by Miller, Coco
She doesn’t even realize how lucky she is. She has no clue. It isn’t fair. But, I’m not going to do the woe is me anymore. Nope, I’m going to be the strong woman I am, and prepare for my future. The future without Maxim in it.
Tomorrow is going to suck ass.
Chapter Thirteen
A few days later and I am still lounging around my mother’s house. No closer to feeling nothing for Maxim. It’s hard seeing him everyday.
My plans to return to Boston were vanquished when my mother said absolutely not. I told her I had to get back to work, but she didn’t care. She really put her foot down, and I couldn’t say no, no matter how hard I tried, because at the end of the day I knew I was lying to her.
We did more things together, and I actually smiled a few times while hanging out with her. One afternoon I tried teaching her how to cook a shrimp gumbo, but realized it was a lost cause. Cooking is my passion, and it’s weird that other people don’t love it as much as me, but she tried. I will definitely give her that.
Today as my mother and I putter around the kitchen, Maxim walks in from swimming in the lake.
His board shorts ride low on his hips, and the happy trail of hair leading to the giant cock I know he has is wet and lickable. His broad shoulders and tanned tattooed skin ignite a fire deep within me, and I stifle a moan as he smiles at us.
My mother notices nothing as she chops a few tomatoes for our pizza feast. I figure fresh pizza should be easy enough for her to learn.
“Smells good,” Maxim says with his bright white teeth peeking out from his tempestuous smile.
“Katrina’s teaching me how to make homemade pizza.” My mother beams as she glances over her shoulder at him.
He stands in the doorway, his hair still wet from his swim. My heart races as I try to turn away from his eyes. His longing stare lets me know he still wants me. The way the color of his eyes deepens gives him away every time. I can feel the energy zap between us as I stand here wanting him just as badly. My pulse quickens, speeding up, and I bet he can hear the tapping of my heart against my ribcage. I’m sure it’s so loud the neighbors can hear it.
My mother breaks the spell by asking Maxim if he would like to join in. His response is slow and calculated.
“Maybe another time,” he says.
It was the right thing to say, but something about him being strong enough to say it crushes me. When Maxim leaves, I try talking with my mother one more time about leaving. She’s upset at first, but she finally relents. I’ve convinced her that it would be good for my career if I go back. It’s another lie of many I’ve told so far this summer. What’s one more?
I head to my room once the pizza is in the oven. I pack my things, knowing my time here has come to an end. I wonder what will happen next time we have a family get together. I can’t ignore Maxim forever. He’s a part of us now, and I need to figure out a way to handle that.
I glance around my old room and soak in all the memories of high school. Anyone who thinks we find ourselves during high school is mistaken, I think we truly find ourselves when we fall in love. I’m not saying I love Maxim, but this feeling I have for him is as close to it as I’ve ever come. It’s undeniable. It’s like he has this hold he has on me that I can’t shake. The best thing for everyone is for me to step away from this situation and get a hold of my feelings.
I run my trembling fingers through my soft curls and think back on all the times Maxim held me in his arms. The way he kissed me, the way he touched me, the ways he made me laugh, the ways he made me angry.
Just as I brush off the memories and decide this needs to stop, there is a knock on my door.
I yank the door open, my eyes landing on Maxim’s strong build. His dark eyes encase me in a hold so deep I have trouble breathing.
Stand firm, Katrina. You’re almost at the end.
“Maxim,” I say, turning my nose up as I move away from the door.
He follows me into the room and shuts the door. I spin around and face his lusty expression. Heat travels through me and he rushes at me, grabbing me in his arms.
His lips find mine in the most savage of ways as I try to grasp for air. It’s a kiss to mark all others. I love it and I never want it to end. He pulls at my hair, his hand tracing my scalp sending shivers all over.
His tongue seeks deeper, exploring every part of my mouth as I cling to his broad shoulders. I can taste his want and I now know the need of my desires. His hardness presses against my stomach as he tugs me closer. He growls into my open mouth and I capture it. I cling tighter, wanting so much more.
“Hey, Trina...umm,” I hear my sister’s voice say, and Maxim and I fly apart from each other.
My sister stands there, a gleam of knowledge lights up in her eyes.
Shit.
What do I say? What do I do?
I wipe at my mouth as Maxim and her just glare at each other.
Oh shit. Oh fuck!
I need out of here. I grab my carry on, racing for the door as both Maxim and Tasha call my name.
“Katrina.”
I’m already flying down the stairs as they both continue to call after me.
“Trina!”
No way will I turn around. Not now, not ever. I can’t face her. I am a horrible sister. I was kissing her husband, and I’ve done much worse. She’ll never forgive me, and I don’t blame her. I really don’t. I was such a fool. This is bigger than me. It’s bigger than anything I could have ever imagined. I can’t do this.
I race out the front door, hop into my car, and peel out of the driveway. I race toward Boston. I race home. Away from them. Away from everyone.
And hopefully to get my shit together.
Chapter Fourteen
The drive home is a long one, but once I’m back in Boston and in my own space, I feel better about getting away from it all. Hopefully a bit of normalcy can return, and I can figure out what I will do. What I must do.
My sister must hate me. Probably worse than that. I don’t even know how to mend that road. I don’t even know where to start, but I know I can’t start it until I have Maxim out of my head for good. He’ll never be fully out of my heart, but I can certainly get him out of my head.
I haven’t even checked my cell, but I know there must be a million messages waiting for me. Most likely from my sister. More than likely damning me to hell. Oh my God, my mother too. I’m sure they told her. What must she think? I’m sure she’s disowned me.
I deserve it.
I deserve everything that comes my way. I knew this would happen. I knew it every step of the way, yet I couldn’t stop myself. I showed no self restraint. I couldn’t stop myself from falling under his spell, because dammit, I fell hard.
This is what love is? What a sneaky little devil it is. It isn’t fair that I couldn’t see what would happen until I was in too deep. Falling in love should come with an instruction manual, or at least in this situation it should. I knew it was wrong. I knew it was, but I allowed emotion to overrule my better judgement.
When I enter my small apartment, I sigh a full breath of relief. Relief from what I’m not sure, but I feel my senses come around. I’m back to my normal. My noisy block. My tiny apartment. My new pots and pans. My old beat up mattress. This is who I am. This has nothing to do with Maxim. He is not a part of this life. My life. My real life.
My heart aches. Only time will tell when these feelings for him will pass. In the meantime, I crawl into my bed, still in the clothes I left in, wondering how well the pizza tasted that I never got to eat.
My poor mother.
She probably is wondering what on earth she did to deserve a daughter like me.
Chapter Fifteen
For the next few days, I immerse myself in work. While my principal didn’t actually need me, I volunteer most of my day to help with the summer school program. Trying to stay busy proves difficult though, because my mind wonders what Maxim is doing like a gazillion times throughout the day. It’s pointless.
My sister has called a bunch, but my mother has called even more. I feel horrible, but I can’t face them yet. I haven’t figured out what I’m going to say. How I’m going to apologize. How I’m going to live with the fact that I will never live this down. That this will be held over my head until...forever. And that’s only if they know just about the kiss. I can’t imagine Maxim would have told them what more we did.
I haven’t even listened to the voicemails, but I’m seriously considering breaking down and listening to them just so I can hear Maxim’s voice. I miss him. Like I seriously miss him. Talking to him was easy. Hanging out with him was even better. And well the sex, well that shit was on some other level. It was damn near spiritual. I definitely miss that.
A few days later, as I’m cleaning my apartment for the hundredth time, listening to Beyonce, there’s a knock on my door. I open the door without thinking, and without checking the peephole, and I cringe once I see my sister standing in my doorway.
My day of reckoning is here.
“Move aside we need to talk,” she says, pushing herself past me.
I pull out my ear buds and remain silent as we sit on my cream leather sofa. She smiles and then does the most unexpected thing. She hugs me.
What. In. The. Fuck.
“What was that for?” I ask, startled.
“Because I’m sure you need it. You’ve probably been in here pulling your hair out for days, and God knows you need all the hair you can get.”
“Listen,” I say, finally pulling up my big girl panties. “I’m so sorry about Maxim. I didn’t mean…”
She waves off my apology and squares her shoulders, taking a deep breath.
“Maxim and I are in a business arrangement. We only married because his Visa expired and he needed a green card.”
My eyes widen. “What do you mean?” I know what she means but my mind can’t process anything she’s actually saying.
“I don’t love him. I never did. It was all an act. In fact, I think I’m still in love with Jamal.” She fiddles with her hands in her lap.
“Jamal?”
“It’s a mess, Trina.”
“I don’t understand any of this,” I exhale, leaning back against the couch.
“I know Maxim’s mother through a mutual acquaintance. His mother told me about the problem, introduced me to Maxim, and offered to pay me a lot of money to marry him. There were stipulations in order to get the money. We had to be convincing, I also had to mind my business when it came to their family business, and we had to pass. No exceptions. But when we applied for his citizenship, we got denied.”
“Why?”
She takes another deep breath. “Well...evidently Jamal submitted partially signed paperwork for our divorce. So, my marriage to Maxim is null and void.”
“Oh.” I’m at a loss, but I can’t deny my heart flutters a bit knowing he isn’t married.
“Yeah.”
“So what does that mean for your arrangement?” I ask.
“That’s the thing. Jamal and I have been talking a lot these last few weeks, and well, I think we are going to give it another shot.”
“Oh wow, but what about Maxim?” My ears want to explode. Hell, my whole brain wants to explode. “What about your arrangement?”
“The arrangement is obviously over. I can’t just divorce Jamal and try again to pass immigration with Maxim. They’ll never go for it.”
“So, he’ll get deported?”
“I think he’ll figure out a way to stay in the country. His family is...pretty connected. I think they just wanted to try the easiest route first.”
“Oh.”
“This is the thing though, Trina, even though the marriage wasn’t real, you didn’t know that. You were having an affair with my husband. Have we grown that far apart, that you think you could do that, and I wouldn’t try to kick your ass?”
“I admit I was wrong. I was dead wrong.”
“He said he pursued you. Is that true?”
“Yes, but–”
“He said he pursued you relentlessly.”
That damn man. Still protecting me and he isn’t even here.
“He was hard to resist,” I admit. “That is true.”
“I imagine he was.”
“What does mom know?”
“That you left after some sort of argument with us. She’s just calling to see if you’re alright.”
“Oh, I’ll call her back today.”
“Good, but listen up. It would be totally stupid to have gone through all of this and not at least hear Maxim out. I think you should give him a call. While we were never romantic, we became pretty cool, and I can tell you that he’s really upset. You’re not picking up his calls.”
I ponder this for all of about two point five seconds.
“Why didn’t he ever tell me the truth?” I start to get mad, thinking of all the opportunities he could have told me. I mean, I felt like shit for lying and cheating, and to find out we kind of weren’t.
“He is a very important man, Trina. He needed the green card thing to work out. We were still under scrutiny when we came up this summer. We had to be believable. We needed witnesses. We needed family, friends, and even strangers to vouch that we were together and in love. It would have worked if it hadn’t been for the fact that I’m still married.”
“So, wait, he was fine with never talking to me again when the green card was still in play. Now that it isn’t he wants to chat?”
“Katrina, he loves you. It’s so obvious. I don’t think hell on Earth could have kept him away from you.”
“Well, that’s funny, because I haven’t heard from him. You’re here today, not him. Plus he lied to me. Repeatedly.”
“Understood...it’s a lot to digest. ,” she says rising from the couch.
I rise, too, and hug her again. I’m glad to have this moment with her. Even if they are few and far between.
Tasha writes down Maxim’s contact information, and after she leaves, I pace my apartment. Anger consumes me. He could have told me. I have my body to this man. My heart to this man. Why did he not trust me enough? I wrap my hands around my arms, a chill running through my body. I want to call him, but my pride paralyzes me.
Part of me wants to call him to yell at him. The other part of me tries to analyze everything Tasha told me. And then the anger resurfaces all over again. This same cycle happens over the next few hours. I hold my phone in my hand and almost dial his number, but then come to my senses once again and go back to cleaning until I can’t clean another thing.
I call Kelly instead.
I tell her everything.
After she shrieks in my ear, she offers a bit of advice, “He’s super hot, totally into you, and it wasn’t technically cheating. I think you should call him.”
“But he didn’t trust in me enough to tell me,” I whine.
“He must have had a really good reason. You like him, right? Go get him. Hear him out.”
After I hang up with Kelly, I think about her words. Maybe he does have a good reason, or maybe he’s just an asshole who only thinks with his dick. Yet, either way I should let him explain. I need for him to explain.
Instead of calling him, I plug the address that Tasha gave me into my phone and hop in my car. It’s a risky move, but this is a conversation that needs to happen in person. On the drive, along the route, I try to come up with what I should say when I confront him.
Nothing comes to mind, so I decide to wing it.
Chapter Sixteen
As I pull up to the street of brownstones, I spot his address and jump out of my car. Nerves engulf me, making my breathing erratic. I climb the steps, gazing at the white, wood door ahead of me. Fuck, I should turn around. But before I can knock, or flee, the door swings open.
Maxim stands at the threshold, his dark eyes igniting with a mixture of fury and relief as they land on me. He sucks in a breath, and lets it out slowly.
“I was just coming to s
ee…what are you doing here?”
“Tasha came by my house. Is it true?”
He steps closer. “Is what true?”
“The green card. The marriage. All of it.”
He glances at a black SUV in front of his house. It’s his “cousins”. They are watching us.
“Come inside.” He steps away from the door, allowing me to enter.
I take in my surroundings. A huge lamp sits on an entryway table. It’s gold, shiny, and I can see my reflection in the base of it. My eyes appear happy, but more of a curiosity lies hidden beneath the surface.
He walks me into a family style type room, with a large, flowery couch I want to run and jump onto. A large window sits behind the sofa, and brings in a natural light into the room.
“Nice place,” I say, running my fingers along a large framed piece of artwork. Picasso? No, Monet.
“Thanks, it’s my mothers’.”
I swirl around, wondering if his mother could possibly come walking into this nice room.
“You live with your mother?”
He smiles, sheepishly, as he rubs the back of his neck with his hand. “Yeah, well, I’m not quite a citizen yet.”
I move across the hardwood floor, my heels clacking with every step along the way.
“Tell me everything.”
I sit on the couch as he follows suit. The heat between us is back and sizzling. My heartbeat picks up. My palms sweat.
“My mother left my father years ago, she brought me to America to have a better life. I lived here on a work Visa, but mine recently expired. I’m from Russia, and trying to renew my Visa with them has been a slow process.” He pauses. “My mother came up with the idea I get married.”