The Inept Adept & The Almost Last Unicorn

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by Peter Butterworth


  They could also see a bridge in, surprisingly, good condition. The bridge was an arched stone structure which spanned forty feet over a river. Since the road and the immediate environs were not in good shape this was a mystery.

  On the other side of the bridge the road forked.

  Lac figured that the road to the left went directly to the mountains. The other one…?

  ‘I believe the one going to the right is the one Shastra would have taken.’

  “Why is that?”

  ‘I do not believe Shastra would go to the mountains. Less good grass there than the foothills.’

  That certainly made sense to Lac.

  ‘It is getting late so let us find an area here to forage and spend the night.’

  Lac nodded. Looking to the other side of the river, now much more rollicking and active as it was no longer in its infancy, he saw an area completely feral. He would definitely prefer to tackle it in the light of a new and bright day. He also preferred not to mention that to the unicorn.

  ***

  The black dragon stirred and one eye opened. It didn’t stay open long. The dragon knew he would need nourishment soon and he would arise anon. He thought he could detect some magic. Serious and flavorful magic coming his way. As he closed his eye he smiled. He would be having a rather tasty meal very soon.

  CHAPTER NINE

  ‘There’s someone under the bridge.’

  Chauncey said this rather matter-of-factly. Lac looked at Chauncey as he was finishing his morning repast.

  Lac looked all around him. Outside of the ruins of the former mercantile buildings in the area there wasn’t much to recommend the place as a habitat.

  He shrugged. Considering the area under the bridge it seemed like a place one might carve out an abode of sorts. Fishing was probably good and it would be shelter from the rain. Protection might also prove to be important in this land. It didn’t seem worth spending any more time pondering.

  ‘He might want a toll.’

  “Toll? Who in his right mind would hang around here to await travels to fleece for a toll?”

  The unicorn thought about it. A lot of people have misunderstandings about…

  ‘A troll.’

  “A troll? Really?” This left Lac a little confused. He had heard of trolls certainly. Who hadn’t? But to encounter one…and pay a toll? Didn’t seem fitting somehow.

  Lac tried to think what he knew about trolls. He couldn’t think of anything. They hadn’t been seen in the shire for more than a century. He didn’t know what they looked like and how big and hungry they might be.

  “Why would he want a toll?”

  ‘I cannot say. I have never talked with one and have no idea what they value.’

  “What do they look like and how big are they?”

  ‘They are around your height but very thin. Wiry is the word I heard the magician use. Apparently they have tremendous strength for their size.’

  Lac couldn’t help himself, “I wonder what he’d want for a toll?”

  ‘Let us go and ask him.’

  “Do you think that wise?” I won’t say Lac was fearful but shall we say he was…concerned?

  Lac put his cheese and trail mix away and slung the rucksack over his shoulder. They wandered to the edge of the bridge.

  “You must pay the toll to cross the bridge,” a voice yelled. The voice sounded as if it wasn’t close and had to talk over the rushing water. As yet no creature was in sight.

  Not seeing the troll gave Lac a sense of confidence. Maybe trolls were shy and fearful of humans. “And what if we don’t want to pay your toll?” Lac yelled back but not certain where he should send his voice.

  “Then I’ll have no choice but to eat you,” the troll yelled in reply.

  Still no troll sighting.

  “And what if we don’t want you to eat us.” Lac was getting a little hoarse from yelling.

  “Then…I don’t care what you want. I must have a toll.” The troll could yell with the best of them it seemed.

  Lac was getting a little exasperated. He had been born into a merchant family and trading was a way of life. Yet, it’s hard to negotiate with someone if not in face to face contact.

  “Well, what exactly is your toll?”

  “Ah, much better. My toll is one silver Crondite or four copper Pouncies.”

  Lac looked to the unicorn who looked back at Lac.

  “You’re making that up. There’s no such thing as Condites or Ponzies.”

  “Crondite or Pouncies, dolt.”

  “Dolt? Who you calling a dolt you, you…whoever you are.”

  “Ingrus.”

  “What was that?”

  “Ingrus.”

  “What’s an Ingrus?”

  “Not a what you dolt but a who as in me.”

  “Who you…?” Lac was getting a little steamed. He was not gifted in the art of haggle and it was doubly difficult when you were not confronting the one who was haggling.

  ‘Lac, did you not say your father was a superb trader?’

  “Yes, but…”

  ‘Could you not emulate him in this instance?’

  “Well, I, ah, darn. I’ll try.” Lac took a few moments to compose himself.

  “Listen ah, Ingrus. I’d like to pay your toll but I need to discuss this with you and I cannot yell any longer. Could you come out from under the bridge?”

  “You sound very reasonable for a human. But I do not like the sun. Just leave the money on the ground.”

  “I’d prefer to hand it to you.”

  “I don’t see how that’s possible.”

  “Well, what side of the bridge are you, ah, under?”

  “I’m on the far side.”

  “Well, I propose to go over to the far side and I can leave payment there.”

  “That’s what I like best of all. A reasonable and obliging human. Come on over.”

  Lac and Chauncey walked onto and over the bridge. They reached the other side and stopped.

  “So human, payment.”

  “Oh darn. It’s my fault. I’m very sorry Ingrus.”

  “What’s your fault and what are you sorry about?”

  “I forgot the money. It’s on the other side. How much would you charge if I was to cross the bridge?”

  “My toll is one silver Crondite or four copper Pouncies.”

  “One silver Crondite or four copper Pouncies? Really? And you won’t let me go across unless I paid the toll?”

  “That’s correct.”

  “Well, I guess it means I cannot cross your bridge. I’m afraid I’ll have to honor your wishes. I won’t cross your bridge. Good day to you sir.”

  “Good-bye human. I’m glad you understand how things are.”

  Lac tried his best not to laugh and he had only to look at Chauncey who never seemed to laugh. It did stifle the jocularity. Still, a few chuckles and snickers were in order.

  They took the right fork in the road.

  Though the mountains may have been fifty miles to begin in earnest they seemed very large and imposing. In some places he could still see remnants of snow fields. Therefore, Lac was happy to be taking the road to the foothills and if things hadn’t changed much in the last century to other human settlements to the northwest.

  Lac assumed these settlements were holdovers developed from the trade in which metal products went further east into the heart of the kingdoms.

  They walked along the road in progressively worsening conditions. This road seemed to have had few if any travelers for some time. The road ran in a mostly northwesterly direction.

  Lac was now eager to reach the settlements. The country they were passing through made the word wild seem inadequate. Chauncey pointed out a Roc though it was too far and too high in the sky to distinguish it. It just looked like a black speck.

  Lunch was eaten quietly and quickly. The unicorn though not of a species that had a lot of fear since their horn could kill anything which might attack unconsciously picked
up the pace.

  The pace led to greater distance covered leading to greater energy expended.

  ‘Let us stop here for the night.’

  Lac happily agreed. They had gone around forty miles and Lac was quite tired and fatigued.

  They found a small lake and the requisite canopy. They had some daylight left and presumably could still find an appropriate refuge further but Lac did not at all mind the respite.

  ‘I smell smoke.’

  Lac had begun to differentiate Chauncey’s laconic verbalizations. He thought this statement had a sense of more than the mere words.

  “What do you think it means?”

  ‘I am unsure but the smoke smell seems to be wood. A lot of wood.’

  “Do you think there’s a wildfire up ahead?”

  ‘I do not think so. I can smell pitch when trees are burning. This is different.’

  Lac didn’t have a good feeling about that. Sounded like structure fires.

  ‘Yes. I am of like mind. We should investigate on the morrow after we break our fast.’

  Lac and Chauncey settled in for the night. Lac reached the dream state quickly.

  Lac this is Portersbee, he added, your instructor. Are you well?

  Why wouldn’t I be?

  No one has seen you or heard from you in several days. Many are concerned. Are you in need of assistance?

  Lac although asleep felt a pang of conceit.

  I have battled pixies, hobgoblins and even outwitted a troll.

  What are you doing that I may tell your family and friends?

  Well, I’m, ah…helping my friend find his mate.

  Who is your friend?

  His name is Chauncey. He’s a unicorn.

  I see. Though to be perfectly honest he really didn’t.

  When can we expect you to return?

  We are going to look for her, her name is Shastra, in the foothills of Mount Galwimy.

  And if she’s not there?

  It’s the only place left to look besides the western lands on the other side of the mountains. Magician Portersbee was getting a little anxious from the mention of the western lands.

  You are planning to go to that... place?

  I wasn’t planning to but Chauncey is my friend.

  Magician Porterbee used his ace in the hole. Nadilia asks for you often and is afraid and very nervous. She misses you. What should I tell her?

  This made the slumbering student pause. It made Lac feel good and it made him more determined to see this through. He was an adult after all.

  Tell her I’ll see her soon.

  Don’t do anything foolish Lac and I’ll see you soon as well.

  Lac wouldn’t have known but his great fatigue had been instrumental in being receptive to allow Master Portersbee to use the scrying mirror effectively at the academy. Penetrating the rather stubborn and headstrong mind of Lac had been no easy feat.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Upon awakening Lac felt well rested and content. He vaguely recalled the dream but it vanished quickly once his stomach alerted his mind, I’m empty, fill me up. Although he couldn’t remember the dream it did leave him thinking of Nadilia in a confident and positive way.

  Lac wrinkled his nose. The diurnal changes brought the smell of burnt wood on the morning breeze. He could tell it wasn’t all that far. His anxiety level was stimulated but he then considered that whoever or, worse, whatever which had caused the fire would probably be long gone. His anxiety level plummeted as his belly filled with morning meal.

  When Chauncey and Lac had finished their meal they returned to the road and continued on their way.

  After about an hour they reached an overgrown lane off to their right. Lac and Chauncey looked at each other. Unicorns cannot shrug but Lac’s gesture spoke for the both of them. They headed, somewhat gingerly at times, down the lane. Thistles and thorny bushes were often just a misstep away.

  After a half an hour they reached a small farming community. There were or had been three houses and one large barn. One house was completely burned down and was still smoldering. Another house was halfway demolished. Only the barn and the third house were intact and though not pristine were not in need of any serious repair. These were structures which had served families for generations.

  When Lac and Chauncey broke into the large central cleared area several human males emerged from the barn with pitchforks. One was quite aged with a long white beard and had to use the pitchfork as a staff or fall over.

  The second was a middle-aged man who was fit and robust sporting a medium dark beard. The third was a young lad who had the beginnings of facial hair. They were wary at first until they recognized the equine was a unicorn.

  Lac called out, “are any of you hurt?”

  “Nay master mage,” replied the middle aged man. The three approached Lac and Chauncey and put away their erstwhile weapons.

  “Hello. My name is Lac and this is Chauncey. What caused the fire and damage?”

  The middle aged man seemed to be the spokesman, “I am called Hortener and my father is Tortener. This is my son Fortener. And it was the bandits who did this.” Lac didn’t notice the look Tortener gave the newcomers. The man was certainly ancient but watched the pair with very shrewd eyes. Hortener was very aware of his father’s interest and knew to play this subtly.

  “Bandits?” This gave Lac a distinctly bad feeling while at the same time a large sense of relief since it wasn’t some large violent creature like an ogre or dragon.

  Lac thought on it briefly but didn’t make a lot of sense to him. “There are bandits around here?” Since there were few settlements until one reached the foothills farther to the north why would bandits be roaming around this very wild and unpopulated area?

  Hortener pointed to the foothills, “there are some holed up somewhere over thattaway. I hear tell they attack the settlements further to the northeast occasionally.”

  “Why did they attack you?” Lac couldn’t see what incentive the bandits had to attack this extended farming family. “What did they want?”

  “They wanted our grain.”

  “Oh.” In a way that did make sense. Bandits the world over were not likely to become farmers when they could more easily take food from others.

  “The crops, wheat and corn, have not been overabundant of late.” Lac didn’t understand the look Tortener gave Hortener. “They were…disappointed.”

  ‘Lac, ask them if they have seen any unicorns.’

  “Oh yes. We’d like to know if you have seen any unicorns.”

  Tortener smiled for the first time and spoke up. “That information will cost ye.”

  Lac was taken aback. He didn’t understand why this friendly and social conversation had turned to negotiation. Lac looked at Chauncey but the unicorn was studying the old man.

  Lac turned back to Tortener, “I’m sorry but we have no money.”

  Tortener’s smiled widened. “We have no need of money. We canst eat money. We need for our crops to yield as once before.”

  Lac was now very confused. Although his attire may not have resembled an important mage he was sure it did not suggest farmer. “I know nothing of crops and farming.”

  “Our crops suffer not from poor soil but from the pixies.”

  Again Lac couldn’t fathom why pixies were a problem now and not before. His confused countenance led Tortener to continue.

  “The pixie pillars in some of the fields are failing. The wee beasties invade those fields and damage our crops. You can refill or whatever you magicians do to make our pixie pillars work as well as they once did.”

  Pixie pillars? Lac had a very vague image of these items but couldn’t quite remember what they were supposed to do.

  “I’m afraid I’m not very familiar with pixie pillars.”

  “They keep the pixies out. Don’t you have them were ye hail from?”

  “Well, maybe a long time ago. Pixies never bother the shire were I’m from.”

  “
Let me refresh your memory,” Tortener said. “They are posts imbued with a magic which somehow keeps the pixies from passing between them. They are posts at the corners of the fields. In several of the fields these pillars are not working well. The little fellas play havoc with our crops.”

  Lac could now see what the negotiation was all about. He was a little miffed since if he had had the ability to refill the lost magic in the pixie pillars he would have done so for free. He sighed.

  “I’m afraid I’m not a very adept mage. My magic is…inconsistent. I wouldn’t have any idea how to infuse more magic into your pixie pillars.”

  “Oh, come, come master mage,” Hortener knew how to continue from his father’s lead, “you are much too modest.”

  “It is not modesty which made me say thus. I’m only a student and not a very good one at that.”

  All the –Tenors smiled. This was fun. They hadn’t haggled with anyone in years. Of course, one had to haggle with a magician. Mages were known for a certain amount of avarice. They never did anything for free. Hortener was just warming up.

  “I know it’s a rarity for anyone to travel with a unicorn. You must be a very powerful mage to have a unicorn as a companion.”

  “Oh, ah…” Lac looked at Chauncey.

  ‘We are very solitary generally though it’s not unknown for unicorns to make acquaintances and even friendships with mages.’

  Lac sighed. “Really, I’m just an inept adept. We are on a quest to find Chauncey’s mate. And I’m…” He left the rest of the thought trail off. Lac could tell the three in front of him did not believe or would not believe which in this case amounted to the same that he was not good at magic.

  Lac looked at Chauncey. At this point he had no idea what to do. If honesty would not prevail he was at a loss.

  ‘Perhaps you could try. I perceive that if one did not try one could not succeed.’

  Lac raised his eyebrows. On the whole this seemed like a reasonable statement. How could one ever know anything if one never tried and yet…

  Lac was resigned. It wasn’t like being in the academy where he knew everyone and they all knew him. His failures there hurt him partly from the fact that he was well known. Especially, well known for failures.

  “Okay. I’ll give it a try.” A voice floated around his head just them. It was the voice of Master Portersbee. Lac clearly heard, ‘attitude.’ With a lot less confidence than the three -Teners had in him he followed them to the farthest field.

  ***

 

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