by Lynn Mann
If I had not wanted your mate to know, I would have made that clear. Do not be concerned, Fitt informed me and then winked, as she had seen Marvel do.
My m... oh, er, well that’s okay then, I mean I realise now that I should have checked with you first, I’m sorry, I flushed scarlet whilst trying very hard not to.
Rowena’s chortle was interrupted by Holly. ‘Yes please,’ she said to Fitt. ‘We wouldn’t have pried, but I think we’re all dying to know.’
‘Well I’m not sure I want...’ Aleks began.
‘Aleks, you do, please believe me,’ I said. ‘I’m sure Infinity and Nexus will link your mind to mine as we did before. Vic, Verve can help you link to one of the others if their horses will allow it.’
‘Bright will help,’ Sonja said, and Vickery nodded her thanks.
As soon as Aleks joined me in my mind and Vickery joined Sonja in hers, Fitt brought to the forefront of her mind all of the memories that she and I had explored the previous evening. She had just begun to guide us through them when the Kindred Elder desperately slammed herself between us all and Fitt. Fitt wouldn’t allow it. She dismissed every suggestion made to all of our minds that a block existed, until eventually, the Elder gave up. I felt her shock at Fitt’s continued and escalating defiance and then I had to hold on to Aleks’s mind with everything I had, as the Elder flung her rage at us all. Aleks’s mind almost shattered under the impact of the Elder’s wrath at a group of humans invading the Kindred’s privacy, gaining knowledge of their weaknesses, gaining power over them as their ancestors had sworn would never happen again. Infinity and Nexus surrounded and infused Aleks with their energy, soothing and protecting him as he recovered from the shock of the mental onslaught to which we had all been subjected.
I managed to remain centred, as did Fitt, Rowena and Sonja. Marvel and Holly were knocked slightly off balance before recovering quickly and Vickery was held together by Sonja, Bright and Verve. Fitt demonstrated to us how to take our attention away from the Elder and refuse her influence, which one by one, we all managed to do.
‘I can’t do this, I’m not strong enough,’ wheezed Aleks.
Nexus spoke to his mind as it rested within mine. You will be helped greatly by what the Kindred will share. Your friends and I will assist you in finding the strength that you believe you lack. The time is approaching fast when you will need it. She increased the support she was sending to her Bond-Partner and Aleks breathed deeply several times, shaking his head. At last, looking wretched, he nodded.
Fitt focused on the memories of the Kindred once more and we witnessed them alongside her. When we saw the younglings being abused by their handlers, Aleks drew breath and held it, so that for a second, I thought he’d died of shock.
‘Th-that’s m-m-me,’ he managed to gasp. ‘I w-was th-there. I d-did th-th-those th-things.’
I felt his recognition of himself in a former incarnation and as I focused more closely on the handler who had taken his attention, as I looked into eyes that were full of fear, I saw that it was, indeed, Aleks.
‘Thunder and lightning,’ breathed Holly.
We all felt Aleks’s horror and then the strength of his remorse. Nexus wrapped herself around him, loving him as he couldn’t love himself.
Aleks, you have to forgive yourself, Fitt spoke to him within my mind. Your fear helped to create the very beings of whom you are now so afraid. The only way to step out of the circle in which you find yourself is to see it for what it is and then forgive it. Clear it. Let it go.
‘But I was a m-monster,’ gulped Aleks.
You were afraid. You’re still afraid and the only way to stop feeling that way is to love. Love yourself as your horse loves you, as your friends love you. As I love you.
‘But how can you love me when you know what I did?’ Aleks challenged her.
Because I forgive you, Fitt told him, patiently. Now forgive yourself. Know that what you did, while unhelpful, was part of your journey towards balance. You spent a few lifetimes learning what takes you further away from it and now you are learning to move closer towards it. That is all you have done and we have all done the same on our own journeys. Forgive everything that I will show you. It is the only way.
I felt the moment when Aleks believed her. I felt him forgive himself and instantly, he was stronger. Nestled in my mind as he was, he felt approval not only from his horse, but from all of us. We loved him and we were happy for him. We wanted him to move past his fears as much as he did. He was a part of our group. He was our friend.
Aleks felt calmer than he could remember. Then he looked over at Fitt and we all felt his confusion. Habit made him want to still be fearful and mistrustful of her, yet he found that he wasn’t feeling either of those emotions. Something else was beginning to blossom within him, something which was foreign and which he resisted whilst he tried to work out what it meant. But it was there.
Fitt continued sharing memories into the night, finishing just before dawn, as she had when sharing them with me the previous night. Everyone sat in silence for a long while.
‘Thank you, Fitt,’ Holly said, finally, and the others all echoed her thanks.
‘I understand the Elder’s reaction last night now,’ said Aleks, yawning. ‘No wonder she’s scared to trust us.’
‘Patience and compassion arise from understanding,’ I murmured, remembering counsel that Infinity had once given me. I looked up to see Rowena looking at me with a raised eyebrow as she remembered too. I grinned at her. ‘And very lucky that is too. If Fin hadn’t helped me to understand you better, I’d never have had the patience or the compassion to forgive you after you punched me in the face whilst making out it was my fault.’
Rowena came to sit next to me and drew me into a hug. She sighed. ‘That all seems so long ago now, doesn’t it,’ she said, tiredly.
‘Yep,’ I nodded against her shoulder.
‘And it’s all been leading up to what we’re moving towards now,’ she said.
‘Uh huh.’ I could feel my eyes closing and sleep trying to wrestle me from my thoughts.
‘Best get some rest then.’
I dreamt of Justin and Gas moving as one alongside a river made orange by the rise of the sun. They were pleased that our group was forced to stay put for the day in order to catch up on sleep, and relieved that we would be further delayed once we left camp, by another herd of horses who were moving in our direction. They Who Are Gas weren’t far away now and the closer they got, the more energy and strength they found. It wasn’t all theirs, I realised; our horses supported them. They wouldn’t allow Gas’s body to be tired or strained. He and Justin would increase the strength and purpose of our group. They were necessary.
We all slept into the afternoon. I woke to the sound of Marvel cursing that the fire had gone out. One by one, we all roused, stretched and began to move about, performing camp chores in sleepy silence.
I checked in with Infinity, who was grazing only a short distance away but was out of sight behind some trees. She was enjoying the feeling of the hot summer sun on her back but she was irritated by the flies that buzzed around her eyes. I didn’t know whether the thought to move into the trees for respite from them originated from me or from her, but she acted on it and was soon snoozing nose to nose with Oak and Flame in the shade.
Infinity knew what was to come as well as I did and neither of us knew what the outcome would be. It didn’t matter really, not in truth. Our souls were entwined and that would always be so, wherever we were and whatever happened. We were still dreaming the dream but it was no longer necessary for either of us to. We would do what we had resolved to do and we would do our best for those to whom it would matter, but it was impossible for us to be affected by the outcome either way. We were Infinity.
I felt Flame and Fitt pick up on my musings. Fitt looked over at me and nodded slowly, smiling her shy smile as she allowed me to know of her own musings in return. She had been Aware from the moment she was born. Whilst
always having been encouraged to use her Awareness to have empathy and understanding of those around her, to communicate easily and to sense the location of both food and danger, the fear and mistrust that ran deeply within the Kindred had prevented her from using it to its full extent. Her bond with Flame had changed everything. Together, they had healed their hurts and found the balance for which their souls had searched for so long. Fitt had been left with an Awareness that was unfettered; she had a whole new way of experiencing the world and understanding All That Is. And she and her horse were one. Always. I returned Fitt’s smile and then we both went about our chores.
We were all still subdued as we ate dinner that evening, absorbed in our own thoughts or those shared with our horses. Aleks was deep in conversation with Nexus about all manner of things and after dinner, he announced that he was going off to ride his horse. He returned just as the rest of us were getting ready for bed, looking pleased with himself and I could feel a definite shift occurring within him. None of us spoke, but Sonja hugged him before getting into her bedding and Marvel clapped him on the back as Aleks crouched down beside him to help bank the fire.
Fitt and I were both up at dawn, well rested and itching to get going. We fetched water from the watering hole and then set about cooking breakfast, in the hope that the smell of roasting meat would rouse the others. Our plan worked and our friends were soon up and dressed, Marvel and Vickery leaving to go hunting whilst the others aired bedding and packed up camp.
The sun was higher in the sky than I would have liked by the time we got going, but I was happy to be on our way. The sky was a cloudless, vivid blue, only punctuated by the odd flock of small birds or pairs of larger ones that circled, cawing to one another as they hunted. A warm breeze carried the smell of the summer plains – an earthy scent laced with a hint of wild flowers – and kept us comfortable under the hot sun as we once again followed our sense of the Kindred Elder.
I was careful not to allow my thoughts to dwell upon her once I had a sense of her, but even in the fraction of a second that my mind touched upon hers, I knew of her continued rage. She was angry, fearful and irrational and had lost all sense of much else. As I began to wonder how she could forget all that she knew of me, both from our past together and from the frequent searching of my mind that I had allowed her since my mission began, I understood.
The Kindred had kept themselves away from humans as much as possible since the collapse of The Old, and their Elders had used what they knew of us to keep them safe. As soon as we met and befriended Fitt, everything had begun to spiral out of the Kindred Elder’s control. I had done everything I could to help the Elder to trust me, but my continued advance towards her had exerted a steadily increasing pressure, only made more intense by my strengthening friendship with Fitt and then our recent decision to defy the Elder. The fear that resided within the collective consciousness of the Kindred was fuelling the Elder’s own fear that she had made a mistake in ever touching my mind, in giving any encouragement for my mission to find her to try to right the situation between humans and the Kindred. She doubted herself and therefore she doubted me. She was terrified that she would be the downfall of the Kindred by allowing her past life with me to tempt her into trusting me and my fellow humans in this life.
All I could feel for her was love and compassion, but she couldn’t feel it. As happened so often, fear was blocking out everything else.
But not for much longer. Infinity and I were resolute as we framed the thought together.
Not for much longer, Justin and Gas agreed.
Not for much longer, echoed Fitt and Flame.
‘What isn’t for much longer?’ Marvel enquired, politely refraining from searching my thoughts.
‘How things have always been,’ I replied. ‘Enough is enough.’
Twenty-One
Love
We could see woodland far off in the distance as the wild horse herd approached us at a gallop and then swept around us in a huge circle. By now, most of the sitting water had evaporated from the plains, leaving a slippery, squelching mud that flicked up from the horses’ hooves, hitting those of their herd who galloped behind them. Despite the difficult footing, the herd slowed to a graceful halt and stood in an arc, regarding us. They were curious about us in so far as they had never seen humans before and had caught only glimpses of Kindred as they fled from them, but beyond that, they took us in their stride. They all knew of the horse who had a Kindred as her Bond-Partner, they knew what they had achieved together and they accepted the partnership without question. They also knew of what our group was capable and what we had so far accomplished with the other wild herds. And they were very close to achieving the same already, by themselves.
As the wild horses sensed my friends and I realising that we were seeing a wild herd only a breath away from being in perfect balance within themselves and with one another, they flowed back into movement. They were breathtaking to watch as they, including the foals, changed between the paces in unison in a graceful swirl of bodies, manes and tails.
I felt Infinity move beneath me and smiled as we and our friends joined the wild horses’ dance. We felt them absorb the last remaining details they required from our horses and we lived all of the memories and emotions that they released, alongside them. And then they were gone.
‘YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!! THE HORSES HAVE DONE IT!!’ Marvel shouted with joy. ‘ENOUGH OF THEM HAVE ACHIEVED PERFECT BALANCE THAT IT’S THE WAY THEY ALL ARE, NOW!! THEY DON’T NEED US ANYMORE!!’ His voice broke. ‘After everything the horses have done for us, we’ve finally been able to do something for them in return.’
I slithered to the ground and wrapped my arms around Infinity’s neck. Her elation was mine as we felt all of the horses rejoice. After all of the lifetimes each of them had lived in service to humankind, we had finally returned to them what we owed. Everything found balance, eventually.
The euphoria we all felt gave us new momentum as we carried on, laughing and singing, towards the woodland that loomed on the horizon. Vickery joined Aleks in walking beside Verve and Nexus, like him now unwilling to ride her horse for any length of time until she could ride without compromising the effortless balance in which he now moved. They chatted happily as they walked, sharing Vickery’s delight at Verve’s achievement.
As we entered the forest, a sense of foreboding stole across us all. All of us who were Aware knew that we were now heavily monitored from afar. Infinity and I took our places at the front of the group once more and when Flame appeared alongside Infinity, I smiled my welcome to Fitt. The warmth and determination of They Who Are Flame was unwavering as ever as they stepped around trees and undergrowth, always returning to our side.
I glanced behind us and saw that Marvel and Rowena rode two abreast in the same fashion as Fitt and I, ushering Aleks along in front of them with Nexus.
‘I don’t like this... at... all,’ said Aleks.
‘You don’t have to like it mate, you just have to knuckle down and get on with it, as always,’ said Marvel, firmly.
Rowena mouthed, ‘flight risk,’ at me and grinned.
I couldn’t help but grin back at her and pitied Aleks if he so much as tried to turn tail.
The birds sang and chirped in the trees, leaves rustled soothingly in the breeze and the forest floor was dappled with enough light that we could see easily whilst enjoying a break from the heat of the sun. As a result, all of us except Aleks were able to enjoy our ride through the forest during the next few days, despite the knowledge that we were edging ever closer to those who may not welcome us. Often, the horses were restricted to walking due to the density of the woodland, but sometimes we could canter, weaving through the trees, laughing as we narrowly avoided colliding with one another. Night time was difficult though, as our horses were forced to wander some distance from where we camped in order to graze sufficiently and Aleks had to be continually reassured that no Kindred other than Fitt were in the vicinity.
The for
est was thinning and we were climbing higher, I realised one morning. Feeling chilly, I pulled my jumper out from my saddlebag and donned it. A few of my friends had done the same, I saw from a glance behind to where Aleks and Sonja were being teased by the others. We rode on for a few more hours and were just about to stop for lunch, when as one, the birds stopped their chattering and without more than a flutter, were gone. All of us who were Aware felt three Kindred converging on us from behind. They were herding us forward and blocking off our retreat, we all realised.
We’ll need to give light to Aleks and to Vic if she needs it, I thought to myself and turned to see my friends nodding their agreement.
We reached the top of the slope that we had been ascending and found ourselves in a roughly level clearing. I was Aware of more Kindred rapidly approaching from all directions and the Kindred behind us were now close enough to stare. They were two males and a female, all younglings, all hungry and all fuelled with a desire to prove themselves.
To whom? I wondered.
To her. She will regret this, Fitt told me, sadly.
‘This is bad, this is really bad,’ Aleks said breathlessly from behind me. ‘We need to get out of here.’
Panic was erupting from him and I could feel the excitement of the younglings as they became Aware of it. Light burst from all of our group, directed towards Aleks. Fitt and I then diverted our flows of light towards the three Kindred who were moving ever closer to us.
Infinity halted beneath me and we turned around to face the rest of our group. ‘Aleks, this is what you’ve been waiting for,’ I said, desperate to say all I had to before my concentration was taken up by everything that was to come. ‘The Kindred you can feel behind us are only the advance party. Lots more are coming and you and Nexus have no way of escape. You can give in to your fear and hinder what the rest of us need to do, or you can choose love. You know why the Kindred feel as they do towards us, you understand why they haven’t been able to let themselves trust us. We have this one chance to prove to them that we have changed. All of us must demonstrate to them that we will never choose fear over love. If even one of us still shows that tendency, they will never trust us. We all need to send them our light. All of us, and no matter what they do. At the moment, your friends are sending light to you that is needed by the Kindred. Join us Aleks, please, choose to love the Kindred. Send them your light so that we can all send them all of ours. Vic, you need to do the same and just when you think you’re giving all you’ve got, you’ll need to give more.’