He sighed, and she could see he was riddled with regret. Good, she thought to herself. He’d better not do it again.
“When we first got to London I got a full time job as a motorbike courier,” he continued. “I also did pizza delivery in the evenings. We needed funds fast. I wanted Rory and Draco to get jobs in IT, but at the time no one would give them a chance without qualifications. Thankfully, they came out of it really well. We made a pact, no more hacking. Rory found work in bike mechanics and Draco got an opportunity in tech in the banking district. I’m proud of them.” His head dipped.
She could tell he was ashamed of himself. Reaching out, she laid her hand on his forearm. “It’s your turn to make good now.”
He lifted his head and smiled at her. “I hope so. That’s why it’s so important I clear the decks, deal with the past, shelve it, and begin afresh.”
Shelve the past? Her fledgling hopes plummeted. She withdrew her hand and looked back at Pixie to distract herself.
“Why did you call her Pixie? I thought you hated the fact your Mum had given you all hippie dippy names.”
“Yeah, well…” What could she say? “It seemed like a good idea at the time, like most things.”
“What happened with Declan?”
She flinched, couldn’t help herself. Even now her failed attempt at a new relationship embarrassed her, especially because she had done it to rid herself of memories of her first relationship. “He wasn’t around long. It never really began to be honest. We had a few dates, and then I told him I was pregnant. He didn’t phone anymore, didn’t even end it properly, much like you.”
“I’ll never be able to apologize enough.”
She shrugged. “Then I heard he’d started up with someone else when I was in hospital, giving birth to Pixie.”
He looked genuinely upset. “Not the best timing.”
“Nope. But it wasn’t as if it was the love affair of the century. Mostly it was my pride that was hurt.”
“You’re amazing.”
She shrugged. “Boringly sensible at times maybe, force of circumstance. It goes against my rebellious nature, but I’m getting used to being responsible.”
“And who was the love affair of your life?”
“Fishing for compliments now, huh?”
“Only because I want to give them to you without you snarling at me.”
Restraining her smile, she faked a snarl.
He laughed. “Come on, can we play nice, give it a go?”
“Not if you take off at any given chance.”
“I won’t, not without telling you first.”
“So you are going to take off?”
“Not as such. I need to think about what to do. In the short term, and the long term. Rory has offered me a decent job at the workshop, a share in the business, and somewhere to live. There’s a spare room in this house that came with the bike workshop.”
“Of course,” she murmured, and looked at the sand, sifting it through her fingers. Her chest locked and she experienced a sinking feeling. It was a silly reaction, so she quickly nodded, hoping he hadn’t noticed. It wasn’t as if it was a revelation. It made sense. Rory had a going business now, of course he’d make room for Sean, and he’d probably been waiting for the extra help.
“Don’t pull away. We can make this work. I need a job, but if you don’t like the look of London, I’ll come back to you on weekends.”
She sighed. “Got it all worked out?”
“We can make this work. Have you thought about joining Sky in London?”
“Not really. It was bad enough getting back into education, and I have a heap of help here. Gladys and Nan are good to me.”
“They are. We’ll figure it out…I want us to belong to each other again. Even when we’re apart.” He wrapped his arm around her waist, easing her closer to him.
The efforts he’d gone to—with both her and Pixie—and his attempts to put her at ease, were undoing her resolve, melting her resistance. “It’s going to take a while for me to trust...”
The breeze lifted.
He brushed her hair free from face with his free hand. “I don’t have to leave for a few days. I told Rory I needed some time out. He understood. He knew why. “
A few days? It would make it worse than if he’d never been there at all.
He leaned in and kissed her.
Reluctantly, she allowed her eyes to close and breathed him in, savoring the rough graze of his stubble on her face, the harsh, possessive kiss. His mouth owned her, turning her to sheer electricity, making her mind muddle and her body turn to putty in his grasp. She wanted him. More than anything else in the world, she wanted it to be true.
Grasping his head in her hands as they drew apart, she locked his gaze. “Don’t you dare let me down again!”
He laughed. It was soft and gentle sound, but it unsettled her.
“Don’t laugh!”
“I’m not laughing, I’m relieved, and really, really happy.” He stroked her cheek. “I premise I won’t let you down.”
He glanced at Pixie. Rowan looked too. She’d curled up on the corner of the rug and was asleep.
He moved closer, kissing her again, pushing her onto her back.
Rowan laughed too, and she did feel joy. As if it had been there all along, under lock and key. At some point it had got out and was seeping through her unchecked. And boy, did it feel good. Finally allowing herself to let go, she sunk into his embrace, and let the doubts and mistrust to float away on the breeze.
Chapter Ten
Someone was watching, had been for a while. Sean knew it.
It was like being in jail made you develop an extra sense, the sense of when you were being studied by someone who had a problem or a demand. He’d tried to shake it off earlier, assuming it a hangover from his time inside, but it only grew larger.
Rowan had gone for the ice cream some time ago, but even from here they could see it would take a little while. There was a queue. Perhaps she was on her way back now.
Scanning the vicinity, he tried to pinpoint the source of attention. Was he imagining it?
No sign of Rowan.
He rose to his feet, dusting the sand off his clothing. Checking on Pixie, he made sure her seatbelt was secure. Rowan had put her back in the buggy before she’d left, insisting it was safest. The child hadn’t woken, safe in her mother’s arms as she transferred her. Sean watched and marveled at the innocence of youth, trying to imagine the luxury of complete security, the ability to ignore sensory information. After being in jail, it was a tough call.
When they’d set out that morning he’d checked he wasn’t being followed. Had done ever since he left the jail. He’d gone out of his way on the route to Rowan’s side, aware he might have a tail, but he was sure no one had trailed him. Yet now he wasn’t so sure. Had his enemies inside dug up the location of his people here in Wales?
Scanning the promenade beyond the wall, he was able to pick out Rowan’s hair and clothing amongst the queue for snacks and drinks. She was still a little way from the front.
That’s when he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Ready to talk, Rattigan?”
Sean spun on the spot and had the guy up against the wall inside a heartbeat, one hand locked around the base of the guy’s throat.
“Hey take it easy. I come in peace.” The guy laughed and held up both hands, glancing around and smiling at any onlookers.
Sean didn’t take his attention off the newcomer. With his hand against the stranger’s chest, holding him in place, he scrutinized him, quickly deciding he didn’t recognize him. He knew his type though—a hound. The type of ligger who hung around the guy with the real power—creeps who couldn’t stand on their own two feet but picked up the lesser tasks, gopher’s who slavered over the pickings cast aside by their master.
“Pretty lady. Nice kid.”
“Stay away from them, or I’ll break your neck.”
The guy tutted. “That wouldn’t go down
well with Delahane. He relies on me to pass his important messages while he’s inside and I’ve got one for you.”
“Bit old to be a messenger boy, or are you his chained pet?”
“If I don’t get back to him inside five minutes, my buddies will go after the lady and the kid. Besides, you owe Delahane.”
Sure, their paths had crossed, and Delahane had got wind of Sean’s hacking skills, but there was no debt. “I owe him nothing.”
“That’s not how he sees it. Knowledge is power and he knows where your little lady lives, so you do owe him. Let’s call it a personal insurance debt.”
Sean took a brief moment—just long enough to be sure Pixie was still asleep—then flattened him to the wall with his fist.
The gopher slumped down then scrabbled to his feet.
How the fuck had they found him? Sean had done everything in his power to shake a possible tail, going out of his way on back roads and hanging back to see if anyone followed. He’d stake his life on the fact no one had tailed him. It had to be another source. Delahane had contacts, sure, but it had taken some digging through his distant past to even find out where the Rattigans had spent a year in Wales, and even then Rowan and Nan and little one had moved.
Around them Sean could make out the concerned mutterings of onlookers.
Moving his jaw from side to side, the gopher pointed at him and started to back away. “Not a good move, Rattigan. I’m itching to pass the debt on to your lady already, no need to psyche me up for more fun.”
Rage made Sean want to obliterate the guy. It was only the risk of Rowan or Pixie seeing him that kept him in check. “If you want to live another day, get lost.”
The gopher showed his teeth.
Sean figured it was an attempt to look mean. It made him look even more of a tool.
“My associate has prepared details for you.” Gopher thrust a padded envelope at Sean. “Delahane needs you in London in two days’ time. The hack is in the finance sector, which I understand is your specialty. You’ll find details of the meeting point and a burner phone inside the envelope.” He was already moving away.
Beyond him, Sean could see Rowan on her way back. Families were packing up and moving away. Rowan was frowning.
The gopher shouted back a parting statement. “Get on the road to London inside the hour and we’ll leave her alone. You’ll receive further instructions by phone. Don’t switch it off. Set a foot wrong, and your lady won’t love you anymore. She won’t be able to love anybody no more.”
Frustration had him keyed up to the max He was ready and willing to take this guy apart, but he covered his clenched fist with his free hand, instead forcing himself to bend and retrieve the padded envelope that’d fallen on the sand.
The only way to deal with this was to use his brains, not his fists.
There was no way he was taking any risks. Not only did he have to keep his record clean, he had to keep these two safe. They were his family, his future, and he loved them both. There was no way he was taking on a job for Delahane. But he’d have to go along with it to keep Rowan and Pixie safe. What the hell he was going to do next, he’d have to figure out on the way.
He shoved the padded envelope into the inside pocket of his leather jacket, jamming it in.
“Who was that?” Rowan glanced back at where the gopher had disappeared, up the walkway to the road beyond.
“Someone who thought he knew me.” Sean put an arm around her shoulder, welcoming her back. He smiled at her, as reassuringly as he could muster. “He didn’t.”
Her concerned expression morphed into a smile and she handed him an ice cream cone. She took a second over to Pixie who was still asleep, and gently woke her, offering her the treat.
“It’s getting cold,” he added, when she came back to his side. “Let’s eat this on the way.”
“Okay.” She licked her ice cream and gave him a cheeky smile. “Oh, and I want to go get some groceries on the way back. There’s a little shop near the house. I’ll pop in. I want to make us something special to eat tonight. We can chat some more after Pixie is in bed.”
He looked at her face and felt hollow inside. She was happier than he’d ever seen, and he could scarcely bring himself to respond. Reaching for the handle on the pushchair, he nodded.
They wandered back along the promenade, heading home. Sean kept one eye on the path behind them while he tried to figure out how to handle this, and what to say to Rowan. She seemed set on having a special evening. He couldn’t tell her, but he couldn’t risk her getting involved.
Occasionally he pulled out his phone to check the time. When they reached the shop, he nodded at her. “I’ll take Pixie home so she doesn’t get cold. You can catch us up.”
“Really?” Rowan laughed. “Most guys wouldn’t be seen dead on their own with a pushchair. Are you sure you don’t mind taking another turn?”
“I’m happy to do it.”
“In that case I’ll pick up a few other things as well, I’ll get us a bottle of wine and I better pick up some stuff for Nan and Gladys. I’ll be home in around fifteen minutes. Twenty, tops.” She hooked her hand around the back of his neck, and smiled while she stared up at him. Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him.
Sean held onto the pushchair with one hand, his other arm slinking around her waist, pulling her hard against him. His mouth crushed hers, his gut turning because they’d come this far and he was going to have to leave immediately. She’d hate him for it. In fact he’d probably be shot down in flames by one of her looks if he tried to explain. But he couldn’t risk their safety.
“Hey, take it easy.” She laughed as she pulled back from his hungry kiss. “I won’t be gone long.”
Sean watched her regretfully. She was jogging to the shop.
He had a few minutes, if that. He dragged his attention back to the pushchair and headed off at speed toward the house.
Pixie leaned forward in her pram, reaching out.
Afraid he was frightening her, he slowed down a bit and took long slow strikes instead, reaching out to touch her head and keep her attention on him.
His gut tightened. It was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life, but he had to leave, he had to keep them safe.
He made a mental note: grab panniers, leave.
Couldn’t leave without writing a brief note, otherwise she would unleash every demon in hell to burn down his trail.
Write note. Grab panniers. Leave.
Chapter Eleven
O.M.G.
“Gone? What do you mean, he’s gone?” Rowan stared at her Nan, battling disbelief and denial. The most horrible cold, heart-wrenching feeling washed over her and it made her feel physically sick.
She dropped the bag of shopping she’d been carrying. Reaching out one hand, she gripped the back of a nearby chair. If she hadn’t, she probably would have keeled over on the spot. “Where has he gone?”
Nan looked worried. “We don’t know. At first, I thought maybe he’d gone to pick something up for you, but Gladys noticed he had his panniers with him.”
“He can’t have gone,” Rowan said, dizzy with denial and confusion, “he...he promised he wouldn’t go without saying goodbye.” Even as she said it, she doubted he’d made any such promise. He’d been clear he had to go to London, check out the job. But she’d been clear too, or so she thought. She needed notice of more heartbreak, at the very least.
This is why I shouldn’t have trusted him, she told herself, battling off the feeling of devastation threatening to overwhelm her.
Tears shone in Nan’s eyes. She was upset too, that proved it was true.
“Something must have happened,” Nan replied. “He came in and dashed about upstairs then Gladys saw him from the front window, taking off on the bike.”
Rowan could scarcely hear her now, her heart pounded in her ears, and her thoughts were rampaging all over the place, backtracking over the day and what had passed between them. All those things he’d sa
id looked empty and meaningless now. “What the hell... He’d just said he’d never leave me like that again.”
“Rowan, take a breath, don’t upset yourself so.” Nan was looking pretty upset herself. She’d given him the benefit of the doubt and the outcome had obviously got to her too. “He might’ve had a good reason to go,” Nan added, her shoulders lifting.
Rowan paced up and down, shock turning to anger. “You say he took his stuff?”
“All he had was the motorbike bag he arrived with, and it’s gone with the bike and him.” Nan’s face told the full story. She hadn’t wanted to announce this.
The bastard. Rowan thought she’d been upset about his attitude the first time around, but after the last two days, she was absolutely livid. One minute he’s making promises, apologizing, talking about a future together, the next…pfft. Gone. What hurt most of all was he’d shot off so bloody quickly she hadn’t even had time to explain that Pixie was his.
Her hands fisted, her fingernails digging sharply into the palms. “What the fuck? Sorry, Nan, language.”
Nan shrugged. “Exceptional circumstances.”
Rowan crossed her arms across her chest and then grabbed the back of the armchair again, her emotions all over the place. “Bloody hell. How could he do this after…” She caught Nan’s worried expression. “Sorry for swearing, Nan, I’m just in shock. Can’t believe it. The things he said, and like a fool I believed him!”
“I know. I thought you two were getting somewhere.” Nan sighed and began tidying up, plumping cushions. “Something must have spooked him.”
“Wait.” Rowan stared around the room and darted into the hall. “Where’s Pixie?”
“Kitchen.”
Running into the kitchen, she saw the buggy was there.
Her hand went to her chest.
Nan followed her. “She’s having a nap, she’s oblivious.”
Sean: A Stepbrother Romance (Coded for Love Book 3) Page 8