I frown. It isn’t exactly what I want to hear out of dream Travis’s mouth. I was hoping for something like, That feels good.
He puts his hand on top of mine. “Sydney. Wake up, honey.”
I opened my eyes and worked to clear the sleep from my brain.
It was still dark outside, but there was some light coming from the TV. It was the black Netflix profile screen, but it still gave off a bit of light. I turned my face away and hit male skin. Hmm. I leaned back and looked up into Travis’s eyes.
His brow went up, and a small smile fell across his face. He squeezed my hand, and I realized that my fingers were wrapped around his very hard penis.
I gasped as I yanked my hand away. I rolled to my other side, so he couldn’t see the shame on my face. “Oh my God. I am so sorry!”
I had violated him in his sleep.
I realized now that I had passed out sometime during the movie. I didn’t remember Travis leaving. He must have fallen asleep, too.
“It’s okay, Sydney.”
He put his hand on my shoulder, and I jumped.
“No, it’s not.”
I felt the bed shift as he sat up and then stood. Fearing that he was coming around to talk to me, I covered my face with my hands and rolled onto my stomach. I couldn’t face him right now.
“Sydney, I’m not mad.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that. But I still molested you in your sleep.”
“Molested is a strong word.”
“But an appropriate one.”
“Will you please look at me?”
“No.”
He sighed.
“Please, just go. We can talk about it in the morning.”
“Okay. I will. On one condition.”
“What’s that?” I said from between my hands.
“You stop beating yourself up. I’m not mad. I’m not offended. If you want to know the truth, it felt good. So, give yourself a break.”
He didn’t wait for me to answer. His footsteps faded as he walked away.
When I was sure I was alone, I turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling.
I couldn’t believe I had done that. I knew that I had thought I was dreaming, but I couldn’t help but feel like I’d violated him.
What if the situation were reversed?
You’d open your legs and tell him not to stop.
Okay, I would do that but only because it was Travis, and I wanted it. It didn’t make it right. Because, if it was someone I didn’t want, I would feel completely different. And, despite the kiss Travis had given me, he had never even hinted he wanted me to touch his dick.
I looked at the clock and groaned. It was only a little after two in the morning. I was never going to go back to sleep.
I found the TV remote where I had dropped it in the middle of the bed and shut off the TV. And then I began to think of ways to make my mistake right.
Surprisingly, I had fallen back asleep. When Travis woke me up, I was disorientated.
I looked up to see him carrying two to-go cups from Starbucks. “I know I shouldn’t have the nerve to ask this, but please say one of those is mine.”
He grinned and held out one to me.
I slowly sat up and took it from him. I savored my first sip as Travis sat at the end of my feet.
“Feel better this morning?” he asked.
I looked at him. “Well, I’m able to look you in the eyes, so yes, I suppose.” I noticed that he was wearing track pants and a tank top. “Did you go work out?” I had noted the hotel had a gym when I made the reservation.
“Not yet. I went and got us coffee first. And I figured we needed to talk also.”
In the light of day, what had happened didn’t seem as big of a deal. But it should. “I’m really sorry. I was dreaming. Or half-dreaming.” I shook my head. “I don’t know really. All I know is that I didn’t think I was touching you in real life. It’s a flimsy excuse—kind of like, I was drunk—but I feel terrible about it.”
“Well, I accepted your apology from last night. But you’re being too hard on yourself.”
“I don’t think so.”
“What if I told you that I woke up but didn’t stop you right away? Wouldn’t that change things a little? If I was awake and you were asleep, wouldn’t I become the responsible party?”
He had a good point.
“I suppose you’re right, and it does make me feel a little better.” I took a drink of my coffee. “But that’s only if it were true.” I pushed the covers off my legs, stood, and stretched. “But I’m pretty sure you were sleeping before I woke you up. I bet you were pretty disappointed when you realized whose bed you were in.” I walked toward my suitcase to pick out my clothes for the day. “I’m just glad you’re not offended. Thanks for accepting my apology.”
I picked the first few articles of clothing when I realized that Travis hadn’t responded to me. I turned around to see him watching me from the bed.
“Can I ask you a question?” he asked.
“Of course.”
“Why do women do that?”
“Do what?”
“Demean their worth, their attractiveness, their … anything?”
“Hmm.” I took a sip of my coffee to gather my thoughts. It was a heavy question for early in the morning. “I think it’s because society is always telling us that we’re not good enough. We’re not thin enough; we’re too thin. We’re not tall enough; we’re too tall. Our boobs are too small; our boobs are too saggy. We have the wrong body type, we’re not smart enough, we’re not as good as men, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So, if we admit it first and say it out loud, then we don’t have to hear anyone else say it, and we save ourselves from disappointment.” I took another drink. “But I’m guessing you’re not referring to women in general.”
“No, I’m referring to your comment about me being disappointed when I woke up. Why are you so hard on yourself?”
I wrinkled my nose. “I’m not. I used to beat myself up about some of the things I already mentioned, but I’m not as young as I used to be. Life is too short to be unhappy all the time. I’m happy with my body and my looks. Would I like to be thinner and prettier? Of course I would, but I’m not going to think I don’t deserve everything in life because I do. Because I also know, now that I’m older, that everyone is attracted to different types of people. I know I’m cute, I’d like to think I’m smart, and I also think I’m fun and nice. Any guy would be lucky to have me.”
“Okay …”
“But—and it’s a pretty big but—he has to be attracted to me. Even the prettiest girls in the world have guys who aren’t attracted to them. So, I wasn’t being hard on myself. I was just stating a fact.” I leaned forward as if I were telling Travis a secret. “Tons of women love Tom Hardy. Sure, he’s good-looking, but he just doesn’t do it for me. So, would I be disappointed to find Tom Hardy in my bed instead of Chris Hemsworth or you? Well … yeah.” I straightened. Realizing what I’d just said, I could only hope that he’d missed the part about how I would rather wake up next to him. “But it doesn’t change who Tom Hardy is and that he’s attractive.” I gestured to Travis and back to myself. “Just like us. I’m not saying I’m not good enough for you. I’m just saying I’m not your type”—going by his lack of contact after our kiss—“and you’d probably rather wake up next to someone like Blake Lively.”
I turned back to my clothes.
“I hope that helps,” I said over my shoulder.
I heard Travis get up from the bed and walk over to me.
“Do you have any clothes in there for working out?”
“I can put something together.” I had yoga pants, a couple of T-shirts, and an extra bra I could sweat in. “Does this mean you’re going to make me go to the gym with you?” I whined.
“Yep. Get your ass ready.” He slapped my butt like a coach would to his football players and walked to the door. “Oh, and,
Sydney?”
I looked at him standing in the doorway. “Yeah?”
He grinned. “Blake Lively doesn’t do anything for me.” He walked into his room and shouted, “Be ready in five minutes.”
As I used the elliptical machine in the small hotel gym, I watched Travis work on his arms and thought about his Blake Lively comment. How could he not be into her?
I knew it was like me not being into Tom Hardy, but still. I was practically into Blake Lively, and I was a straight female.
But, more than that, I wasn’t sure why he’d told me that. There was a possibility he’d caught my slipup about wanting him in my bed, but maybe I was reading too much into it. Especially since he’d never disagreed about being disappointed about waking up next to me.
And I was right back to where I’d started last week at Harper’s. This had to stop, or I was going to drive myself crazy.
I brought the elliptical to a stop and watched Travis walk to the bench press. There was another guy who was alone, and it looked like Travis was offering to spot for the stranger.
The stranger nodded, and Travis held up a finger. He pulled his tank top over his head and used it to wipe his face.
With his attention on his new workout companion, I took the time to admire him. When I’d told him last night that he was magnetic, I hadn’t been joking. It was like something just pulled me to him. My attention, my desire, everything. He was just so … beautiful.
I watched sweat run down his chest and remembered that I had touched him there.
Now that I was no longer beating myself up, I was letting myself recall everything I could about my “dream.” He’d felt so good under my fingers, and I couldn’t believe that I’d actually had my hand on his junk. Despite what Harper had said about him probably making a woman do all the work, I wouldn’t care as long as he stuck that big cock in me. I would ride that thing—
Stop, stop, stop.
I was only making my situation worse. Now, not only was I sad he didn’t want me, but I was horny, too.
Although … horny I could take care of. And it was a much more fun emotion than being sad about unrequited love or unrequited lust. Whatever it was that I felt for Travis.
I pulled my earbuds from my ears and stepped off my machine even though I’d only done twenty minutes. I needed to get upstairs before Travis finished working out. I didn’t want to come up with a good excuse about why I had to keep the door to our rooms closed.
I’m sorry, Trav, but I need to masturbate while I think of you fucking me. I’ll be done in five minutes. Later.
Even though I would be way too embarrassed to ever say that to him, I laughed at the expression I imagined on his face.
“Hey, I’m going to head upstairs,” I told Travis as I walked by.
“Hold up, man,” he said to his new friend and turned to me. “Are you sure? Did you need me to spot you or something?”
I could tell he was worried that I thought he’d ditched me or something.
“No, no, you’re fine. I wasn’t even going to work out today. So, I’m already ahead of myself even though I didn’t do it long.” I smiled, so he would know that I wasn’t upset.
“You’re sure?”
“Yes.” I waved him off. “Stay. Don’t worry about me.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in about a half hour. Maybe forty-five minutes.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I repeated over my shoulder, already halfway to the door.
I rushed upstairs to my room. The first thing I did was close my adjoining door, but it wouldn’t close all the way.
Damn it. That would explain why it hadn’t closed when I shut it last night.
I wasn’t going to take a chance on leaving my door open, so I shut Travis’s door. I couldn’t lock it, but with his shut and mine almost shut, I should be good. Plus, I still had twenty-five minutes. As the person who knew my body the best, it wouldn’t take me that long.
I dug around in my suitcase for my travel vibrator, Tripp. Yes, I had a vibrator that I used strictly for traveling. After forgetting it a couple of times, I’d decided to buy a copy of my favorite battery-operated boyfriend, so I would never forget it, and I would never have to worry about grabbing the charger from my nightstand.
I pulled the shades closed and turned off all the lights, giving the room a nice, soothing atmosphere. I could only see a small amount of sunlight seeping through the slight crack between the shades and the walls.
Since I needed to take a shower after sweating from the gym, I stripped off my sweaty clothes, so I could head to the bathroom once I finished pleasuring myself.
Normally, I just lay down on my bed and went to town, but since someone could walk in, like a maid who didn’t know how to knock, I got under my covers.
I turned Tripp on but soon realized that my room was too silent. I needed music.
I got up and grabbed my phone. In retrospect, I should have pulled out my headphones and just set it on the nightstand, but instead, I stuck only one earbud in, thinking I could hear if someone knocked or something with my other ear.
Then, I pulled up some eye candy and went to town.
Travis ended his workout session a little early to check on Sydney. She’d acted a little weird down in the gym. He’d thought they’d settled everything with the middle-of-the-night incident, and he hoped she wasn’t worrying about it again.
Truth be told, he hadn’t wanted her to stop. But, when he’d realized that she was half-asleep, he’d known the right thing to do was to wake her up. He hadn’t known she would beat herself up so much. Part of him wished he’d just taken her hand off him and rolled her away, so she wouldn’t have felt so guilty.
He walked into his hotel room and threw his phone on the bed. The first thing he noticed was that his door to their adjoining rooms was closed. He frowned. He didn’t remember closing it. It seemed odd because why would Sydney shut his door when she could just close her own?
Then, he heard a noise coming from her room. He paused to listen a moment. It sounded like she was crying out or yelling.
He quickly yanked his door open, worried that someone was hurting her. The hotel they were in was nice, but he had no idea what the area was like, such as the crime rate. Maybe someone had broken in, and that person had closed his door.
Sydney’s door was open just a crack, so he peeked inside. If someone were in there, the element of surprise would be best.
He didn’t see anyone right away, but it was dark in her room. That didn’t seem right to him either. He slowly pushed her door open further. There was no masked man or intruder, but he did hear Sydney cry out again.
“Travis,” she cried out.
He could see a lump moving around under the covers. He couldn’t see her head, and now, he was worried that someone was under there. That she was trying to defend herself, and she was calling out for him to help her.
He marched over to the bed and jerked the covers off, intending to defend her.
My eyes opened the second the cool air hit my body. I could only see that someone was standing over me. I screamed and used the only thing I could to defend myself.
I launched my vibrator right at the pervert and smacked him in the forehead.
His hand flew up to cover half of his face as he turned and fell back onto the end of my bed. “What the fuck, Sydney?”
I gasped and jumped out of my bed. “Oh my God. Travis?”
“That’s me.”
I turned on the lamp next to my bed. “I thought you were someone who’d broken in to hurt me.”
He chuckled and then stopped right away. “Ow. That’s funny because I thought someone was in here, hurting you.”
I went to the end of the bed and leaned down next to him. “Why?”
“I heard you cry out.”
It was then that I remembered I was naked, and Travis had just caught me masturbating. “Yeah …”
He sat up and look
ed at the floor where Tripp was still vibrating.
He raised his brow and dropped his hand. He had a big red mark on his forehead above his eye. I winced.
“I see now that I interrupted you.”
I crawled over to my vibrator and shut it off, and I shoved it to the back of the cubbyhole at the bottom of the nightstand.
“Um … yeah,” I admitted awkwardly. “I’d better go shower.” I stood and walked toward the bathroom with as much feigned calm as I could muster, grabbing my robe on the way. “I’ll talk to you later.” I went in and shut the door, and I leaned against it, letting my head fall back with a thump.
I thought I was cursed when it came to Travis. I kept embarrassing myself. And my little crush wasn’t going anywhere. Thank God we hadn’t discussed doing any more book signings together because I didn’t think my blood pressure could handle it.
I stepped away from the door and turned on the water, wondering briefly if I could just drown myself instead of facing him again.
I quickly showered and securely wrapped my robe around me. Then, I went in search of Travis.
I wanted to make sure I hadn’t ruined his handsome face. The book signing wasn’t until tomorrow, but there was an author meet-and-greet tonight, and I would feel awful if he had to walk around with a lump on his forehead.
Both our adjoining doors were ajar, but I knocked before I went into his room. “Travis?”
“In here,” he said from the open bathroom.
I walked over and paused when I got to the doorway. He was only in a pair of boxers, and while he looked damn good, what really caught my eye was the bruise already forming on his forehead.
I rushed inside and turned his head toward me. “Oh my God, I’ve ruined you.”
He laughed. “It’ll heal.”
I brushed my thumb over it. “I’m sorry. I had no idea my … toy could be so deadly.” I looked down into his eyes and blushed.
He was even more beautiful up close, and his gaze was a powerful force, watching me.
Travis put his hands on my hips and swung us around until my butt was against the bathroom counter. I didn’t know where to put my own hands, so I rested them on his biceps.
Object of My Desire Page 9