.”

  Brock looked away, his forehead wrinkled and his fist clenched on the tabletop. “She could use the help. She could get hurt out there. She could get killed out there, and we would be sitting here watching it on the goddamned news.”

  Korbin reached over and grabbed his forearm. “I know you say this all the time, and I know that somewhere inside you recognize this to be true, but you have to understand that Katie knows what she is doing. She has been doing this for years now. She has abilities none of us have, and she knows how to fold em’ when it gets to be too much. Trust her. Trust in her ability to gauge almost any situation.”

  Brock’s shoulders released a bit. “Right. She’s got this in Rio. I know she does. I know she didn’t become some weak, fragile doll just because we are together.”

  Korbin chuckled. “Damn right. Took me a little while to realize that about Stephanie, but then she would kick ass and make it very clear to me. But this trust, this faith in her, can’t just be for right now. You are going to have to continue this into the future.”

  Brock ran his hands over his shaved head, groaning. “That’s so hard. When you care about someone, you just want to protect them. At any cost.”

  Korbin popped a grape into his mouth. “Our old selves are shocked at our new selves for attracting such headstrong and hardcore women, but if you are going to stick with Katie, you have to let her be herself. She is not going to take well to you coddling her. And sometimes, no matter how hard it is, that means letting her beat the shit out of demons and get into situations that would scare the balls off any living creature, including you. Remember, just because it would terrify you, doesn’t mean it would even faze Katie.”

  Katie and Pandora reloaded their weapons while hovering. Katie flicked her chin at Pandora. “I say we take this fight to the ground. We can do some damage to these sonsofbitches. Clear the field a bit.”

  Pandora slammed a new mag into her gun. “Sounds righteous to me.”

  Katie wrinkled her nose. “’Righteous?’ What, are you a stoner hippie now? Duuuude, broooo. Righteous.”

  Pandora stared at her, her lips still, her eyes mellow. “Go ahead, pick on me before we lower ourselves into a pit of demons. I’ll show you what it’s like to pull one out of your ass.”

  Katie chuckled as they folded their wings back, speeding up as they headed toward the ground. Both opened fire, clearing a hole for them to touch down. As soon as they stood up, though, there were demons all over them. Pandora reached up and threw one off her back, flinging it into several others. “Holy shit, these fuckers are all over us like ants on a pile of dog shit.”

  Katie tilted her head to the side. “I don’t…. Never mind, I have an idea. See that store over there? I can see a metal case inside. I want you to go in there and hide behind it.”

  Pandora dropped her arms to her side, whipping her head towards Katie. “Really? That is your solution? After all these incursions, all these fights where we cleared the field with a little elbow grease, and suddenly you want to hide out in a small shop that looks like an outhouse from a horror movie?”

  Katie shook her head, putting her guns in their holsters. “No. I’m thinking you might still be part demon. And if you are, even .02 percent, what I’m about to do might really hurt you. That’s not a story I want to tell Gabriel. Oh yeah, sorry, I killed Pandora by accident with my angel abilities. Not coming back this time.”

  Pandora narrowed her eyes, then shrugged. She spread her wings and soared low, plowing into demons. She moved her arm right and left, throwing them into the air. As she passed through the small shop door, she folded her wings and hopped over the counter, giving Katie a thumbs-up as she ducked behind it.

  Katie turned back to the pack of demons flooding all around her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, pulling her angelic power up her legs, down her arms, and pooling it in her chest. When the pressure started to bubble over, she opened her eyes again. They shimmered and shone bright blue as she let out a loud battle cry. A huge wave of blue flames shot out of her body in all directions, moving out like a wave in a pond.

  Every demon within a thirty-foot circle screeched and squealed, freezing for a moment before bursting into dust. Pandora stood up, tapping her fingers on the counter. “That was fucking sweet as shit! Where have you been hiding that gem?”

  Katie smirked, her cheeks red as she shrugged. “Learning new tricks by the hour, I suppose. Wasn’t really sure what would happen, but the blue flames were a nice touch.”

  Juntto got down on one knee behind a pile of rubble to reload his gun. A demon jumped from the top of the pile, and Juntto caught him in midair. He gripped with both hands, ripping his head from his body and tossing it over his shoulder before he got covered in ash. He was back to loading his weapon when footsteps drew his attention behind him. He leapt to his feet and put his spear out, his eyes falling on several civilians holding guns.

  The man in the front, an older gentleman with a fluffy gray mustache, held his gun up. “Estamos aqui para ajudar.”

  Juntto shook his head, not understanding. “Anyone speak English?”

  A younger guy, no older than seventeen, put his hand up. “We are here to help. We want to kick ass with you.”

  Juntto grinned. “Well, come on, then. Find a position and start blasting.”

  They all smiled broadly and hurried forward, lodging themselves behind the fallen walls and rock piles on the ground. They had regular guns, and though they hit the demons, they really weren’t accomplishing anything. Still, Juntto appreciated the effort, and it gave him more time to aim his machine gun. “Good job, guys! Keep it up!”

  A wind blew down on them, sending sand and dirt into the air. The older guy turned, pointing up into the air. “Anjos, os anjos estao aqui para nos levar para casa!”

  Katie and Pandora landed. Pandora shook her hands. “No, we’re here to save your home. Calm down, mustache.”

  Katie looked at the old man and translated. He nodded in realization and turned, blasting his guns again at the demons. Katie and Pandora took a moment to reload, looking out at the city in the distance. “You know, this is actually a pretty fucking beautiful place despite the dead bodies, demons, and dirt.”

  Katie rolled her shoulders, glancing at the blue sky. “It is. If there’s anything left when we’re done, we should consider a vacation here.”

  Suddenly everyone around them and those running down the streets began to scream and shout. Pandora and Katie leapt up on top of the rubble, but they couldn’t see a thing. Slowly they both lifted their heads, finding a large portal cracking open above the favelas. Katie put her gun in her holster. “Uh-oh. Last time this happened it was—”

  The old man stood up and pointed, screaming, “LAVA!”

  Sure enough, lava dumped out of the portal into the favelas. Juntto put his spear on his back and his gun over his shoulder, then ran out in the street and waved to the civilians coming toward him. “RUN! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!”

  16

  Katie jumped down off the rubble and sprinted forward. She stopped in front of a very old lady who was limping along, trying to get to safety. “Eu vou busca-lo, okay?”

  The old woman looked at her wings and nodded.
Katie bent slightly and picked her up, cradling her in her arms. Pandora ran behind her, grabbing a large muscular guy with jet black hair, no shirt, and low-rise jeans. It was obvious he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “I like it hot, baby, but not this hot.”

  She picked him up the same way Katie had picked up the old woman and they both flew as fast as they could toward Juntto. Katie landed and carefully set the woman down, pointing to Juntto. The woman leaned in and kissed Katie on the cheek. She watched as Pandora giggled, slapping the guy on the ass as she turned and started flying back.

  Katie groaned and took off too, gliding through the air, looking for anyone who was in the direct path of the lava. A woman waved her hands, pointing ahead of her. “Meu filho. Por favor, ajude meu filho!”

  Katie narrowed her eyes, following the woman’s arm and whispering to herself, “Your son. Save your son. Where is he?”

  Finally, she spotted him, standing on top of a pile of rubble as the lava seeped around it. Slowly the pile began to sink, lava bubbling and hissing around him. Katie’s eyes went big and she took off, flapping her wings as hard as she could. She put her arms out and he reached up, screaming. Just as the lava began to overtake the top of the mound, she grabbed his hand and pulled him into her arms.

  Katie looped around and landed in front of the mother, who thanked her through wild tears, clinging to her boy. She pointed at the people gathering with Juntto and wiped the sweat from her eyes. She had to admit, that had been a really close call. She hadn’t been sure when she saw him there that she was going to make it in time.

  Pandora looped around and back up the street. As she approached Katie, a little boy came running forward. He was pointing at one of the buildings, yelling for his puppy. Pandora whirled around, searching the houses, finally finding the small dog barking from the second story of a building tipping toward the lava.

  She lifted up and patted him hard on the top of the head. “Don’t worry. I’ll get the puppy!”

  She soared off with one hand on her hip and her other arm straight out in front of her like Superman. Katie stood there blinking, unable to stop watching the ridiculousness that was happening in front of her. The building began to tip farther and Pandora rammed her feet into it, grunting as she pushed it up and reached down, grabbing the puppy. She dipped as she pushed off, the roof barely missing her as it tumbled into the lava below.

  Pandora smiled, petting the puppy as it licked her face. She wasn’t paying any attention to where she was going until Katie yelled, “BIG-ASS DEMON RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!”

  Pandora looked up from the puppy, finding herself sailing right for his fist. She flipped her legs down and ballooned her wings out, slowing until she came to a hovering stop just inches from the beast. The puppy whined and she backed up, pulling her sword from her back and lunging at him. She sliced through part of his scales and tried to fly upward, but she slammed into his arm, which sent her wobbling toward the lava.

  Pumping the brakes, she was able to get control. She whirled around, narrowing her eyes. “I’ll shove my sword so far up your asshole you’ll be able to pick your teeth with the blade, you oozing pile of dick sauce!”

  The puppy whimpered again and Pandora gasped, petting its head and talking in a baby voice. “Oh no, no, not you, widdle buddy. I wouldn’t hurt a hair on your furry little face. Give Auntie Pandora a kiss.”

  The puppy barked and licked her face from chin to forehead. She giggled and hugged it tightly against her body. “Hold tight. We’re going to send Auntie Pandora’s new friend to sleep in the lava pit.”

  She growled, her eyes glowing blue as she raced toward him. She swerved, avoiding his blow, and rammed her sword into his throat. Gripping the sword with one hand, she sawed through his neck and then yanked the blade out. The demon touched his throat and grumbled before teetering and falling straight into the waterfall of lava coming from the portal.

  Pandora smirked and flew back over, handing the puppy to the boy as Katie moved Juntto and the civilians farther back. “If it gets much closer, head up the hillside. We need to stop that lava flow.”

  Katie walked forward and stretched her hand out. Pandora grabbed it, swinging herself down to the ground. Katie glanced at her. “Getting comfortable with the flying, are we?”

  Pandora sniffled. “I want the puppy back. Maybe we can get a—”

  Katie growled. “Don’t even think about it.”

  Pandora pouted as the two took off into the air and hovered on each side of the portal. Pulling their angelic energy forward, they each gripped the portal and began pulling. The thing was stiffer than anything they had closed before, and both of them were grunting and gasping, the sounds of wild sex echoing throughout Rio. Even some of the civilians below covered their mouths and fanned their faces.

  Finally, they both let go, looking at each other. Katie’s eyes shifted over the edges. “I don’t know if we can close this.”

  Beelzebub groaned, his arms stretched wide and his muscles shaking. Pieces of his armor released, clanking to the floor around his feet. The other demons watched him, stepping slowly back in case he got angry and took it out on one of them. Sweat began to bead on his forehead, and his face was turning an odd shade of black and red.

  He used all his strength to keep the portal open, knowing the angels were just on the other side, trying to thwart his plan. He wasn’t going to let them do that again; it just wasn’t going to happen. Besides, if he failed, he was sure to become pieces of Beelzebub all over Lucifer’s chambers.

  Beelzebub pointed angrily at the other portal and then at the demon soldiers waiting. They were hesitant, but Marchosias was standing behind them. Having returned from the first round of attacks, he was now chomping at the bit to be sent back out. He stomped his large foot and roared, spit flying from his mouth and dripping down his sharp teeth. The demons yelped and made a run for the portal, diving through to get away from him.

  Beelzebub was panting, still holding the lava portal open. “Thanks.”

  Marchosias put his palms together and shook them in front of him. “Please, Beelzebub. Please let me go back out there. There are so many humans left, and so much destruction that can be done. I am useless standing in here twiddling my thumbs. Useless.”

  Beelzebub gritted his teeth and then nodded his head. “Fine, but I have specific instructions for you.”

  Marchosias walked forward, listening closely. “Yes, anything you need. Tell me.”

  Beelzebub grunted, moving his hands to get a better grip. “Destroy the town, but don’t leave it. Hold the territory from both civilians and angels. Do not let them chase you out. Think of it as your new home. You wouldn’t let anyone chase you from your home, would you?”

  Marchosias slammed his fist into his palm. “Never! I will protect it for you and for the Kingdom of Hell!!”

  Beelzebub roared in a battle cry along with Marchosias. “We are in it for the long haul, brother. Together we will create a sanctuary for hell, a place that no man or angel will be able to push us from. We will find worshipers for Lucifer, and give him a place on Earth he can visit without retribution from above. We are making history today, Marchosias, and one day you will look upon a statue of yourself shining in the center of the town, documenting your valor and bravery!”

  Marchosias was eating it up, taking in every single word Beelzebub spoke. He clapped his paws together and rushed through the portal, shaking his fist and roaring as he ran. Beelzebub dropped his smile and groaned. “Fucking idiot.”

  The demon specialist, Ermbarnes, was standing below him and chuckled at his response. He wore a long black cloak and had his hands tucked into its deep pockets. “He will be your true winner now. To feel important is like gold to him. I think you know a little bit about that, Beelzebub.”

  He snorted, carefully letting the portal edges go to see if they would stay open. He let out a deep breath and walked over, rubbing his arms. “That I do. I wish I didn’t, though. Unfortunately, I have made s
ome bad calls along the way. This, though? This is the perfect call to make. I just need the damn angels to fucking back off.”

  Ermbarnes was calm, just a small twist of his lips. “The angels have been, and will continue to be, the thorn in the demons’ side. Just think, though—if you take Rio, even with the angels, you will be that much more a hero of hell. You brought enough troops to take the whole country.”

  Beelzebub looked through the portal at the lava flowing down. His eyes shifted to the side, and he rubbed his chin. “Question. How badly is that lava going to affect my demons?”

  Ermbarnes shrugged, still staring out the portal. “It’ll burn most of them.”

  Beelzebub groaned and slammed his forehead into his palm. “That was not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to bring demons to Rio.”

  Ermbarnes cracked his neck. “You wanted demons that Lucifer wouldn’t miss. You only had so many options. Hopefully, they are not so dumb that they run straight into the flow.”

  Beelzebub looked out again at the town, watching as one of the small demons ran straight off the roof, cannonballing into the running lava. Ermbarnes wrinkled his nose. “Well, maybe I gave them too much credit. Nonetheless, you aren’t hurting right now. You will be okay.”

  Beelzebub raised his eyebrows and turned, looking around. “Hey, where’s Baal?”

  Ermbarnes gave him a side glance and rolled his shoulders. “Gone.”

  Beelzebub turned back to the portal and peeked out, looking all over. “Did he go out to fight with the troops? That would definitely be a good sign for our mission. He has never done anything like that.”

  Ermbarnes chuckled, still staring out. “No, not fighting. You know as well as I do that Baal is nothing but a pussy. He puts on a brave face, but fear trickles through his veins like blood moves through those humans.”

  Beelzebub’s excited eyes fell and he turned again, looking through at the demons that were left. “Well, where in the hell did he go?”