I think I understood, but I didn’t know why.
“He’s never going to fully trust you.” Forest kissed the crown of my head. “No matter how perfect you are, how compliant, he knows you’re mine. And he’ll test you. At some point, he’ll test your loyalty. If you think you see an opportunity to get the word out or escape, it’ll be a setup. You mustn’t take it.”
“That makes no sense.”
“It’s the only way. And as far as Paul is concerned, he needs to trust you too. Don’t ever let your guard down around him.”
“I don’t like Paul. I’ll never trust him.” I paused and wondered if I should broach this subject. I shouldn’t, but it bothered me. “The things he says about you, are they true?”
“Don’t worry about what he says about me.”
“Is it true?”
“Is what true?”
“Are you attracted to him?”
Forest took a moment before answering.
“Am I attracted to him? The quick answer is yes. I find Paul appealing. He marks all the boxes, which is why Snowden picked him to be our guard.”
“But it’s more, right? More than attraction?”
Forest was the biggest, strongest, most dominating man I knew. He made others quake in their boots and didn’t bow to others. I couldn’t imagine him submitting to anyone, but that’s what Paul kept implying would happen.
His lips twisted into a smirk. “If what you’re asking is whether I’m submissive, I don’t have an easy answer. I’m more of what you call a switch and tend to lean more toward the dominant side. Have I ever submitted? I have. It’s been a part of my self-prescribed therapy over the years. I used to use drugs to self-medicate, then I discovered kink. Sometimes, when my mind grows dark, I need a very particular kind of release. But it’s always been under very controlled circumstances.”
“You confuse me. I can’t see you submitting to anyone.”
“I like dominant, aggressive sex with all the things that go along with that, but then there’s Paul. He’s a natural.”
“Natural?”
Forest gave a sharp shake of his head. “His dominance is palpable, intoxicating. Whether he’s strong enough to top me has yet to be decided, but I’m pretty sure he’s never been a bottom in his life. When we have sex, there’s only one way it’ll happen.”
When; not if.
Forest spoke as if it was inevitable. In our crazy, messed up world, it probably was.
“I need to read up on my knowledge of kink.” My voice quieted. “Is that what you want with me? To top me? I’ve never done that before.”
“Does it interest you?”
“It scares me.”
“I’m more interested in holding you, loving you, and making love to you. Tying you up and doing those things doesn’t feel like what we want.”
What we want?
Interesting use of pronouns.
His consideration for my wishes, needs, and desires was interesting. I turned it around because I wanted to know his thoughts.
“What do you want with me?”
“I want forever.”
Forest wasn’t a man good with words, and he was worse with expressing his feelings and those pesky emotions, but that was everything I needed to know.
“Can I ask you something?” Forest swept a wet strand of hair off my face.
“Anything.” I laid my cheek against his chest.
“Does it bother you that I like men?”
“It never did before.” My reply was nearly instantaneous. I glanced up at him, sensing unease in the way his body stiffened.
“But now that you and I are together, does it bother you?” There was a flush in his cheeks I’d never seen before. He bit at his lower lip, and his gaze danced between my eyes as he struggled to say whatever it was on his mind.
“I hadn’t thought about it.”
“I don’t know if I can give that side of myself up.” The muscles of his jaw bunched. “I don’t ever want to hurt you, but I don’t want to promise something I can’t give.”
The idea I wasn’t enough should be soul-crushing.
Oddly, it wasn’t.
I’d spent my life in love with a man who I thought couldn’t love me back. His need for men was something that was simply a part of him. That wasn’t just going to go away, which meant I would have to share him with others.
I waited for a seed of jealousy to sprout, but it didn’t. Maybe if it were another woman, I’d feel differently, but I didn’t feel threatened by the idea of other men.
“We’re a complicated mess, aren’t we?” I wrapped my hands around his neck. Tugging him down, I lifted on tiptoe to brush my lips lightly over his. He wrapped his arms around me, drawing me tight against his body.
“That we are.”
“I don’t want to stop what we’ve found. I’m not willing to give you up. If that means sharing you with another, or others, we’ll find a way to make it work.”
“You’re an incredible woman, the light of my life, and the hope that sees me through.”
If that’s what he needed from me, that’s what I would be for him. If I were completely honest, I wanted Forest all to myself. I couldn’t imagine another person having a piece of him, but I shoved those thoughts as deep as I could. Forest needed me by his side, on his side, and fighting with him.
“Snowden will separate us,” he said.
“He said he wouldn’t.”
“He wants more than my surrender.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
“That man is insanely in love with you, and I do mean insanely.”
“How do you know that?”
“He looks at you with such longing. I’ve never seen that before. He might think nothing about giving you to others or letting us stay together. I think he gets off on that power trip, but as long as the person you think of first is him, he has what he needs. And he desperately wants you to love him back.”
A knock sounded, and Paul poked his head inside. “You have twenty minutes. I suggest you don’t keep him waiting.”
“And so it begins,” Forest said.
“And so it begins,” I repeated.
We rushed through our shower, touching each other only in passing, but needing so much more.
Chapter Thirty-One
Forest
She wanted to talk about Snowden, but I asked her to leave it alone.
With Sara, I would make it through.
Without her, I would fall.
In hindsight, I wished I’d held that thought closer to my chest.
Paul stayed behind with Sara while Snowden took me away. We spent the morning in that basement where he released years of pent up fury on my body, whipping me to unconsciousness. Then he took me savagely until I bled.
When I thought I couldn’t take anymore, Snowden surprised me with a new game. He brought me outside, to a courtyard, where the cold air snapped the last reserves of my strength. Dark, pensive clouds blotted the sun, and lazy snowflakes drifted down where they disappeared on the hard ground.
Barefoot and nude, I shivered and hugged myself for warmth while I waited for whatever it was he intended. The gleam in his eyes told me it would be bad.
He settled himself in the corner of the courtyard where a cover kept the snow off him. Banks of heaters warmed him while I stamped my feet to prevent them from going numb. He signaled two of his men to come forward.
“To the victor goes the spoils.” Snowden gave an imperious wave while I tried to sort out this new hell.
The men looked to one another, huge grins splitting their faces. They came at me, circling me, spitting on me, while my attention shifted to Snowden.
That was a mistake.
The first man clocked me in the jaw while the other hit me in the solar plexus. They worked me in tandem, taking turns with their punches while I absorbed the pain and swallowed the rage boiling inside of me.
“Chop, chop, boy. You can fight back. That
’s what makes this fun. If you win, you may return to your rooms for the day.”
If I won?
The first man doubled me over with a punch to my gut.
“But if you lose…” Snowden fixed me with a maniacal stare. “These men win the right to take you however they please.”
I barely straightened before the next blow came. Hits to my kidneys stole my breath, but I didn’t fight back. This could be another one of Snowden’s tests.
In the end, I fell.
True to his word, Snowden gave me to his men. He watched for a time, fisting his cock, while the men took turns. Then he grew bored and left. By dinnertime, I could barely stand.
They dragged me back to my rooms, where they deposited me on the floor. I passed out and didn’t know I was alone until the sound of the door opening woke me.
Sara cried out and rushed to me.
Paul crouched beside her, his lips twisting. Covered in blood, cum, and piss, I was a mess.
Without a word, he lifted me to my feet.
“Can you walk?” He wrapped his arm around my waist, and I leaned on him. Half dragging, half carrying, he took me to the bathroom where he put me in the shower and propped me against the wall. Sara followed behind us, hands clutched tight at her waist, fingers twisting with worry.
“Can he stand?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” Paul leaned in close. “Can you?”
Some kind of noise escaped my mouth, but it wasn’t formed into words. I was beyond that.
“He’s such a mess. What are they doing to him?” Sara pulled at the hem of her shirt, lifting it over her head.
“You don’t want to know.” Paul unbuckled the collar at my neck, then removed the cuffs at my wrists. “Can you get the ones around his ankles?”
Sara shimmied out of her skirt and entered the shower in her bra and panties. I moved in and out of awareness because the next thing I knew, hot steaming water fell from the showerhead, and Paul stood beside me. He wasn’t wearing his shirt, and our skin brushed against each other.
The two of them worked together, almost as if they’d done this before. My mind drifted, splintering for a time, and I woke hours later with an angel wrapped around my body.
“You’re awake.” Sara lifted on an elbow and stared down at me. She leaned over and brushed her lips across my cheek.
A knock on the door drew my attention. Paul stood in the empty doorway.
“You have an hour to get ready.” He spun away, disappearing from view, while Sara tensed.
I drew back the covers, saying nothing, and swung around until my feet hit the floor. With a groan, I buried my face in my hands and drew forth the strength I would need for another day.
Like the previous one, Snowden took me to the basement. When I could barely function, he took me to the courtyard. He paired me up with only one man, a brute with a crooked nose, and a piercing in his ear.
Snowden took his seat beneath the heaters while the cold weather stole my remaining strength.
But today, I fought.
And I lost.
To the victor went the spoils.
Snowden jerked off while his man took me. It seemed beating me in the courtyard came with certain bragging rights because there was never a lack of opponents. After a week, I hadn’t fought the same man twice, and I lost every damn time.
When I was returned to the sanctuary of my room, half the time, Sara and Paul weren’t there. I yearned for those moments when I could crawl into the shower and wash away the filth of the day alone. When they were there, I accepted their help. Too weak to resist, the three of us became an odd trio of shower-buddies.
Paul kept silent while Sara fussed over me. Her delicate touches reminded me there was goodness left in the world. Paul’s masculine presence reminded me of other things.
Thankfully, my body was too tired to respond. My dick remained flaccid while he held me upright, and Sara cleansed my cuts and washed my body. Her tenderness was the only light in my life, and I sank into her delicate touch wishing for far more than the nightly ritual.
On those rare days when I didn’t pass out, I would sit on the couch and watch Paul and Sara as they played cards, or chess, or any of the growing number of board games that seemed to appear in our room as the days passed. When I crawled under the covers, Sara always followed. She curled up against me, snuggling tight, as I allowed myself to fall into a dreamless sleep.
This became my new normal, and with each passing day, Snowden chipped away at my resolve, breaking me down slowly.
Darkness consumed me.
Despair overtook me.
My sanity fled.
Snowden was winning our little war.
I spent my mornings with Sara, going through the motions of getting ready. At night, she attended to my bruises, washed my cuts, and held me while I wept. One might think this would keep us together.
It didn’t.
We drifted apart.
Or rather, I slipped away.
Each morning, I put Snowden’s collar around my neck and wrapped the leather cuffs around my wrists and ankles. He dangled Sara’s safety before me, horrific threats of rape, and worse if I wasn’t obedient.
I embraced every deviant desire he threw at me.
He wanted to whip me until I bled?
I bled.
He wanted to fuck me until I cried for him to stop?
I cried.
He wanted to torture me until I begged for it to end?
I begged.
But I withheld from him the one thing he craved above all else.
Snowden didn’t care about my surrender. He didn’t care about my pain. What he wanted was the one thing I had to give freely, but my affection wasn’t his to claim.
It was the only thing that kept me going.
It was the only thing that kept me sane.
Until the day the man waiting in the courtyard was one I knew all too well.
Paul’s fingers flexed. He rolled his shoulders and shifted his weight.
“Today is going to be a good match, my boy. I’ve been waiting to pit the two of you against each other.” Snowden reached for my groin. “Paul has been waiting.”
Movement in the corner drew my eye. Sara sat on one end of the couch, a blanket wrapped around her, with wide-terrified eyes locked to mine.
I took in a breath.
To the victor goes the spoils, but I was too weak from the beating Snowden had given me. My muscles ached from bone-deep bruising. My extremities had been sapped of their strength from hanging in chains. I had nothing left.
But wasn’t that the point?
Snowden took pleasure in the extreme, and he wanted to watch me fall.
“Well,” I said, “won’t this be fun.”
Snowden cackled. His laughter rolled through the courtyard and echoed off the walls. Overhead, clouds blocked the sun. Heavy with snow, they filled the air with a flurry of flakes as I faced Paul, stripped bare and practically defenseless.
“Afraid of meeting me in a fair fight?” I’d bested him once already. I could do it again.
“We play by his rules.” Paul lifted his fists. “Show me what you’ve got.”
I stepped forward, resigned to fight.
I didn’t know who threw the first punch.
We stood across from each other, sizing each other up, then fists flew. My fist slammed into his face while his fist punched my stomach.
Blood sprayed from the cut on his lip as he knocked the wind out of me. I stumbled against the pain and struggled to take a breath. Weakened by Snowden’s attentions, my arms moved like lead weights, lagging a half-second behind where I thought they should be.
Paul’s eyes narrowed.
I dodged his fist and brought up my own.
Scoring a direct hit on his jaw, his head snapped back. He shook off the blow, and his penetrating gaze bore into me.
Mesmerized, I missed it when he tilted his head back and slammed it into mine. Stars burst in my vi
sion, and I stumbled back, trying to shake it off.
In a blinding move, he did a roundhouse kick and connected the full force of his body against my solar plexus. Blinding pain shot through me, and I fell back, arms windmilling as I struggled to stay upright.
If I fell, it would be the end.
He followed the kick with his fists.
Flying in fast succession, it was all I could do to dodge. Pain erupted with each impact of his fists, and my vision blurred.
I broke apart from him, cleared my vision with a shake of my head, and dived back in. I grasped his head and yanked down while bringing my knee up to his nose. A blunt crack sounded, and I released him.
Blood poured from both his nostrils. He drew his fist back and plowed it into my stomach. My guts smashed together as agony ripped through me.
I repaid him by punching his jaw, battering it back and forth as I developed a pounding rhythm. It was a rhythm I couldn’t keep up.
My arms tired.
My punches slowed.
He danced away, evading my attempts to score a hit.
“Is that all you’ve got?” I wasn’t going to let him beat me.
“I’ve got that and more.” Paul danced from foot to foot, smirking infuriatingly at me. “Don’t make this easy on me. I like to earn my rewards.”
No need to say what reward waited for him. Paul would finally get his pound of flesh, taking from me like all the others.
I growled, blinded by rage, and threw myself at him. Blood hummed in my veins as anger took over.
Ducking my head, I dove at Paul with the full force of my towering frame. Arms wrapped around him, I knocked him off his feet and slammed him to the ground. Straddling him, my fist connected with his jaw, and pain blazed up my arm.
I grinned with satisfaction until a sudden gush of pain ripped through my body.
The bastard wrapped his fist around my balls and squeezed. He tightened his grip until I saw stars. My gut ached with blinding pain, and I thought I would puke. I howled and rolled to the side. The pain rippling through my abdomen was too intense.
I couldn’t see.
I couldn’t think.
I lost sight of Paul.
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