by Miller, Coco
I still want his explanation for why things are not what they look like, but at this point I’m not sure how I’m going to get it. I need to stay away from him.
I lay out on the beach, listening to my music and trying my hardest to forget he exists. I’m pretty successful all day, keeping to myself, then right after dinner I hightail it to my bedroom and binge watch a few old Sex In The City episodes alone.
The next day Tasha leaves to go shopping with my mother, and yet again, I’m alone with Maxim. Why on earth does she never take her husband out with her? Instead of hanging in the house near him all day and letting my imagination run wild, I escape to the small lake in the back of my mom’s property.
I sit on the dock, with my feet dangling near the water. The sun beats down on me, as if it’s upset with me as well. Threatening to burn my skin alive with all the sins I’ve committed, I take off my shirt and shorts and hop into the water. I don’t feel as apprehensive about swimming in the lake as I do the ocean. It’s calmness soothes me, it’s coolness refreshes me, and I sink a little lower to enjoy it.
Suddenly a loud splash startles me, and I glance over already knowing who it is. It’s Maxim. His smile serves as a strong magnetic force that pulls me closer to him in the water. Within moments his hands wraps around my waist.
“Privetstviye.” He greets me hello.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Feeling you.” His eyes smolder into mine. Igniting a hot white passion I’ve been trying to damper down since we met.
“They might come home soon.” I glance up to the house where any moment my mother and sister could arrive home from shopping.
“I don’t care. I need you right now.”
Before I can protest he swims me under the dock as his lips find mine. A passionate kiss grips us both as his tongue plunges deeper inside my mouth. We’re hidden from the house now as his body rocks into mine.
“Maxim, what are you doing to me?” My mind is scattered all over the place. Emotions, feelings and everything else weigh heavily on me.
“Same thing you do to me.”
“This has to end, Maxim–”
“Not yet, Tantsor.”
He kisses me again, longer this time, as we float. Once he has me up against one of the dock pillars, he lifts my bikini top and begins fondling my breasts. He tugs on one of my nipples and then lowers his head to suck on it as well.
I want to tell him that I love when his mouth is on me, that I love how he makes me feel, that I love his sense of humor, that I love the way he looks at me. Hell, I want to say that I love everything about him– but I can’t find the words. I simply remain silent as my head falls back, my hair floating in the water, as he continues to suck on me.
“I love your body,” he moans. “It fits me perfectly.”
He continues his handiwork, fondling me until I can’t stand it anymore. I let lust consume me and run my fingers along his inseam. His thick cock is hard and at attention. I circle my fingers around the tip through his shorts. It turns him on, and he mutters what I imagine are a few Russian expletives.
He touches my thigh, spreading my legs apart as he removes his shorts. His engorged dick aims right at me, and I hate to admit it, but I’m ready for it.
Greedy for it.
Desperately craving it.
He removes my bikini bottoms and pushes himself deep inside of me. One hand grips the side of the pillar as he pounds himself further inside. It feels so good, and I think about the thrill of being caught for just a moment before I’m swept away by his eyes.
We push our wet bodies into each other as his lips nibble on my ear. “You’re beautiful.”
I lick along his neck as he fills me further with his strong dick. We continue on and on, fucking under the dock of the house I grew up in.
Once we both climax, Maxim holds me for a few seconds before letting me go. After we sit on the dock to dry off we stare quietly at each other. I’m not sure what he’s thinking, but I want to cry.
I guess I’m emotional for a variety of reasons. The sex was incredible, and the man is unforgettable, but he doesn’t belong to me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. If only we had met under different circumstances.
“What is that you love about my sister?”
“Why do you always bring her up?”
“For the obvious reason, Maxim. We’re both betraying her.”
“Relationships are complicated.”
“What the hell kind of answer is that?”
“Probably not the one you wanted.”
“No, Maxim, it wasn’t.”
I use all my inner strength to hold back the tears. I’m not going to give him the satisfaction. He is preying on my weakness. My weakness for him. It’s not fair.
“I want to take you somewhere,” he says.
“No.”
“Come with me, Katrina.”
“Where?”
“I just want to go on a date.”
“You can’t date, you’re married,” I say, looking deeply into his dark eyes.
“Technicalities.”
Chapter Eleven
As luck would have it, Tasha and my mother still haven’t returned from their shopping excursion, so I decide that it must be fate. Yeah, I’m making hella excuses these days for my debauchery.
Maxim and I change our clothes and head out on our “date” if that’s what you want to call it. I’m not calling it that. I’m just rationalizing it as two friends “hanging out”.
Later in the afternoon, Maxim and I drive through the back roads of downtown. I decide that I want to show him some of the places I hung out at while growing up here. I drive my little car with Maxim’s huge body sitting next to me, gazing pensively out the window.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask.
“My life. The choices that have led me to this point.”
“Have they been good choices?”
He grabs my free hand, interlacing our fingers.
“Da, I don’t regret you.” He pulls my hand to his lips, kissing my smooth skin.
I want to tell him that I don’t regret him either but that wouldn’t be one hundred percent true, so I don’t say anything. I want to ask more though. Like how does he see this ending? What happens when we return to Boston? What happens when he returns to my sister’s waiting arms? Trying to push the thoughts of our affair out of my mind, I drive him past my old high school. I park and we step out and walk around the football field.
“So this is where it all began?” he asks as the soft breeze rustles his dark hair.
“What began?”
We lean against a fence as he holds my hand. He steps behind me, and I lean into his chest.
“The story of Katrina. High school is where we begin to really get to know ourselves, no?”
I contemplate his question. High school for me was a plethora of many first times. First kiss. First boyfriend. First fight. First love. I close my eyes, remembering the nostalgia of it all. The agony of worrying over little things that when I look back don’t matter anymore.
“Yeah, I agree.”
My chapped lips press together as I push my hand into my shorts pocket to grab my tube of gloss. I smear it across my bottom lip and rub it in.
“Smells good.”
“Cherry watermelon.”
I smile and before I can even think he kisses me. He cups both cheeks in his hands and tugs me closer.
“Tastes good.” He laughs.
I pull him closer to the school as we walk around the parts open to the public.
“I wish I could have known you back then,” he says.
“You would have hated me,” I joke. “I was a nightmare.”
“Not possible. Not my little Tantsor. I’m sure you were shy and adorable and great dancer. I would have loved to see it.”
“I was awkward and lanky and had acne.” I roll my eyes to him. “Tasha was the beauty.”
Why did I bring her up?
“You are the true beauty,” he says, eyeing me up and down.
“Enough about me, what about you? What were you like in high school? What was Russia like? How many hearts did you break?”
I try to picture what Maxim would have been like in high school, but it’s difficult. He is all man, so it’s hard for me to imagine him as a teenager.
“I was nelovko too.” He laughs.
“Nelovko?”
“Awkward.”
“Yeah right.” I laugh along with him. I’m sure he was as sexy at seventeen as he is now.
“Seriously.”
“Do you miss Russia?”
“I think most people miss home at some point, no matter how shitty it is.”
“Was home shitty?”
“There were moments. You could say that parts of the reason why my family moved to the states. You Americans take things for granted that we never would.”
We continue our trek down memory lane as he asks me about my friends, and what I was like in high school. It’s weird how he wants to know every detail about me. I always thought I was boring, but Maxim makes me feel like I’m super fascinating.
“Did you and your sister get along in high school?” he asks as we get closer to my car.
I shake my head. “Can you tell?” I ask rhetorically. “No, we never really got along. She’s always believed that she’s prettier, smarter, and just better than me. I think I embarrass her.”
He wraps his strong arms around my waist, pulling me closer.
“That’s impossible. Who could be embarrassed by you.”
He leans in to kiss me, but I back away before his lips reach mine.
“Please tell me what is going on, Maxim.”
He drops his hands from around me and steps back.
“There’s a lot you don’t know.”
He runs his fingers through his thick, dark hair in what seems like frustration.
“You keep saying that,” I say angrily. “You’ve been hinting for days that there is more to the story of you and Tasha, but you have yet to tell me anything of any importance, which leads me to believe that there is nothing to tell.”
“I thought you trusted me.”
“Trust can only take you but so far.”
“There’s a time and a place for everything, Tantsor. I’ll tell you when the time is right.”
“That time is now.”
“Not yet, Katrina.”
I am fuming as I walk to the driver’s side of the car and open the door. Maxim slides into the other side, not saying anything. I mean, what is there to say? He’s married. I need to stick by my beliefs and remember that love is worthless. It never pans out for me, and it will definitely never pan out between him and I. Never.
I need to let go of this obsession to have him whenever he’s near, because the truth of the matter is, he isn’t mine. He’s just made it crystal clear that he never will be either, so the quicker I allow that to get through my thick skull the better.
Who am I kidding. What did I expect? That this mysteriously intoxicating man would fall hard for me and we’d run away together?
Maxim is a rough around the edges type of man. A man who’s most likely seen a lot in his short number of years on this earth. A guy that no one would want to fuck with in a dark alley. A man who can wield control over you (well, me) in an instant.
His stare is intense.
His smile lethal.
And his charm... deadly.
I can’t stop myself from wanting every part of him, but I have to resist. This is going nowhere really fast. I’m embarrassing myself. I want him to be my one person, that one true love that everyone talks about, but it isn’t him. I wish everyone could find that one person who they’re meant to be with, and as soon as you see them everything clicks into place. The world would be a happier place. But there is no clicking for me. Maxim is way off-limits in the worse way.
I square my shoulders and start the engine. My inner pep talk helps me push the thought of Maxim and I ending up with our own happily ever after away.
It’s never going to happen.
This is the end of our story.
Chapter Twelve
The next few days I try my hardest not to picture Maxim with no clothes on. He hasn’t advanced on me since the day we spent together, partly because he spends most of his time on the phone for business, but I’m thankful for that. It’s actually becoming easier to stay away from him.
Tonight, Tasha has suggested we go out again, wanting the whole gang together again. I’m not even sure why she wants to go out so badly. Last time we went out she was gone for half of the night.
I almost decline until a few of my old friends from the neighborhood call me and want to hang out as well, so we all decide on the town pub. Best fish and chips in Maine, and they stay open all night.
When the evening comes around, I’m surprised that Maxim is going to the pub as well. I thought he was purposely avoiding me just like I was avoiding him.
He looks so sexy I almost grow wet from the sight of him. There goes saying it was becoming easier. Who am I kidding? The man oozes sex appeal, and I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
Tasha appears clueless to his sexiness. I don’t get it. Can she not see how hot he is? She treats him almost like a brother or damn near like a pet, ordering him around at every turn. Not like how I’ve seen her treat her other men she’s dated. I don’t get how she can be immune to his charm. Maybe it’s true that once you get married it all fades away.
If he were mine I would treat him like the Russian God he is. I shake my head in the back of my sister’s car when I think this thought. He isn’t mine, duh. I need to remember that. I need to get it tattooed across my fucking forehead. Which let me ask you... is dumb right? When people say that. I mean, the only time I would see the reminder on my forehead is when I stare into a mirror, and right now I’m only staring at the strong shoulders of Maxim as he maneuvers the car through the streets, his eyes meeting mine every so often.
We pull up into the pub’s parking spot, and I hop out of the car before Maxim has even shut off the engine. I think I may have hopped out before he even put the car in park. I don’t care though. I needed out of there. I couldn’t breathe with him taking up all the air and space in the car. His sexiness deserves its own zip code.
I need to find my friends...whose names I have forgotten right now….ugh. What’s wrong with me? It’s Maxim. He’s playing tricks with my head. I can’t think straight.
I don’t see the girls from my neighborhood, but I see Kelly, who I’m fine hanging with for the night. She smiles and waves.
“Hey, Trevor is here tonight. You should give him another chance,” she says without so much as a hello. “He couldn’t stop talking about you after the other night.”
That’s odd. After Maxim scared him away, I thought he was pretty much done with our little reunion.
“He dumped me on prom night.”
“Aww that was a million years ago, girl.”
“He was feeling me up in the middle of the bar after we barely said five words to each other.”
“Which he feels really badly about. He wants to apologize though if you’ll let him. He was super excited to see you and had a few too many beers.”
“Are you his official representative or something?”
Kelly giggles. “He’s had a tough year. Kicking it with his one true love will do him so good.”
“Tough year?”
“He had a bad break up recently.”
“Oh.” Haven’t we all.
“So you’ll talk to him?”
“Maybe.”
Yes, I said maybe. I know it doesn’t sound like the smartest thing to do. He’s rebounding, I’m sleeping with my sister’s husband, but maybe I should give him a chance anyway. Maybe Trevor is just the thing to get my disturbed brain off of a certain irresistible and unavailable Russian.
As if I couldn’t get any more ridiculous, t
he thought of spending time with Trevor makes me feel guilty for some odd reason. I take a quick glance in Maxim’s direction and notice as he whispers something in Tasha’s ear, making her laugh, and making me want to puke.
I hate him.
I hate them.
He’s married, I repeat to myself as if my life depends on it. He’s married.
I walk into the pub and my eyes immediately seek out Trevor. Yes, Trevor, the man who will help me get my mind off Maxim. The man I barely know anymore, but who cares right? This is an emergency, and right now I’m in dire need of a distraction from Maxim.
Maxim and Tasha walk inside the pub together, and the same two men from the other night are with them, flanking on either side of Maxim. Who are these men, and why does Maxim bring them every time he goes out?
They don’t act like friends. He doesn’t pal around with them or laugh with them. He barely says two words two them, but they stick to him like glue. In fact, I swear that I’ve seen them sitting in a car down the road from the house this week. Just sitting.
Hell, the guys don’t even order a drink from the bar. All they do is watch the club, watch Maxim, and watch….me. It’s odd really, and it’s even more odd that Tasha doesn’t seem to be fazed by them. I wonder who they are.
I continue to glance around the restaurant looking for Trevor, pretending that Maxim doesn’t exist. It’s the only way I’m going to get through this night. Sure, I’m using Trevor, but right now I don’t care. I’m desperate.
Maxim leans away from Tasha and stares at me with a blank face as I make my way over to Trevor playing pool in the back of the pub.
“Hey, pretty,” he says, setting down the cue stick on the billiard’s green.
“Hi,” I try awkwardly flirting back.
Okay, so it’s not going well trying to appear interested in Trevor, but goddamn it I can do this! I will do this.
Kelly winks at me from across the bar, egging me on with Trevor.
“Want to play? I mean, your boyfriend won’t kick my ass will he?” he asks hesitantly, looking over at Maxim.