by Lynn Mann
My mother released me and I gave her a kiss on her cheek before moving on to hug my new brother-in-law. ‘We’ll miss you and Candour loads,’ I told him.
‘We’ll both miss you all too.’ He lowered his voice. ‘I’m sorry, Am, you’re going into danger and Candour and I won’t be there to help. You and Infinity are a force to be reckoned with though, and you’ve got this motley crew behind you,’ Jack gestured towards our friends and Vickery stuck her tongue out at him, ‘so you’ll be fine. And don’t worry, I’ll look after everything here.’ His eyes flicked to my mother.
I squeezed his arm in thanks and moved on to where my sister waited for me. She flung her arms around me and whispered, ‘I’ll imagine you’re in my mind every chance I get, so you make sure you try to reach me every single night, do you hear me?’
‘Loud and clear,’ I said, ‘and get Jack to teach you how to radiate your light, and then teach everyone else to do it, okay? It’ll help you all to help Mum, and each other.’
‘Will do. Now you promise you’ll take care of yourself? And you’ll search my mind whenever you want to know what’s happening here?’
‘Yes, to both. Go back to bed, you and Dad have got your and Jack’s new cottage to start building in a few hours and you’ll need all of your strength.’
I mounted Infinity, whose bridle was now stored in one of my saddlebags, and then my friends and I waved our final farewells to my family.
Holly and Serene appeared next to Infinity and me. ‘Are you alright, Am?’ Holly said, keeping her place easily as Serene shied in response to Infinity’s protest that she was too close.
‘I’m great, thanks, I’m happy we’re on our way. I’m glad you decided to come with us, was your Mum okay about it?’
‘She’d have preferred me to have stayed longer, she always does, but she’s used to me coming and going now and as far as she knows, this is just another ordinary trip around the villages,’ Holly replied. ‘Talking of which, where are we actually going?’
‘Vic told you about the Kindred we met on the way here?’
‘Yes, and about the Elder who was with her in her mind, if I understood correctly?’
‘You did. Well the Kindred Elder is Aware of me and Infinity as a result of that meeting, and she’s curious. She reaches out and observes our mind, and in doing so, she’s left a thread back to her that I can easily follow. I have a sense of where she is and that’s the direction we’ll travel in, stopping off for a day or two to help in any villages we come across, until we find her.’
‘Because you think she’ll accept you?’
‘Because there’s a chance she might, if I live up to being the person I agreed to be.’
Holly frowned. ‘This is one of those things that I’m not going to understand until it unfolds in front of me, isn’t it?’
I let out a sigh of relief and grinned. ‘It’s good to be back amongst you guys.’
Holly chuckled. ‘This was your first trip back to the realms of non-bonded people since you bonded with Infinity, wasn’t it?’
I nodded.
‘You’ll find it’s the same every time. At first, all you feel is happiness at being back with your family. Then you notice them looking at you strangely and you realise how much you’ve changed since your last visit home – in your case, that would have been far more than most, Am – then you feel as if you don’t belong in your family anymore and you watch what you say so that you don’t have to explain everything you say, and then just as you’re getting used to that, you leave and you’re back with other Horse-Bonded or just on your own with your horse again and all you can feel is relief that things are suddenly a whole lot easier. Ring any bells?’
‘That’s it exactly. Flaming lanterns, how’s Jack going to manage, now he’s there for good?’
‘By being Jack. He’ll say it like it is and by the time we get back to Rockwood, we’ll find a village of multiskilling, light-emitting non-bonded who’ll be so used to not knowing what’s coming next that they’ll just accept our weirdness as part of the norm!’
We both laughed.
Infinity and I settled back into leading our group over the days that followed, as I once again practised being Aware whilst remaining present in my physical surroundings. I rarely lost the sense of the Kindred Elder that I was following, even whilst holding conversations with my friends, coaching them as they rode their horses, and performing all of the daily tasks necessary while travelling. Sifting through all of the other things of which I was Aware whilst maintaining focus in the physical was harder, however, as the constant distraction of assessing whether they were worthy of more attention was tiring, but I was improving.
One morning, I found that I could hold a conversation with Justin without muttering, though my lips still moved to the words that my mind thought to him.
‘Branching out into silent muttering now Am? Aleks will be pleased,’ Rowena said with a grin as she dried the last breakfast plate and handed it to me to pack into my saddlebag.
‘Don’t knock progress when you see it, you’ve no idea how much effort it’s taking,’ I retorted.
Well I know and I’m almost sweating in sympathy, Justin teased. Hello, is that who I think it is?
I paused from doing the buckles up on my saddlebag as I too became Aware of a familiar essence. Several of the horses whickered, nervously. Justin made himself small in my mind.
‘Our friend in the tree is nearby,’ I said.
‘I don’t sense her,’ Rowena replied.
‘She’s not close enough to stare at you but I’m Aware of her and so are the horses.’ I raised my voice. ‘Everyone, listen up, send light to your horses because our friend in the tree is nearby. She isn’t hunting the horses, but they know she’s there so we need to help them to stay calm like before.’
Rowena immediately sent a flow of light to where Aleks sat open-mouthed in horror by the campfire, and then extended the flow past him to settle around Nexus. ‘I’ll sort Aleks and Nexus again, and I’ll keep an eye on Holly and Serene, as they weren’t with us last time,’ she said.
Sonja appeared from the other side of Bright with a hair-covered brush in her hand. ‘Do you want my light supporting yours again, Am?’
‘No thanks, I think Infinity and I’ll be alright this time. Please could you add your light to Rowena’s, to help Aleks and Nexus, and Holly and Serene if they need it?’
Sonja’s light immediately joined Rowena’s by way of reply.
I felt Infinity’s nurturing warmth spreading out from her towards our friend in the tree and I sent a gentle flow of light along with it. As it touched our friend, I felt her anxiety fade away to be replaced by relief and a small measure of hope. She had had little success hunting in the past few days and she was hungry again. She was feeling despondent at her lack of hunting prowess, something she had known may be her downfall when she undertook the challenge to survive by herself, yet still she had made the decision not to hunt our horses, easy prey as they would have been in the dense forestry in which we had camped the night.
I sent gentle thoughts to our friend. We are Infinity. We would not see you go hungry, we have food we are happy to share with you. We are just packing up to leave and we will leave food and our campfire behind us when we go.
I felt our friend’s gratitude. Then, knowing that her immediate problem had a solution, she turned her attention towards Infinity. Try as she might, she couldn’t understand how my horse was choosing to completely disregard the instinctive fear of her species and send love and reassurance to a potential predator. She admired Infinity’s courage and strength. As her attention shifted back to me, I continued to send a gentle light flow in her direction and invited her to touch my mind with her own, to begin to know more of me.
Then I was Aware of the Kindred Elder joining us, but not via our friend in the tree – this time she observed the proceedings through her connection with me. I felt our friend recoil in shock as she became Aware of her Elder ob
serving us in this way, and I increased my flow of light towards her.
The young Kindred calmed. She was tempted to ask the Elder whether or not to accept my invitation, but something powerful held her from doing so; she knew she must decide for herself. I felt her considering. Then, she touched my mind with the intention of taking up my invitation. She and I both felt the Elder’s approval and then the Elder was gone.
Our friend was pleased with herself but then I felt her slight discomfort at Infinity’s and my involvement in, and observation of, her Elder’s scrutiny.
‘Everyone, our friend needs some space from us, so we need to be gone,’ I called out urgently and my friends responded by increasing the pace with which they had already begun clearing our camp and getting their horses ready to leave.
Minutes later, we were all mounted and making our way through the forest, having left a pile of food by our campfire. My friends all cocooned us in light, including Holly, whose flow was strong, and Aleks, who was managing to contribute a steady stream, albeit not as strong as the rest. As a result of everyone having been able to combine their flows with the same intention, the horses were all calm and coping much better with the Kindred’s proximity than during our previous encounter.
I was Aware that our friend waited until we were some distance away before approaching the campsite and falling on the food we had left for her, so that she wouldn’t cause our horses any undue distress. I was grateful for her consideration and felt the beginnings of a mutual trust and understanding forming between us.
It is fragile but it is a beginning, agreed Infinity.
And her Elder is observing the proceedings, so hopefully she’s beginning to trust us too.
We are not the only ones under her scrutiny, observed Infinity.
No, our friend in the tree seems to be of more interest to her as well now, I agreed.
It’s a bit of a web you seem to be tangling yourselves in, isn’t it, observed Justin. It feels right though. Take care Am. And he was gone.
‘Did you pick up any of what just happened?’ I asked my companions.
It became apparent that our friend in the tree hadn’t been close enough for my friends to have picked up any information from her, so I told them all that had transpired.
‘Fitt,’ said Aleks.
‘Huh?’ I said.
‘Fitt. Friend... in... the... tree. If she hasn’t told you her name, we should call her Fitt, for now. I think it’s obvious that we’ll be seeing more of her now she knows we’ll feed her.’
‘We’re not feeding her, Aleks, we’re leaving food for her and there’s a world of difference between the two,’ said Rowena.
‘Which is?’ Aleks said.
‘It would probably help you if you took the time to figure it out,’ said Marvel.
‘I second that,’ said Vickery. ‘What do you think is going on between our friend and her Elder, Am?’
‘Our friend is a young Kindred, trying to fulfil a challenge to survive on her own. It seems to be important to her to make her own decisions and the Elder was observing her resolve to do that. And there’s more to it; the Elder is particularly interested in decisions that our friend in the tree – sorry Aleks – that Fitt, makes with regard to us,’ I replied.
Marvel whistled. ‘It hasn’t taken us long, has it? I thought we’d be travelling for months before things began to happen that might point us in some sort of direction, but we only left The Gathering a matter of weeks ago and we already know who we need to find and where we need to go, and now we seem to be finding ourselves in the thick of relationships between the Kindred, whose name is rolling off my tongue as if it’s what we’ve always called them!’
‘Have you really not got hold of the fact that that’s what happens when you spend any time around Amarilla and Infinity, Marvel?’ Rowena said. ‘In case anyone else has missed it as well, this is the reality of being part of Am and Fin’s mission to change life as we know it. It’s like being in a vortex and if you’re not strong enough to stay in the centre of it with the two of them, you’ll be spat out as Feryl was, and as Justin and I almost were. Is anyone else just realising what they’ve let themselves in for? Because if so, and if you think you mightn’t be strong enough to hang in there with us through what’s coming, then you’d be better off speaking up and leaving now, because the vortex is gathering strength and staying within it isn’t going to be easy. Trust me, I know.’
There was silence as my friends looked at each other, and then finally, at me.
‘I’ve never thought about it like that before, but I guess Rowena does have a point,’ I said. ‘Does anyone want to leave? Your horses will easily find the way back to Rockwood.’
Marvel, Sonja, Vickery and Holly all shook their heads immediately and Rowena rolled her eyes at me for even looking to her for an answer. I was Aware of the battle going on within Aleks, but finally he shook his head.
‘Onwards we go then,’ said Marvel. ‘Am, lead the way. Ro, nice speech, very stirring. We were just about due for one of your classics and I for one wasn’t disapp...’ He ducked as Rowena tried to flick his ear and we all dissolved into laughter.
‘Hellooooooooo! Earth calling Amarilla!’ Vickery said loudly and not without a little impatience.
My attention was wrenched away from the essence I had sensed for the fourth time in only a few days, and back to the conversation I’d been having before I was distracted. ‘Curse the clouds, sorry Vic, and I’ve been doing so well recently, too.’
‘Is Fitt back with us again?’ Vickery asked.
‘No, it’s someone else, someone I’ve been Aware of before. It’s weird though, each time I’ve felt her, she immediately withdraws from me and I know she doesn’t want my attention, and then after a while, I’m Aware of her again.’
‘Is it another of the Kindred?’ Vickery asked.
I shook my head. ‘From the little I’ve been able to grasp, I think it’s a horse, but not one like ours. And there’s something wrong with her.’
‘Should we go and find her?’
I shook my head again. ‘I think she’ll find us. Anyway, what were we talking about?’
‘I was suggesting that we stop off at Jonustown, as we seem to be heading in that direction. I have family there and we could top up our supplies. You were agreeing with me but considering whether to suggest to Sonja and Aleks that you camp near the town with them to put more time into their training, while the rest of us do what we need to do in town. For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t want to be stuck camping with Aleks when he knows he could be sleeping in a soft bed.’
‘Good point, but if it’s his choice, then either way, he can’t really moan,’ I said.
‘Want to bet?’ she replied.
We were nearly at Jonustown when I was Aware of the same essence checking in with me again, this time with no effort made to hold me away from her, and with every intention that I would know of her proximity.
We will need to be careful. She is very frightened and her pain is great, Infinity observed as I gasped, almost overwhelmed by waves of terror and agony.
Immediately, I radiated light around myself, pushing the fear and pain away so that my mind could function. I held my hand up to warn my friends behind us, as Infinity halted. I turned to my right, towards the source of the pain and emotion that had threatened to swamp me. In the distance, from behind some sparsely leaved bushes, peered a horse. She was the deep orange of the most beautiful sunset, with a white blaze on her delicate, pretty face and white socks on each of her extremely long legs. She rested her right hind awkwardly and as I tuned in to her body to see why, I was horrified at the wrongness that assaulted my mind.
Instantly, I saw her grazing peacefully with the rest of her herd in a patch of rich pastureland, surrounded on all sides by trees. I felt their collective fear as they sensed the presence of a Kindred and then they were off, nostrils flaring and muscles firing urgently as they galloped away from the predator. The Kindred swun
g easily through the trees and just as the chestnut mare reached the woodland at the far end of the pasture, the Kindred launched himself through the air and landed with his upper torso on her rump. Her scream only added to the terror of the herd, all of whom continued their flight. Just before she hit the ground, the mare kicked out behind her with both hind legs. The Kindred grunted and his hold on her rump loosened. She kicked out again once she was on the ground and the Kindred’s talons retreated. Her relief from the searing agony of the Kindred’s talons in her flesh was short-lived; as she launched herself to her feet, they sunk back into her, this time embedding themselves in her right hind leg. She screamed again and tried to run but the Kindred held on fast. Her leg was wrenched out behind and to the side of her, terribly, agonisingly. In an attempt that she knew would be her last to free herself, she lashed out with her left hind leg, managing to land back on to it before her hind end went down again. There was a grunt and a total release from the talons that had been embedded in her leg, and she felt the Kindred’s soul release its hold on his body as blood pumped from his head onto the ground. Fleetingly, she was aware of her soul feeling its oneness with the soul of the Kindred before her physical instincts took over and she tried to flee the site of her ordeal. But her right hind leg wouldn’t do what it should. It didn’t feel as if it was in the same place as it had been – nothing in her hind end did – and agony ripped through her every time she tried and failed to make it take a forward step. My mouth opened as my own scream welled up inside of me.
Infinity wrapped herself around my mind and brought me back to the present. I gasped as she let me go and I came back to myself. More practise is needed at remaining centred, I was informed.
Sorry Fin. Her ordeal was so like yours that I couldn’t help getting lost in what happened to her.
You are in no position to help anyone if you allow your Awareness of them to affect you. You are either centred with your Awareness in balance with your physicality or you are not. At present you are not.