The Very Virile Viking

by Sandra Hill

  "Unfortunately, yes."

  "Why unfortunately?" Magnus put his hands on his hips, a mite offended at her choice of words. It wasn't that he wanted to be a knight in shining armor, precisely, but he did not like someone—anyone—thinking he could not be one if he chose.

  "Don't get your jockeys in a twist," she said with a laugh. "I just meant that if you were indeed the miracle she pleaded for, you were given no choice in the matter."

  Mollified, he nodded his understanding. I will show you a knight, m'lady skeptic. Just you wait and see. I can be knightly… especially at night. My brain is melting here.

  "Perchance you are correct, and the reason we time traveled is because Grandma Rose conjured us here with her papist beads, but methinks there may be another reason, as well." Torolf was rubbing his chin in a bemused fashion as he spoke. "I have been wondering if mayhap Uncle Rolf and Uncle Jorund time traveled, as well, and that for some reason we were meant to join them here."

  A half dozen jaws dropped with amazement at this theory… a theory that was not entirely implausible. Actually, when he had first left the Norselands, Magnus had had a notion to search for his brothers, but somewhere along the way he'd forgotten, or been distracted by all the other things that had happened. Never had he considered, though, way back then, that his search might involve travel through time.

  "And I have another idea," Jogeir spoke up, his chin jutting out defiantly. It was so unlike the boyling to appear belligerent that they gave him their full attention. "Has anyone… just one person… considered that in this new land, with all its modern inventions… there might be a way to repair my clubfoot?"

  It was such a simple question and so fervent that Magnus felt immediate guilt that he had not brought it up himself. He put a hand on Jogeir's shoulder. "You shame us, Jogeir… with good cause. We have all been so full of ourselves and our own complaints that we did not consider your greater need." Magnus looked toward Angela with an unspoken plea for help.

  "I cannot promise anything, Jogeir, but as soon as I get back to the house, I will make an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon. We will find the best possible doctor. I should not say this without seeing a doctor first, but I cannot imagine that there isn't an operation to help you." She cocked her head in question then, staring at Magnus. "Didn't you ever consult a doctor about his… uh, handicap?"

  "Of course. But those were tenth-century healers. I did my best, but that was then; this is now."

  They were silent for a while, pondering everything that had been said and the implications.

  "Okay, assuming I believe all this time-travel or miracle stuff, and I'm not sure I do, what next? Are you guys all going to bop off back to the past without warning one day? Are you deliberately going to try to go back? Or are you here to stay? Do you even have a choice?"

  "That is the question," Magnus said, and he could tell by the somber expressions on all his children's faces that they agreed. Angela had good reason to ask the question, too, because she was involved in a relationship with a man who might disappear any moment.

  "I do not want to go back," Kirsten said vehemently. "I like it here."

  "It would be hard fitting in here… at first," Torolf said, "but I think I could adapt. Mayhap someday I would want to go back, but right now my vote is to stay… if our voting even matters."

  "Me, too. Me, too. Me, too," the rest of the children said.

  Magnus looked at Angela, held the eye contact, and said in as meaningful a way as he could, "Me, too."

  "What would we do here, Father? What work would you do? Where would we live?" It was the ever-logical Storvald speaking.

  "I can answer that," Angela said, much to his surprise. "Since your father invested almost a million dollars in gold coins into the Blue Dragon, you all are welcome to stay here indefinitely… at least till it's clearer what is happening and what you all want to do. There are some immediate things that can be done, like tutors for all the children, school enrollment in the fall, driver's training for you, Magnus, and for Torolf… and dozens of other things."

  He cast Angela a thank-you smile. That was one worry off his mind—where they would stay and what he would do in the immediate future. The far-off future remained a mystery.

  "But I would advise all of you to keep this time-travel theory to yourselves," Angela cautioned. "If the news got out, you would have every scientist and quack entrepreneur at your doorstep, dissecting you physically, emotionally, intellectually. You would never be allowed to live a normal life."

  No one disagreed with that admonition as they sat contemplating how they would be regarded by this modern society. Not favorably, Magnus was sure. More like freaks.

  "I have thought on everything we have discussed here today, and I have come to a conclusion," Magnus said. "My brothers are the key to our future."

  "How so?" Angela asked.

  "If I am able to locate my brothers in this new land, in this time, then my brothers would surely know, after all this time, whether 'twas possible to stay here or not. It would mean that time travelers can relocate and stay in the place where God, or the miracle, has sent them… if they so choose."

  Angela focused on only one short phrase in all that he had said. "If they so choose?" she repeated.

  He wanted to say that he did so choose, but he could not do that yet. Not till he had a surer idea of what the future held.

  His silence must have been telling to Angela, though, because tears welled in her eyes before she turned, stricken, and left the gazebo.

  If you don't succeed, try, try again…

  "Angela, Mrs. Abruzzi, be reasonable," Gunther Morgan pleaded.

  He was sitting with her and Grandma in the front living room the next morning. After apologizing for his behavior the previous week, he began his usual campaign to buy the Blue Dragon. It was more than a coincidence that he chose to return at a time when Magnus and the boys were busy in one of the far vineyards with Miguel.

  "Why is it so important to you?" Grandma wanted to know. "You have a bigger property than ours. Why can't you be satisfied with what you've got?" Since Lida was ensconced in a high chair in the kitchen with Juanita, and the girls were off at the mall with Lily, Grandma lit up a cigarette and took a deep, satisfying inhalation. The bliss on her face almost made Angela want to take up the filthy habit herself. Almost.

  "I have four sons, Mrs. Abruzzi. Yes, I have a large property, but not big enough to satisfy all of them and their families. Plus, we are growing… the market is growing… but the amount of land remains the same."

  "Look to the other sides of you, then," Angela advised.

  "I have." Gunther sighed. "My neighbors are in the same situation as I am. They all have family dynasties they want to establish and only so much land."

  "I won't be pressured to sell, Gunther. I won't," Grandma said fiercely. "As long as I am breathing, the Blue Dragon will stay in Abruzzi hands."

  "But Angela isn't even married," he argued. "She may never have children to carry on your line here."

  "Whether I marry or not… whether I have children or not… is none of your business." Angela wanted to slap the false pity off the man's face, but she fisted her hands instead. "Never lose your cool" had been her motto in business for years, and it had served her well thus far.

  "You aren't even making wine here anymore, for chrissake!"

  "We're planning on starting up again," Angela lied.

  "You are?" Gunther asked, clearly shocked.

  "We are?" Grandma asked, then quickly covered her tracks by saying, "I mean, we are… very soon now."

  Gunther recovered his cool. "Be reasonable, ladies. You must have sustained severe damage from the recent fire. That, on top of your financial problems… well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see you're in trouble here."

  "You know an awful lot about what's happening at the Blue Dragon, don't you, Gunther?" Angela inquired, her eyes narrowed.

  "Only what everyone in the valley has
heard." Gunther's beet-red face belied his words.

  "The answer is no, Gunther," Grandma said, "and that is final."

  Gunther stood and picked up his straw hat from the love seat where he had been sitting. "This is all because of that giant Viking, isn't it? He's convinced you to hold on here, hasn't he? Big, steroid-ridden ape! Doesn't know good wine from pig spit, would be my guess. Thinks he can run a vineyard with that old codger, Miguel. Hah! They will never make this place prosperous again. Never!"

  Angela stood and advanced on Gunther. "Who are you to look down on Magnus? He's a better man than you are any day of the week. He's honest, hardworking, and a good father. Don't you dare disparage him. Don't you dare."

  Grandma was staring at her strangely. "Way to go, granddaughter!"

  "I'll tell you one thing," Gunther said, just before jamming his hat on his head and going outside. "Someone had better tell the Incredible Hulk to watch his step."

  Never make a Norseman mad…

  "Magnus, why are you mad at me?''

  Magnus was so blisteringly furious with Angela that his only response to her lack-wit question was to glare at her. She had dishonored him mightily by declining to call for his assistance and placing herself in danger's way.

  For the past ten minutes, Angela had been sitting at the large kitchen table with Magnus and his family, and he had barely spoken to her. Everyone was uncomfortable with the silence that hung in the air between them. Grandma Rose and Juanita kept exchanging worried glances intermixed with the rolling of their eyes. The children sat with their eyes downcast, eating a tasty dish called shrimp paella over rice that Juanita had just served along with a long loaf of crusty bread and a zesty arugula, tomato, onion, and mozzarella salad. Rose kept refilling the frosty glasses of iced tea. Jow had his head between his two front paws under the table, where he awaited droppings from Lida. Even Lida was especially quiet as she dug into the rice with her own tiny toddler spoon and drank milk from her sippy cup.

  "I will tell you why I am angry with you, Angela. You did not summon me when Gunther arrived, even though we have discussed in the past the threat he poses to the Blue Dragon and its people. Did I not order you to call me immediately if he came onto this property?"

  He saw Angela bristle at the word order. He had noticed that women in this country—and time— misliked the idea of a man being in control. They associated too much with man-haters like Carmen. Could they not see that there were times when only a man's might and authority would suffice?

  Lida must be turning into a modern female, because she made a little growly sound and flung a spoonful of rice onto his face with an almost gleeful-sounding, "Goo!"

  "But I told you about Gunther's visit right afterward," Angela persisted.

  He threw his hands in the air, after wiping the glob of rice off his face with a cloth. "What good did that do? He could have harmed you or Grandma Rose with no one nearby to defend you."

  "He wouldn't have done that." Angela had the cheek to argue with him. "Gunther's methods are more devious than that."

  "Are you never biddable?"

  "Sometimes," she said, tossing her hair back off her shoulder in a challenging manner. The witch was reminding him of just which times she had been biddable with him. Like last night.

  I can see you now, heartling, tossing your hair back in the same way while you practically neighed your pleasure. But I do not think I should remind you of that now. Mayhap later. He took a deep breath and said more patiently, "You did me grave insult by allowing Gunther to makes threats against me, then springing to my defense."

  "What would you have had me do? Say nothing? Let him defame you?"

  You are surely the most stubborn woman alive, Angela Abruzzi. Yield this once. Just free-can yield. "I do not need to hide behind a woman's robes."

  "Oh, give me a break, Magnus. Maybe I should have called you back to the house when Gunther pulled up, but—"

  Just then, the cell phone clipped to Magnus's belt began to beep. He could tell that Angela was surprised that he would carry such a modern device on his person. Hey, he might be over a thousand years old, but that did not mean he was unadaptable. He'd just purchased it that afternoon and was still getting accustomed to it. Gingerly he picked it up and spoke into the mouthpiece. "Greetings."

  "Father, it is Torolf. We followed Gunther back to his house. Juan is hiding out front, and I am in the back. He is speaking to some rough-looking men just now. I do not think they are regular employees. They are carrying weapons, I believe."

  "Keep a watch. The men we hired today should take over soon. I have arranged to meet with them in an hour."

  "How will you get there?"

  "Miguel will drive me."

  "All right. Juan and I will stick on Gunther's tail till we hear from you."

  "Do not let him out of your sight. And Torolf…"

  "Yea?"

  "Be careful, son."

  Magnus clicked off and returned the device to his belt clip.

  Everyone stared at him expectantly.

  "Torolf? That was Torolf? Where is he?" Angela asked in alarm. She stood abruptly and her napkin flew to the floor.

  "He is busy on an errand I assigned him." He continued to eat, as if unconcerned. He was, in fact, very concerned… and excited. There was naught like a good battle to get a man's juices going. And he was bloody well sick of taking a defensive mode with the scoundrels who victimized the Blue Dragon. He hated just waiting for something to happen, like a milksop cowering in a corner. 'Twas past time to take the offensive.

  "Does this involve Gunther?" Grandma Rose asked, just as disturbed as Angela. No doubt she would be sneaking off any moment now to smoke one of her toe-back-hoe sticks to calm her nerves. Juanita, standing behind her, was wringing her hands in her apron as she listened.

  "You have no right… you should have consulted me… I mean…" Angela sputtered her outrage at him. "What have you done, Magnus?"

  You do not want to know. Truly. "Nothing… yet." He continued to eat—even the dish of greens, which he was developing a taste for, especially when he put huge spoonfuls of creamy dressing on top to cover the bitterness of the weeds. His eating in the face of her fury made Angela even more furious. So he took another helping of everything. "Since you took action on your own, by excluding me from your meeting with Gunther, I have taken some actions on my own."

  "I… Grandma and I… own the Blue Dragon."

  "I have an interest in it."

  "The money?"

  "Nay, not the money." You.

  Angela blushed. "Tell me what you are planning."

  "Nay."

  "Nay… uh, no?"

  Women and their incessant questions! With all the inventions they have in this new land, you would think some man would have invented a zip-her fora talksome woman's mouth. "I cannot disclose our secret plan. What if Gunther returned and you decided to meet with him again, alone, and he tortured our plan from you?"

  "Don't be ridiculous."

  Ridiculous am I now? That mouth zipper is looking mighty good. "Well, I am done eating." He stood and motioned toward Miguel. "Are you ready to drive me into town, my good man?"

  Miguel nodded and grabbed his hat, which was sitting on the counter. Juanita appeared as if she might have a worry fit.

  "By the by, Angela, I have arranged to start taking driving lessons on Monday. Torolf is coming, too."

  Her mouth dropped open.

  Finally, a way to stop her blathering. Magnus walked over and gave Lida a kiss on the cheek, trying his best to avoid all the rice sauce.

  "Goo," Lida said. Then, "Fa-Fa."

  "That is what I like. A woman of few words."

  He swore he could hear Angela gritting her teeth behind him.

  Dirty Harry meets Mighty Magnus…

  Magnus had been working with a private detective agency and a team of security personnel for the past two weeks. The head of the troop, and owner of the agency, was Harry Win-slow, which Magnus t
hought was an odd name for an investigator to have, but then again, betimes winning slow was the best way.

  Harry was a hard-as-nails former soldier with a haircut that was so short the scalp showed through. Magnus was thinking about getting a similar haircut, till he mentioned the idea to Angela. "Get a buzz cut, and you might as well buzz away, big boy!" she had exclaimed. Magnus was pretty sure that meant no. Whatever. He had other plans for her once this whole drama was over, and none of them depended on what was atop his head.

  Her comment to him about the haircut was one of the few times she had spoken to him these past weeks. She was still fuming over his failure to share his plan for capturing "Big Bird." That was the code name Harry had given the culprit who was threatening the Blue Dragon. When he had asked Harry why they needed a code name, why they couldn't just refer to that nithing Gunther, he had said there was no firm evidence yet that Gunther was the one… or the only one.

  Actually, there was another occasion when Angela had deigned to talk to him—when they took Jogeir to visit an orthopedic surgeon, who took pictures of the inside of the boy's foot and leg. An operation was scheduled for two weeks hence. He was nervous about putting his son under the knife, but Angela was optimistic about the operation's outcome, and Jogeir was wildly enthusiastic. In essence, he'd been outvoted from the start.

  If Angela had been stingy in sharing her talk with him these past two weeks, she was even stingier with her body. "No sex, no way, no how!" she had proclaimed when he had broached the subject.

  When he'd grumbled, "There are some who say that an organ in too much disuse could wither away," she had rolled her eyes at him.

  Wait till she hears what I have to say now.

  Angela was in Grandma Rose's vegetable garden when he walked up. Sitting down on a bench near the bean trellises, he inhaled deeply, loving the smell of moist earth, sun, and growing plants.

  "Angela, come over here, please. I have something to discuss with you."

  She glanced up from the basket where she had just placed several red toe-may-toe globes. "Go away."