“Good. I’d like you to meet her someday.”
Leilani felt herself blush. She wondered what he really meant. Nothing but the gracious response of a friend to a nice remark about his mother.
She wanted to say she would be eager to meet someone who shared her love of hot herbal brews, but she feared being misconstrued. So, she smiled and said nothing.
She took a pill from the pocket of her robe and swallowed it with a few sips of tea. Sensing his gaze on her, she glanced up from her tea.
Justin was watching her closely, amusement brimming in his eyes and on his lips. She stared back at him, frowned, and suppressed the beginning of a laugh.
“Say it. C’mon. I know you’re dying to.”
“Druggie!” he said with mock vehemence, laughter spilling out of him although he tried to tone it down.
Leilani laughed. She couldn’t help it. Reproducing what she considered a slur, she said, “I’ll have ya know, ya can’t call me that, Shir.”
Justin laughed again. “No, that won’t do. Gotta practice.”
She smiled, but the next moment, she said, “Seriously, I don’t want you to think I’m dependent on pills for sleep.”
He answered in an equally serious tone. “Don’t apologize. I know. I’ve taken one on occasion. We all need a little help sometimes.”
For the next few minutes, they sipped their tea in silence.
Leilani put her empty cup down. Justin lifted the teapot. “A little more?”
“No, thank you. I think I’ll go to bed now. I won’t close my door.”
“I can tuck you in, if you like,” Justin said, a mischievous glitter in his eyes.
“I’ve lots of practice tucking myself in. I expect I’ll be dreaming in fifteen minutes, which is how long this pill often takes to knock me out.”
Justin started to say something, but Leilani grasped his face in her hands and stopped his words with a kiss. She was up from the sofa, and walking away before he could react.
*****
Justin’s gaze followed Leilani’s figure as she entered her bedroom. He had not expected that kiss. A quick one that told him a lot. He smiled with pleasure.
He watched Leilani take off her robe, get into bed, and pull the sheets over herself, halfway up her chest. She turned in his direction and called out to him, “Good night, Justin. And thank you again. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Good night. I won’t leave until I hear you snoring.”
He heard her chuckle in response as she slid down on the bed.
Justin poured himself the remaining tea from the pot. In the silence of the room, he sipped his tea slowly. Silence made him pensive. Until Megan left, he didn’t have much of it.
His gaze wandered in the direction of the bed. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay there with Leilani, be around when she woke up.
She had been distraught. Although they had only known each other a few weeks, he somehow knew she rarely reacted that strongly, so whatever distressed her had to be something big and unexpected.
After that night he first kissed her, he presumed she would try to avoid him. He was hurt by her response, and although he had been tempted to call her a few times, he refrained from sending her even a text message. When he saw her standing on his doorstep earlier that evening, he could not deny he was elated. Those brief moments they stared at each other revived his hopes.
He noticed the anguish on her face. Then Megan spoke. She had come after her hospital duty to pick up the rest of her belongings.
The anguish on Leilani’s face turned to embarrassment. She fled. He watched her run down the hallway, and knew he must go after her.
As he took his first step to go after Leilani, Megan intruded again. He walked past Megan into his bedroom, and grabbed his keys and his wallet.
“Make sure you leave the keys in the drawer of my bedside table. And please lock the door,” he said as he rushed out of his apartment.
He drove his car out of the parking garage and dialed Leilani’s number shortly thereafter. He was falling in love with her, he was sure of that now. But how could he convince her it was not because he owed her his life, or was on a rebound from Megan?
What was it about her that attracted him? She was certainly different from anyone he had ever known. She fascinated him with her exotic features, borne out of a mix of ancestral blood that he could only guess at. But looks alone would not have kept him interested. She shared his sense of humor and, like his little sister Elise, was strong and intelligent although not as outspoken and direct. Leilani had a quiet strength, but a fragile one, from what he saw that evening. Also a cautiousness stronger than Elise’s.
In the next breath, his doubts asserted themselves. How could he be so sure about his own feelings, never mind hers? She was right that it was too soon after his breakup. And what of the different culture she came from, and a past that seemed a mystery even to her? Maybe, he should be as cautious as she.
But where would caution get him? Alone and lonely, that’s where. Here was someone he never imagined he’d meet. Someone who understood hearts and felt deeply for others, who laughed sincerely at his quirky humor, who intrigued because the old traditions she sprang from made her different from anyone else he knew.
He would take his chances, but he would wait until she was ready. Give her all the time she needed while he showed her how much she meant to him. Maybe, he should get the matter of Megan out of the way first. He was sure now that Megan was finally tucked far away in the past.
Justin looked at his watch. Leilani should be asleep. From where he sat, he could not detect any movement in her bedroom. He got up and went to the foot of her bed. He stood for some time watching the gentle, regular heaving of her chest. She looked peaceful. He tiptoed out of her room and closed the door behind him.
The next morning, he was awakened by a soft voice calling his name.
“Justin. Justin.”
For a moment, he thought the call came from someone lying next to him. He turned toward the voice and slowly opened his eyes. He stared into Leilani’s eyes and smiled. No, he was not dreaming. She was right there, already dressed and smiling at him.
Justin lifted his head from the arm of the couch. He sat up, swung his long legs off the couch, and rolled his shoulders around a few times. He smelled coffee and toast.
“I told you the couch is uncomfortable,” Leilani said.
“It’s a bit too short for me.”
“I made a little breakfast. Just coffee, toast, and butter, but it could help your aching muscles a little.”
“I think they’ll need more than that, but I’m not one to say no a free breakfast. I’ll be there, but first, I need to go to your bathroom.”
Later, as Justin sat on a chair opposite Leilani, he said, “How are you feeling this morning?”
“I’m definitely better.” She poured him some coffee and pushed a carafe of milk and a bowl of sugar toward him.
He shook his head. “I like the jolt of black and bitter.”
“I like mine with milk, but no sugar.”
“I’ll remember that,” he said, gazing into her eyes and smiling.
“You didn’t have to stay overnight, you know,” Leilani said, looking away.
“I was too tired and sleepy to drive back.”
“I see. I hope you slept well enough.”
“Well enough. What are you planning to do today?”
“Space out in my tub.”
He said, “You can’t do that all day. You’ll come out like a dried prune. How about a lazy stroll on the coast this afternoon?”
“Isn’t it too cold?”
Justin shook his head. “Put on a thick sweater and a coat. I guarantee you’ll shed them off after ten minutes of a brisk walk.”
“You said a lazy stroll.”
“Don’t quibble, please. Just say you’ll come. You owe me for last night.”
“
You know how to break down a girl’s defenses.”
Justin chuckled. “Power of persuasion number one. My secret power. I’ve only used it once.”
Leilani smiled. “You have a number two and a number three?”
Justin smiled back, pleased she was playing along. He said, “Only a number two, the one I use on everyone else, especially my team at work.”
He went home after breakfast. In the afternoon, he returned to pick her up. They drove to the coast south of San Francisco where he used to take walks with Megan, and where Bob had taken him the weekend right after his discharge from the hospital.
Ten minutes into their walk, Justin told Leilani all about Megan.
XI. Despair
Justin hobbled into his office the following morning, six weeks after his mugging. While he was recovering, he had been working at home, an arrangement he could choose to do most of the time. But he missed the camaraderie of the team he managed, a group of young, intelligent, single geeks with enviable dedication to their profession and a penchant for computer games. Many of them had a zany sense of humor often lost on people not familiar with the minds of techies.
Their company had been valuable to him when he lived with Megan. She kept odd hours and often worked overtime. On her overtime nights, he joined his team of five for beer and small plates at a nearby pub and grub.
He chuckled when he reached his desk. On it laid a big cardboard picture cutout of a scantily clad Japanese actress propped up on her elbows. Within minutes of sitting at his desk, the five young techies, along with other section managers, stood around him. They presented him with a bottle of vodka which they knew he had sworn never to touch after the mugging.
When the section managers returned to their offices, his team goaded him to take them out for a drink and a long lunch to celebrate his freedom from Megan. Pretending to be heartbroken, he resisted for as long as he could. Aware that they could eventually break him down, they persisted. Half an hour before noon, he went with his team to a favorite hangout, a casual restaurant a couple of blocks away.
Justin limped along with the group and the walk to the restaurant took longer than usual. The young men joked about taking turns carrying him on their backs. At the restaurant, they shared ample plates of finger food and copious amounts of soda. The lunch lasted three hours.
Back at his office, Justin turned his cell phone back on. Someone rang him up while they were at the restaurant but he had set his phone on mute and vibrate. His team had agreed to minimize phone calls every time they gathered together for work or fun.
His sister had called but left no voice message. Instead, she texted him, asking how he was doing. He dialed her number and Elise answered within three rings.
He said, “You keeping tabs on me, little sister?”
“You haven’t got anyone, at the moment, who’d do that for you.”
“You forgot I’m going on thirty-three. I’ve been around nearly six years longer than you. Besides we saw each other only a few days ago. This is about something else, isn’t it?”
“I wish you weren’t as sharp-eyed as my husband.”
“That’s one reason we click. Anyway, tell me what’s bothering you about your big brother.”
Justin’s question was followed by some seconds of silence before Elise said, “Mom told me you asked about bringing Leilani over to meet her.”
“So?”
“I saw when she was at our house for dinner that you hardly took your eyes off her. Aren’t you moving a little too fast?”
“Is this any of your concern?”
“Only to the extent that I’d hate to see you hurt all over again and so soon after.”
“I’ll ease your concern on one point. I suffered less than I might have if Megan left me for another man.”
“Ah, yes. The male ego thing. But it’s not just you I’m concerned about. I like Leilani and I’d be sorry to see her hurt.”
“Or used. To save my male ego.” Justin finished the thought he suspected was also on Elise’s mind.
Elise chuckled. “Yes, that, too.”
“Rest your brainy head on that one, too, little sister. Leilani is more cautious than you are. She saved my body but she refuses to save my male ego.”
“Good for her, but what about your soul? She’s in that kind of profession, you know.”
“You think I have a soul? Or at least a soul that can be saved?”
“Oh, Justin. Be serious.”
“Seriously, I don’t know the answer to that. But I’m glad you brought it up. I promise to watch out that she doesn’t touch my soul.”
“Oh, Justin,” Elise said in exasperation.
“I’m sorry. Seriously, I do mean this: I’ll take care that anything that develops between Leilani and me is real. She herself said we were going too fast and too soon and she’s applied the brakes.”
“Have you two gone to bed already?”
“That’s not a question you ask your big brother, Elise,” Justin said in mock anger.
“No. You’re right. I’ll get my nose out of your personal life. I shouldn’t have worried about you or Leilani. She’s an intelligent level-headed woman. I know she’ll make the right choices. I was merely following up on my promise to Mom. Make sure you’re okay.”
“I see. Mom can’t help being Mom.”
“I like her that way. What did you tell her, anyway?
“Not the mugging. The breakup, that’s all.”
“On the heels of which, you told her about Leilani. No wonder she was worried.”
“Actually, I waited a day. And I said Leilani was a friend, not a girlfriend, who swears by herbal teas, like she does.”
“Well, Mom asked me if I knew her so she must think something more is going on between you two. She likes Leilani from what I’ve told her.”
“Hmm,” Justin said. He thought, that’s, at least, one hurdle down.
“I was going to work on being very good friends with her, you know. But it seems you want her for yourself.”
“Don’t complain. You’ve got a man other women would claw your eyes out for.”
*****
Leilani called her mother on Monday evening to see how she was doing. She felt a pang of guilt that they had left her Saturday night with only a brief unsmiling goodbye. Rudy was as affected as she was by her story about their father and was as much in a fog of confusion and pain as she had been. All she and Rudy wanted to do was leave their mother’s house after she finished her accounting of the past, details of which were so unbearable, so suffocating that they had to run out into the open air where they could breathe.
“Oh, Lani, I’ve been so worried about you and your brother,” Mrs. Torres said when she heard her daughter’s voice.
“I’m sorry, Mamá, that we left the way we did.”
“Don’t be. Now, maybe you understand why I didn’t tell you anything all these years.”
“Yes. It’s extremely hard for me now at twenty-seven. I can’t imagine the damage that kind of truth could do to an impressionable girl of nine or fourteen.”
“I’m sorry the truth has hurt you so much, but please remember your father is a good man.”
“I know he was, Mamá. But I need to make sense of everything you told us, and that will take time.”
“I understand. I wish your Papá were here. I’m sure he could make you see much better than I why he did what he did.”
“Maybe, but these are matters that we each deal with in our own way.”
“I’m worried about your brother. He looked so awful when he left. Call him for me, please. I’ve tried. Left a couple of messages. I think he’s avoiding me.”
“Give him time, Mamá. After I left your house Saturday night, I didn’t want to think about all that I heard or anything related to it. I wanted it to vanish, or for me to wake up and find it was a nightmare. I’m still not able to deal with it, but I know I’ll have to. Some day
. Rudy is strong. He’ll cope, but in his own good time.”
Her mother was quiet for some moments before she said, “Will you come and see me?”
“I will, when I’m ready.”
“Soon, I hope.”
Leilani sat still for a long time after she hung up. She stared at nothing in particular, willing her mind to go blank. She thought, rather than felt, that she was gripped by melancholy. In fact, she was numb inside, shielded for the moment, from the festering memories of the past.
How did one begin to cope with the reality that one’s father was a would-be political assassin? It was too painful to accept even when one tried to rationalize—like her mother—that the plot to kill was for the greater good, that in killing one man, so many others would live.
Assassin’s daughter. That was what she was. What would people think? What would Justin? Elise? Their parents? Her clients? Myrna? She was so far away now that they could no longer share confidences as they used to.
“Assassin’s daughter,” she mumbled to herself.
“Assassin’s daughter,” she said audibly.
“Assassin’s daughter.” Her voice was louder.
She repeated the words three more times, each time louder than the one before. She dropped her face on her hands and cried, “Oh, God!”
She bent over, resting her arms on her thighs and stayed that way for many minutes.
Leilani raised her head and bounded from the chair. She needed to get away, talk to someone. Confess. But who to, and how did one begin to confess a dreadful truth? How about Justin? No, surely not to him.
She glanced at the time on her cell phone. Some minutes past eight. She swiped her phone and dialed Elise Thorpe’s number.
Elise answered after a couple of rings.
“Hello, Leilani. I was thinking about you the other day. How are you?”
“Frankly, not so good.”
“What’s wrong?” Elise said.
“I’m an assassin’s daughter.” The words spilled out of Leilani’s lips as if she had no control over them.
“What?”
“My father, my beloved father conspired to kill a president.”
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