Home Again (Finding You Book 1)

by Ana Ashley

  I didn’t care what time we got back to my apartment or what time we would finally fall asleep. Tonight, I was going to show Joel how much I was truly his.

  Chapter Twenty

  Joel

  David had been flirty and very touchy-feely throughout dinner. Even though the restaurant had been fairly busy, he hadn’t seemed bothered by the presence of other people, nor did he stop touching me and feeding me the occasional piece of seafood. He even put his arm around me on our way back to the car.

  I didn’t know what to think of his behavior. I wasn’t naïve enough to believe he was suddenly ready to be out and proud, but his public displays of affection were doing a number on me. If he carried on like this, my heart was going to start believing this was all really happening.

  I had to be careful, or I’d end up being hurt. As it was, I knew I was already halfway in love with him, maybe even more.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, so since I wasn’t the one driving I pulled it out and saw a message from Max.

  Max: Hey, Joebug, how’re things? Missing your favorite person much?

  Joel: Hi, Max. All good here. Just getting back home from a few days away exploring.

  Max: You? Exploring? On your own? Are you joking?

  Joel: No, I’m with a friend.

  Max: What?? I’m not your only friend? I’m hurt. Is he sexy?

  Joel: Goodbye, Max.

  Max: Haha, I was joking, but I do want to hear about this friend of yours. Work has been kicking my ass, and I really miss you. Fuck, I can’t wait to see you in a few days.

  Joel: Me, too, buddy. Speak soon.

  I put the phone back in my pocket. I was looking forward to seeing Max and spending time with him, but now even he was a bit of that reality that threatened to burst the Joel-and-David bubble. I took a deep breath to shake those feelings off.

  David took my hand from where it was resting on my lap and held it up for a kiss. It was like he could feel I was a little off, and without needing more detail, he just did what he could to make it better.

  Why couldn’t it always be like this? Why couldn’t he be out to his family so we could be together properly? He didn’t seem to have a problem with strangers knowing he was gay, after all. Even as the thoughts ran through my mind, I knew the impossibility of what I was asking.

  Even if David was out, it didn’t mean he’d be with me. I didn’t even live in the same country, and there was no way I would put David through the hardship of a long-distance relationship.

  “If you don’t come out of your head, I’m going to tie you to my bed when we get home and tease you until you’re begging for mercy,” he said as he moved his hand from the gear stick to my leg and stroked it from my knee up to my thigh. My traitorous dick started responding, and my thoughts followed suit.

  When we got home, I made a quick stop by my apartment to grab some more clothes and then returned to David’s where he made good on his promise. Using the belt of his bathrobe, he tied my hands to the headboard of his bed and teased me with his tongue until I was writhing and desperate to come.

  His assault on my skin was lighting a fire inside me, but every time I thought I was going to combust, he would stop touching me, and it was as though he was throwing a bucket of cold water to extinguish it. The evil man would then start it all over again.

  I cursed in every language I knew and threatened to return the torture, but in reality, for the minutes or hours David kept my body on the precipice of orgasm, all I could think, feel, and see was him. Once again, there was no real life, no responsibilities, no jobs to return to, just me and David in our perfect world.

  I was a messy, mumbly pool of sex-drunk goo, so by the time David finally let me come, I nearly passed out. Sleep wasn’t far behind, followed by dreams of David and me on our beach.

  Sunlight was warm on my face and so bright I was struggling to open my eyes without squinting. I also felt warm all over, and it didn’t take me long to realize why, since I could feel the weight of David’s body pressing against mine.

  “Bom dia,” he murmured against the back of my neck. I loved waking up with him like this, his arm around me keeping me close and particularly his morning wood pressing against the cleft of my ass.

  “Bom dia,” I said, turning my head for a kiss.

  I knew we had to get up and get ready for breakfast with my grandparents, so I pulled myself up and out of bed and dragged a still sleepy David into the bathroom.

  “I thought you were the morning person in this room?” I teased as I pushed him under the warm water spray of the shower.

  “Shut up. I had a sexy-as-fuck man curled up against me. Can you blame a guy for wanting to stay in bed?”

  “Nope.” I kissed the sensitive spot on his neck that always made him shiver.

  “Fuuuuck.”

  “Can’t blame you at all.”

  We took a little longer in the shower while I made sure David was thoroughly awake before we made our way to my grandparents’ house.

  “Bom dia, Avó,” I said to my grandmother, stepping in for a big hug. God, I loved her hugs, her smell, her hands on my face like she knew exactly how to make me feel at home with such a simple touch.

  “My boys,” she said, holding David in a similar embrace. I loved when she called us her boys. I looked at David, who was accepting the hug like a starved man.

  When I was a kid, my mom used to joke, saying, “Your grandmother knows things, Joel.” As though she could read minds or knew what you’d been up to. I never knew what those “things” were then, but now it was like a billboard announcement. She knew about David, and she knew about us. She just chose not to say it out loud. The look she gave me as she stepped out of David’s embrace was one of happiness tinged with a heavy dose of concern.

  During breakfast, we told my family about the trip, the things we’d seen, and some of the stories we read about in the journal.

  “It’s been a long time since we’ve been to Santarém, hasn’t it, Vi?” my granddad asked my grandmother, using his nickname for her.

  “I think we went there for a wedding a few years ago. It was an awful day of rain.”

  “I remember that day,” Vóvó Deolinda said from her armchair where she was working on a crochet piece, as usual. “You know, as the old saying goes, a wet wedding makes a blessed marriage.”

  “Must be true, Mom,” my grandma said, “because they’re still together, and that gorgeous baby of theirs is just so adorable.”

  I looked at my three grandparents chatting with each other like they did every single day, and a pang of longing came over me. I had missed so much of this and would most certainly continue to miss it in the future, and I didn’t know how I felt about that.

  After breakfast, we did some shopping for the baking class and headed over to Lisbon to Isaac’s LGBT center.

  The LGBT center was in a commercial area in downtown Lisbon.

  It was sandwiched between two buildings, and if it weren’t for the rainbow display in the window, I could have walked past it without knowing it was there. Even the small sign above the door was nondescript.

  This center was unlike other LGBT centers I’d been to in New York. It looked like the front part was a functional store selling LGBT merchandise, and at the back, there was an office space with two desks and a seating area.

  The guy behind one of the desks got up to greet David as soon as we walked in carrying our shopping bags. He looked a little older than us but probably not by much. The thick-rimmed glasses on his face did nothing to hide the dark brown, nearly back color of his eyes. He had short black hair and gorgeous olive skin. The guy was undoubtedly stunning, but what really stood out to me was his friendly and open demeanor.

  “Olá, David. How are you? It’s been a while man,” he said with a quick hug and a fist bump.

  “Olá, Tiago. I know, I know. Life’s crazy,” David said and then turned to introduce me. “Tiago, this is Joel. Joel, this is Tiago. He volunteers here and kno
ws everything,” he said, punctuating the word everything.

  “Well, if I don’t, no one else will.” He shrugged and winked. “The boss is at the back. Go on in.” Tiago motioned to the door behind the desk leading to a long corridor.

  “He’s really friendly,” I commented.

  “Yeah, he’s an awesome guy. The center would be lost without him, and I get the feeling it goes both ways.”

  I didn’t know what David meant and didn’t have a chance to ask because as we turned a corner at the end of the corridor, I bumped into a mass of messy, curly hair. I would have fallen backward if David hadn’t dropped one of his bags and put an arm around me.

  “Oh fuck, I’m so sor—” he said, looking up. “David!” Ignoring the fact he nearly knocked me on my ass, the guy put his arms around David in a sign of familiarity I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with.

  David hugged the guy back and laughed. This wasn’t a just-friends hug; this was the sign of something stronger. Holy hell, this was Isaac.

  David pulled back from the embrace, still smiling, and ruffled the already messy curls on the guy’s head.

  “Joel, this is—”

  “Isaac,” I interrupted. “Nice to meet you.” I held out my hand to shake, but Isaac had other plans and hugged me, too, although a little tamer than he did David.

  “That’s enough, Isaac,” David said, separating us and putting an arm around me. Both Isaac and I laughed.

  “Joel, let me give you a tour of the place while David gets settled in the kitchen where he belongs.” He sent a dirty wink toward David and pulled me back to the front of the house where we’d just come from.

  I heard David mumbling about knowing this was a bad idea as he picked up all the shopping bags off the floor.

  Isaac asked Tiago to fix us all with coffee and told me to take a seat on the other side of his desk. Was I going to get the best friend pep talk? I smiled to myself at the thought.

  “So, Joel, I’m glad to finally meet you,” Isaac said, leaning forward, placing his elbows on the desk, and resting his head on his hands.

  “You know about me?” I asked. I don’t know why I was surprised that he did. After all, he and David were close, but I didn’t think I would come up in conversation since they hadn’t met until long after I’d been gone.

  I don’t know why I hadn’t noticed his eyes earlier; maybe it was because they hadn’t been as focused on me like they were right now. They were a piercing blue-green and stared at me as if they were trying to figure me out.

  “He didn’t tell me about you until he accidentally mentioned you in his sleep one day.”

  What the actual fuck. Did they sleep together?

  My face must have shown my shock because Isaac was quick to say they slept together only a couple of times after a night out when Isaac lived in a smaller apartment with only one bed and no sofa. Nothing had happened between them. Something in his demeanor made me believe what he said.

  “I prefer tall, blond, brown-eyed, and sexy assholes who break promises.”

  The way he said it I could tell he was talking about someone specific. Isaac was staring at a glass decoration he had on his desk. It had an inscription, but I couldn’t read it from where I was sitting.

  “Do you wanna talk about it?” I asked, offering a friendly ear.

  “No, it’s not worth the time, Joel.” He paused and then repeated my name like he remembered something, but he changed the subject. “Looks like Tiago gave up on our coffee. He’s so fired.”

  “I thought he was a volunteer.”

  “He is, well, most of the time, anyway,” he chuckled, and then sat back putting on a more serious expression. “I feel it’s my duty to warn you not to hurt David.”

  I was expecting him to follow up on his threat with more detail, but all he did was stare at me with his piercing blue-green eyes.

  “Um is that it?” I asked, trying to stifle my laugh.

  “That’s it,” he said with a shrug.

  Tiago came back, without the coffee, just in time to welcome a group of teenage boys and a girl. They high-fived him, and the girl gave him a quick hug before they all bumped Isaac’s fist and then walked through the door.

  “That’s David’s class,” he explained.

  “They look like good kids.”

  “They haven’t got an easy life, but we hope to make it a little better for them and give them the skills they need to secure a better future.”

  We walked through the door behind the group to start the tour. Isaac smiled wide as he talked about the center and the kids. Some of them came to the center because they were living in foster care, didn’t have families, or struggled at school and needed additional support to be able to stay in class until they could finish high school and get a job.

  When Isaac told me about the homeless kids the center helps because their parents kicked them out for being LGBT, there was sadness in his voice. I knew the reason since David had told me a little about Isaac’s story of being kicked out by his own parents for being gay. The unfairness of it all broke my heart, and I would forever be grateful to my parents for having made it so easy for me to be who I am.

  I also had a feeling that as far as Isaac was concerned, any kid that came to him because they were homeless would receive help, whether they were LGBT or not. No one would get turned down.

  “We work with other charities when we can’t help. Our funds are very limited since we rely mostly on donations and the support of volunteers,” Isaac explained as we walked up the stairs that led to another floor. “I want to expand the center to be able to offer emergency accommodation, but it’s been a challenge not just from a financial aspect but also the legal side of things. Bureaucracy has a way to forget we’re talking about real people here. Kids who will spend the night outside in the cold with no food and vulnerable to all kinds of predators.” I could hear the frustration in his voice.

  “Do you help mainly young LGBT people?” I asked with interest.

  “We don’t close the door on anyone, whatever their age, gender, sexuality, or background. If they are in need, we will try to help. However, the facilities we have are targeted mainly with helping teenagers and young adults. This is a safe place for them, and some have suffered abuse at the hands of adults. When an adult reaches out, we give them all the information they need and signpost them to other charities that can help.”

  I was in awe of this man and the good work he was trying to do. I wondered how many kids now had jobs and a roof over their heads because of the help Isaac offered. How many now had people they could talk to about the stuff going on in their lives? I was also immensely proud of David for being part of this despite his own story.

  “My friend is arriving in a few days. He does a lot of work at a youth center and would probably like to see what you do here. Would it be okay if I bring him here to see you?” I knew Max would be interested in talking to Isaac about the center since he volunteered as a nurse at an LGBT center in Greenwich Village.

  “Of course, I’d be happy to meet your friend. Shall we see what David and the kids are up to in the kitchen?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Isaac told me the building had once been a kindergarten, which is why it had so many rooms on the upper floors. The kitchen was spacious and fully equipped to cater for large numbers of people.

  David was surrounded by the kids who were so focused on repeating what he was demonstrating that no one noticed when Isaac and I walked in. There were two chairs by the door, so we both sat down observing the class. Isaac got his phone out and took some photos.

  The kids all had big smiles on their faces as David walked around and praised them all on the consistency of their custard. Their eyes looked full of possibilities, as though if they nailed these custard tarts, then everything in their lives would also work out.

  As for David, he was managing to give every one of them his full attention. His comments and jokes told me he knew these kids well and they lo
oked up to him. This was another one of the many times I could see it as clear as daylight how beautiful this man was, and I would bet everything I had that he didn’t see it that way.

  Isaac put a hand on my arm to get my attention and leaned closer to me to say, “I only ever see the real David when he’s here.”

  There was a small smile on his face as though he was happy to be able to offer a safe harbor for his friend but also sadness that it was restricted to this space. I smiled back in understanding, but what I really wanted to do was ask questions. Why didn’t David risk it when he had such a great example in his friend? How could he accept that his life would only ever be made of stolen moments, like these, when he could have it all?

  Was I naïve to think that? Did I have such a privileged life that I could only believe in being myself no matter what? What was the other option? I didn’t even want to consider it because it was too dark a picture to accept.

  I was staring at David and lost in my thoughts when he looked at where we were sitting. His face immediately lit up, his smile wide, and his eyes were looking at me with such warmth. Two things hit me at that moment. I wanted to be on the receiving end of that smile for the rest of my life, and I had no clue how to make it happen.

  Once the custard tarts were in the oven, we all helped tidy up the kitchen, chef’s orders, and then sat around the big table. The center was officially closed for the day, so Tiago joined us, finally making us coffee and thus avoiding being fired again. I laughed at the ease in which everybody teased each other.

  Despite everything, David had good friends here; friends who would stick by him long after I was gone. That thought took my breath away, and I nearly choked on my coffee.

  “You okay?” David whispered in my ear.

  “Yup, coffee went the wrong way,” I said, hoping my excuse would be enough to avoid further questions.

  The kids insisted we all tried their custard tarts, and David, Isaac, Tiago, and I agreed they were delicious.