by Lyn Forester
“You’re the one who suggested we gather in Nikola’s room,” Connor points out as he fusses with his wrist-band.
“No, I suggested Caitlyn and I spoon in Nikola’s room.” Felix jogs up to my other side and catches my hand. “Are we on our way to spooning?”
Nikola lets out a frustrated sigh. “Are you just trying to rub it in my face?”
“Yes.” Felix leans past me to lift his brows at Nikola. “Are you going to deny her access to your room?”
“Caitlyn is always welcome.” His tight voice implies Felix is not part of that invitation.
Felix swings our linked hands, making sure the other man sees our twined fingers. “Where she goes, we go. Right, bro?”
“Yep,” Connor agrees from behind us.
A mask of innocence slips over Felix. “But if you’d rather not have us there, we can kick Trevor out of his room.”
My lips part, ready to reject that idea. I don’t feel right kicking Declan’s roommate out. Especially when Declan isn’t even at the school.
“No.” Nikola relents before I can object, and his knuckles brush the back of my hand, as if he longs to take it the same way Felix took my other hand.
Prickles of awareness crawl up my arm, and I jerk my hand away before I can stop myself.
Nikola relaxes and smiles over the top of my head at Felix. “My room is just fine.”
Suspicion narrows Felix’s eyes. “That’s a fast change of mind.”
“Not fast enough,” Nikola murmurs, almost too quiet for me to catch, and his next step brushes our hands together once more.
A blush creeps up my neck, and I curl my fingers against my palm, digging my nails in as I will myself to calm. This is not happening. I am not attracted to Nikola.
But my body doesn’t want to listen.
It’s as if once I opened myself up to emotions, it ceased being a trickle through the cracks in the wall I built around myself. Every emotion flooded to the surface at once. The wall is down and all the feelings I denied myself for so long, all the emotions my father told me to suppress, now float on the surface, just waiting to be stirred.
I have to fight my instincts to push them down, to wall myself off once more. That way lies the path to becoming the emotionless doll Father wants me to be.
But it’s terrifying to allow myself to feel.
As we leave the Entertainment Hall, I release Felix’s hand to double-check that my hair hides the night-goggles I flipped around to dangle down my back. Nikola reaches out to adjust a few curls, and our fingers brush. Heat sparks through me, but his face remains calm as he pulls a few curls forward to trail over my shoulder.
He glances at Felix and Connor. “All set?”
Felix slips his hands into his pockets, his arms close to his side to disguise the small lump in his waistband, and when I peer back at Connor, he holds a similar pose. It’s not perfect, and won’t hold up to scrutiny, but it works for now.
I wonder, not for the first time since we started sneaking items around the school, if lack of places to hide things is part of the school’s design. The uniforms they give us to wear are fitted, and the satchels are just large enough to hold our tablets. Anyone carrying around a larger bag will stand out as suspicious right away.
Outside, real starlight swaths the courtyard in soft shadows, and I pause while Nikola continues down the stairs. For a moment, I stare up past the glass dome that protects APA from the elements to the sky beyond. The holo-sky on the levels below us display what historians believe to be Earth’s current solar system, but here, the sky is flooded with stars, so many that they light the night. A different solar system than I grew up knowing. Blues and purples swirl together to create a velvet-soft landscape with eddies of star clusters like waves frozen in the sky.
Our ancestors once sailed that distant ocean, in search of adventure. Never could they imagine when they cast off from Earth that a great Vortex would grab their ship and fling it across universes, spitting it out on this toxic planet alongside an alien craft from a galaxy outside our solar system. Records show that, at the time, alien contact was still a myth, and many questioned if intelligent life even existed outside of Earth.
Now, we live side-by-side with other life-forms, intermingling for survival, both trapped far from our homes.
The Vortex opens every hundred years, but so far, nothing new has come through, and none of our probes have made it out. If given the chance, would I want to leave this world? Confining and poisonous as it is, risking the unknown of space as our ancestors did feels even more terrifying.
“Think of the light wheel, Sprinkles,” a voice whispers in my ear.
Without looking, I reach out to shove Felix away. “That’s really not a cure-all, so stop it.”
Ignoring me, he skips down the steps to join Nikola. “Hey, give me the Caitlyn Care Manual.”
Nikola’s gaze flickers to him. “No.”
“Come on, don’t hold out on me.” Felix jumps onto Nikola’s back, arm around his shoulders. “Tell me everything I want to know.”
“Get off me!” Nikola spins, trying to dislodge him, but Felix clings tighter than a sky skipper on a light bulb, his howl of laughter filling the quiet night.
Connor’s arms slip around me from behind, his chest warm and solid against my back. “Felix seems to be warming toward Nikola.”
“He’s only super bothered by him when Nikola is near me.” I reach up to hug Connor closer. “If you took me out of the equation, I’m sure they’d be friends.”
“Well, Nikola is trying to infringe on your affections.” Connor nuzzles my ear, and a shiver rolls down my spine at the memory of where else his lips have touched me. “What about you? Feel any softening on your stance toward Nikola?”
“I thought you didn’t want my attention divided any further than it already is.” I turn my head until his lips graze my cheek. “Are you now suggesting I bed him?”
His lips drift up to press against my temple. “If I had it my way, I would be the only one in your bed. I’m not like Felix and Declan. I’m selfish. I want to monopolize your time.”
My stomach clenches. Of everyone, Connor has always been the calmest, the most accepting. I didn’t expect this from him.
His arms tighten around me in reassurance. “But I’m like Nikola in that I see the bigger picture. In the future, I won’t always be able to be with you. And I’d like to know that you’re not alone, even in my absence.”
My pulse jumps, though I’m not sure if it’s with panic or nerves. “So, you do want me to bed Nikola?”
“I want you to be happy.” One hand lifts to cover my racing heart, his pinky brushing the upper swell of my breast. “I want you to always have someone you can lean on, who’s there to offer support. If our Houses could join, if society and politics allowed, Felix and I could be that for you. But we can’t.”
This conversation holds weight. It needs to be said face-to-face, in private, without others listening.
The reminder brings with it the sudden realization that Nikola and Felix no longer argue playfully, and my eyes jump down to them, waiting patiently at the base of the stairs.
Their expressions make it impossible to tell if they heard Connor’s words, but I think they didn’t. Otherwise, Felix would be scowling, both at his twin’s statement at keeping me for himself and at his apparent acceptance toward Nikola.
Did seeing Declan shake Connor more than he let on? It certainly came with a cold slap of reality for me.
Declan’s always been the leader, strong-willed and invincible. Blazing new paths for us. To see him brought down rocked me. Until that moment, I could pretend his absence was a temporary thing, a bump in the road brought on by family obligations. We’re supposed to be outside the reach of the real world here at APA; the last bastion of freedom before entering the real world.
But seeing Declan laid low came as yet another harsh reminder of how swiftly everything can change.
Since witnessing our
friend’s exhausted state, learning of his parents and sister-in-law’s deaths and how his brother might still follow, a single thought has circled through my mind, growing more powerful with every lap.
If Dominick dies, Declan will no longer be in his brother’s shadow, no longer relegated to the position of lackey. He’d be a leader both in thought and position.
And he’d have no reason to leave Leton.
Picking
Once in Nikola’s room, I take the chair at his desk, afraid if I sit on the bed, Felix will woo me into going directly to sleep. We still need to bring Nikola up to speed on what we discovered and figure out a game plan for escaping the school once more. Who will wear my school band? Where will they hide all day?
But as soon as my body stops moving, exhaustion clouds my thoughts. I’ve been up too long, and the trip to meet Declan mentally fatigued me.
I stare at the colored jars Nikola stacked artfully against the wall his desk rests against. With two different colors, they create a spiral pattern that reminds me of a disc-bike’s converter coil. The dim blue light from the faux-window shines through the far side to cast colorful patterns across Nikola’s white comforter.
His super-soft, cozy comforter.
Weight drags at my eyelids, my body reminding me I’m meant to be asleep right now.
Nimble fingers comb through my hair, pulling the curls into a French braid, and I relax back into the hard seat.
“You sure like messing with Caitlyn’s hair,” Felix mutters, tone grouchy as he leans back on Garrett’s old mattress.
I’m surprised Nikola stripped the bed again after our last sleepover, but maybe he assumed we wouldn’t have another one so soon. Felix didn’t take the bare mattress as the hint it was and had pulled out a fresh pillow to lounge on.
“I like hairdressing.” Nikola’s fingers caress behind my ears as he pulls in new strands. “It’s relaxing, and it means Caitlyn will have fewer tangles in the morning.”
“I could braid your hair for you, Sprinkles,” Felix offers.
“Never let Felix braid your hair.” Connor pulls the pillow out from under Felix and props it behind his back. “You’ll end up having to cut all the knots out.”
“Bro.” Felix stares at his twin with a look of betrayal. “I can totally braid.”
One black brow arches. “Since when?”
“Since right now.” He gestures to Nikola and me. “Doesn’t look hard.”
“That’s because I know what I’m doing.” Nikola leans over my shoulder to open the top desk drawer and pull out a band to tie off the end of my braid.
Felix’s chin lifts in challenge. “That one of the classes they teach at Tri-Worth?”
By his tone and the way his lips thin, he’s trying to start a fight by demeaning Nikola’s education, and I frown at him. We’re not here to needle each other.
Nikola must sense it, too, because he keeps his answer simple before steering the conversation on track. “Yes. Now tell me what happened with Declan.”
We take turns, Connor and Felix bearing the brunt of the story as I struggle not to yawn.
At some point, I move to Nikola’s bed, the lure of a softer seat too much for me to resist.
Nikola follows as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, and it’s his bed, so maybe it is. We sit with our backs against the wall, facing Felix and Connor. The mattress dips with our combined weight, and gradually, our arms press together as I lose my fight with gravity.
At the end of the story, everyone falls silent, and we stare at each other for a long moment before Felix’s eyes drop to where Nikola and I touch.
He scowls, then turns his glare on Nikola. “So, what are your thoughts on all this? I can see that brain of yours processing.”
“It’s a good idea to see if anyone else at the party was affected,” he says slowly, organizing his thoughts as he speaks. “Verifying Mr. Blue is behind the attack needs to be a priority. It could be Dominick’s delusion brought on by the illness.”
“None of that is a new idea,” Felix scoffs. “I thought you were supposed to know everything.”
Nikola’s arm tenses. “I’m not a magic eight ball you can shake for answers.”
“Felix, stop trying to provoke Nikola into a fight,” I interject around a yawn. “Seeing Declan like that was hard on all of us, but needling Nikola isn’t going to change how you left things with Declan. We need to work together, not break us further apart.”
“Is it official, then? Nikola’s on the team?” Felix’s arms cross over his chest. “I don’t get to cast my own vote on this whole thing?”
So he did hear Connor’s words in front of the Entertainment Hall. Which means Nikola also heard.
I force myself to straighten once more, putting distance between Nikola and me. The act does little to separate us, though. Not when the heat of his body clings to me. “Are we really doing this now?”
“I just want to know where we stand.” Felix’s ankles cross, too, as he completely closes in on himself. “Declan trusted him enough to tell you to go to him for the exit out of school. And my brother seems to suddenly be team Nikola. And now you’re all cozy when you didn’t trust him a couple days ago. I mean, how do we know he didn’t plan for you to catch his fight with Garrett just to earn your sympathy?”
“Felix.” Warning fills Connor’s voice as he stares at his brother.
We’d all been there, heard the things Garrett said to Nikola. He provoked the fight himself and had been abusing Nikola from the moment we arrived back at APA together.
The way Garrett constantly put Nikola in the subordinate role, the way he manhandled him with a little more force than necessary. He’d perfected the laid back, easy smile that hid a deep hatred toward Nikola and my family for replacing his bloodline as the Lonette Secretaries during my father’s time as Councilor.
I’d missed all the signs.
“Do you want me to also believe Nikola instigated Garrett’s bullying?” My eyebrows lift in disbelief. “That he hid the bruises knowing we would walk in on him in the bathroom?”
“Can we not talk about this?” Nikola asks, his voice quiet. “Is that an option?”
Connor’s hand lifts. “I second that. This serves no purpose. We all know Nikola didn’t instigate his own beatings. Garret was a sadistic asshole with a vendetta.”
Voice quiet, my steady gaze meets Felix’s. “I already have reservations about Nikola, but this is not one of them. And whether we trust him to help with Declan does not affect my decision of whether other aspects of our relationship change.” My eyes shift to Connor. “And Connor’s opinion on that matter, while I appreciate knowing it, will also not make my decision for me.”
My attention returns to Felix. “I am my own person, with my own feelings, as are you. If you want to talk in private about these things, I’m willing at any time, but that’s not what we are here for right now.”
I scooch to the edge of the bed and let my feet drop to the floor. “We’re all tired, and Nikola and I need to be ready to go at noon. I’m going back to my room for a few hours of sleep.”
Before I can stand, Nikola catches my arm. “Myrrine will wake soon, and you need uninterrupted rest. Stay here.”
“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Belligerent, Felix scrambles off the bare mattress.
“Yes, I would very much like that.” Nikola smoothly rises to his feet and walks calmly to the dresser at the foot of Garret’s old bed. “But I respect Caitlyn and was planning to sleep on this side of the room.”
“Good.” Felix inches closer until his toes cross the invisible line in the room. “Then you won’t mind me sleeping over here.”
“I mind.” I toe off my shoes, guilty I hadn’t done that before I climbed onto Nikola’s bed in the first place. “If you’re staying, you can take the floor or figure out how to share with Nikola.”
Felix’s shoulders slump before he spins to face Nikola. “No funny business.”
; Nikola throws a spare pillow at him. “I’m not the one who likes to get frisky in his sleep.”
Felix stomps closer. “Soon as I figure out you don’t have boobs, you’re safe.”
Nikola pulls out a set of sheets and a second comforter. “Oh, really? I didn’t think boobs were a prerequisite with you.”
While they pick at each other, Connor sneaks behind his twin’s back and kicks off his shoes before climbing onto the mattress with me. We shift around until I lay near the wall with Connor in front of me. He takes off his glasses and sets them on the nearby desk.
The quiet click pulls Felix around, and he glowers at his brother. “This better not turn into a repeat of the library.”
Nikola pauses as he shakes out the fitted sheet. “What happened at the library?”
“Not a damn thing!” Felix yells. “Just shut up and make the freaking bed so we can sleep.”
Nikola shakes the sheet at him. “Grab a corner and help instead of just standing there.”
Connor turns toward me, our heads on the same pillow. “Think one of them will smother the other in the middle of the night?”
“At this point, I kind of hope so.” My feet nudge against his shins, and I wiggle closer.
In answer, one arm slides under my head to offer a second pillow, and I shift until my face rests in the hollow below his chin. His other arm curls around my waist to close the remaining space between us. Our legs tangle together, our fronts pressed against one another. It’s different from how Felix and I sleep, but no less comfortable, and I relax against Connor as my eyes drift shut.
Felix and Nikola’s quiet voices continue to circle each other on the other side of the room, but I block them out, my tired brain shutting down.
In the cozy hollow where my head rests against Connor’s chest, our heartbeats mingle, a steady pulse of comfort.
Together, we’ll figure out how to help Declan, Felix will settle down once more, and Nikola will find his place in our group, whatever that may be.
So much has happened since we first stepped out of the shuttles, destined to be prisoners inside the glass bubble of APA.