There was just something about those pink orbs that hid so much but looked far too pure. Like their innocent and beautiful appearance deceived you into thinking they hid nothing.
As for his body… his future girlfriend would be dang happy to have him between the sheets with that lengthy manhood.
Especially if he knows how to use it properly. Yes, some men don't know how to use their own wiener.
That's generally what I remembered so far from being here. I'd wake up, shower, do some type of yoga, which usually led to me acting like a sloth for two hours trying to think of what move to do that wasn't child's pose, and would end with me appeasing Ruby's boredom with one of the many kitty toys Silas had purchased for her during my absence.
When I'd sleep, I didn't feel as if I was well rested when I woke up. It was weird to describe, but it was like my body was still working while my mind was unconscious.
I didn't feel energized either, and it was starting to bug me. It could have also been due to this mourning process.
Amy, the doctor from the clinic, came by during one of my sloth yoga sessions, probably because Xander was worried something was wrong with me. She explained that the change from being a Reaper who was always on the move, doing tasks, and essentially being on “alert” at all times, versus now where I had the freedom to do anything, would make it hard for me to adapt.
It was a complete switch in the routine I'd mentally created for myself, and adding Minju's death to the mix would make any individual feel or act the way I was.
I didn't see anything wrong with my actions.
I wouldn't deny it was completely different than how I normally acted, but it didn't feel wrong or unhealthy.
Amy said it would take time for me to adjust to a new schedule, and the others would have to make sure I ate and slept properly.
She also reminded me to take my round-the-clock pain meds still, since my multiple bullet wounds were still healing.
It isn’t like I had much of a choice since the guys would force me to take them.
That was Ace's fault, saying something along the lines of 'she won't take them because she'd rather endure the pain she thinks she deserves' or something like that.
He isn’t wrong.
Xander, Dante, and Silas were all worried I'd be suicidal and didn’t want to leave me alone, but Ace seemed to understand the way I thought.
Suicide wasn't an option. I didn't want to die. That would be a foolish decision to make after Minju had sacrificed herself for me. It would practically be an insult to her ghost, and I could imagine her using some voodoo spell to haunt me even in death.
It also wouldn't have been fair to Minsu and Minso. They had been such saints this whole time. I hadn't had the courage to face them since the funeral, but they had texted multiple times to make sure I was sleeping and eating.
I think they had visited at some point, but I'd been asleep on the couch with Silas after watching him work on some coding stuff that was all numbers moving rapidly on the screen.
That stuff makes you sleepy.
I had every intention of seeing Minsu and Minso again when I was "better”, but for now, my mind told me distance was for the best.
They didn't judge me, but the guilt of everything that had happened was still fresh, and until it began to diminish and start to fade away, I would be a coward and not approach them. Plus, they must have been mourning too.
All four guys had taken time off, but today they were called in to discuss the serum event.
I encouraged them to go, not caring if I was home alone, but now that I was actually alone, I couldn't stop staring at the phone.
I want to call Master.
It was a strange thought to have. All these years, I'd wished to be far away from him. To be free and experience this world in a new light, but now I missed that very lifestyle I'd fought to be away from.
My fingers gripped the phone tightly, helping to stop the slight tremble in them as I blinked my eyes to get rid of the growing blurry vision from my tears.
"What do I do?" I whispered, lowering my head in shame. Sitting on the couch of the living room with my back facing the door, I struggled to make up my mind. To begin enjoying this life that was given to me from my best friend's sacrifice, or to return to the life we'd desperately tried to escape from.
The phone rang then, and my eyes widened at the caller ID.
Master...
Did he sense my dilemma or even know I was alive? Of course, he didn't know I was alive. He wouldn't let me live… would he? What if I don't answer? He'd come for me. He'd hurt the guys… wouldn't he? I was his Elite Reaper.
Would he carelessly be fine with letting me go?
"Meow."
A paw pressed onto the screen and I froze when Ruby's paw pressed the accept button of the screen. It felt like I couldn't breathe while my hands trembled anxiously.
I reached out and placed the phone on speaker and waited.
What do I say? What do I do?
"Xia."
Master's voice was quiet and full of calm, a sound that was almost foreign to me. I'd only heard his relaxed tone a few times in my life, and it was during those days where Master wouldn't let anyone else see him in such a vulnerable state.
"Meow." Ruby reached out to tap at the screen, but I lifted the phone and used my free hand to pet her.
"Master..." I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.
We were both silent and I quietly cried, feeling like I'd fucked up.
I'll have to go back. He'll tell me to go back. Would he let me bring Ruby? I don't want to leave Ruby.
The silence was killing me, and I couldn't let him speak first without saying what I needed to say.
"Minju's dead, Master. I'm… not so great. If… if you want me to come back, can I bring my cat? Well… she's not mine. I'm borrowing her, but… I can't leave her. I'm sorry for dying, Master. I'm sorry for failing. I don't have the serum..." I trailed off and whimpered.
"Meow?" Ruby looked up at me in confusion, and I scooped her up and stood.
The line was still quiet while I headed to my room, and after I locked the door, I sat in the pitch-black room, my back against the door as I slid down to the floor.
"Please, Master? If I pack now, I'll be there as fast as I physically can be. Just… just… let me bring Ruby? I'll do what you ask. Just don't hurt anyone. Don't hurt the people who saved me. Don't kill Minso or Minsu… please?" I was begging at this point, frightened to hear what he had to say.
If I begged, maybe he'd be merciful?
"Xia, you don't need to cry," Master mumbled. "Are you safe where you are?"
I stared at the screen, wondering if Master was confused or something.
Is he actually concerned about me?
"Yes, Master," I replied through sobs.
"Meow." Ruby snuggled against me, doing her best to comfort me.
"You don't need to return, Xia," Master whispered.
I should have been happy, or grateful for those set of words that I'd never thought I would have heard come from Master’s lips.
But I’m not. I feel even worse.
"You don't need me anymore, Dad?" I whimpered, feeling like a discarded doll.
It was a stupid mentality to suddenly want to return to him. I knew in the back of my mind that this was by far the stupidest thing I'd ever done, but I felt it was right. I shouldn't be here but going back to my Reaper ways.
But he doesn't want me anymore.
Master sighed.
"Xia… it's not like I don't need you. You're safer where you are. I can't protect you here. Not yet. You've served me well as a Reaper, and I've treated you rather poorly as a daughter. You have been my greatest sense of pride, but I can't afford to lose you. I… can't."
"But I did wrong. I failed, Dad. Minju's dead because of me. What am I supposed to do if I'm not a Reaper? You're disappointed, aren't you? Minso and Minsu won't return either. You've lost four of us. You're fine with tha
t? If you're going to kill them, just tell me. I'll come back. You can kill me, just not them. I'll do anything. Please."
What a fool I’ve been. How could I even believe freedom would be achievable when my whole life revolves around being a Reaper. I achieved the goal I was born and raised to accomplish, and now that I'd reached 1000 Lies, what am I supposed to do?
I felt a different sense of worthlessness that I'd never experienced before. One that told me I couldn't possibly live this new lifestyle without going on missions and satisfying my Master's request to get whatever he needed or kill anyone that deserved to be removed from his agenda.
It was a cycle I was so accustomed to that this foreign lifestyle didn't feel safe.
It doesn’t deliver the comfort I hoped for, only adding to my anxiety and debilitating fear of being away from Master and the life I've always lived.
"Xia. I won't do anything. You can decide on whatever you like. If you return, you won't be punished, but you won't receive any penalty if you stay away. You of all people can tell when I speak the truth, correct?"
He wasn't lying. I could feel it in my bones that he was truly giving me the freedom to choose which path I wanted to walk, with the option of returning if I didn't like the dark half of the world I'd always seen.
Would I even get to experience the good side before I chickened out?
"I know." I whimpered and rested my head on my knees; Ruby was snuggled in my lap and began to purr. "You won't discard me?"
Master sighed. "Can I discard my only daughter? I'm not a good person, Xia. That side of me was lost in greed and power… but at times, that side of me wishes to be the better person, and as heartless as I act, there are some things I can't change. You don't know my story, and maybe one day I'll share it with you, but this was the path I chose and will stick to. However, that doesn't mean you should be stuck as well. Would I do this for anyone else? No. I do this because I want you to decide which side you want to be on. This world is bigger than the sheltered vision I've chained you to. It's time for you to see what I see and determine for yourself what would be better. See the lies and deceit versus the truth and goodness in our people. In this world."
I listened to every word and closed my eyes.
"Even though it was hard to be raised by you… I am thankful. As weird as it may sound. I don't know what to expect… and it’s scary," I admitted.
In my heart, I should have hated this man. Despised him for the pain he'd allowed us all to endure and for taking away many Reapers I loved and cared about, but I wouldn't be alive if I didn't have a purpose here. Nor would I be strong enough to face whatever is beyond what I deemed as "safe" back at the shrine.
Whether he prepared me for the day I'd obtain freedom or not, this is my chance to decide if being good is worth it.
"Change is scary, Xia. Adapting to change will be your mission, and that will determine how strong you really are. My doors will always be open, but decide wisely. If you return, I'll never give you this chance again," Master concluded.
My magic flickered for a moment, feeling connected to another nearby.
Someone's home.
"I have to go..."
"Your funds are still in your account and I won't touch them. If I do need you, Xia. I will call. It isn't mandatory for you to answer. I will abide by my promise and the sisters will obtain the freedom their sister requested of me. Just as you are now free to decide the path you will walk. Be careful who you trust and be wary of the enemy. You are a strong Reaper, but you aren't invincible."
"Yes, Master," I whispered. "Thanks… Dad."
"I'll hang up first." he muttered, but the line remained on.
I caught the quiet set of words. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you the life I once wished for you and your mother."
The phone went dead after his statement, and I wondered what shape Master was in to say those words.
Is he drinking? Bitter? Does he really regret his actions? Why couldn't he show this side of himself when I was a Reaper? When I was physically there. That vulnerable side, I haven't seen in years.
Why now? What am I missing?
"Meow!"
Ruby began to wiggle around in my lap and I pulled back to let her hop off. She clawed at the door, and I bit my lip. My magic knew who was there, but I wanted to see for myself.
Rising to my feet, I turned to the face the door, not caring about my tear-streaked face as I gripped the phone in my left hand.
Opening the door with my right, my eyes locked onto a pair of pink ones.
He didn't say a word, but he focused on my face before his gaze lowered to his feet where Ruby was now licking and nudging her head against his ankle.
I caught sight of the plastic bag in each hand and the smell of food wafted in the air. I raised my eyes to meet his, and we both remained silent until Ruby began hopping back and forth, jumping on my bare feet before pouncing Ace's feet.
"Meow?"
Ace lifted the left bag. "Hungry?"
I frowned and wished I didn't have to eat anything, but my stomach had other ideas, rumbling loud enough that Ruby tilted her head and began jumping up to try and tap my stomach.
My cheeks reddened, and I slowly looked away. "Sure."
Ace nodded and turned around, heading for the living room. Ruby sat back and looked at me with her pleasant eyes.
"He was there the whole time, wasn't he?" I grumbled as I crouched down to pet Ruby who nudged my hand.
"Meow meow."
Scooping her up, I made my way to the living room and noticed Ace had already placed our food on the coffee table near the couch. I let Ruby down and she ran off to her food bowl where Ace was silently filling it up with her meal.
I sat down, lifting and crossing my legs as I watched Ace close up Ruby's food. She continued to sit there watching him, and he gave her a look before crouching down and petting her head.
"You can eat now."
"Meow!" Ruby didn't hesitate to eat after that, her face already deep in the bowl as she began to chow down on the food.
Ace walked back to the couch and casually sat down, reaching out for the bowls of food and offered mine with a set of chopsticks.
I glanced down at the food, debating whether to take it, but the aroma was tempting me while my stomach was attempting to eat itself from the inside.
With a mumbled thank you and bow of my head, I took the food. Ace nodded back and reached out for his share, and the two of us ate in silence.
It wasn't long before I'd finished my food, not even realizing how hungry I'd been. So far, I'd been eating bits and pieces here and there, not really having much of an appetite, to begin with.
"Why?" I mumbled.
Ace stopped midway of eating, the portion of noodles between his chopsticks were still hot enough that the steam rose up into the air. When he didn't say anything, I continued.
"Why aren't you saying anything?" I elaborated, my eyes staring directly into his. He frowned and lowered his noodles.
"Why are you angry?" he countered.
"I'm not angry."
"Your eyes are gold. That means you’re upset."
"How would you even know that?"
"Xander said so," he replied.
I bit my lip, took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly while we continued our staring match.
"Why aren't you saying anything after you heard my conversation?" I confronted.
He simply shrugged. "It's not my business."
"Regardless of whether it is or it isn't, are you going to tell the others?"
"No."
"No?" I repeated.
"When you've lived a life one way, it's pretty hard to suddenly be dropped off in an entirely different type of life, isn't it?" He looked down at his noodles. "It makes you wish you could return to the place you came from, even if it was a hellhole."
I was silent, taking in his words of knowledge, and he shrugged.
"Your exchange with your Master is expected. My conc
ern is making sure you eat, are well rested, and are safe. If you’re asking why I'm not telling the others, it’s because it's unnecessary. You're an adult. If you want to return to the ways of a Reaper, it's your choice, but I'd rather you make that decision in a better mental state than you’re currently in."
"I'm not in a bad mental..." I began, but trailed off when his calm eyes met mine once more.
"Death is hard to accept. Everyone deals with it differently, and no two people will journey down the same path of acceptance. It's the same thing with adaptation. Change is hard, and it gets more difficult when you have to act like everything is going swell, when in reality, it isn't."
Ace moved his bowl of noodles off his lap and onto the coffee table and sighed.
"Being a Reaper is far harder compared to that of a peace agent for NPO, but if I was in your shoes, I would do exactly what you just did and pick up the phone. I'd race back to where I was comfortable and knew how to survive because there wasn't any added stress that I wasn't aware of."
His pink eyes stared into mine and he shrugged. "I've witnessed someone go through something similar, and it's difficult. If I sit here and judge you or tell the others, won't that make it easier for you to run back to where you're comfortable?"
I bit my lip and swallowed, his words resonating with my soul.
He’s right, and he knows it.
"The decision is yours, Xia. I just want to make sure you make the one that benefits you."
We sat in silence, and my ears picked up on a little tapping sound. I turned to see Ruby run to the couch and launch herself onto the soft cushion between us.
"Meow!" She glanced between the two of us, looking unsure as to which way to go. She ended up walking to my side, hopping onto my crossed legs, and peering into the empty bowl. "Meow..."
"Sorry, Ruby. I ate it all," I mumbled and picked the empty bowl up to place it on the coffee table.
Ruby didn't seem to care, curling up on my crossed legs and staring at Ace, who almost looked bored.
"Why are you being nice to me?" I whispered, a tear rolling down my cheek.
"Just because I have the male version of what's known as a 'resting bitch face' doesn't mean I'm an arse," he replied and stood up. I thought he'd walk away due to my question, but he stopped at the kitchen counter to grab some Kleenex.
One Thousand and Two Lies (Reapers of Beauty Book 2) Page 5