That got Monica’s attention again. “She what? Are you serious? Why would she do that?”
“She said I shouldn’t be surprised she turned to someone else to make her feel special because my books were clearly more important to me than her. Apparently, I didn’t pay enough attention to her, giving all my love to my stories instead.”
Monica surprises me when she starts laughing. “Wow. What a load of bullshit. Well, thank goodness you dodged that bullet.”
I don’t know what overcomes me in that moment, but I laugh too.
The clarity in this moment is almost overwhelming, the pure stupidity and absurdity of the whole situation suddenly standing out to me like a blinking neon sign. It’s been a dull, nagging memory in the back of my mind ever since it occurred, pulling a small dark cloud over my life, and I let it.
Over time, I pretty much convinced myself Ashley was right and I was a lousy partner. I mean, the few dates I’ve had over the years obviously didn’t go anywhere, and what better proof is there?
Laughing with Monica about it is almost cathartic, making me realize how much they really screwed with my brain back then. Maybe I should have talked to someone about this after all. Seems like that could have saved me a lot of headaches.
It appears all I needed was someone to put it in perspective for me.
“Thank you.”
The words are out of my mouth before I can grasp the real meaning of them because let’s face it, this isn’t just a thank-you for listening to my story and helping me deal with it.
This thank-you is for so much more.
Monica isn’t the only one who’s changed this last year, I have too. I was always the quiet one in our family, the one who lived in his head and through his stories. Now, I’ve come out of my shell, louder and more direct than ever before, challenging the people in my life more along the way too.
Monica’s partially responsible for that. Entwined in my life in ways I never fully realized.
My sole focus is on her now and the sweet look she gives me.
This woman. Driving me crazy like no one else ever has before. My veins pulse with need for her, the urge to grab her under her arms to pull her up on my chest too strong to resist. When she’s finally close enough, I capture her tantalizing lips in a kiss.
There are no reservations between us, no awkward holding back so many people experience when they’re with someone new.
We’re not just kissing, we’re devouring each other, and don’t make a secret about it either.
She pulls back after a few minutes of intense making out and brushes the hair out of her face. “Hey there, Romeo. Where have you been hiding? You can say thank you to me like that whenever you want, day or night.”
I roll my eyes at her but can’t keep the grin off my face. “I meant it.”
“Me too.” She winks at me before patting my chest a few times with her hand. “Seriously though, there’s no need to thank me. It’s not like I did anything.”
“You’re here with me, and that makes all the difference. Maybe I never would’ve realized how hung up I was on my past if it wasn’t for you and this conversation.”
Her gaze turns serious for a moment, something that doesn’t happen too often with her. “Charlie once told me we feel what we feel, and it’s okay to do that. Bottling up emotions or burying them is never a long-term solution, and it will catch up with you eventually. I’m glad you finally see it for what it was, two people you loved and trusted betraying you, not the other way around. You should have never felt bad about it in the first place. At least now you can move on.”
Something intense flickers across her face, accompanied by a tightening of the skin around her eyes. When it’s gone a moment later, I wonder if I imagined it all together.
Then, a slow smile forms at the corners of her mouth. It’s sexy and sensual, and my body reacts instantly to it as her hands begin roaming over my chest. “Let’s not waste another second on those awful people. Let’s get back to that sexy thank-you instead.”
Only Monica can move from a serious conversation to being a little seductress without even making a real effort. Grabbing her by the waist, I flip us around. Pressing my hard body into hers, I’m more than ready to lose myself in the here and now, and in her alone.
She seems just as eager, and with a combined effort, I sink into her less than a minute later, about to forget my own name because she’s everything. Everywhere. The only thing my brain can focus on. How good she feels. How right. Turning my world upside down in the best possible way.
Twenty-Two
Monica
After another sex session worthy of winning some award, we get dressed and finally settle in to watch Hudson perform at the music festival. My gaze keeps flicking up to Gabe to make sure he’s okay, but talking it all out, followed by great sex, seems to have done the trick, and he looks nothing but the epitome of relaxation and contentment.
His story was a bitter pill to swallow for me, wanting nothing more but to go back in time to somehow prevent the pain those two assholes caused him. And to think I worked with Alex this whole time during my recovery makes me sick to my stomach.
Before the renewed anger and revulsion on behalf of Gabe comes back to ruin our night, I take a deep breath and focus all my attention on how good his hands feel on my hips, and how awesome his brother’s performance is. As expected, it’s fantastic, and the crowd goes wild every time the camera flips to them.
“There they are. Did you see them?” I point at the TV, halfway bouncing on Gabe just as the camera zooms back in on Charlie and Mira on the big screen.
Charlie has a huge smile on her face, and little Mira is dancing around on her lap, pink earmuffs protecting her precious little ears.
Gabe chuckles behind me. “Looks like someone was having fun.”
“Look at her. She’s the cutest thing on the whole planet.”
“She really is.” Something has changed in Gabe’s tone and I peek back at him. The look in his eyes is distant, and it looks vaguely familiar.
After a moment, I finally realize why. It’s the same look I’ve seen on Hudson’s face so many times whenever he looks at Mira.
Total and absolute adoration.
“You really like kids, don’t you?” My question isn’t quite a whisper, but the exuberance from a moment before isn’t present anymore either.
He nods, finishing his beer in one long swig.
“There must be something in your family chromosomes that makes you so baby-hungry in your mid-twenties. Only you and Hudson though. Your sisters aren’t at that point yet.” I chuckle at the image of either Dahlia or Rose having their own baby. They both absolutely love Mira and are excited about Charlie’s pregnancy, but they both seem to be happy with being aunts for now, not that I blame them.
I’m right there with them. Having kids just isn’t for everyone.
After placing the bottle on the floor next to the couch, Gabe moves around to get more comfortable while the concert plays on in the background, the next band up on stage. “I don’t know. I’ve always wanted kids and was okay to wait until I’m older, but having Mira around has changed things. I can see how stressful it is to have a little one, but at the same time, she also makes life so much more enjoyable.”
There’s an actual gleam in his eyes.
Definitely baby fever.
These Mitchell men.
Total ovary-killers.
“She’s a cutie.”
I don’t need to look at him to know his gaze is on me—it’s pretty much burning a hole into the side of my head. The blanket beneath my fingers has never been more interesting.
“What? You don’t want kids? I always assumed you would since you’re so good with Mira.”
I knew he wouldn’t leave it alone. This is curious Gabe, after all.
It’s always the quiet ones when they eventually come out of their shell.
His tone sounds strained, and I can’t help myself and peek up
at him.
I’m surprised to find an almost tortured-looking expression on his face that makes the gold in his brown eyes look a little dull.
“I do.” I almost blurt out the words, having the inexplicable need to redeem myself. “I mean, I did. I don’t know. Maybe? Just not anytime soon, I guess. Or at least that was always the plan. To dance for as long as I can and maybe settle down later? If I can find the right partner, that is. I’m not sure I’m ‘single mom’ material.”
My word vomit finally stops, my voice trailing off at the end.
His gaze is scrutinizing, like he’s trying to figure out the deeper meaning behind my words. Because of course, there is one, and he knows me well enough to realize that.
The question now is if he continues to prod to get the answers out of me, or if he’s going to let it go.
When he opens his mouth, I’m absolutely sure it’s the former.
I’m saved by the bell though, or in my case, my phone as it vibrates on the table. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so relieved to take a phone call.
That is, until I see the name flashing on the screen.
Ivan.
Freaking Ivan.
My ex. My very unwelcome ex.
The timing could have not been worse. Or more ironic, for that matter.
“I—” My hands pause mid-reach before continuing. This man is not one to give up easily if he wants something, and I know he wouldn’t just call for no reason either.
Plus, it’s not helping he also happens to be the star of my dance company, including being buddy-buddy with the director and whatnot.
“Sorry, but I better take this.” Unable to glance at Gabe right now, I snatch the phone, murmur a hasty, “One second,” into it after answering, and rush to the double doors to slip out back.
There’s no way I can take this phone call with Gabe around.
Once the door is safely closed behind me, I blow out a deep breath before putting the phone back to my ear. “Hello?”
“Mo. How are you?” Ivan’s voice is gravelly, the same way it’s always been.
A magnificent dancer with the utmost talent, who also happens to look like a supermodel and sound like a porn star.
No wonder he’s the star of the show. Everyone wants a piece of that man.
And I had it, not too long ago.
Not that I want it anymore after what happened.
Memories of Ivan assault my mind as I sit down on one of the chairs, pulling my legs up under me, trying almost desperately to get comfortable. After a while, I give up, seeing as I’m so on edge I can’t settle down right now, no matter how hard I try.
“Good. How are you?” Small talk. I hate it.
“Great. So, listen—”
My knee keeps hitting the side of the chair from bouncing so hard, but it barely registers with my occupied mind. I still can’t believe I’m on the phone with Ivan, that he’s actually trying to have a normal conversation with me.
After everything that went down between us.
But I guess that’s Mr. High-and-Mighty right there.
“So, what do you think?” His voice cuts into my thoughts.
“Sorry. Think about what?” I must have completely spaced out while he talked.
He sighs, but it’s not as exasperated as I’ve heard it sound plenty of times before. “Are you listening now?”
“Yes.” Not that I want to.
“All right. The director wanted me to give you a phone call tonight, to talk over some things with you before he’ll call you himself tomorrow.”
Well, that certainly gets my attention.
“Everyone wants you back, Mo. They watched the videos you sent, and they’re going to offer you a solo for this next tour, if you think you can handle it.”
My mouth opens and closes several times, and I almost drop the phone before I finally get a good grip on it again.
This has been my dream for so long. I absolutely love doing all of our group numbers and partner dances.
But a solo.
The spotlight completely just on me and no one else?
That’s a totally different ballpark, and nothing else compares to it.
“Seriously?”
Ivan’s low chuckle rumbles in my ear. I used to love that laugh, and now it doesn’t do anything for me. Absolutely nothing.
“Seriously. I’ve seen them too. You were absolutely breathtaking. You were good before, but now? The improvement was impossible to miss. Whatever ignited that change in you, hold on to it.”
My brain’s buzzing, his praise too much for me to fully comprehend everything he just said.
“And, Mo?”
“What?”
He pauses, his breathing the only indicator he’s still on the phone. “I’m sorry about what I said to you last year. I wasn’t sure if you’d even take my call, but I had to try. I should’ve done this a long time ago, but I was too much of a coward.”
Sadness slams into my system so hard, I’m surprised my body is still functioning.
“I really mean it. I handled the situation like a total ass, and... I don’t know. There aren’t the right words to apologize properly.”
“Yeah.” That’s the only word I can get out before the tears start flowing.
One after the other, as the memories I’ve tried so hard to keep locked away assault me, ruining this whole moment for me.
“There was something else I wan—”
“I gotta go,” I interrupt him, and don’t wait for an answer before pushing the End button.
And with my luck, Gabe chooses that exact moment to come outside.
“Hey, every—”
He stops mid-sentence, getting a front-row seat to the mess I must look like. I didn’t notice the overhead light from the kitchen illuminating most of the porch, making it impossible for me to pretend everything’s okay.
In less than ten steps, he’s in front of me, grabbing me under my legs and behind my back to lift me off the chair. Instead of taking me inside, like I thought he might, he simply switches positions with me, sitting down in the chair with me curled up in his lap.
I’m not used to being treated with so much delicacy, which is exactly the reason why this does me in even more.
Breaking me open. Utterly and completely.
Big, fat tears run down my face as I’m incapable of stopping the sobs that jolt through my body.
“Hey now. What’s going on? Did something happen?” Gabe’s voice is quiet and soothing, but I can easily detect the urgent tone he’s probably trying to hide.
“Everything’s okay.” I’m pretty sure the words don’t come out very clearly, but he seems to understand them anyway, seeing as he lets out a big breath.
“What’s wrong then?” He pulls me up higher on his lap, rubbing my back in gentle circles.
“The phone call. It was my ex.” Gabe stiffens at my words, but I’m trying to get it all out as fast as possible. “He told me the dance company wants me back, and that they will offer me a solo too. It’s been my biggest dream, and I’ve worked so hard for it my whole life. But then he said something about our past, and it brought up all those memories, and now I’m a mess, snotting all over you, but I...I can’t stop crying.”
“Shhh. It’s okay.” He pauses. “I didn’t realize you work with your ex. What did he say?” Gabe’s words have more of a bite to it than before.
“Nothing bad. He actually apologized for his behavior.”
The words keep tumbling out of my mouth even though I didn’t plan on telling Gabe about it. Something about him, and us, has changed though. Our friendship is built on trust and honesty, and I value both so much. Maybe it’s because he opened up about his ex earlier?
“You’re not the only one with a shitty ex. I actually have several of those.”
He coughs as if he choked on something.
“Sorry.” I slowly pull back, looking at his face.
“Don’t be. It’s okay. I guess it’s officially sh
itty-ex day.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Do you want to tell your story now?”
Do I want to? Not really.
But I will anyway. He made himself vulnerable earlier, and I’m going to return the favor. Even if it’s embarrassing to tell.
“I’ll tell you the short version. Not sure we’d make it through the long one.”
“Whatever you want to share, I’m here for you.” He gives my back a little squeeze. “Just like you were there for me.”
I pucker my lips and let out a steadying breath of air. “Ivan and I had been dating for almost a year when I found out I was pregnant.”
Gabe flinches, but I continue, focusing on the sleeve of my shirt.
“Ivan was ecstatic. Everyone thought we were a dream couple, and he’d always wanted kids. Since he’s several years older, he thought it was perfect timing. I, on the other hand, had just gotten the biggest shock of my entire life but plastered on my happy smile anyway, since I didn’t know how else to handle the situation. I tried at least, despite being completely overwhelmed, not to mention stunned. My whole career disappeared in front of my eyes, just like that. Poof. In two seconds. Gone.”
The emotions swirl in my body. So much anger, frustration, and sadness surrounding this event. “I miscarried only a week later.”
“Monica.”
“Ivan accused me of being happy about it, that maybe I did something on purpose to lose the baby. I could see the hatred in his eyes, the absolute disgust for me and what he thought I did. Needless to say, that was the end of our relationship. He delivered one more punch as we parted, telling me he was actually relieved I lost the baby because I’m an emotionless robot, incapable of loving anything or anyone other than myself and my career, that I probably would’ve turned out to be an awful mother anyway.”
This wasn’t the first time someone had mentioned my incapability of loving anything other than dancing.
The emotions in my chest pile up so high, I barely get the last words out before I completely break down, the sobs shaking me so violently I’m afraid they might never stop.
Gabe is there for every second of its ugliness. Whispering soothing words in my ear. Caressing my back like there’s nothing else he’d rather do, nowhere else he’d rather be. Most importantly, he doesn’t let go of me, allowing me to break apart on the inside while he’s holding me together from the outside.
The Mitchell Brothers Collection: A Feel-Good Romance Box Set Page 49