“Like what? I mean, this is probably it. We won’t be able to do other stuff.” Camille trailed off unable to say what she truly meant. I won’t be a normal girlfriend. I won’t have the energy to make out with you or go to prom or have sex.
“Cami, even if all I get to do is lay in bed with you and watch movies all day, I’d be happy.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you.”
She shook her head, as sadness filled her heart.
Nate propped himself up so he could look at her. “Cami, you have to know you deserve to be loved.”
“That’s not it.”
“Then what is it?”
“I know this sounds bad, but I don’t believe you.”
“Why?”
“How can I? You fell in love with someone who doesn’t exist.”
“I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you. You are Camille LaRue, right?” he teased looking wildly around the room. “I mean you don’t have a twin do you, or is this like some Freaky Friday bit?”
“Nate. I’m being serious. If you knew I had cancer from the beginning it’d be a different story, but I feel like I tricked you.”
“Cami, I don’t know how else to explain it to you. You are the same girl I fell in love with.”
She shook her head.
“Okay, fine. Then let’s start over and this time we can be brutally honest.”
“Nate . . .”
“Come on. We started over before and that went pretty well if I recall.” Nate winked and Camille’s heart fluttered, remembering their date.
“We can’t start over.”
“You can always start over. You just have to want to.”
She rolled her eyes but that didn’t stop him. Nate was already lifting her phone from her nightstand. He grabbed his own from his pocket and set them next to each other on his lap.
“You ready?” he asked.
Cami nodded.
“I’ll start.”
Nate: Hello, my name’s Nate. I smile a lot and do crazy things so I feel alive, because my brother died and I’m terrified of wasting my life.
Cami: I’m Cami. I have cancer. And I’m tired of fighting it.
Most days I don’t want to live.
Nate: Sounds like we’re both pretty messed up.
Cami: Yep.
Nate: Wanna be messed up together?
Cami: I don’t know how much time I have left.
Nate: None of us do.
Cami: I don’t want to be a waste of time for u.
Nate: The only waste of time is regret. And if I didn’t spend time with u, I would regret it. U make me feel happy Cami.
Cami: U make me feel happy too.
Nate: Can we make each other happy for a while longer?
Cami: I’ll give u all the time I have left.
Nate: I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Camille put her phone down. The air in the room was heavy from their silent conversation, yet her heart felt lighter. Her phone pinged again and she looked down at her text message.
Nate: One more thing.
Cami: What?
Nate: Will u be my girlfriend?
Cami: Ok.
Nate: Good, cause I’m in love with you.
Camille put her phone down. The screen was blurry from the tears in her eyes.
Nate pulled her close. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I was just talking to my boyfriend.”
“Yeah? What’s he like?”
She laughed. “Kinda perfect.”
“I like him already. But why are you crying?”
“Because he scares me.”
“Why?”
“Cause I think I love him, too.”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
She shook her head. “Nate, can you promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“No grand gestures. I just want time with you.”
He grinned and kissed her softly. “I’ll take it into consideration.”
30
Nate
Three weeks went by and Nate spent every day with Camille. He went to her house after school, bringing her assignments and working on homework together. Nate loved entertaining Cami. He gave Poo new hairstyles daily just to hear her laugh. He played Ray’s guitars and ukuleles, serenading her whenever she asked him for music. He knew she wanted to hear the violin, but he didn’t have the heart to tell her he’d smashed his to pieces. Instead, Nate distracted her with flowers and collectable PEZ dispensers.
But weekends were Nate’s favorites. They watched old movies and played board games. Camille complained constantly that she was the lamest girlfriend ever, but secretly, Nate loved every minute he spent with her. He had her all to himself and he felt like he was part of a family again.
Camille’s mom still wasn’t Nate’s biggest fan, but her dad had warmed back up to him. He even let Nate help make dinner and pick out the Sunday night movies, which, according to Cami, was a big deal in the LaRue house. She told him Sundays had always been family days. Her mom wouldn’t work, they’d cook a big meal together, play Trivial Pursuit and watch a movie. Nate was honored to be a part of it.
On the first Sunday he’d been invited to join, he brought beignets and coffee from Café Beignet, which Camille and Ray decided had to be added to the Sunday tradition. At first Josie had objected, still wanting Camille to focus on a healthy diet. But Ray shoved a piece of beignet into her mouth to silence her. “I think we can all afford to live a little, Josie.”
“They are sort of delicious,” Josie admitted reaching for her own pastry.
Camille grinned and Nate queued up the movie, snuggling closer to Cami as the black and white images of Casablanca filled the screen.
After that night, Josie seemed to take a step back. Things were still tense between her and Camille, but Nate couldn’t help noticing that they were both making an effort to be more understanding of each other.
One day after school, Nate was lying on Camille’s bed while she sat at her desk taking a make up exam. He was staring at her Before I Die wall. The unfinished goals unsettled him. The empty boxes next to Beach and Graduation glared at him and it gave Nate an idea.
“Hey, Cami, what do you think about starting a new wall?”
She followed his eyes to the unchecked boxes he was staring at. “Nate . . . we’ve talked about this. At this rate, I’ll be lucky to check those two off.”
“I was thinking about more of a While I’m Alive wall.”
She scrunched up her face. “Isn’t that the same thing?”
“No. The Before I Die wall is all these massive goals and dreams that people come up with and most of the time they’re completely unattainable or they’re saved until it’s too late. But I was thinking we could make a new wall to celebrate all the awesome little things that we can do every day. We can call it your hello wall, since you already have a goodbye wall.”
“A hello wall?”
“Yeah. You fill it with things that you’re looking forward to each day. Reasons to get up and greet the day.”
“Like what?”
“I dunno.” Nate glanced around the room spotting Camille’s dog curled up at her feet. “ Like, play with Poo.”
Camille giggled. “And that is exactly why I named him that.”
“We can put other little things we want to do on there, too. Like, kiss my girlfriend.”
“Oh, how about, make my boyfriend paint my toenails.”
Nate jumped up and grabbed a pen, scribbling Paint Cami’s Toenails on the wall next to her bed. “What else?”
She tapped her chin in thought. “How ‘bout, eat beignets.”
Nate wrote it down.
“Smile more.”
He gave Camille a cheesy grin, then scribbled on he wall. “Give me another one.”
“Say I love you.”
Nate scribbled it onto the wall and when he turned around, Camille was standing next to the bed. “I love you
,” she whispered.
Nate scooped her up and pulled her into bed, kissing her all over until she was giggling and Poo jumped up to see what all the commotion was about.
“I love you, too,” Nate whispered back.
Cami was lying on her back, smiling up at him, and it made Nate’s heart squeeze with sudden fear. He was normally good at holding back the terror that strangled him when he thought about losing Camille. He couldn’t let himself think about it, or he’d break his promise to her and drop to his knees, begging her not to leave him. Begging her to fight for every second they could have no matter what drugs or treatment it meant she’d have to endure.
He bent down and kissed her again, closing his eyes to shut out the selfish thoughts that were twisting around his heart. When Nate came up for air, he turned toward the wall scribbling something new on it. Make all of Cami’s dreams come true.
She stole the pen, drew a box next to it and placed a checkmark inside. Then she wrote her own sentence. Tell him how I feel.
Nate pulled Camille close to him again, kissing her though he was shaking. “I know,” he whispered.
“I don’t think you do,” she said running her slender fingers through his hair. It always made Nate shudder with longing for more. “These last few weeks with you have been amazing,” she admitted, her shy smile spreading into a real one.
That right there was what made Nate keep coming back for more. He would do anything for that smile—including tear his own heart to pieces.
Cami
Camille spent the rest of the day in bed with Nate, trading kisses and filling her Hello Wall with silly things they loved to do together. Nate had just written, Watch scary movies, on the wall and Camille crossed it off.
“Hey!” Nate objected, pouting in a way that made her want to kiss him.
“I hate scary movies. And since when do you like them?”
“Since we watched The Shining and you held onto me like I was a superhero.”
Camille laughed. “You know, there are other ways to get me to hold onto you.”
“Really?”
She smirked, letting Nate crawl over her and press his lips gently to hers. They hadn’t done more than kiss since she’d been home from the hospital. And at first it was enough, but now that Camille was feeling better, she couldn’t help wanting more of Nate. She remembered the feel of his skin against hers all too well, and something deep inside of her itched to get back to that place with him.
Camille slipped her hand under Nate’s shirt, tracing the long columns of muscle that ran down his back. He stilled, his breath warm against her neck.
“Cami,” he warned.
She ignored him, running her fingers down his sides.
Nate shivered, letting a low groan slip from his mouth. But when she reached for his belt, he sat up. “Cami, we can’t.”
“Why not?” She sat up, too. “I’m feeling much better.”
“I know. But we shouldn’t push it.”
“Nate, I know my body. I’m not pushing it.” Camille reached for him, stroking her fingers down his chest. She knew he loved when she did that. She spent the last three weeks with her hands on his chest, trying to memorize the feel of his heartbeat.
Nate’s hands caught hers, stopping them over his heart. “Cami. We can’t.”
Her face flushed red as a terrible realization gripped her. “Do you not want to?”
“No, that’s not it at all.”
“Then what?”
“Well, for one thing, your parents are downstairs. I’m not trying to lose my Cami privileges.”
She sighed but nodded. It made sense, but still didn’t completely quiet her nerves that she wasn’t as desirable to Nate now that he knew she had cancer. She wanted to connect with him physically again, if only to be reassured that sex with him the first time hadn’t been a fluke.
“And, I’ve sorta been planning something special for you,” Nate added. “But it kinda involves waiting.”
Camille’s interest outweighed her insecurity. “Waiting? You do know I’m sorta on a strict timeline here?”
Nate looked down and Camille instantly felt bad. She knew he hated when she joked about dying. But the alternative was even more depressing. She almost apologized, but Nate hated I’m sorrys just as much, so she took his hand instead and laced her fingers with his. “It’s just . . . isn’t the guy supposed to be the one trying to get in the girl’s pants?”
“Cami, believe me. Spending so much time in your bed without doing everything I want to you, has been a master class in self-restraint.”
Hearing him say that made her inner goddess glow. “Really?”
He made that low groaning sound in the back of his throat that she loved. “You have no idea. But I want the next time to be special.”
“Nate, it was special.”
“The back seat of a car?”
She nodded eagerly and Nate laughed.
“Woman, you need to set your standards much higher.”
“I don’t know what to say, Nate. You chose a girlfriend with extremely low standards and no moral compass.” Camille crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “The back of a car is practically paradise to me.”
Nate made his sexy groaning sound again. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”
She smiled sadly to herself, burying her face in Nate’s neck. She hoped it would be the other way around.
31
Cami
The following week, Camille was strong enough to return to school. But going back to NOAH, meant going back to the real world, and suddenly she missed her little bubble, where she and Nate belonged together.
Nate had convinced her to stop hiding behind her wigs and so much makeup. She didn’t wear them in front of him for the time she’d been recovering at home, and it gave her the confidence to leave the house that way.
Today she’d only drawn on faint eyebrows and used a little bit of shimmery blush to give herself a healthy glow. Her hair had grown back enough to almost pull off the GI Jane look, which Nate said she rocked when paired with the combat boots he’d bought her. But honestly, he was her best accessory. Cami felt invincible with Nate by her side.
But as he carried her up the stairs—which he insisted on doing although she could walk just fine—Camille started to second-guess her minimalistic styling choices. The Ashleys were all standing by her locker ready to welcome her back to NOAH along with the rest of the senior class.
“What is this?” Camille murmured in Nate’s ear as he set her back down.
“I know you hate this kind of stuff, but just be glad I talked them out of hiring the marching band.”
Camille balked. “What?”
“Just roll with it. It’ll be over in a minute.”
Camille walked up to her locker with Nate holding her hand as classmates she’d hardly ever spoken to greeted her like they were best friends. She got lots of ‘welcome backs’ and ‘you look greats’ but the thing that stuck with Camille the most was when Ashley Banks stepped forward and hugged her.
The flawless blonde wrapped her arms around Cami and whispered rapidly. “I’m glad your back, Camille. I’m sorry for being a shitty friend all these years. If you ever need anything, I’ve got your back.”
Camille was in shock at the outpouring of attention from her fellow classmates. Most of them even seemed as genuine as Ashley Banks. Once the bell rang, everyone dispersed and Nate walked Cami to her first period class.
“That was weird,” she said.
“I know you hate being the center of attention, but they all really wanted to do something nice.”
“Who?”
“Everybody. But the Ashleys orchestrated the locker greeting.”
“And you knew about this?”
Nate shrugged. “Yeah, it was the least horrible of their ideas.”
Camille snorted. “Anything to make them look good.”
“They’re not that bad.”
�
�The Ashleys? You can’t be serious.”
“I’ve been eating lunch with them while you’ve been home. Ashley C. and Ashley B. are kinda cool. It’s mostly the other one that’s full of herself.”
A pang of jealousy flared in Camille’s chest. “So you’ve been spending a lot of time with them?”
“Cami,” Nate warned. “You know it’s not like that.”
“How’s it like, Nate? Did you guys just sit around and talk about poor Cami cancer girl every day?”
“No, but it’s not like it’s a secret. You know how high school is. Rumors were going around and I was trying to put them out.”
Camille stopped walking. She rubbed her temples. “Maybe I wasn’t ready to come back.”
“Are you feeling alright?” Worry fringed Nate’s voice. “Do you want to sit down?”
“I’m not sick, I’m embarrassed. This is why I hate NOAH and I hate the Ashleys. Everyone here thinks they know me, but they don’t. And now they just want to pretend to care about me so they can get the gossip about the girl who tried to kill herself.”
“Jesus, Camille!” Nate pulled her into an empty classroom. “No one knows about that.”
“They don’t?”
“Do you really think I’d tell anyone?”
“No but . . . then why was everyone saying ‘I’m here for you’ and stuff?”
“Hello! You had a heart attack, Cami. And they know you have cancer.”
“That’s all?”
“That’s all.”
Camille let the news sink in. She was bewildered. “I just think it’s weird that they’re acting like they care. They’ve barely spoken to me since middle school.”
“Cami, I know you’re probably not gonna want to hear this, but whose fault is that?”
“Are you kidding me right now?”
“You don’t let anyone in. You just keep saying I’m fine, so people think you’re fine. It’s like putting up a sign that says keep out and wondering why no one drops by.”
“Maybe I don’t need anyone.”
The Boyfriend Series Box Set (Books 1-6): YA Contemporary Romance Novels Page 54