Chapter XXV
NEITHER could Vinicius discover the cause of what had happened; and inthe bottom of his soul he was almost as much astonished as Chilo. Thatthose people should treat him as they had, and, instead of avenging hisattack, dress his wounds carefully, he ascribed partly to the doctrinewhich they confessed, more to Lygia, and a little, also, to his greatsignificance. But their conduct with Chilo simply went beyond hisunderstanding of man's power of forgiveness. And the question thrustitself into his mind: Why did they not kill the Greek? They might havekilled him with impunity. Ursus would have buried him in the garden,or borne him in the dark to the Tiber, which during that period ofnight-murders, committed by Caesar himself even, cast up human bodies sofrequently in the morning that no one inquired whence they came. To histhinking, the Christians had not only the power, but the right to killChilo. True, pity was not entirely a stranger to that world to whichthe young patrician belonged. The Athenians raised an altar to pity, andopposed for a long time the introduction of gladiatorial combats intoAthens. In Rome itself the conquered received pardon sometimes, as, forinstance, Calicratus, king of the Britons, who, taken prisoner in thetime of Claudius, and provided for by him bountifully, dwelt in the cityin freedom. But vengeance for a personal wrong seemed to Vinicius, as toall, proper and justified. The neglect of it was entirely opposed tohis spirit. True, he had heard in Ostrianum that one should love evenenemies; that, however, he considered as a kind of theory withoutapplication in life. And now this passed through his head: that perhapsthey had not killed Chilo because the day was among festivals, or was insome period of the moon during which it was not proper for Christiansto kill a man. He had heard that there are days among various nationson which it is not permitted to begin war even. But why, in such a case,did they not deliver the Greek up to justice? Why did the Apostle saythat if a man offended seven times, it was necessary to forgive himseven times; and why did Glaucus say to Chilo, "May God forgive thee, asI forgive thee"?
Chilo had done him the most terrible wrong that one man could doanother. At the very thought of how he would act with a man who killedLygia, for instance, the heart of Vinicius seethed up, as does waterin a caldron; there were no torments which he would not inflict in hisvengeance! But Glaucus had forgiven; Ursus, too, had forgiven,--Ursus,who might in fact kill whomever he wished in Rome with perfect impunity,for all he needed was to kill the king of the grove in Nemi, and takehis place. Could the gladiator holding that office to which he hadsucceeded only by killing the previous "king," resist the man whomCroton could not resist? There was only one answer to all thesequestions: that they refrained from killing him through a goodness sogreat that the like of it had not been in the world up to that time, andthrough an unbounded love of man, which commands to forget one's self,one's wrongs, one's happiness and misfortune, and live for others.What reward those people were to receive for this, Vinicius heard inOstrianum, but he could not understand it. He felt, however, that theearthly life connected with the duty of renouncing everything good andrich for the benefit of others must be wretched. So in what he thoughtof the Christians at that moment, besides the greatest astonishment,there was pity, and as it were a shade of contempt. It seemed to himthat they were sheep which earlier or later must be eaten by wolves; hisRoman nature could yield no recognition to people who let themselvesbe devoured. This one thing struck him, however,--that after Chilo'sdeparture the faces of all were bright with a certain deep joy. TheApostle approached Glaucus, placed his hand on his head, and said,--"Inthee Christ has triumphed."
The other raised his eyes, which were full of hope, and as brightwith joy as if some great unexpected happiness had been poured on him.Vinicius, who could understand only joy or delight born of vengeance,looked on him with eyes staring from fever, and somewhat as he wouldon a madman. He saw, however, and saw not without internal indignation,that Lygia pressed her lips of a queen to the hand of that man, who hadthe appearance of a slave; and it seemed to him that the order of theworld was inverted utterly. Next Ursus told how he had conducted Chiloto the street, and had asked forgiveness for the harm which he mighthave done his bones; for this the Apostle blessed him also. Crispusdeclared that it was a day of great victory. Hearing of this victory,Vinicius lost the thread of his thought altogether.
But when Lygia gave him a cooling draught again, he held her hand for amoment, and asked,--"Then must thou also forgive me?"
"We are Christians; it is not permitted us to keep anger in the heart."
"Lygia," said he, "whoever thy God is, I honor Him only because He isthine."
"Thou wilt honor Him in thy heart when thou lovest Him."
"Only because He is thine," repeated Vinicius, in a fainter voice; andhe closed his eyes, for weakness had mastered him again.
Lygia went out, but returned after a time, and bent over him to learn ifhe were sleeping. Vinicius, feeling that she was near, opened his eyesand smiled. She placed her hand over them lightly, as if to incline himto slumber. A great sweetness seized him then; but soon he felt moregrievously ill than before, and was very ill in reality. Night had come,and with it a more violent fever. He could not sleep, and followed Lygiawith his eyes wherever she went.
At times he fell into a kind of doze, in which he saw and heardeverything which happened around him, but in which reality was mingledwith feverish dreams. It seemed to him that in some old, desertedcemetery stood a temple, in the form of a tower, in which Lygia waspriestess. He did not take his eyes from her, but saw her on the summitof the tower, with a lute in her hands, all in the light, like thosepriestesses who in the night-time sing hymns in honor of the moon,and whom he had seen in the Orient. He himself was climbing up windingsteps, with great effort, to bear her away with him. Behind was creepingup Chilo, with teeth chattering from terror, and repeating, "Do notdo that, lord; she is a priestess, for whom He will take vengeance."Vinicius did not know who that He was, but he understood that he himselfwas going to commit some sacrilege, and he felt a boundless fear also.But when he went to the balustrade surrounding the summit of the tower,the Apostle with his silvery beard stood at Lygia's side on a sudden,and said:
"Do not raise a hand; she belongs to me." Then he moved forward withher, on a path formed by rays from the moon, as if on a path made toheaven. He stretched his hands toward them, and begged both to take himinto their company.
Here he woke, became conscious, and looked before him. The lamp on thetall staff shone more dimly, but still cast a light sufficiently clear.All were sitting in front of the fire warming themselves, for the nightwas chilly, and the chamber rather cold. Vinicius saw the breath comingas steam from their lips. In the midst of them sat the Apostle; at hisknees, on a low footstool, was Lygia; farther on, Glaucus, Crispus,Miriam, and at the edge, on one side Ursus, on the other Miriam's sonNazarius, a youth with a handsome face, and long, dark hair reachingdown to his shoulders.
Lygia listened with eyes raised to the Apostle, and every head wasturned toward him, while he told something in an undertone. Viniciusgazed at Peter with a certain superstitious awe, hardly inferior to thatterror which he felt during the fever dream. The thought passed throughhis mind that that dream had touched truth; that the gray-haired manthere, freshly come from distant shores, would take Lygia from himreally, and take her somewhere away by unknown paths. He felt sure alsothat the old man was speaking of him, perhaps telling how to separatehim from Lygia, for it seemed to him impossible that any one could speakof aught else. Hence, collecting all his presence of mind, he listenedto Peter's words.
But he was mistaken altogether, for the Apostle was speaking of Christagain.
"They live only through that name," thought Vinicius.
The old man was describing the seizure of Christ. "A company came, andservants of the priest to seize Him. When the Saviour asked whom theywere seeking, they answered, 'Jesus of Nazareth.' But when He said tothem, 'I am He,' they fell on the ground, and dared not raise a hand onHim. Only after the second inquiry did they seize Him."
Here the Apostle stopped, stretched his hands toward the fire andcontinued:--"The night was cold, like this one, but the heart in mewas seething; so, drawing a sword to defend Him, I cut an ear from theservant of the high-priest. I would have defended Him more than my ownlife had He not said to me, 'Put thy sword into the sheath: the cupwhich my Father has given me, shall I not drink it?' Then they seizedand bound Him."
When he had spoken thus far, Peter placed his palm on his forehead,and was silent, wishing before he went further to stop the crowd ofhis recollections. But Ursus, unable to restrain himself, sprang to hisfeet, trimmed the light on the staff till the sparks scattered ingolden rain and the flame shot up with more vigor. Then he sat down, andexclaimed:
"No matter what happened. I--"
He stopped suddenly, for Lygia had put her finger to her lips. But hebreathed loudly, and it was clear that a storm was in his soul; andthough he was ready at all times to kiss the feet of the Apostle, thatact was one he could not accept; if some one in his presence had raisedhands on the Redeemer, if he had been with Him on that night--Oi!splinters would have shot from the soldiers, the servants of the priest,and the officials. Tears came to his eyes at the very thought of this,and because of his sorrow and mental struggle; for on the one hand hethought that he would not only have defended the Redeemer, but wouldhave called Lygians to his aid,--splendid fellows,--and on the other, ifhe had acted thus he would have disobeyed the Redeemer, and hindered thesalvation of man. For this reason he could not keep back his tears.
After a while Peter took his palm from his forehead, and resumed thenarrative. But Vinicius was overpowered by a new feverish, waking dream.What he heard now was in his mind mixed up with what the Apostle hadtold the night previous in Ostrianum, of that day in which Christappeared on the shore of the sea of Tiberius. He saw a sheet of waterbroadly spread out; on it the boat of a fisherman, and in the boat Peterand Lygia. He himself was moving with all his might after that boat, butpain in his broken arm prevented him from reaching it. The wind hurledwaves in his eyes, he began to sink, and called with entreating voicefor rescue. Lygia knelt down then before the Apostle, who turned hisboat, and reached an oar, which Vinicius seized: with their assistancehe entered the boat and fell on the bottom of it.
It seemed to him, then, that he stood up, and saw a multitude of peoplesailing after them. Waves covered their heads with foam; in the whirlonly the hands of a few could be seen; but Peter saved the drowning timeafter time, and gathered them into his boat, which grew larger, as ifby a miracle. Soon crowds filled it, as numerous as those which werecollected in Ostrianum, and then still greater crowds. Vinicius wonderedhow they could find place there, and he was afraid that they would sinkto the bottom. But Lygia pacified him by showing him a light on thedistant shore toward which they were sailing. These dream pictures ofVinicius were blended again with descriptions which he had heard inOstrianum, from the lips of the Apostle, as to how Christ had appearedon the lake once. So that he saw now in that light on the shore acertain form toward which Peter was steering, and as he approachedit the weather grew calmer, the water grew smoother, the light becamegreater. The crowd began to sing sweet hymns; the air was filled withthe odor of nard; the play of water formed a rainbow, as if from thebottom of the lake lilies and roses were looking, and at last the boatstruck its breast safely against the sand. Lygia took his hand then, andsaid, "Come, I will lead thee!" and she led him to the light.
Vinicius woke again; but his dreaming ceased slowly, and he did notrecover at once the sense of reality. It seemed for a time to him thathe was still on the lake, and surrounded by crowds, among which, notknowing the reason himself, he began to look for Petronius, and wasastonished not to find him. The bright light from the chimney, at whichthere was no one at that time, brought him completely to his senses.Olive sticks were burning slowly under the rosy ashes; but the splintersof pine, which evidently had been put there some moments before, shotup a bright flame, and in the light of this, Vinicius saw Lygia, sittingnot far from his bedside.
The sight of her touched him to the depth of his soul. He rememberedthat she had spent the night before in Ostrianum, and had busied herselfthe whole day in nursing him, and now when all had gone to rest, she wasthe only one watching. It was easy to divine that she must be wearied,for while sitting motionless her eyes were closed. Vinicius knew notwhether she was sleeping or sunk in thought. He looked at her profile,at her drooping lashes, at her hands lying on her knees; and in hispagan head the idea began to hatch with difficulty that at the side ofnaked beauty, confident, and proud of Greek and Roman symmetry, thereis another in the world, new, immensely pure, in which a soul has itsdwelling.
He could not bring himself so far as to call it Christian, but,thinking of Lygia, he could not separate her from the religion which sheconfessed. He understood, even, that if all the others had gone to rest,and she alone were watching, she whom he had injured, it was because herreligion commanded her to watch. But that thought, which filled him withwonder for the religion, was disagreeable to him. He would rather thatLygia acted thus out of love for him, his face, his eyes, his statuesqueform,--in a word for reasons because of which more than once snow-whiteGrecian and Roman arms had been wound around his neck.
Still he felt all at once, that, were she like other women, somethingwould be lacking in her. He was amazed, and knew not what was happeningin him; for he saw that new feelings of some kind were rising in him,new likings, strange to the world in which he had lived hitherto.
She opened her eyes then, and, seeing that Vinicius was gazing at her,she approached him and said,--"I am with thee."
"I saw thy soul in a dream," replied he.
Quo Vadis: A Narrative of the Time of Nero Page 25