by Lyn Forester
I cup his cheek. “No, I stopped worrying about that. I know you love me. I’m doubting that you’re not in love with Declan. I’m doubting this partnership can be fully realized without all of us being honest about how we feel about each other. We won’t always be at APA. In a few years, we’ll be separated, and if we’re not solid now, we’ll fall apart later.”
His hand lifts to cover mine, pressing it against his face. “What I feel for you and what I feel for Declan aren’t the same.”
“They don’t have to be the same to both be love,” I say gently. “What I feel for you and what I feel for Connor aren’t the same, either, nor should they be. You’re not interchangeable pieces.” His eyes widen in surprise, making me wonder if anyone has ever told him that. As identical twins, they fight harder for their individuality. “The way I know that I love you is that the idea of losing either of you, of being forced to give you up, makes me panic. I never want to go back to a time when you weren’t in my life. Any future I imagine without you in it is bleak and lifeless. If Declan left, wouldn’t it be the same for you?”
Anger twists his lips. “He plans to leave me. Unlike you, he didn’t invite me to go with him.”
Pain tightens my chest. “Would you go?”
“No,” he says instantly. “I won’t abandon Connor or you.”
My raised arm trembles with the relief that rushes through me, and his gaze softens.
Slowly, he bends over me, his free hand finding my waist to lay me back against the grass and leaves. “I don’t want to talk about Declan anymore.”
I lick my lips with anticipation. “Will you at least think about it?”
“I’ll talk to him about his plan to leave,” he concedes. “If he’s still going, there’s nothing else to talk about.”
It’s more than I thought I’d get Felix to agree to. I nod as his body eases over mine, slow and cautious, ready to back off if I protest.
The gentle kiss he presses to my lips is a distraction, a way to take his mind off things he doesn’t want to think about anymore, and I let myself be carried away by the sparks of electricity that jump between us. Talking about emotions, both mine and others, still makes me uncomfortable, but once I hold Felix against me, feel the weight of his body pressing me into the prickly grass, all of that unease slips away.
My lips part under his, welcoming the eager thrust of his tongue filling my mouth. Heat ignites everywhere our bodies touch, and I lift a leg to draw him closer, chasing after more of the electricity that always fills me at his touch.
He braces one arm next to my head to support his weight while his free hand traces the curve of my cheek, the dip of my collarbone, then skims down the line of my body, teasing in his hesitation to touch any place too intimate.
Then he leans back, a serious expression on his face. “Just so we’re clear, I do not love Nikola. I’m only mildly curious and mostly violent-feeling toward him.”
“Oh, shut up.” I reach up to pull his head back down, my lips greedy against his.
“Connor, either,” Felix mumbles into my mouth. “He’s definitely out on the threesomes.”
I catch his lower lip between my teeth, and he groans softly before his mouth settles over mine once more, less gentle now and filled with the fire and passion I’m used to from Felix.
He shifts on top of me, and something hard digs into my stomach.
“Ow!” I push him back far enough to pull the ventilator mask from where I hid it in my pants, then yank him back down.
He laughs quietly, a smile forming against my lips, and I pinch his side in reprimand.
In answer, he catches my hand and pushes it against the ground next to my head as his tongue thrusts into my mouth, hot and skillful as he strokes along mine. I shiver at the deeper invasion, my nipples hardening against his chest.
His hand returns to stroke up my side, his palm hot even through the sweater I wear. His fingers span my rib cage, his thumb tantalizingly close to my breast, and I arch beneath him, eager for his touch.
Instead, he strokes back down my body to find the hem of my sweater and delves beneath, skin against skin. I gasp at the contact, my stomach muscles tightening.
He pulls back once more, and my eyes open in confusion to find him gazing down at me, his eyes half-veiled by his lashes. He pants against my lips, color high in his cheeks.
Slowly, his hand slides higher, fingers tracing over my ribs until he finds the cup of my bra. The air catches in my lungs as his thumb sweeps over the thin cotton to find my taut nipple.
My legs shift restlessly, warmth pooling between my thighs. My center feels both empty and aching at the same time, and the leg I wrapped around Felix tightens.
Gaze holding mine, he hooks a finger in the top of the cup and drags it down, leaving my breast bare beneath my sweater. Nimble fingers find my nipple, pinching lightly. I bite my lip against a moan of pleasure, and his eyes drop to my lips, then lift once more to mine. His thumb sweeps over my nipple, then his fingers find me again, and he pinches me harder, rolling the sensitive bud between his thumb and forefinger.
Pleasure bordering on pain explodes through me, a soft cry escaping.
His mouth moves to my ear. “Shh, or someone will find us.”
My eyes dart to the sloped branches of the tree, their cover flimsy at best. Fear and excitement shoot through me with a heady mix of adrenaline.
Felix catches my earlobe between his teeth, flicking it with his tongue at the same time he rolls my nipple again. My body arches under him, and I shove a hand over my mouth to hold back another cry of pleasure.
Cool air kisses my torso as he shoves my sweater up, and the prick of dry grass against my back adds to the sensations streaming through me. His hand covers my breast, my aching nipple snug against his palm, and he squeezes gently, testing my limits.
Tingles shoot down my body to between my legs. My inner muscles squeeze, searching for something to ease the ache. As if he senses my need, Felix shifts to settle more firmly between my thighs, the hard press of his cock nudging at my center to heighten my pleasure.
He licks a hot line up the shell of my ear, his breath coming in heavy pants. “Tell me to stop.”
My hand presses harder over my mouth as my other leg lifts to wrap around his waist. I want to know, to experience this.
Groaning, he grinds against me, his hard cock nudging at my aching center. Pleasure and frustration war. It feels so good, but our clothes stop it from feeling even better. The ache to be filled grows even as my body tightens around my empty channel. I want to be filled, to know what it’s like to hold Felix in my body, to be one with him.
He rains kisses down my neck that sting with the scrape of teeth as our bodies move together, each striving for that mind-blowing thrill of orgasm.
The first inner ripple begins, and my legs stiffen around his hips, my body arching.
Hard fingers pull my hand away from my mouth, and Felix’s lips crush against mine, catching my cry of completion on his tongue and drinking it down.
He continues to rock against me, hand finding my breast once more to pluck at my nipple. The ripples start again, harder this time, trying to squeeze something inside that isn’t there, and the next orgasm whites everything else out, a slipstream of energy that crashes through me to blot out our surroundings until all that exists is Felix as he stiffens against me, groaning against my parted lips.
My heart pounds hard enough for him to feel it through the hand still on my breast, and my pulse races so fast it leaves me light-headed.
Felix slumps over me, his head on my shoulder as we struggle to regain our breath.
As the endorphin rush fades, it leaves me heavy limbed and sleepy. I turn my head to kiss his jaw. “I don’t think I can do the gym today.”
He chuckles and rolls his hips against mine. “I’m thinking we hit the showers instead.”
My trembling legs fall from his waist. “I think I’ll use one of the sanitizers. It’s the only way I
can make sure all the grass and leaves get out of my hair.”
With another laugh, he eases back, then helps me to sit up. “I’m sorry, this isn’t what I planned when I brought you here.”
I eye the dead grass and leaves that litter the ground around us. “No? I think it sets the mood just fine, though.”
His lips twitch. “Oh, really?”
“Hmm.” I glance once more at the branches that sweep the ground, making out a few students through their close-knit leaves. “It has appeal.”
He rises to his feet, untucks his shirt to cover the damp spot on the front of his dark slacks, then extends a hand to help me up. “I should have known you were an exhibitionist after that scene in the library with Connor.”
“You were supposed to be asleep.” Grabbing the ventilator mask from the ground, I let Felix drag me to my feet. “But, also, don’t forget I was a disc-bike racer when we met. And I absolutely loved getting in front of you just to show off.”
His arms band around me. “So, you did flicker your light-streams to catch our attention?”
“Of course.” I rise onto my toes to kiss him once more. “You weren’t the only one looking. I just never dreamed I’d have the chance to grab hold of you.”
Chemistry
“Where have you been?” Myrrine demands as she blocks my way into our room.
Surprised, I freeze in the doorway. I expected Myrrine to be here when I didn’t spot her downstairs in her usual study chair, but I wasn’t expecting a confrontation before I even got my foot in the door.
I left Felix at the stairs, where he offered to hide my ventilator mask and night goggles in Nikola’s room before heading to the showers. I planned to do the same after I grabbed a set of loungewear. The dead grass and broken leaves poke at me through my clothes, and I’m grateful for the dark pants that hide any dirt. But I worry about what the back of my sweater looks like, even after Felix vigorously brushed me off, with far too much attention on my ass to be purely helpful. The school’s dirt resistant fabric can’t fight leaves stuck in the weave of my sweater. But it’s the loosest item of clothing at my disposal.
I peer past Myrrine in search of Bastian in case he needs to restrain my roommate again. The last time we parted ways, she tried to jump me and Bastian had to peel her off. Literally.
When I don’t find him immediately, I narrow my eyes on Myrrine. “You didn’t seriously cut off Bastian’s braids, did you?”
She lifts her chin. “I’d be within my right for the way he manhandled me.”
“And I’d be within my rights to request a new roommate for the way you manhandled me,” I point out.
Blue swirls into her cheeks. “I apologize for being rash. It was not my intention to make you uncomfortable enough that you feared to return to our shared quarters.”
I give her another few seconds, waiting until she fidgets before I step forward and hug her loosely. It puts my face uncomfortably close to her large breasts, she really is too tall, but hugging seems like the quickest way to resolve the tension between us, and Myrrine likes physical contact.
Her arms immediately wrap around me, tight enough to squeeze the air from my lungs, and her breath ruffles over the top of my head as she inhales deeply. “Truly, I apologize, Caitlyn. I do not wish to lose you as a friend.”
“You’re going through hard times right now,” I wheeze as I drop my arms to my sides in the hope she’ll take the hint and let go.
“I am not the only one.” Her nose moves along my hairline. “Why do you smell like dirt?”
A blush heats my cheeks, my body still alight with how Felix made me feel. “I was laying in the grass out in the courtyard.”
With a last sniff, she ends the hug only to grab my hand and pull me into our room. “I have been preoccupied with Camille’s arrival and distracted by...your Nikola. Tell me how that is going. And what happened with Garrett. Why did he attack Nikola? Is that why he’s now missing from the school?”
I stare at her in surprise. So much has happened since the last time I saw her, it’s hard to believe only a couple days have passed. It feels like a lifetime.
Biting my lip, I glance over at the open closet, only to find it empty. My brows pinch together. “Where’s Bastian?”
“He is making arrangements for Camille’s eventual arrival. We do not want my future partner to be left without resources as Nikola and Garrett were when they arrived so unexpectedly.” She waves that away, then tugs me over to sit on my bed. Taking up the space at the foot, she sits with her legs folded, facing me. “Fill me in.”
The desire for silence locks my throat, but I force the instinct away. I spent too long being silent, and people were hurt because of it. For all her strangeness, I trust Myrrine completely. She’s one of my best friends, something I never thought I’d have growing up estranged from my peers. But now I’m surrounded by people who love and support me, and I want to answer them with equal commitment. Lovers or simply friends, it doesn’t matter. These bonds must be answered in kind.
“I’ll start with Garrett, as he’s the easiest to answer.” I take a deep breath and square my shoulders. “It turns out that he was bullying Nikola. He was good at hiding it when in front of me, and Nikola didn’t feel confident enough in our relationship to come to me with this information. And he was right. Our relationship as adults didn’t start off well, and I might not have believed him, even with the bruises on his body as proof.”
My eyes sting, and I blink back the tears that want to escape as I relive the events of Friday night and how we came to be that way. I want to look away from Myrrine, to hide from her judgment, but that won’t change my actions, or Nikola’s, and we can only move forward as we are now.
“Nikola and I were raised together until he was old enough to be sent away for school. While he was gone, I had no friends and I was taught what my place as First Councilor would be, how I would be expected to act, to feel. No choices were my own. My father sought to turn me into a replica of himself while my grandmother whispered in my ear, manipulating and constantly testing. Home was a battlefield; it still is.”
Myrrine’s eyes brighten, and she shifts as if to come closer before she settles back once more.
Grateful for her restraint, I force a wobbly smile. “When Nikola and I reunited, it didn’t go well. I didn’t want to be forced to accept him as my future everything. By then, I’d met Connor, Felix, and Declan and had formed my own thoughts on where I would go once I came of age. Nikola, for his part, was raised to guard me at any cost, even if it meant going behind my back to do so. He questioned Connor, Felix, and Declan’s reason for approaching me and sought to cut off our contact. It was not a good time for us and didn’t put me in the frame of mind to trust his word once we returned here. Which led to Nikola being vulnerable to Garrett’s abuse.
“It’s a relationship I believe continued from their time at Tri-Worth. Garett’s family previously held the position as the secretaries to the Lonettes and Nikola’s mother changed that. It left Garett bitter, but I believe he always had the capacity for cruelty. I didn’t see it because I have little experience with human interaction. Felix realized much sooner, but neither thought I was capable of understanding the situation. I had to discover it for myself.”
Unable to contain herself anymore, Myrrine lunges across the space to grab my hand. “They did you a disservice with their assumptions. They should not decide what you are capable of.”
I shake my head. “I’m not sure what I would have believed. I’m still not sure I fully trust Nikola, though he’s shown himself to be on my side every step of the way. He’s my father’s choice, and that colors how I view him,” I admit softly. “I find him very confusing.”
“He would fit in well with the Koevhern clan.” Myrrine’s lips twist into a scowl. “He is a shapeshifter, hiding his true form, only showing people what they wish to see.”
“It’s how he was trained to be. He says he wants me, but I’m not sure he can separa
te me from the Lonette name.” My chest tightens with unhappiness. “If I were in a different position within Leton, would he even give me a second glance?”
“If you were in a different position, you would never have met,” Myrrine points out. “Nor would you have met Connor, Felix, and Declan. You cannot base your interactions on what-ifs. That only builds doubt. You must take things as they are. You are Caitlyn Lonette. You cannot separate yourself from that and still be the person you are before me.”
I struggle to hold her gaze. “I killed Garrett.”
While I didn’t take his life myself, I pressed the button that would end him. I knew it in my bones as soon as I confirmed that my family practiced illegal genetic modifications. The government only allows so much leniency in that sort of thing. The elite can choose height, gender, and even eye and hair color for their designer babies, but that’s it. My father can’t clone himself. There will be no tolerance for faux-immortality, and what he did to me, making my hand-print match Nikola’s, crosses a line. I don’t even know what else he did to me, what other changes he made.
Garrett couldn’t be allowed to walk away with that knowledge.
If I expect Myrrine to be horrified by my confession, I was wrong.
She smiles. “Good. It saves me the trouble of hunting him down.”
My lips part in surprise before I find my voice. “What?”
She tilts her head, her long, pink braid slipping over her shoulder. “The world is too small to leave room for people like Garrett. Not when the resources to maintain his life could go to good people. Halions do not have long-term prisons. If someone is found unfit for society, they are removed.”
I shiver at the revelation. I don’t feel any guilt for calling in Garrett’s death, but the halion method seems too harsh, with too much room for mistakes to be made. I never realized how brutal the colonies are.
“So, Nikola is safe, now, and your feelings toward him are evolving.” Myrrine nods decisively. “This is good. Unlike you, I do not question his feelings toward you. But you are only human. It is understandable that you are confused.”