by Maya Rossi
I cover my face with my hands, moaning my disappointment and rage for Grif. “I swear, I don’t know how he turned out so sweet and gentle with parents like that.” I grimace, pinching the bed sheets between my fingers. “I mean, they make Richard feel like an all-time winner of parent of the year.”
Em winces. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head. When she gets into a cause, she’s like a dog with a bone. I don’t want Grif becoming one of her causes.
“That’s what I mean, he must have trusted them at some point, as a child. Then there’s your mom.”
I shut my eye. “I don’t even want to think about that.”
“Well,” she says in her blunt way, “you have to. You’re her daughter and you look alike.”
“I think she still loves him.”
Em laughs. “You look like someone kicked your dog.”
“You have no idea.”
We grow quiet, as I think about the dream of falling in love with Grif and living happily ever after on Lizanne. He’s just perfect for me and I make him happy. But how to make him see it?
“Did she really sleep with his brother?” Em asks.
The thought of mom hurting Grif is like an arrow in my heart. Gentle, beautiful and kind Grif. “I can’t--” I break, rubbing the bridge of my nose. “I can’t think about that. It’s just, for her to hurt him like that. You don’t know him, Em. He’s… different.”
“Good, different?”
“Perfect different.”
“Then go for it.”
I blink my eyes to refocus on the screen. “You think I should?”
“Yes, if you’re really sure he’s what you want. And I mean, really sure--”
“I am sure.”
“He’s almost twenty years older than you, babe.”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” Hugging my knees to my chest, I try to find the right words to quantify my feelings. “He makes me feel safe, and beautiful and wanted. I — I’m confident with him, I feel as big as he is, not small. When he does the little big things, like hold the door, lift me on to his horse or show his strength, I feel protected. But many times, I feel… powerful.”
“Wow.”
After the call with Em, I’m even more determined to try. He only has to say no, right? But the prospect of being rejected, just imagining it is painful.
I pack some apples, biscuits and drinks along with his favorite book. After the night. It’s in the barn I find Grif with the goats. My shoulders drop theatrically at sight of the closed door. I can hear Grif’s murmurs in there. I drop the basket, ready to wrestle with the door, but it opens at my slightest touch. My heart clenches at this evidence of his care. It’s the small things he does that touches me.
Inside, a small baby goat with the same color as Rose nestles in his arms. “Hey,” I call softly.
He jerks in surprise, quickly letting the goat go. Why do I find his hiding his love for the animal adorable?
“I thought you weren’t coming out today?”
I shrug. “I wanted to look perfect to the party.”
“You always look beautiful,” he replies absently, reaching for the basket. “What’s this?”
“Sit.” I drape a towel over a crate. When he sits, eyeing me warily, I take my place at his feet. “I come bearing gifts.”
After I lay out the food and book, I find Grif watching me with an unreadable expression. “What?” I ask softly, swallowing back nerves.
“Is this about what my parents said about Lily?”
“Yes, and no.” I hand him an apple. “I’m sorry she hurt you but that has nothing to do with me and you.”
“Me and you?”
“Yes, I’m here because you need a break.” Biting into my apple, I make a face. “On the subject of parents though, I think Richard beats yours hands down.”
His eyes drop to the apple. Without meeting my eyes, he cleans the already washed apple against his dusty jeans. Pointing out this gross habit will kill the mood, so I let it pass.
“They did what they could. I was a difficult child.”
“You?”
My amazement draws a grudging smile from him. “Yup, you better believe it.”
“How?” I ask.
“Eric was….perfect. Everything a son should be.” Grif smiles soft and sweet. “He was both a jock and a brilliant student. His winning goal won the football championship for us. Everyone in town loved him. People respected our parents for him, put up with me for him.”
He cuts into his apple and chews, playing with the end of my hair with his left hand. I stay still.
“He was a son.”
There’s something heartbreaking, worshipful and painful about that statement. Like he’s comparing himself to his brother like he’s listening to his parents' words, reciting them. To me.
“But he wasn’t a brother.”
His eyes sharpen, narrows. He drops my hair. Suddenly, there’s a distance between us with him taking a step back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He slept with your wife.”
“It was a mistake.”
“It was a mistake to sleep with your wife?”
“Wasn’t it a mistake between us, that one time?” he challenges.
I ignore the pointed jab and go for the jugular. “Was it one time, did they sleep together one time?”
“No,” he grits out. “But it was a mistake.”
“Okay.”
“They dated before — Lily and Eric were together before me.”
“You mean before he got married to his wife and had children?”
“Three.” The one word is grudging, frustrated, angry.
“So this perfect son, intentionally destroys his family by sleeping with his brother’s wife, not once--”
“Stop.”
“Okay.”
“I said, stop.”
“I have stopped.”
We grow quiet. But it’s like the calm before the storm. Grif is breathing hard, panting. His leg trembles, jostling me. A muffled cry tears out of him and he drops his face to my hair. I wrap my hands around his neck, savoring the privilege of giving him the comfort he needs.
When the words come, they are halting, guttural and punctuated by tears. “I trusted him.” He inhales raggedly. “We were close, he supported me, fought for me, defended me against our parents. I trusted him.”
The sound of his teeth grinding together is terrifying. “I never even wanted her. I just wanted to be left alone. But Eric has always being concerned. He doesn’t want me to end up alone.”
He pulls away from me to lean his shoulders against the wall. “Then Lily happened. I never wanted her but Eric, he pushed and pushed. He knew how much I wanted a family.” His jaw worked, then he blows out a breath. “The day I walked in on him with Lily, I wanted to die.”
For long moments, we don’t speak save for the animals going about their business. Somewhere in the farm, Clark terrorizes the chickens. But in here, their master struggles to come to terms with his past.
“I’m sorry.”
“You drag the damnedest things out of me, Olivia,” he complains. “I end up talking about things I rarely admit to myself.”
I hold up the book. “Should we do something light instead?”
The air of grief surrounding Grif magically disappears. He perks up like a broiler chicken at the sight of food. When he reaches for the book with the single-mindedness I’ve come to expect, I laugh, putting the book out of reach. “Does the author have any idea what a fan boy you are?”
He wrinkles his nose in distaste. “Fan boy? That sounds teenagerish.”
“A word like that don’t exist,” I counter.
“Then someone better coin it.”
“Well, stop acting teenagerish and listen.”
For almost an hour, I read. As he always does when I read, Grif leans closer, bracketing me with his warmth and scent. About thirty minutes into the reading, Grif is practically r
esting on me with his chin on my head. His breath ruffles my hair slightly, sending shivers down my spine. When I get to the first sex scene, my voice drops.
The tension between us goes taut and hot. The parts where our body touch vibrates with static energy. His hand on my arm trembles, stroking the heart of my desire. By the last paragraph, I so badly want his kiss my mouth waters.
I stumble over the last words, turning my head sideways, offering my mouth. He doesn’t take it, muttering a ‘no’ under his breath. Disappointed, I let the book drop to my laps. His grip on my arm tightens momentarily. Our breaths are harsh and loud in the near total silence. When his kiss come, they land on my hair first, my forehead, nose and finally my mouth.
It’s almost gentle, the way his mouth sips at mine, licking into the warm interior. He cradles my face between his massive fists, slanting his mouth across mine as he kisses me hungrily.
Curling my hands over his, I go up on my knees, meeting him kiss for kiss. It’s wet, hungry and thorough. He groans deeply, catching my lower lip between his teeth and biting down gently. Running my hand down his arm, I reach for his shoulders, all but climbing into his lap.
Grif tries to hold me at arms length, dictating the pace and intensity of the kiss with his hand on my face.
“Grif,” I murmur, sucking his tongue into my mouth. He shivers, and his hands drop for a second to my ass.
In the blink of an eye, I find myself on my back with Grif standing above me, clenching and unclenching his hands in indecision. His eyes burn into mine, dark red with the intensity of his passion, as his chest continues to rise and fall.
“Olivia,” he pants. “Jesus, I’m sorry --”
“I’m not,” I return defiantly. When he just stares incredulously, I rise to my elbows, holding his gaze so he can see I mean business. “I want you, I’ve wanted you for --”
“I’m fucking twenty years older, be with someone — someone like — like, Peter,” he spits.
“Okay,” I say nonchalantly, leaning back to pillow my head on my arms.
His gaze turns dubious. “What the hell does that mean?”
“You want to control who I fall in love with? You want --”
“I’m not taking your precious control away from you, I’m only pointing out the obvious.”
“It’s the same thing. You think I should be with someone like Peter? Fine. You’ve already made sure of that. I will be at the party with Peter and you with Maddie. Just know if he doesn’t work for me, I’m coming for you.”
Grif’s eyes drops. He looks almost scared. “Olivia, you shouldn’t.”
“I won’t bite, I promise.”
“Is there nothing I can say to dissuade you from this madness?” He spreads his hands in exasperation. “Imagine what people will say?”
“What people?” My voice goes soft. “We literally see no one for weeks except Maddie, Peter and Rick. Unless you’re — you’re talking about your parents, aren’t you?”
Grif looks away, stubborn in his opposition. “It isn’t right.”
“And what did doing the right thing get you the last time? A cheating wife and brother?”
Aghast, Grif shakes a finger in my face. “You’ll not talk about your mother like that.”
“She hurt you,” I insist.
“You’ve made your point, just leave her out of this, all right?”
“Sure,” I breathe, reaching for his hand. I tug him down. “Kiss me.”
“We agreed,” he pulls away. “You’ll give Peter a chance.”
I don’t add that Peter isn’t even a little interested. Sighing, I roll my eyes. “We didn’t agree, it was your idea.”
“Come on,” he urges, leading us back to the house.
Two hours later, Maddie and Peter arrive. I have to admit she looks good and trim in a way I’ll never be. I dressed for comfort in a long-sleeve white gown to show off my dark skin. As Peter helps me into my coat, I study her none too discretely, wondering if she was Grif’s type. I didn’t even ask if he was attracted to me, if I was his type. I just dive in without thinking.
“Relax,” Peter murmurs in my ear. “He’s yours, baby.”
I stiffening, straightening away from him. “What are you talking about?”
He scoffs, smoothing a hand over his hair. “Did you really think you guys hid the tension between you?”
“Between who?” I ask to feign ignorance.
Peter pauses, studying my face like it’s a bug under the microscope. Finally he nods, “Sure, if we want to pretend. Fine.”
Grif appears with a phone stuck to his ear. “I can pick you up, just wait outside.”
Whatever Rick’s reply is, has him rubbing his forehead tiredly. I walk over and place a hand on his arm. “He isn’t coming?”
“No.”
Maddie goes to his side, curling her arm through his. There’s nothing I want more than to rip her arm out but I have to hold my peace. I promised Grif I would let tonight play out like he expected. But I never promised to be meek about it. Knowing Grif will follow, I take the phone from him and head inside.
“Rick?”
“Yeah?” he sighs.
“I thought you were coming with us.”
“I changed my mind,” he’s picking his words with care, “isn’t a man allowed to do that?”
I pull the phone away to study the screen in shock. With a muffled oath, Grif takes off his jacket and throws it down in the ground.
“He can’t be alone,” he says.
Maddie stands by the door uncertainly looking from me to Grif. Only Peter is calm, scrolling through his phone, unconcerned. I realize then he must have witnessed this kind of situation many times.
“Grif’s going crazy, he’s upset” I tell him with a wary eye on Grif.
“Please. Big Grif is almost always upset about something. It’s a chain a prison that binds him. Or who knows? You’ve got the key to the lock.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Livvy, Livvy, have a great time, dance a twirl or two for me, just let me be.”
The call clicks shut with finality. At Grif’s questioning look, I shake my head. His face falls in disappointment. I don’t know the whole story but I know Grif doesn’t let Rick out of his sight. It’s subtle, as subtle as Grif can be, the way he makes sure there was always someone with Rick.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
Grif rubs his hands, grips and releases his hair, clenches and unclenched his fists, shaking his head so viciously his hair whips around. “No, no, you don’t understand. I can’t leave him.”
Maddie forced a smile, reaching a hand towards Grif. “He’s an adult, I’m sure he’ll be fine by himself.”
Grif shrugged her off violently. “No.”
“I’ll go check on him, stay with him. Maybe I can finally beat him at Call of duty.”
“Thank you,” I say.
Maddie says, “I’m sure that’s unnecessary.”
Grif frowns at her and I feel sorry for her in that second. “You don’t know Rick so stay out of it.” He turns to Peter. “I can stay so you can have your date with Olivia.”
Peter laughs and winks at me. “This will be more Livvy’s introduction to town, just like in the old days. We can have our date later.”
That’s how I find myself seated in the back seat with a silent Maddie and Grif in front. Peter means well, but this is hardly how I envisaged the night going. As if to underline that fact, Maddie’s eyes meets mine in the overhead mirror. Her blue eyes are flinty and dark with suspicion. I shoot her an awkward shrug in response.
A satisfying ending
Chapter fourteen
It’s the first time I’m not conscious of the stares and whispers. Stuck between Maddie’s blank stare and Olivia’s saccharine smile, I wish I was home with Clark. The one good news was getting a call from Peter and Rick. By the time the night drew to a close, Maddie’s pinched told me everything I needed to know about our date.
&n
bsp; On the ride back home, Olivia didn’t speak to me. She keeps her face aimed at the window. At the farm, she walks past Clark indoors like he isn’t even there. I’m thinking of how to make amends when I barge into Lily at the front door.
I have to blink twice to be sure it’s her. With her long black weaves floating to her waist and her carefully made up face, Lily looked good.