He crouched down.
Forest did that when he was trying to make a point but didn't want to seem overbearing. I kind of loved the tiny gesture.
"Rub one out?"
Heat flooded my cheeks, and it wasn't from the steam.
"Um…yeah."
He released my hands and ran his fingers through the stringy mess of his hair.
"That's kind of what I want to talk with you about."
"Okay?" What was he asking me?
He glanced over my shoulder, and I spun to follow the direction of his gaze. He was checking out the door and the modicum of privacy it allowed.
"Do you remember what I said about being watched?"
"I do, but you said there weren't any cameras."
"There aren't, but there are still eyes and ears watching us, studying us, and reporting back about us."
"Oh."
"It would be best if you didn't hesitate to take a shower with me or go to bed with me. If that makes sense." He covered his awkwardness by speaking plainly, but I felt the hitching in his voice with the rapid spike in my heart rate.
I didn't want to undress and mess up my hair and makeup. Although, why I cared about that confused me.
I went to the effort because of the importance Paul had placed on making myself presentable. If I could become invisible, maybe Snowden would forget about me. If he forgot about me, then I couldn't be used to hurt Forest.
But I understood Forest's need to speak with me privately and what he was trying to tell me about being watched.
I nodded and tugged at the buttons of my shirt.
Two days ago, the idea of being naked in a shower with my boss would have seemed an impossibility. Now, it merely felt practical.
Practical.
Not intimate.
Not sexual.
But, practical.
I hated that.
I hated the simmering chemistry between Forest and the man in the other room. It wasn't fair. There was no spark between me and Forest. Instead, we had an intimate familiarity that wasn't sexual.
Jealousy didn't suit me. It was crazy to be jealous. Forest wasn't interested in Paul above some weird physical attraction.
Forest waited while I removed my clothes. His penetrating intensity made me feel self-conscious as his gaze raked my body from head to toe. If I didn't know better, I would say his erection grew, but that had to be a mistake.
Once naked, I stepped under the spray of water, ruining my makeup and hair. It didn't matter. I'd avoided the shower because I didn't want to leave Forest alone with Paul. Now, I could take my time and wash away my pain.
Forest slowly removed his pajamas. With the steam, everything was indistinct. Not that I needed to see his body. Every ridge and valley of hardened muscle had been indelibly imprinted in my head.
He stepped in, and I moved out of the water to let him have it. There was the briefest shake of his head before he took my hands in his and pulled me close.
We stood chest to chest, hip to hip, and the long length of his arousal pressed against my belly. He leaned down until his forehead touched mine.
"God, Sara, I would never ask this of you, but…"
"But what?"
Ask what?
"I don't trust Snowden."
"Okay?"
"When we touch, it needs to appear natural. We can't let him know…" He released one of my hands and placed his on my waist. "I need to familiarize myself with your curves and get you attuned to my touch. Will you let me touch you?"
Touch me?
Slowly, nearly reverently, his hand moved. He walked his fingers to my belly and slowly inched them up until he barely touched the swell of my breasts.
"There are many ways for him to hurt me. Using you is one of them."
Holy shit!
I finally understood.
I understood what he was trying to tell me and what he wanted.
"Forest…"
He flinched then gave a long, slow swallow. "I know it's too much to ask, and I'm so very sorry you're in this position. It's not my intent to force you to do anything. I think I can keep you safe…and not force you to…" He barely got the words out before his voice broke.
It was all I could do to hold it together. This was everything I wanted, with one big exception. I was the one who didn't want to force him to do something he found repulsive. He tried to tell me what Snowden had made him do to Skye. I hadn't put the pieces together until now.
That's how Snowden would use me, and I remembered Snowden's words. Only Forest would fuck me.
Holy shit.
Forest's body trembled, and the low huffing coming from his chest were sobs.
Was Forest crying?
He was falling apart in my arms.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Sara
What was I supposed to do? There was no rule book for this kind of thing.
“I need you to touch me.” He reached for my wrist, then hovered over my hand. “The first time…I don’t want the first time to be in front of him. If you hesitate, he’ll know. He’ll…”
“Hurt us more.”
Forest gave a sharp shake of his head. “I know what I’m asking is wrong, but…”
I wrapped my arms around him and placed my cheek to his chest. His heart thundered beneath my ear, and the deep pull of his lungs drew breath deep into his body. His entire body vibrated with disgust, or maybe revulsion.
I remembered what he’d said about Skye, how he’d been forced to have sex with her, but, more importantly, how he grew to crave it.
Is that what would happen to us?
Would my touch repulse him because of what Snowden would make us do?
I couldn’t allow that.
We may not be fated to be together, but dammit if we wouldn’t come out of this with our friendship intact.
Before we began, I needed to know one thing.
“Forest…”
“Yes?”
“Is there anything remotely interesting about me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Physically? Do you find anything remotely attractive about me? Does the thought of touching me disgust you? Or are you just as interested as I am to know what it would feel like to make love?”
Make love? I sounded like an idiot. Who said stuff like that? Evidently, I did.
“Sara?” His voice broke. “Do you mean…are you interested in me?”
I could tease out the answers to the questions swirling in my head, but I wouldn’t do that. He’d lost too much.
“Don’t you know?” I asked.
“Know what?”
I tilted my head to look up at him. “That I’m desperately in love with you? That I always have been?”
His face paled, and he took a step back, not in horror but shock.
“What are you saying?”
I pressed my hand over his heart. This was going to be hard to say, harder to admit, but to get through this we had to do it together.
I bit my lower lip, using the pinch of pain to fortify myself. Then, I looked up at him. Very slowly, I took his hand in mine and lifted it until it hovered over my breast.
“Touch me.”
“You don’t have to do this.” His expression looked pained, but sparks of desire flashed in his icy gaze. Heat simmered there, thawing the icy paleness to a deep, tumultuous blue.
A soft laugh escaped me with his hesitation, and I knew. This was our time.
“Don’t let him take this from us. Our first time should be ours, on our terms.” I released his hand, letting it hover over my breasts. He would need to decide if I was what he wanted. Meanwhile, I took a slight step back, never breaking eye contact with him I reached between us and took what I wanted.
He gasped as my fingers wrapped around his penis, and his smoldering gaze turned to me.
Hyperaware of everything around us, my grip tightened as his entire body jerked in anticipation.
“Holy fuck.” That’s al
l he managed before I slid my hand from root to crown, finally taking in the full, hardened length of him. His hips bucked, and he placed his hand over mine. “Is this really what you want?”
I gave a slight nod. “Is that okay?”
Acutely aware of our surroundings, and our circumstances, this wasn’t how I would’ve envisioned this moment, but I would take it. I would take whatever he was willing to give.
And I would treasure it forever.
Slowly, I bent forward and placed my lips over his heart. My kiss was soft and gentle. I needed this, probably more than I was willing to admit.
I wanted to slide my hands around his hips, grab his ass, and skim my fingers back up and over his lower back while I went to my knees and traced my tongue down the downy patch of blond hair leading from his navel down to the root of his cock.
My one desire was to give him pleasure, the kind he could take freely and enjoy. Not something ripped from his unwilling body.
I wanted to be the one good thing in his life; his light in the darkness.
I looked up at him, willing to sink to my knees, and waited for him to respond. I wouldn’t force this on him, but he needed to meet me halfway.
He stared at me, eyelids heavy with arousal, breaths deepening with desire, and lips parting to either begin or end this.
I released my grip, knowing the stimulation would be too much for him if I wanted him to think.
And Forest would think.
He would analyze this from every angle, using logic to arrive at a decision.
What I wouldn’t give to get inside his head and shut off his mind.
I wanted him to feel not think.
The look in his eyes swallowed me whole. His jaw flexed, muscles bunching as the possibilities ran through his powerful mind. Slowly, he lifted his hands and gripped my upper arms.
His voice was raw, ragged, and a little unhinged. “You want… me?” His brows pinched together and formed a little furrow between them.
Frustratingly dense when it came to people, his disbelief wasn’t a surprise. It still, however, cut deep. Clearly, it never occurred to him, although he’d had over a decade to miss every damn clue.
“I always have.” I gave a little nod and glanced down. If he didn’t do something soon, my heart was going to break and shatter all over the damn floor.
“How did I not know?” His voice sounded solemn and sad.
“Because you’re a dumbass! I’ve been right in front of you this whole time! Kiss me already.”
Forest grabbed me and pushed me against the shower wall.
I didn’t have enough time to register what happened before Forest crushed his lips against mine. Raw, potent, and violent, his desire ripped through me.
He pressed me against the tiles, and the realization of what was happening ripped through me. The rawness of my need ricocheted through me, barreling straight to my core, where it pulsed and flared into an intense ache between the apex of my legs.
His fingers tightened painfully on my arms as his lips pressed against mine. My head felt light and fuzzy. Delirious happiness spread through me, warming my heart and made me believe the impossible.
Forest wanted me too.
His mouth was on me, taking and plundering. Ravenous with his need, he filled me with his taste. Dark, warm, and sensual, I was an instant addict.
My hands danced up his body, wrapping around his back as I traced out the ridges along his spine.
Forest was all ripped and sculpted perfection, and I was finally going to get a chance to explore every inch of him.
Only, I wasn’t the one in control. Forest lead the charge, taking, claiming, and kissing me into intoxicated bliss. His need was palpable and growing between us with an urgency neither of us could deny.
“Sara…” Low, throaty, and hoarse with desire, my name spilled from his mouth in a way I’d never heard it before. It was raw, carnal, and everything I could have wanted.
He wants me too!
My head spun with that knowledge.
Forest wanted me.
Me!
I would have given a little cheer, except Forest’s mouth was on me, kissing me, loving me, making love to me.
And his hands.
His incredible, strong hands moved with confidence. His fingers slid down my arms, then moved to my waist. Encircled by his massive hands, he broke them apart to move up and cup my breasts, kneading them as he kissed me into oblivion.
His thumbs worked my nipples into tight little buds, making my toes curl, and my eyes roll into the back of my head with the intensity of the pleasure racing through my body.
He chanted my name. Saying it over and over as his kisses moved from my lips to the angle of my jaw. He nuzzled the soft spot by my ear, gave a little nip to my ear lobe, then continued down, biting along my neck until he stopped at my collar bone.
“I can’t believe this. God, but I need you. I’ve wanted to have you forever.”
I dug my fingers into his hair, loving how it felt exactly as I’d always imagined.
He stooped down, his mouth moving in a relentless path to my cleavage. His nose pressed into the soft swell of my breasts, and he paused, simply breathing me in.
I took in a breath, crazy this was happening at all, then gave a little shriek when his mouth latched onto a nipple. The tip of his tongue darted out, and the delicate skin drew taut, pebbling my nipple, and driving me insane.
My fingers dug into his scalp as I lifted on tiptoe and pressed my breasts into his face. He shifted to the other side and gave the same determined attention to that nipple as the first. Desire rose within me, sparking with delicious crackles of electricity shooting along my nerves.
I’d heard, and dismissed, stories of women coming from nipple play alone, but damn if I wasn’t close.
The burning ache between my legs, combined with the intensity he laved on my nipples, increased my pleasure, building it higher and higher.
“Forest, oh God, Forest!”
He went to his knees and looked up at me. A smoky haze covered his hooded eyes, and his pupils were blown out by his lust.
“I need to feel you inside of me.” I wasn’t against begging.
His lips pressed together, and I swore a frown turned at the corners of his decadent mouth, but it was all lost on me the moment he placed his mouth over my sex. A screech escaped me, and I quickly covered my mouth. Aware of Paul sitting in the other room, there was no need to advertise what was going on in here.
But keeping quiet proved impossible as anticipation rioted through me. Forest stimulated my nerve endings and drove me up an impossible cliff when his fingers found my clit.
Desperation filled me, and my sex answered with throbbing intensity. Dizzy, aching, and wanting more, I fell apart as his fingers stimulated my nerves until I found myself teetering on a precipice.
Just a little more and I would fall head over heels into oblivion.
The heat of his mouth returned as he sucked on my clit. The rough flicking of his tongue over the tight bundle of nerves drove me insane.
My breaths came as fast pants.
“Christ, Sara,” he said with his face buried against my sex. “You taste fucking amazing.”
The gentle draw of his lips and tongue had my fingers digging into his scalp and pulling at his thick, white-blond hair. My hips flexed against his mouth as I shamelessly ground against him.
Just a little more, and I would fly.
He seemed to understand, gripped my hips, and devoured me.
Blood pounded in my ears as his wicked tongue sent insane sensations rocketing through my body. Every nerve ending lit up.
He found a rhythm and kept me on that edge. With a quickening of his tempo, breaths stuttered out of me as he pushed me to the brink. With his fingers digging into my skin, the flick of his tongue brought a scream from my lungs. I finally tumbled over that precipice and shattered in his arms.
Panting in short, sharp breaths, I flew with the force o
f the most intense orgasm I’d ever experienced.
Forest rose to his feet and caught me, arms wrapped around me, lips pressed against mine, I rode the waves of my orgasm in his arms and with our lips locked together.
When I could speak, I braved his gaze.
“That was incredible. It was everything I imagined. I need you. I want to feel you inside of me.”
I wanted to complete our union and bring him the same dizzying pleasure where we could finally meld our bodies together, joining us as one.
His expression fell, and he gave a slow blink.
“Sara…” He shook his head, and something shifted inside of me.
Was that it? Was he going to say no? Before I could voice my worries, or give light to the fear festering inside of me, he leaned his forehead against mine.
“We can’t.”
“But why not?” I clung to him, not wanting to know this answer, but needing him to tell me the truth.
He didn’t want me. This had simply been a show for Snowden’s lackey in the other room.
I didn’t know if I could live with that.
I’d loved Forest from the moment he freed me from my abusive foster home. He was my knight in shining armor. As soon as I could, I went to work for him. I never left his side. I couldn’t.
He couldn’t look me in the eye, and my insides felt as if they were being ripped apart. They shifted inside of me, shredding me from the inside out.
“I’m clean, Sara. I’ve always been tested, and I use condoms every time I’m with a man, but…” He swallowed thickly and took in a slow, measured breath. “Snowden…he…I…”
Pain filled his expression, and I understood. Snowden raped him without protection. Forest couldn’t have sex without exposing me to whatever diseases Snowden may, or may not, be carrying.
It never crossed my mind how thorough Snowden’s degradation had been and would continue to be. He defiled Forest in every way.
“Oh, Forest!”
“It’s okay.” He tried to shrug it off, but I could tell it bothered him.
He told me it was just a body, but it wasn’t. It was everything.
His eyes crinkled, and he placed the pad of his thumb beneath my chin. A boyish grin filled his face, as well as a blush.
Forest's Fall (Captive Hearts Book 3) Page 20