“Jaxon?” Mom prompted.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I squeezed my eyes shut. “I became a dad Friday.”
“Oh, sweet Jesus.”
“Torn Down”—Art of Dying
As soon as Gunny left, I checked the locks on all the doors, peeked in on Tristan, then made another round of the house. It wasn’t huge, but he was right. It was new. Hell, it still smelled new, which told me Gunny probably didn’t spend much time there.
“Why do you even have this place?” I asked out loud. The living room was sparse but boasted a nice, dark-brown leather couch and a huge flat-screen TV mounted in the corner. There were two windows behind the couch and two across the room from the couch that faced the front deck. A coffee table sat in front of the couch, and an old beat-up recliner sat at an angle by one end of the couch.
There were no pictures, personal touches, or decorations anywhere.
I peeked in the well-stocked fridge again. Though he’d said to help myself, I wasn’t overly hungry at the moment. There was a scarred-up round table in the eat-in kitchen with three mismatched chairs. Nothing on the counters except for a toaster that was pristine, with the cord unplugged and tucked neatly around it.
Then I went into his bathroom and poked around a little. Like a creepy stalker, I picked up his cologne and sniffed it. A satisfied sigh slipped out as the scent brought me back to that night so long ago.
“Nope. Not going there.” Firmly replacing the lid, I set it down and went back to the bedroom. I nosed into his closet.
“Christ, he’s the neatest dude I’ve ever met,” I murmured in amazement. Everything in his closet was organized by type, then color. Each hanger was evenly spaced, and the shirts were neatly buttoned. Not a man of many shoes, he had a couple of pairs of boots, a pair of running shoes, and some slides that were lined up perfectly under the clothing. “He might be an alien.”
My phone rang from the living room, and I rushed out to grab it from my bag before it woke Tristan.
“Hello?” I answered as I tiptoed rapidly back to the bedroom I’d be using. I sat on the floor against the wall.
“Hey, doll. How are you feeling?” Lisa asked.
“Surprisingly, I’m a little tired and sore, but other than that, I feel pretty good.”
“I’m assuming Gunny picked you up, since you didn’t call me to get you,” she said, and I could hear the smile in her tone.
“Yes, Mom. He did. Um, as a matter of fact, I’m at his house.” I bit the inside of my cheek nervously.
“Oh? May I ask what’s up with that?” she asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but her curiosity had to be killing her.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I dropped my head. “He didn’t think my place was safe for Tristan. He wants me to stay here.” Tears threatened as overwhelming waves of failure hit me.
“Sweetheart. I’ve been telling you to find a better place for a while now. Your landlord is a greedy, lazy dick. It’s a shit neighborhood, and I worried about you being there. But how do you feel about that?”
“I’m not sure. I mean, I feel like an absolute failure at adulting, but I was doing the best I could.” I swallowed hard as the tears burned in my throat again.
She sighed. “Avery, you have been doing a great job, all things considered. If I could pay you more, you know I would.”
“Lisa! Stop. I don’t blame you at all. Hell, you gave me a job without me having any serving experience. And you work around my school schedule. Not a lot of places would’ve done that for me.” She’d already been so good to me; I didn’t want her to feel bad.
“So what’s the deal with you staying there? He doesn’t expect you to hop in the sack with him, does he? Because I’ll have him by the balls if he does,” she grumbled, and I smiled.
“No, Lisa. He’s actually been really kind. He offered to watch Tristan while I’m in class and then help me with daycare when he goes back out to the rig. And he’s at the store picking things up for me after he refused to accept money from me. I’m kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.” His behavior was starting to endear him to me, but I knew that was a bad thing. Because it was dangerous to depend on a man, even one who was beautiful, sexy, and had tattoos I wanted to trace with my tongue.
Making a mental note to focus on his asshole qualities, I leaned my head against the wall.
“Hmm. I guess time will tell. Be careful, hon. Well, I guess that means you probably don’t need anything. Can you send me your location so I can stop by after I leave the diner to see that pretty baby boy?”
“Yes, I will.” My lips curled in a smile as I wished Lisa could’ve been my mom instead of the one I’d had.
“Okay, well, you get some rest, and I’ll see you later.”
“Sounds good.” We ended the call, and I got lost in thought for a bit.
My eyes got heavy, so I decided I better go lie down. It was a struggle to get up, and I made a mental note not to get down like that again until I was healed. It was ridiculous how bad my hooha hurt or my abdomen tugged when I moved a certain way.
After shuffling out to the living room, I carefully unbuckled Tristan and carried him to the bed. Once I made a little dam around one side with some of the pillows, I crawled up next to him. Lying on my side, I studied every feature. It took a lot for me not to touch him and wake him.
“You really do look like your daddy,” I whispered. “Not that I know what I looked like as a baby. I’ve never seen any pictures of me from then.”
The sound of my voice had him wiggling. Blinking slowly, he woke. His little cupid’s bow lips turned down, and he began to cry. My boobs began to tingle, and I looked at him in surprise. “How do you do that?”
Freeing the one closest to the mattress, I scooted him over to me, tucking the blanket under my boob and his head in case he dribbled. I didn’t want to ruin Gunny’s comforter. Like the ravenous little beast my boy had become, he latched on like a piranha, causing me to wince.
“Easy, little guy. It’s not going anywhere.” He clutched the sides of my breast like it was going to be snatched from him any moment.
Finally, he relaxed. I held him close to me and let him nurse. It wasn’t long before I was getting drowsy. Telling myself I would only rest my eyes, I sighed in time with Tristan.
“Get up. You got cleaning to do.” I woke to being kicked. Instinctively I curled up in a ball.
“I said get up!” With the shout, my hair was pulled, and I was dragged out of bed.
“Okay!” I whimpered.
Once she was angry, it didn’t matter if I was awake and willing to do what I was told. After dragging me down the hall, she tossed me into the bathroom, and my head hit the side of the tub. Tears burned my eyes, but I knew better than to let them fall.
“This is exactly why your daddy didn’t want you! You’re lazy and stupid as a box of shit. Christ. You can’t do anything right. Hurry up. When you’re done with that, you got laundry to start. I have to go to work.” She walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief. By the time the front door slammed closed, I was done with the bathroom and trudged to the laundry room. My stomach growled, but I knew I needed to start the laundry first.
Dragging the stool over, I climbed up to dump soap in and turn the knob on the washer. The jug was so heavy, but I’d learned the hard way not to drop it. Too much soap made a really big mess that was impossible to get cleaned up before she got home. My arm ended up in a cast after that. I never dropped the jug again.
Throwing all the dark clothes that were stinky like cigarettes in, I closed the lid, then dragged the stool to the kitchen. I used it to climb up to reach the back of the counters and the high cupboards.
The bread had mold on the edges, so I tore them off. I also knew from experience that mold tasted nasty. Even if it was toasted. Then I put them in the toaster and pushed the lever down. Pulling hard to open the refrigerator, I grabbed the butter container and the milk.
“When I’m seven, I’ll live
in a big castle,” I said to no one as I poured the rest of the milk into a glass. My teacher said if you believed in your dreams, they would come true.
Other kids lived for the weekends. I lived for Monday mornings when I could go to school. At school, there was food that didn’t leave me hungry, and books. So many books. Even though the other kids made fun of me for my mismatched socks, my clothes that I sometimes wore a lot, and my hair that wasn’t always clean.
Once the toast popped up, I used the last of the butter on one slice and sandwiched them together so the other one wasn’t too dry.
I was on my way to get the vacuum out when there was a knock at the door. My heart hammered and I stopped midstride with a bite in my mouth. Swallowing it half chewed, I was afraid to move. Mom said I was never, ever to answer the door. She said monsters came to the door looking for little girls to steal and eat. What if they saw through the curtains or heard me walking?
Suddenly the door burst open and banged against the wall. A big snarling monster stood poised to eat me as he growled. “It’s a kid! Get her!”
Frozen in place, I could only scream.
“Cage the Beast”—Adelita’s Way
“I don’t understand why you didn’t say anything the day you found out,” Lock said. The strain was evident in his tone. “What’s going on with you? You’re avoiding me like the plague. We hardly ever talk anymore. You don’t stop by. You never make it to dinner. Hell, you hardly ever go to the Sunday family days anymore either. Do you not want to be part of the club? Or is it just me you don’t want to be around? Because I’m lost, bro.”
My head hung as I tried to find the words to give him. Anything to explain my behavior without telling him the real reason. Finally, I went with a partial truth.
“I don’t know. I wish I had an answer for you other than my head hasn’t been in the game lately.”
“Yeah, I can see that. And I know you said that Lisa at the diner vouches for this girl, but fuck, man, you don’t know her—yet you moved her into your house. What if she cleans you out when you head back out?” Exasperation bled through the line.
“I had Hacker run a background check on her.” Silence.
“You had Hacker run a background check.” No emotion came through that time.
“Yes,” I replied.
“And?”
“And she was in the foster care system until she aged out. At which time she honorably served five years in the air force. While she was in, she got her degree. Now she’s going to college for her master’s. To be a social worker or some shit.”
“And she supposedly just had your kid.”
“And she just had my kid.” I was suddenly tired. Emotionally, mentally, and physically.
“You don’t know that. There’s no way you have the paternity test back yet,” he argued.
“Dude. Tristan looks just like I did when I was a baby,” I argued back.
“Babies all look the same!” His voice rose.
“Stop.”
I heard him sigh heavily.
“I’m sorry, Jax. Can you see where this is a hard pill to swallow?” he pleaded.
“Trust me, I get it. But believe me when I say he’s mine. Besides him looking like I spit him out, I know. In my guts, I know he’s mine.”
His breathing into the phone was all I got for a few seconds. I knew he was experiencing an internal struggle, because he’d accepted Bryson as his without confirmation. He’d opted not to get a paternity test because he loved Raiven and the baby enough that it was irrelevant.
And therein lay the difference. He was with a woman that he loved. I barely knew Avery. Other than that she looked like someone I shouldn’t want.
“Look, come over before family day. Or after. You’ll see.” I knew there was a chance he’d bring Raiven and the kids, but I was surprisingly okay with that. Maybe because I had enough on my plate that my feelings were on the back burner.
He hesitated, then I heard a deep inhale and exhale. “Okay. What time?”
“Anytime. But if you come after the dinner, try not to make it too late, because I know she’s going to be tired.”
“You’re not going then? For sure?” he asked.
“I don’t feel right just dumping her at my house and leaving her while I go out and hang out with my family. I already left her to go to the store and to get a bed from Mom and Dad.” Yet, it didn’t seem right to bring her with. Even if she hadn’t had a baby the day before. The club was my family. Avery and I weren’t a couple.
“She might understand. Why don’t you talk to her about it? I mean, you guys are really just roommates with a kid together. Right?” Though the words sounded dickhead-ish, there was something in his tone. Like he was fishing.
“True,” I cautiously replied.
“Mmm. Well, hopefully I’ll see you at the clubhouse. If not, I’ll swing by. And Jax?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you, brother.”
“I love you too, Matty.” His childhood nickname slipped out. With heavy feet and a heavier heart, I climbed out of the truck.
Grabbing the bags, I trudged up the steps.
Because I was a guy and I refused to make two trips to the truck to get all the bags, I was having a hard time. Trying to push the code on the door with my finger as bags kept my hand from getting close enough, I juggled the bags a little and finally entered the four-digit code.
The house was quiet, and if it wasn’t for the baby seat on the floor, I might’ve wondered if she’d hauled ass on me. Instead, I assumed she was napping, so I quietly set the bags down on the table. Then I went to check on the two of them.
Immediately, I noticed her curled up in the middle of my bed. A smile that I fought curled my lips. As I silently moved closer, I belatedly realized her tit was out and inwardly groaned. When I averted my gaze, I saw the door to my closet was ajar.
Instantly on alert, I slipped my gun from the back of my pants, moved to the closet, and opened the door. Seeing nothing out of place, I soundlessly made my way to the bathroom. Sweeping the room, I noticed my cologne had been moved and a few things on the counter were adjusted.
“Someone’s nosey,” I murmured as it dawned on me what had happened. To be on the safe side, I cleared each room in the house, then put away the perishables.
Knowing I was procrastinating and hoping she tucked her delectable tit away before I went back in there, I emptied the bags. Everything was put up or sitting on the table.
“Well, I guess I could start moving the boxes from the room before Truth gets here,” I said to the dead air. “Christ, I’m talking to my-fucking-self.”
I didn’t make it to the door before I heard a whimper. Thinking it was Tristan, I went back to the bedroom. I figured I’d get him so she could sleep. Except it wasn’t Tristan crying. It was Avery.
She was obviously having a bad dream, her face curled into a sorrowful frown. I gently shook her arm to wake her.
She jolted with fear in her eyes and her face bleach white. Her cute little freckles stood out against her very pale skin.
Except she didn’t simply wake up. Oh no. She jumped up, and when she did, her perfectly plump tit landed right in my hand.
I wasn’t sure which of us was more surprised.
Both of us gasped, and I removed my hand like I’d been burned.
“I’m so sorry!” I whispered.
“Why the hell were you grabbing my boob?” she whispered in return after she sniffled.
“I wasn’t! You were having a bad dream.”
“Well… well… you could’ve fooled me!”
We continued to whisper-yell at one another. When I realized how foolish I looked, I shook my head and left the room. Making a beeline for the spare bedroom, I began gathering the few boxes I had in there and moving them to the smaller room. In case she decided she wanted to put Tristan in the smaller room to sleep, I made sure they were all off to one side by the wall.
The entire time I was moving thi
ngs, I argued with myself about the sanity of having her in my home. Maybe I could stay at my parents while I was off the rig. But that would be a pain in the ass when it came time to watch him while she went to class. Not to mention how pissed my parents would be if I did. They’d say I was running from responsibility. In truth, I’d be running from temptation.
And insanity.
Because it was definitely crazy to be having the thoughts I was having.
“Is there anything I can help with?” she asked from the doorway. Her face had regained its color.
“Not really. You shouldn’t be lifting shit.”
“Well is there anything in the closet I can move? Surely clothes aren’t that heavy?”
“They’re empty” was my terse reply.
“Oh. Okay.” Instead of leaving, she continued to lean on the doorframe as I slipped past her and grabbed the last of the boxes. Thankfully she moved out of the way by the time I came back. The thought of touching her as I passed was too much.
A knock from out front saved me from further awkward conversation. Glancing out the window as I approached the door, I saw Truth’s old work truck sitting next to mine.
As soon as I opened the door, Truth enveloped me in a huge bear hug. “Hey, big Daddy!” he joked.
Though I rolled my eyes, I couldn’t keep the grin from my face. “Man, shut the fuck up. You here to help or give me shit?”
“Give you shit, then help. Goddamn, you could’ve knocked me over with a feather when you called for my help. A fucking kid. Damn.” He slowly shook his head as he continued to look amazed.
Straight came up the front deck stairs and embraced me as well. “Hope you don’t mind that I tagged along. We respected your wishes and didn’t bombard y’all at the hospital, but I wanna see my new nephew.”
“He’s sleeping right now, but you’re welcome to see him after we unload the furniture.” Both of my brothers grinned.
Jax and Jokers: A Demented Sons MC Texas Novel Page 8