“Yup.” Rory rose to his feet, stretching. “Let’s hit the road.”
When they got back to the house, Sky was in the kitchen scribbling on a notepad, an open laptop in front of her on the table. She took one look at Sean’s face and pointed her pen up, indicating Rowan was in the guest bedroom.
Sean headed straight up, taking the stairs two at a time.
The bedroom door stood open. That in itself was a relief.
Rowan was on the bed, sitting cross legged, talking to her phone screen. He quickly gathered she was face timing with Pixie.
He stood in the doorway, staring at her, unable to tear himself away. She looked like a dream, cross legged on the bed like she used to when they were first together. The times they sat facing one another, just soaking up the sexual tension, created memories he’d relived many times while they’d been apart. She wore her trademark look. Black jeans with a purple hoodie, black and electric blue layered tank tops. A heavy silver chain bearing an alchemy symbol hung down between the soft curves of her breasts. At the side of the bed, her abandoned Doc Marten boots stood side by side.
When Rowan noticed him standing there, she gestured with her free hand, beckoning him in. “Look who’s here with me,” she said to Pixie. “It’s Sean.” Glancing at him again, she smiled and patted the bed at her side. “She’s mastered face time,” she said joyfully.
Sean stepped closer and eased down behind her on the bed. He suddenly wasn’t sure. “Is it okay, if I join in… and say hello?”
“Yes. Look.” She turned the screen in her hand so he could see it over her shoulder.
Pixie peered at him, pointing with a chubby finger.
In the background Sean could see one of Nan’s cat-printed sweatshirts. Nan was holding the phone and had Pixie on her knee, so they could all join in. Nan smiled big time when she saw him joining in with Rowan.
“Tell Sean what you did today.”
Pixie stared and put a hand to her mouth as if she’d gone shy.
“We went to the beach, didn’t we?” Nan encouraged.
“Did you see any gulls?” Sean asked, remembering Pixie’s fascination with them.
Pixie nodded.
“How many?”
“Lots,” she replied.
Rowan seemed pleased, so he chatted on until Pixie yawned.
“Say night-night to Sean,” Rowan suggested.
“Nighties, Sean.” Pixie giggled.
Sean was surprised when Pixie said his name, and it struck him hard, so much so he was unable to respond. He managed to wave his fingertips, swallowing down the emotion ramping up inside him. This wasn’t what he’d planned. It was so much better.
“Bye, bye,” Rowan continued, “nighty-night. See you in the morning. Thanks Nan.” She closed the call down and looked at him from under her lashes.
Sean smiled. “Thank you for letting me join in.”
She peered at him, her expression deeply thoughtful, and then threw the phone on the bed and burst out crying, quickly covering her eyes with her palms.
“Hey.” Sean put his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer against him.
She sobbed for a little while, then sniffed and scrubbed her eyes. “I miss her so much.”
“It’s my fault, I made you stay here.”
“I wanted to. I do want us to talk.”
Hope sprang in Sean’s chest. Finally, she’d met him half way.
She met his gaze, blinking away the tears, still looking into his eyes as she did so, then glanced again at the phone, as if regretting the call was over. “It’s silly, I know it is, because Nan and Gladys will look after her.”
“She’s every bit as beautiful as you.”
She gave him another watery smile.
The urge to ask overcame all his better judgment. “When were you going to tell me…?”
Immediately, she looked wary. “Tell you what?”
“That Pixie is mine?”
Her eyes widened her mouth opening in horror. “You knew?”
“Yes.”
“Nan told you, didn’t she? And you lied for her.”
“No, she didn’t tell me. I guessed as soon as I saw her for the first time.”
Red patches appeared high on her cheekbones.
“One look at her, Rowan. It’s obvious.”
“Why didn’t you say you knew, instead of making a fool out of me?” She glared at him, clearly upset.
“I was walking on eggshells with you, waiting for you to tell me when you were ready. And I didn’t make a fool out of you.”
Grumbling, she plucked at the neckline on her top. “I wish you’d told me you’d worked it out, instead of putting me through all this.”
“I didn’t know my attempts to be patient and sensitive would make it harder on you!”
Her jaw dropped. “Of course it made it harder. I didn’t know how to tell you, for fuck’s sake.”
Determined to break the mood, he lifted his eyebrows in faux chastisement. “Language, Rowan.”
Her shoulders slumped and she gave a reluctant laugh. “You do a fair impression of Nan.”
“I’ll do it more often if it makes you smile for me.”
She stared at him with a bewildered expression. “You’re angry with me…”
“Not as angry as you are with me.”
“Well, what do you expect?”
“Nothing less.”
She threw him a rueful glance. “I couldn’t tell you before, and then it got harder and harder.” She sighed heavily and stared at the floor for a long moment. “When you turned up, I felt so much…confusion. Then we spent the night together and it felt more awkward than I ever could have imagined when you were there in the kitchen playing with her.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t handle it differently, ask you outright, but I figured you hadn’t told me, and I should wait until you did. Were you ever going to get around to it?”
“I was warming up to it.”
Sean laughed, a lot, he couldn’t help it. “Warming up to it? Jeez, a good thing I wasn’t holding my breath.”
“I hate you.” A smile played around her lush mouth.
“No, you don’t.” He managed to stop chuckling, and moved closer, taking her hand in his. It was finally time to close the space between them without the risk of losing an eye. “You only think you do. Deep inside you feel the way I do. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t get this upset about it.”
She put the flat of her hand against his chest and there was mischief in her eyes. “That’s great reasoning, it means you’re always covered and however I react you can ignore it.”
“Pretty much.” Cupping her upturned face between his hands, he looked deep into her eyes. “You done complaining?”
Her attention went to his mouth. “For now.”
“Good. In that case, I’ll kiss you while you catch breath.”
She thumped her fist against his shoulder.
When his mouth covered hers and he began to kiss her, long and hard, her hands moved, sliding up around the back of his neck. He eased closer, absorbing her softness n every way. Her lips parted under his and she moaned softly as she let him in.
When they eventually pulled apart, she smiled up at him.
“We made a baby,” he whispered, holding her tight.
She looked at him from under her lashes. “Yes, we did.”
He grinned. Finally, she’d admitted it.
“You’re pleased?”
“Of course I am. I love you Rowan, and Pixie’s part of you. More than that, she’s ours…I just wish I’d been there…I wish I’d known.”
She hadn’t been sure, but when he chuckled at her, she broke into a smile, then tears, sobbing uncontrollably, her face buried against his shoulder.
“Do you think she could get used to having a great hulk like me in her life? “ He asked it quietly, giving her the option to ignore him if she chose to, worried she wouldn’t want Pixie to have an ex-con as a dad, biological fac
t of life or not. She was a stubborn, independent woman and she’d come this far on her own, after all.
Her head lifted and she looked up at him. Mascara streaked under her eyes and her nose was pink. “You want to, really? Not just because you feel you have to?”
“I don’t feel I have to. I want to…I do feel as if I’d be lucky to be let in though, given the obstacle course between us.” He paused, willing her to see how deeply he felt this. “I want to be with you and Pixie, I want to start over. I have to sort this mess I’m in, yes, but once that’s done…”
She arched one eyebrow. “You never know, you might get lucky.”
“Music to my ears, in every way,” he murmured, before kissing her again. The barriers were starting to crumble, and he finally felt her willingness to let them dissolve, to allow him in and trust him.
“I thought maybe Nan had told you. They just kept saying maybe you’d guessed.”
“It’s true. You should have trusted her.”
“I find it hard, I know that. It’s because I trusted you…more than once.”
“Ouch. Okay, I deserved that.”
Again she stared down at the phone on the bed. “It’s the first time we’ve been apart overnight, ever.”
“She’ll be safe, Nan loves her.”
“Yes.” She smiled gently, but he could see the concern haunting her eyes. “Gladys too, in her own way.” She chuckled. “She refuses to call her Pixie though.”
Sean waited a moment, but she didn’t enlighten him as to Pixie’s real name. He wanted to know. “Do you think she’ll be teased about her name, being different, when she goes to school, like you and Sky were?”
She stared at him. “You remembered.”
“I like to think I remember everything you ever told me.”
A wistful look settled on her. She wanted their union as much as he did, he was sure of it. That was the real reason she’d followed him to London.
“Yes, I worried about it. Pixie was a nickname, I called her it one day and it stuck, but she’s growing up so fast. We’ll have to get into the habit of using her real name before she goes to nursery school. Gladys uses it, so it’s not as if she doesn’t know it.”
“In that case, you’d better tell me what it is.”
It was a long moment before she replied. “I called her Finola.”
Sean’s chest swelled with pride, and sorrow. It was his mother’s name. Rowan had given him a clue all along. If only he’d asked. Nan had said as much.
He reached out and stroked her cheek. She covered his hand with her own. Her eyes glistened.
“My mother would be so proud. Thank you.”
“There was never any doubt she was yours, so it was in my head.”
“Did you know before I left Rhyl?”
“No. I realized a couple of weeks later.” Her head dipped, her eyelids lowering.
“I wish I could turn back the clock.”
She smiled, but didn’t meet his gaze. “That would be ideal.”
“Will you let me make it up to you both?”
Finally her eyelids lifted. Humor danced in her eyes. “It could take. Ooh, years.”
“The rest of my life?”
“At the very least.”
Chapter Twenty
“I never want this to end,” Rowan whispered.
Just being in his arms sent her into raptures. Being held and loved. He’d undone her heart and soul that evening, leaving her stripped bare, emotionally raw and vulnerable, and yet it didn’t frighten her anymore. It felt right.
“Neither do I.” Sean pulled her closer still.
She lay in the crook of his arm, his body alongside hers. He kept touching her, stroking her, as if he were afraid to look away. The feeling was mutual.
Physical need rose between them constantly as they talked and held one another. They simmered on, both knowing it would happen, savoring it. Rowan wanted it to last and last, but they were into the early hours and he had a big day ahead.
“You should try to get some sleep.” It was the last thing she wanted to say.
“I don’t want to sleep. I need this time with you.” In the dimly lit bedroom she could make out the concerned look he wore. “I want to be inside you before tonight is out, but there’s something else I want from you first.” The look in his eyes was deadly serious, holding attention.
The ensuing silence hung heavy in the atmosphere between them, the tension ratcheting. “What?”
“I need to know you trust me, now and forever.”
“I do, and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long.”
“Don’t be sorry. You have good reason.” He was silent a moment, then carried on. “Whatever happens tomorrow, I want you to know I love you and Pixie. I want to come back and make a life with you both. If something happens…”
Her chest tightened. “Like what?”
He shook his head. “Say you understand what I’m saying. Please. I’m not good at this Rowan, obviously.” He was begging her with his eyes.
Her stomach knotted. “Will you tell me what you’re doing tomorrow?”
“It’s better you don’t know anything.”
“Is it going to be dangerous?”
“Stop pushing.”
“I just want to know how much I should be worrying.”
“Leave the worrying to me.”
“Are you sure I can’t help with anything?”
“You can help by staying here, safe, so I know where to find you after it’s all done.”
She stroked her hand over his head. “I trust you to come back to me. I’ll be waiting for you.”
“Good.” Sitting up, he lifted her into his lap, then began to undress her. “This is what I want. This is what I wanted from the moment I first saw you, and ever since.” Passion glinted in his eyes. He pulled her tops over her head, then ran his fingertips over her black lacey bra.
Even through the sheer fabric the touch was electrifying. Her limbs trembled, her body hot with anticipation as he touched her.
Moving his hand behind her back, he released the catch on her bra, freeing her breasts. Her nipples were already hard with desire. He squeezed the sensitive nubs one at a time, holding them firmly between thumb and forefinger, looking deep into her eyes while he lit her right through.
Needles of sensation shot from her nipples, made her squirm on his lap. Rowan leaned into him, her lips parting with the need to have his mouth covering hers while he touched her. She reached over his back, hauled up his T-shirt, casting it aside.
She eyed his bared, muscular chest and swallowed, hard. Even when fully dressed his strength was obvious. Half naked, the very look of him was enough to dampen her panties. Bulky with muscle, he’d always made her feel supple as a rag doll in his hands during sex, melding her to his body, bringing her to orgasm time and time again. “I want you so much.”
“That’s just as well.” He gave a gentle laugh, and eased her back onto the bed.
She clutched at the bed covers, needing to feel grounded to hold her emotions steady. Here in this borrowed room he’d revealed just how much he cared and she was broken apart by it.
Slowly he undressed her, taking off her jeans, playfully ripping off her socks. His eyes glittered with anticipation as he did so. She couldn’t take her eyes off his bare chest, his powerful arms. Her hips arched and keened. Her lips parted, and she ran her tongue over her lower lip before she spoke. “I’m, desperate for you, Sean.”
“Just the way I like it.”
A laugh escaped her. “Cocksure of yourself.”
“When I’ve got you like this, yes.” His firm, sensuous mouth moved in a sexy smile. It made her ache for him. Between her thighs she throbbed with need. Her core clenched, aching to be filled. She tossed back her hair, forcing herself to breathe. Only he could do this to her, and it made her feel so vulnerable. His chiseled cheekbones and hard jaw line seemed to be a visual symbol of the inner strength that called on her feminine depths.
> Only her panties remained. His provocative stare had her entire skin prickling. He pinged the elastic on the waistband. The suggestion hung in the atmosphere between them.
“Please, Sean. You’ve got me in a state.” She tripped on her words, her rising objection making her speak before thinking. “I can’t think straight because I want you so much.”
“I want you too,” he replied, “but I know you. The longer I take the better this will be.”
“It’s already too good,” she blurted, then bit her lip, realizing what she’d said. She could lose herself totally here, or was it already too late? Probably.
The hungry look in his eyes made her shiver. “But you deserve better than a quick shag and I want to give it to you.”
He said it with such deliberation. It made something inside her begin to buckle. The truth of it was she wanted him too much. She thought they’d found a plateau in their relationship that evening, one they were both happy with. Obviously not. She’d always wanted him beyond life itself, and now it was so close, she could hardly hold back, hardly stand to be without him inside her, claiming her as his. Once she gave in to the desire between them this tight, breathless anticipation took over. It used to scare her, but now she welcomed it with open arms.
“I can’t be without you again.” It felt like a confession.
“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you don’t have to.”
Sighing, she stared at his chest to keep herself from going crazy. Fine, dark hair tapered into a thin line that led her gaze from his breastbone to the button on his fly. Her sex clenched. The nape of her neck felt damp.
Sean made no attempt to hide his scrutiny. “I want you to give yourself to me totally, tonight. Let go. I’ll hold you tight, keep you safe.”
Breathing had become difficult. His words struck a note with her and she recognized herself in what he said. He was right. She held back because she wasn’t sure of him. Her skin raced with sensation, the thrill of his words touching her every inch of skin, inside and out.
He traced his fingers across the top of her thighs, making brief, maddening contact
“Easy now,” he said, then rested his thumbs in the band on her panties, then pulled them down and off. His breath was warm on her face and her back arched, her hips gravitating toward him.
Sean: A Stepbrother Romance (Coded for Love Book 3) Page 13