by Gina Azzi
Olivia’s face lights up at my words, and she bounces up and down on her toes. “Can I hang out with you and Sisi?”
“Absolutely. Sierra is so happy you’re her flower girl; she probably won’t let you out of her sight.”
Olivia giggles. “I’ve been practicing.”
“How to toss the flower petals?”
She nods seriously and sways her arm from side to side, showing me her petal-throwing technique.
“I think you’re going to be perfect.”
She grins and I stand back up, holding my hand out to her. She takes it, and we walk the rest of the way over to her dad and Finn. Finn watches me closely, his eyes zeroing in on my hand wrapped around Olivia’s.
“Y’all ready for this?” I ask, infusing as much excitement into my voice as possible, given the faraway look in Aaron’s expression and the blatant hunger in Finn’s eyes.
“I can’t wait!” Olivia jumps next to me and I laugh. At least someone is showing the enthusiasm I’m aiming for.
I settle back into my plane seat and sigh, my shoulders automatically relaxing, as I know I am one step closer to home. I can’t wait for Sierra’s wedding and to see my best friend walk down the aisle to my brother’s waiting arms. I’m giddy to spend quality time with my brothers, to be back in Georgia.
I check my phone to switch it to airplane mode when I see a text from Melanie.
Melanie: Have an amazing time at home! You will be missed!
Me: Thanks!! I’m so excited. How was last night?
Melanie: Meh. Cameron was entertaining as always. Dennis got creepy drunk. *rolls eyes*
Me: Awkward.
Melanie: Totally.
Me: Taking off soon. See you when I get back.
Melanie: Yes! I’m waiting for you to get a manicure. Safe travels. XO
I turn my phone to airplane mode before stowing it in the back pocket of Olivia’s seat in front of me.
“Happy to be going home?” Finn asks as he settles into the seat next to me. In front of us, Aaron helps Olivia with her seatbelt.
“Yeah. I really am.”
He reaches out and closes his hand over mine. The touch is intimate, and I flip my palm over so we can lace our fingers together. He squeezes my hand lightly and just his skin on mine sends a jolt of electricity up my arm. It’s crazy, really, how something so simple, a gesture that wouldn’t even register if someone else did it, can cause my breathing to hitch and my mind to scatter in a million directions. Even though it’s only been a few weeks, Finn affects me deeper than I ever thought possible.
Sweet kisses, scorching kisses, any type of kisses from Finn cause my brain to short-circuit and my heart to palpitate. Intimacy with him is different than I’ve ever experienced before. It’s hotter and deeper and more emotional. On some level it scares me because it’s like a slow free-fall that’s ripe with danger and infused with excitement.
But I don’t want to smack the ground in my free-fall since Finn’s already made it clear he’s not going to be the one to reach out and catch me.
Sometimes, the way he tilts his head and studies me, his eyes open, his expression tender, makes me think he feels more for me than he lets on. While he used to jump up and head to the bathroom after sex, he now spends time cuddling me, pulling my body flush against his and trailing kisses down my neck, across my shoulder. And other times, when he’s quiet or staring off into space, disconnected from the moment and me, I question everything happening between us.
“Promise you’ll be coming back with me?” Finn turns toward me, his face open, his expression flirtatious. Playful, boyish, twinkling eyes and a wicked grin. Even though he says the words teasingly, an edge of concern underlies his words.
“Promise,” I whisper back, surprised by the note of worry in his voice.
He squeezes my fingers in his palm and leans back in his seat, not bothering to let my hand go. I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of my fingers in his, of the touch between us. Even if it’s PG-rated and I’m desperate for more in this moment, okay let’s be real, in every moment, it still sets my blood racing in my veins.
“How’s your pitch for the McKinnon account coming along?” Finn asks several minutes later.
I shift my weight in my seat, slipping my fingers from his grasp, as I fold one leg underneath me and turn toward him. “Pretty good. I don’t think I’m where a lot of the other first-years are, like Melanie is barreling ahead. But I’m taking my time to really understand the needs of the client and create something unique for their brand.”
“That’s smart.”
“Your brother has given me a lot of good feedback.”
“He’s a good mentor.”
“He is. All the first-years wish they were paired with him.”
Finn chuckles under his breath.
“Hey, is everything okay with Aaron?” I ask gently, craning my neck to make sure Aaron is watching a movie with his headphones plugged in so he can’t hear me.
“Yeah. Why?” Finn asks slowly, concern shadowing his expression as he turns to face me fully.
I shrug. “He hasn’t been himself lately. Not that I know him that well or anything, but he’s been, I don’t know, distracted all the time. Tired. Quiet. He hasn’t been able to properly meet about my project for the past two weeks and his emails seem rushed.”
Finn chews the corner of his mouth thoughtfully. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that too. I think things have been tough between him and Kate since she started back at work. Things between them have been complicated and it’s been an adjustment for their family.”
I fidget in my chair, turning to look out the window. “That makes sense.” I say but deep down, I’m not so sure. I have the strangest feeling that something else is up. Aaron’s been on edge lately and it seems deeper than the fact that his wife re-entered the workforce.
Finn squeezes my fingertips in his large hand again, and the movement is soothing. I leave my hand in his as we take off, and while the plane lulls me into sleep, I smile knowing its Finn’s hand holding mine.
“Here she is! Home at last,” Jax announces when I walk through the front door to my childhood home. While my brothers all wanted to pick me up at the airport like a welcome wagon, it made more sense for me to catch a ride into town with Aaron and Finn.
The moment they see me, they’re up on their feet, rushing the doorway. Den’s still holding his Xbox controller as he hauls me up into his large frame, like I’m still five instead of nearly twenty-five.
“I’ve missed y’all,” I tell my brothers honestly, as I leave my suitcase by the front door.
“Missed you,” Carter murmurs into my hair, and I smile into his shoulder, grateful for his words.
“Me too. A lot,” I admit.
“My turn.” Jax cuts in, tugging me into another embrace.
I pull back, grinning at my brothers. “I didn’t think you’d all be here.”
“What do you mean? We’ve been waiting on you, so we could go to Raf’s,” Den explains, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“Just us?” I ask, surprised that Evie and Taylor and Sierra aren’t here, too.
“Just us. The Kane kids,” Jax confirms.
I grin then, letting out a large breath, some of the weight I’ve been carrying around since I moved to Edinburgh easing in my chest at his words. “I’d love that. I really am glad to be home.”
Carter frowns at my words, but Denver tosses an arm around my shoulder and steers me back toward the door before Carter can voice his thoughts.
“You’ll have to tell us everything over food. I’m starving.”
“Me too,” I admit, following him out of the house. Behind us, I hear the door close. Within minutes, we’re all packed into Carter’s SUV, driving toward our family hangout. It’s like nothing has changed at all, as if the four of us haven’t missed a beat.
I bite my lip to keep from smiling, as I relax into my seat. Being home feels really good.
It’s
just what I needed.
Walking into Raf’s, the familiar smell of peanut shells and beer hits me hard in the chest. I’m so relieved to be home, to see that the place hasn’t changed at all in my absence, to note Lenny working behind the bar, that unexpected tears well in my eyes.
“You okay?” Carter asks gently, his hand flattening against my back.
“Yes, just really happy to be here.”
Jax overhears and smiles at me. “Let’s take a booth in the back.”
We walk to the back and slide into our usual family booth. Moments later, Mindy pops by, and I jump up to fold her into a hug. She takes our order—four Heinekens and four burgers with fries—and then, it’s just us Kane kids.
“So, how’s it going? For real?” Carter asks, a frown marring the space between his sea foam green eyes.
“It’s going. It’s actually really great and I love my place and my job and all the things I’m learning. It’s challenging and rewarding and exciting. But it’s also been an adjustment.”
“Homesick?” Jax guesses.
I nod, biting my lip again, this time to keep from crying. Ugh, what the hell is wrong with me? Why do I feel like such a roller coaster of emotions?
“It’s normal.” Jax leans forward over the table. “It will pass. But if after a year, if things don’t start to improve, don’t be so hard on yourself about staying. Moving away is tough and—”
“No,” I cut him off, shaking my head. “I definitely want to stay. I just, I’m happy to be home. Really happy to see you guys is all.”
Jax grins, nodding his understanding.
“You sure?” Carter presses.
“I’m sure.”
“It’s good to have you home, Dais.” Denver shifts next to me, bumping my shoulder with his.
“I can’t believe you’re getting married in less than forty-eight hours,” I tell him.
He grins at me, the smile transforming his face and the openness catching me off guard for a moment. Wow, my brother, the grumpiest of us all, is literally beaming.
“I can’t wait,” he admits.
“Aww,” Jax croons across from us.
Den flips him the middle finger and I giggle.
Mindy drops off our beers, and we all lift them to cheers.
“Make sure you call Sierra when we get home. She’s desperate to see you and talk to you,” Den says, as he takes a pull on his beer.
“I will,” I tell him because I’ve missed her nearly as much as I have my brothers.
It’s good to be home. Better than I expected.
But still, I know I’m going to return to Edinburgh. It wasn’t until I landed that I realized my life is now traveling down a new path too. And I’m committed to experiencing it fearlessly.
“Tell me everything,” Sierra demands from the passenger seat of Carter’s SUV.
After Raf’s, I dropped my brothers off at home and bee lined to the hotel Sierra and Denver are staying at for their wedding weekend. She was already waiting outside, and she jumped into the SUV, the two of us taking off for coffee, a drive, and an overdue chat.
“I can’t believe you’re here!”
“I can’t believe you’re here.” She leans over the center console, pulling me into a side hug, so I can still keep my eyes on the road.
“Starbucks?”
“Duh.”
“How are you feeling?” I ask, sliding a glance her way and noting the growth of her adorable baby bump.
“So much better. I’m relieved my pregnancy has taken a positive turn. The peanut and I are doing really well.”
“Thank God. Are you ready for your wedding?”
“Truthfully, I can’t freaking wait to marry Den,” she squeals, her dark eyes glittering.
“I can’t wait either! I’m so happy you’re going to for real be my sister.”
“True. It’s the best part of the package,” she jokes and we both laugh.
“So, what’s going on with you and Finn?” Sierra asks, her voice knowing.
“Things are really great!” I squeal, the excitement of finally sharing my boy news with my best friend in person and not over FaceTime bursting out of me.
“That’s awesome!” she exclaims back. “You seem really happy.”
“I am.”
“And the no expectations, no label part is working out?”
“It is. I mean, I’m fine with the no commitment part. It’s just that…”
“What?”
“It feels like more than that, you know? Except, I’ve never done this before so I don’t know if I’m reading the situation right or reading too much into it.”
“Have you talked about being monogamous or taking the next step or anything?”
“No. We’ve just been keeping it casual, having fun.”
“So, what’s making you think it’s more than that?”
“I can’t explain it.” I say slowly, trying to process my thoughts. “There are just these moments. Finn will look at me too seriously, too carefully. Hold me too close after sex. Message me to bring an umbrella to work. He does little things that feel more like a boyfriend than a hook-up.”
“But you guys are friends. I mean, before you ever hooked-up, you had a foundation, a friendship.”
“That’s true.” I chew the corner of my mouth before turning to look at Sierra. “You think I’m reading more into it, don’t you?”
“I don’t know, Dais. But I wouldn’t go assuming anything if you and Finn haven’t discussed it.”
I nod, knowing she’s right. But also knowing, deep down, that if Finn is seeing other women, or sleeping with someone else, I’d be crushed. Whether I have the right to feel that way or not doesn’t matter; I know my feelings would be hurt. I guess that’s the outcome he’s been trying to warn me about all along.
“Maybe I’m not as cut out for this no commitment thing as I thought.” I admit quietly, my voice low. Wrinkling my nose, I say, “I like him.”
Sierra reaches over and squeezes my forearm sympathetically. “You’re going to have to talk to him, babe.”
“But what if he shuts me down and then we’re not anything?”
“You’ll always be friends.”
I turn to glare at her.
“Alright, I see your point. Then wait it out for a bit longer, see what develops.”
“But what if my heart gets even more invested and then he turns me down and I’m shattered.”
“Dais, honestly, I think you’ll be gutted whether things end now or in another two months.”
I turn back toward the windshield, not saying anything since Sierra is right and she knows it.
“The turn is coming up.” Sierra points to the upcoming sign for Starbucks. “What are you going to do?”
“About Finn?”
“Yeah.”
“I think see what happens. This weekend, I just want to enjoy your wedding.” I tell her, flipping on my turn signal. Pulling into the drive-through, I ask, “You ready for Saturday?” and shift the conversation back to her because I don’t want to monopolize our entire chat when she’s getting married.
I know, I’m a giver.
“So ready. Since we planned everything so quickly, it’s been all I’ve been thinking about. I’m ready to finally enjoy the day.”
“I’m happy for you,” I tell her truthfully, lowering my window so we can order.
“Me too. And the best part is, my dress fits perfectly, so I can get the caramel Frappuccino I’m craving!”
I snort, ordering our coffee beverages, feeling more like myself than I have in a long time. It’s funny how friends and family can do that. Just tilt your crooked axis back into place within seconds of your being in their presence. Coming home has righted me once more.
15
Finn
The entire Anderson-Begay family is checked into The Mackey House where Sisi will marry Denver on Saturday. An old plantation with sprawling green lawns and antique furnishings, it’s like I’ve stepped
back in time. All I need is a fancy cane and a monocle. Dropping my suitcase off in my room, I head downstairs to the dining room to meet my family for dinner.
“Hey Finn.” My cousin Callum greets me as I approach the table.
“Hey. When’d you get in? Where’s Sierra?”
“A few hours ago. She’s running through one last dress fitting with Aunt Jenni and polishing Olivia’s nails so it’s just the guys tonight.” He gestures toward the rest of my cousins, Aaron, and Uncle James, who are either seated at the other end of the table or leaning up against the bar. When Uncle James spots me, he summons the rest of the family to the table and everyone takes a seat.
“Got you a Scotch.” Lachlan places a tumbler in front of me.
“Cheers to Sierra and Denver. May their union be full of love and happiness.” Uncle James raises his glass, and the rest of us drink to my cousin and her fiancé, even though neither of them is present.
Seated around a long table, Lachlan, Callum, Aaron, Liam, Uncle James, and I discuss business until our entrees arrive and wine is poured.
“How’s your first-year competition going?” Callum asks, cutting into his steak.
“Really great. This year’s group is a lot more creative and willing to take risks than previous years.” Aaron answers, swirling the wine in his glass.
Callum chews his steak and washes it down with a large gulp of red wine. “We’ve got a rambunctious group this year in the London office. I’m not sure how it’s going to go. This group,” he shakes his head, “well there’s a lot of drama.”
“Around the competition?” I ask, surprised, because we’ve never encountered an issue like that in the Edinburgh office.
“Aye. Indirectly. A few of the first-years have already hooked up and when things went south…”
“So did the competition.” Lachlan supplies helpfully.
At the head of the table, Uncle James chews his steak and listens thoughtfully to our conversation. It’s no secret that the competition is a pet project of his, but if the outcome isn’t producing the right results, I know he’ll shelve the entire project. Still, it would be a shame because most of the first-years enjoy having the opportunity to “win” their first account so early in their career.