by Gina Azzi
“Yes!” She pulls back, smiling widely. “Aunt Jenni and I baked snowflake cookies and decorated them with loads of icing and sprinkles, and Uncle James let me play with the dogs for a bit, and Lachlan is here, and he says he’s going to teach me to build a fort if you say yes. Do you say yes? Please, Daddy?” Olivia holds Aaron’s face between her tiny palms and looks at him seriously, anxious for his reply.
He chuckles, “Yes, but tell Lachlan nothing too crazy.”
“Yay!” She kicks her feet to be put down and is quickly racing around the corner once more. “Lach, he said yes! My Daddy said yes.”
Looking at me, a grin twists his lips before falling slightly. “She’s something else,” he says softly, averting his gaze.
“She’s definitely that,” I agree, my eyes focused on Daisy as she disappears into the kitchen, calling out for Aunt Jenni. Taking off my shoes and hanging my coat in the hall closet, I follow Aaron into the family room and kitchen.
Aunt Jenni and Uncle James’s home is beautiful. A large ranch that sits on a decent plot of land just outside of Edinburgh, the home has the feel of a farmhouse with its warmth, hardwood floors, and fireplaces, but with the sophistication of a Fifth Avenue Manhattan apartment mixed in. Spacious and grand, comfortable and inviting, it’s a home I love spending time at, and I’m always grateful for any dinner or holiday we celebrate here.
“Smells amazing,” I greet my aunt, dropping a kiss to her cheek as she smiles up at me. An apron is pulled tight around her small frame, and she wipes her hands down the front of it before turning to fold Aaron and I into quick hugs.
“How was she?” Aaron asks, his voice low.
“A perfect angel, as usual.”
“Is Kate here?”
Aunt Jenni’s face falls, the line of her mouth thinning as she shakes her head. Even she knows something is amiss. “Her appointment is running longer than she anticipated. Olivia is more than welcome to spend the night if—”
Aaron shakes his head, cutting her off. “Thanks, but that’s okay.”
“All right.”
“Nice of you guys to show up.” Lachlan walks into the kitchen, clad in a pair of jeans and a long sleeve T-shirt, his feet bare.
“Nice of you to dress up,” I joke.
“How long you in town for?” Aaron asks our cousin, who usually works out of the London office.
He tosses an arm around his mother’s shoulders. “I’m home for the week; visiting my mama and making sure things in your neck of the woods are running smoothly.”
Aaron flips him the middle finger, and Aunt Jenni gasps, pretending to be outraged.
“Where’d Daisy go?” I ask Aunt Jenni.
“She’s helping Livvy with the fort.” Lachlan explains. “Did you guys ride together?”
I nod.
“What’s this?” Aaron asks, lifting the lid of the white pastry box.
“Oh, Daisy brought them. There’s a special cookie for Livvy in that bag, so don’t you go stealing a bite,” Aunt Jenni warns.
I peek over Aaron’s shoulder at the elaborately decorated cupcakes inside, and my chest tightens, feeling strange. Of course, she brought baked goods; she would never show up somewhere empty-handed, but the fact that she specifically thought of Olivia affects me more than it should.
“Jenni, do you need any help?” Daisy’s voice rings out, flooding the kitchen like music, and my fingers ball into a fist.
You never asked me what I want.
She’s right. I made a ton of assumptions about her wants and expectations without ever once asking her.
I’m an arse.
Appearing in the kitchen, her long hair now pulled back in a casual ponytail, a few strands escaping to frame her face, my breath literally catches in my throat, and I cough into my hand to cover how much her presence affects me.
“No, love. Not at all. We should be eating in about fifteen minutes.”
“Okay, well feel free to put me to work.” She turns toward Aaron and Lachlan. “Hey guys.”
“How’ve you been settling in?” Lachlan asks, wrapping her in a hug.
“Pretty well, thanks. I really like the other first-years; we all get along, no issues. I’m teamed up with this one for the competition,” she jerks her thumb toward Aaron who manages a rare smile, “which is awesome.”
“The marketing guru, himself.” Cue Lachlan’s air quotes.
Aaron flips him the middle finger again and Aunt Jenni huffs.
“Aaron, Olivia is seriously the cutest. Come on, she wants to show you her fort.” Daisy gestures toward the den.
Aaron follows Daisy out of the room while my eyes stayed glued to her. Checking out her arse, the curve of her hips in her tight jeans, the sway of her ponytail. I clench and unclench my hands. Could she want what I want? The no-strings, fun fling? The casual sex which would no doubt be explosive between us? The easy-going, nonchalance of a non-relationship?
Lachlan whistles under his breath, garnering my attention. When I look over, he gives me a knowing look and a laugh, and I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose.
Daisy and I need to talk.
The thought irritates me. On the way over, I thought I was in control of the conversation. I planned to make Daisy understand exactly why we’re better off as friends. To draw another line in the sand. And now, I’m considering erasing that damn line so I can hook-up with Daisy Kane and finally, finally get her out of my system.
Jesus, am I really considering this? With Sierra’s best friend? With a colleague?
With Daisy?
Is it even possible to keep things casual when I already like her so much? Worry about her the way I do? When I feel so many things just by seeing her, or hearing her laugh? For fuck’s sake, I’m affected because she bought Olivia a cookie.
No, I don’t think I possess the ability to control anything I feel for Daisy.
But could I pursue her even though it will never work out between us?
11
Daisy
Being among the Begay-Anderson family hits me with a wave of longing for my own. Homesickness. Jax warned me it could come in waves, but I didn’t anticipate it being so intense. Suddenly, everything around me reminds me of Georgia. Every joke has an association connected to it that makes me miss my brothers and Sierra.
Listening to Lachlan and Finn exchange barbs, witnessing the silent conversations passing between Jenni and James, noticing the careful, measured looks Finn gives Aaron every now and then, reminds me of my brothers. Carter, Jax, and Den could hash it out like nobody’s business, but at the end of the day, they always have each other’s backs. And mine.
I love our family dinners. Granted, ours were usually at Raf’s or chowing down on whatever Denver prepared for us to eat. Nothing as fancy or coordinated as dinner at Jenni’s table, but still they were ours. We would share funny stories or anecdotes from our day, tease each other relentlessly, and discuss serious family matters or current events. It was our time together, and it isn’t until I’m seated at another family table that I fully grasp the idea that I may never have this again with my brothers.
How could I?
Denver is getting married.
Jax and Carter might as well be.
And I live an ocean away.
The realization causes a pang of longing in my chest, coupled with an awareness that has my hands gripping the underside of the table.
Everything is different now. Everything has changed.
The thought comes out of left field and unnerves me. Staring down at my plate, the carrots and potatoes blur together for one blink before I manage to control my emotions.
When I glance back up, Finn is watching me carefully.
I offer him a tight smile but can tell he doesn’t buy it, as a frown tugs on the corners of his mouth.
Add in the awkwardness between us, the unfinished conversation I know Finn is going to restart when I slide into the car next to him, and I’m a mess.
Plus, the hango
ver. Yeah, there’s still that.
I take a sip of my water and tune back into the conversation, looking away from Finlay. Sweet Finn, who came to my rescue last night. Thoughtful Finn, who left water on my nightstand. Protector Finn, who turned me down to save me from…eventual heartbreak?
As much as I see the intention behind his actions, I can’t help but feel slighted that he made the decision for me. I’m a consenting adult who wants to explore the pull between us and act on our chemistry. I never asked him for a label or a commitment.
The tension between us, the undeniable attraction we feel for each other, isn’t going to suddenly disappear. So why not embrace it?
After dinner, the guys retire to the family room to hang out and watch rugby. I can tell by the theme music floating into the kitchen several minutes later that they lost that fight, and whatever TV show or movie Olivia was gunning for is now playing.
Jenni laughs, coming up next to me at the sink, where I’m rinsing dishes and loading them into the dishwasher.
“That little one has us all wrapped around her finger,” she comments, placing several glasses on the top rack.
“As she should.”
“Absolutely. You really don’t have to do this, Dais. You can go relax with everyone else. You must be tired.”
I shake my head, not voicing that I’m grateful to be doing this simple chore. I always helped out around the house growing up, but it was different. How do I say, without sounding melancholy, that I always wished I knew my mother, and we did things like this together? I bite back the words, knowing that even though Jenni would probably understand, voicing them will only sharpen the ache expanding in my chest each hour I’m away from Georgia. “It’s not a problem. I’d rather help you.”
“If you insist, I won’t turn down the extra set of hands. How was your Friday night?”
“Pretty good.” I admit, omitting the fact that I was stranded on a street corner at 4AM and had to call Finn for a ride. Or that I spent the entire day lounging in bed, binge watching Outlander, and forcing crackers down my throat. “I went for dinner and out last night with the other first-years. Cameron and Melanie are both from Edinburgh and they’ve taken me under their wings, showing me around, and introducing me to people. It’s been an easier transition than I was expecting.”
“Cameron?” Jenni raises her eyebrows, her blue eyes amused. “Just friends?”
I laugh, rolling my eyes. “Definitely just friends.”
“Can’t blame me for asking.” She holds up her hands in surrender. “I don’t have anyone to share girl talk with now that Sierra is in the States. And permanently.”
“I know. It must be hard. Are you planning to go when the baby is born?”
“The second I get the call from Denver that Sierra is in labor, I’ll be on the next flight out.”
I bite my lower lip, focusing back on the sink as another pang of longing washes over me, a wave of unnamed emotion clogging my throat. Will my brothers come visit me here? Will they jump on a plane if I call them because I need them?
Of course they will. I release a heavy sigh, dropping a handful of silverware into the dishwasher. What is wrong with me today?
“Why the long face?” Finn’s voice comes out of nowhere, and I look up sharply. It’s just the two of us; Jenni must have exited the kitchen at some point during my deep thoughts.
“Hey.” I turn off the water in the sink and grab a tea towel to dry my hands. “How’s The Little Mermaid, or whatever y’all are watching?”
He grimaces. “It’s even worse than that. Something about horses.”
“My Little Pony?”
“How the hell did you know that?”
“I’m a woman of many talents, Finlay.”
“That you are,” he says cheekily, his eyes perusing my body without even trying to hide it.
I shake my head, swatting at him with the tea towel. He looks back up, his blue eyes blazing.
“Did you mean what you said in the car?” he picks up our conversation, genuinely curious as he pulls the towel, and by extension, me, closer.
I nod, sobering as the tips of our toes touch. “Just going to address the elephant in the room, huh?”
“Going all in.” He admits, leaning forward. “And I do. Want to address it, I mean.”
I raise my eyebrows at him to continue.
“I like you, Daisy, more than I ought to.”
“Why’s that?” I ask coyly, smoothing my expression.
Finn blows out an exhale. “I can’t stop thinking of you. It’s driving me crazy really. At work, I can barely focus, and I’ve fallen so bloody far behind with all my accounts.”
He pauses to look at me and I shrug, waiting for him to continue.
“You’re really going to make me work for this, aren’t you?”
“Should it be easy? I’ve felt humiliated for weeks because of your rejection.”
He shakes his head vehemently. “I never rejected you. At least, I never meant for it to come off like that. I had no idea you took it that way.”
“Yeah, yeah. Keep talking.”
“There are too many reasons why we shouldn’t hook-up. All scenarios end in disaster. And I don’t do commitment and –”
“Monogamy?”
Finn shrugs.
“Why not allow yourself to be open to it?” I ask the million-dollar question.
He shifts in front of me, uncomfortable. Clearing his throat, he admits, “The break-up with my ex, it was bad. It changed the way I approach relationships.”
“Or your lack of them.” I quip with a boldness I don’t feel as my stomach sinks for Finn. And then an irrational blaze of jealousy slices through me as I think of the one lucky woman who dated him. She ruined it for the rest of us.
He inclines his head toward me, letting me know I hit the nail on the head. Great, the one-time I don’t want to be right.
Gathering my gumption, I also go all in. “Finn, I like you too. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t or that I wasn’t disappointed when you turned me down on Christmas. True, I’m not a one-night stand kind of girl and I’ve never been wild about random hook-ups. But you were right when you pointed out that I’m twenty-three and having a new adventure. I want to have some fun, to live a little, without always having to be so serious and disciplined. So I don’t understand why you think I need some deep commitment? Who says I want to be saddled down by a boyfriend anyway?” I raise my eyebrows, daring him to contradict me.
“I shouldn’t have made that assumption.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.”
“Dais, there’s too much history between us. You’re my cousin’s best friend and whatever happens between us, we’re not going to be able to go our separate ways and never see each other again.”
“True. So, I think we need to respect each other.”
“I do respect you.” he says quickly.
“Then stop giving me mixed signals. Either place me firmly in the friend-zone and give me the time to get over the attraction I feel for you and we can be professional at the office and friendly at Sierra’s family events. Or, let’s explore whatever this is between us without having to label it and force expectations on each other.”
His eyebrows literally disappear into his hairline and my inner badass does a happy dance. Finally, finally, I am turning the tables, gaining a modicum of control over my romantic interest, and claiming my life. And yes, it feels good. It feels awesome. I am slaying the Year of No Fear.
“You’re serious?” he asks slowly, his eyebrows slanted downwards in confusion.
I shrug, feigning more nonchalance than I feel, “It’s your call. I’m good with either option although option two would be more fun.” I wiggle my eyebrows suggestively and he chuckles, his shoulders relaxing.
“All right.” He finally agrees, the corners of his mouth ticking up.
My inner badass fist-pumps, throwing her arms up in victory.
“So, we’re good?”
I ask, just to make sure we’re on the same page.
He glances up at me, his eyes darkening. “Daisy. We’re better than good. But, I still don’t know what I’m doing with you.” He advances on me slightly, backing me up until I’m pinned between him and the sink.
I smirk, encouraging him with my eyes to make a move. Please, make a move.
His eyes fall to my mouth and dart back up again and I nearly groan at the emotions warring there. It’s a heady sensation, knowing I affect Finlay Anderson so deeply. I savor the moment, my tongue darting out to wet the center of my bottom lip.
“Fuck.” The word falls from his mouth like a prayer instead of the curse that it is. His thumbs sweep across my cheekbones as he dips his head. His lips brush against mine and I’m only a little embarrassed when I moan in response.
He pulls back slightly, his eyes searching mine, sweeping over my face, lingering on my lips before he dips his head again. The kiss this time is longer, sweeter, full of apologies and regrets I don’t fully understand. My hands snake up and hook around Finn’s wrists.
He steps even closer, until there’s no space between us, as his hands glide down my neck and around my back. Pressing my chest into his, I melt into him, greedily accepting every kiss that assaults my mouth. His jawline is smooth as it rubs against my cheek. His biceps bulge underneath my own roving hands. Slanting his mouth over mine, he deepens the kiss until my head spins and my blood thrums in my eardrums and everything but this moment ceases to exist.
“Time for dessert!” Jenni calls out from beyond the kitchen and Finn and I spring apart like two teenagers caught making out. Which, I guess, we almost were. Caught, I mean.
“What is it with us and kitchens?” I murmur under my breath.
Finn’s laughter erupts behind me and I smile, keeping my back to him as I compose my features. Biting my swollen lips, I busy myself with filling the kettle with water for tea and hear Finn open a cupboard behind me.
That kiss was incredible. All kisses with Finn are. But that one, that one held a pledge of more to come. A promise for tomorrow.