She points at the house, finger rigid. I sigh. I don’t want to face Zach, but I know she’s right. If I’m not up front with him, I’ll regret it the rest of my life.
I seize Calandra in another hug, pointing finger and all, and kiss her cheek. “Wish me luck,” I whisper.
“You won’t need it,” she assures me, and I wish I can believe her.
I turn on my heel and march toward the charming, welcoming house.
* * *
Zach
I watch Abby arrive and almost immediately be enveloped by Calandra—I figure the two will want some time to hug, talk for a year, whatever.
Out of the corner of my eye I see her walk away with Calandra toward the grassy part of the yard where I spent my young years playing football with my brothers—it’s where I learned the art of the tackle and intercepting the long pass.
Calandra and Abby disappear for a bit, then reemerge. Abby starts toward the house, determination in every stride.
I make a vague excuse to Austin and my buddies and head to intercept her before anyone else can.
“Hey there,” I say when I reach her. “Glad you could make it.”
I never spoke a truer word. Seeing Abby after not seeing her for two weeks is like a warm spring after a long, cold winter. Talking to her on the phone every day has been fantastic, but nothing like being next to her.
Abby lifts her head, and I see profound sorrow in her eyes. I touch her arm. “What’s the matter?”
“Zach … can we talk?”
Uh-oh. The three little words no guy wants to hear. My chest suddenly feels like someone dumped a load of bricks on it.
“Sure,” I say, sounding stupidly cheerful. “Come on.”
I take her hand and sneak her upstairs. Well, not exactly sneak. Austin sees us go. He opens his mouth to draw attention, but he catches my eye and closes it again. Sometimes my little brother can be astute, and compassionate.
I lead Abby down the hall to my old room. Dad has long since made it into a library for himself, but whenever I need a retreat in the house, I gravitate here.
I close the door against the noise downstairs, additionally muffled by Dad’s books and desk full of papers. Abby starts to speak, but I forestall her by drawing her into my arms.
Am I trying to stop her breaking up with me? Or comforting her? Or do I just want to touch her, breathe her in, have her against me?
All three, I think.
“I quit my job.” Abby’s voice is muffled in my shirt.
I rub her back. “Oh.” We’re silent a moment. “Help me out here. Isn’t this a good thing? Or is it bad? Do I congratulate you? Or commiserate? If you want honesty, I think you’re better than that soul-sucking job that was making you unhappy.” I’ve already had some thoughts on that.
Abby raises her head, wiping her eyes. “Walking into Mr. Beale’s office and saying, more or less, You can’t fire me—I quit was awesome.” A tiny smile flits across her face.
“Then it’s a good thing.” I swallow. “Is this what you wanted to tell me? If so, I can jump up and punch the air now.”
She shakes her head, which brings back the specter of worry. “Brent also called me. You remember Brent? The head-hunter? Well, he offered me a job at his company.”
She doesn’t look as happy as she should. I tread carefully. “Okay, I’m supposed to say yay, right? He’s giving you an office with your own window and everything?”
“Yes.” Abby laughs a little, but that dies away quickly. “The window—it’s very important.” She meets my eyes, trepidation in hers. “The trouble is, that window, and the job, is in Los Angeles. I’m supposed to start on Wednesday.”
Chapter Eleven
Abby
Zach goes so very still that I wonder if he’s breathing. His chest barely rises and falls.
What I want is to go into his arms, hold him. Tell him I don’t want this to end—whatever this is. But a long-distance relationship? It works for some. That is, if both parties really and truly want the relationship to work, and if the separation is relatively short.
Zach has a great life here, is part of his family’s company, and is immersed in charity work, which he loves—I can hear it in his voice when he talks about it. I want to ask him to come to L.A. with me, but that would mean Zach leaving his home and all he cares about.
He clears his throat. “Los Angeles. I thought you didn’t want to move far from your mom.”
“I don’t. But she’s married and settled, happy. And L.A. is only an hour flight away.”
“That’s true.”
Zach has his hands on my arms, his fingers light. I fight to keep tears from my eyes. “So what do you think?” I ask shakily.
Zach stares at me so hard, I want to take a step back. Or hug him. Not sure which. A lump squeezes my throat.
“I think it’s wonderful for you,” Zach finally says. “Brent knows talent when he sees it. You deserve it.”
A nice, supportive thing to say. But my spirits plummet. He’s not begging me to stay. Or asking to come with me. Or blurting out, But what about us?
Maybe there is no us. A one-night-stand after a wedding, followed by an unexpected hook-up and a lot of phone calls. We’ve gotten to know each other well during those phone calls, probably better than if we’d talked in person. If we’d been in the same room, we’d have ended up in bed, not much talking happening.
I have to be realistic. We’ve begun a relationship, but it might be over before it gets off the ground. Sometimes that happens.
I’m sorry, I want to say, but I’m not sure Zach wants to hear it. I have no idea if what we have is as important to him as it is to me.
Zach’s being very quiet again, his touch on my arms distracted, as though he’s thinking of something else.
What do I expect? The great new job is about me, not him. I’ll move on, and that will be it. The last time I moved away from Zach, it was many years before I saw him again. The lump in my throat grows.
“Zach?” If we’re going to break up, I’d like him to pay attention.
Zach takes a breath and squeezes my arms before he releases me. “Abby. I have to … Give me a minute to process this. Okay?”
“Okay.”
And he turns around and walks out of the room. Just like that. No good-bye, no explanation, no telling me to enjoy the party before I go. He simply departs, fast, his footsteps echoing on the tile floor.
I squeeze my eyes shut as tears leak from them. Here I am, in Zach’s house, a beautiful place, full of Zach’s family and friends, and I’m alone.
* * *
I make myself not leave the party, no matter what Zach decides to do. This is for Calandra, welcoming her home. The least I can do is be happy for her.
Calandra gives me a severe eye as I return to the throng outside, but I shake my head. She’s deep in relatives so she can’t come to me. I take a glass of wine from Ben, who’s handing them out at the bar set up by the pool, and drink a long gulp. Ben gives me a puzzled look but says nothing.
I notice Erin standing a little apart, as though she’s not sure she should be here. I introduce myself and talk to her, because I’m feeling the same way. I like her as we start conversing—I ask her about ballet because I don’t know much regarding it, and she speaks animatedly. Ben glances over at us a lot—I mean, a lot. If Erin notices, she makes no sign.
Soon it’s time for the meal. We have it inside, in an echoing dining room with a long table. I can imagine it with the four McLaughlin brothers years and years ago—it must have been noisy and lively.
They’re all here, the brothers, Calandra, the aunts and uncles, and Erin, greeted by Calandra, who pats the seat beside her. Ben quickly sits across from Erin, again unable to look at much else but her.
The crowd is chaotic as they surge around the table. There’s no assigned seats. Everyone’s grabbing a chair. They’re going fast, and I fear I’ll be next to Zach. I also fear I won’t be next to him.
&nb
sp; Suddenly, it’s too much for me. I can’t face a long, happy meal with people asking me questions. Has Zach or Calandra told anyone about my new job? Will I have to be radiant and excited?
I can’t do it. I’ll have to call Mrs. McLaughlin and apologize. Calandra will yell at me later, but I’ll deal with that then.
I quietly slip out of the dining room, walking nonchalantly down the hall. Maybe the other guests will think I’m looking for the bathroom.
Stepping out the open back door, I make for the gate. On the other side is my SUV, and the way to my new life. The tears return, turning the house and yard into a blur of brick, green, and the brilliant scarlet of bougainvillea.
A woman steps in front of me. She’s on the small side with gray hair and the McLaughlin blue eyes. Great Aunt Mary.
“Hello,” I say awkwardly. “I was just … um.”
“Leaving.” Great Aunt Mary pronounces the word firmly. “I’m here to see that you don’t.”
I blink. “Oh. Why?”
“Zach asked me to. He said you might try to go, and would I please look out and make sure you wait?”
“Oh.” I can’t think of another thing to say.
Great Aunt Mary slips her arm through mine. “You two are going through a difficult time, I can tell. It’s always hard at first—you don’t know what will happen, and you’re scared of pain.”
I let out a breath. “Exactly.”
“It’s much easier to stop everything before the pain happens.” She speaks quietly but leads me back toward the house with surprising strength. “But then you’ll never know if the good things will happen too. I was married fifty-three years. Every one of them worth it.”
I have nothing to answer to that. Some marriages do work out, stretching into decades of contentedness. I think Calandra and Ryan have that chance—I remember telling her that.
It’s different, I want to argue, but I remain silent. I’m at a crossroads, one thrust upon me. Three and a half weeks ago, I hadn’t run into Zach and I hadn’t known Brent would contact me. My life had run along on its usual tracks, no deviations. Now everything was about to change.
Great Aunt Mary takes me back into the dining room. No one has noticed me going, as they’re all still settling themselves at the table. Great Aunt Mary motions to two places at the table’s corner.
“Sit here with me, dear.”
It’s a command. I sit.
The lunch / early dinner is family style. Platters and bowls of food are passed around, and we all help ourselves. I take little, but Great Aunt Mary slops plenty onto her plate.
“You don’t have enough of these tamales, honey.” She plops two small corn-husk wrapped, wonderful-smelling tamales in front of me. “Alan spent all day making and steaming these. His tamales are to die for.”
Alan is Mr. McLaughlin. I allow the tamales to stay.
Virginia McLaughlin stands up next to Alan at the head of the table. She tinks a knife to her glass until she has our attention.
“Before we start, I want us all to raise a toast to Calandra and Ryan. Our two kids home again, ready to begin life.”
“To Calandra and Ryan!” I join in the salute, so glad for Calandra. She deserves all the happiness she’s achieved.
I expect Virginia to have Ryan make a speech, but she only gives Calandra a kiss on the cheek and sits down. Everyone takes a sip of wine or beer or iced tea or water and prepares to attack the food.
“Hang on.” Now Zach is on his feet, next to Ryan. “I have something I want to say.”
The conversations that have started up fade again. I assume Zach will congratulate his brother and new sister, as he had at the wedding, maybe try out a few jokes.
Zach clears his throat. “The last time I got up and made a toast, a very wise woman told me to go with what was in my heart.”
He swings his gaze to me, his blue eyes penetrating.
Now everyone’s staring at me, but I see only Zach. I shakily lift my wine glass to him.
“So I’m speaking from the heart,” Zach continues. The room quiets down, the family and guests listening with interest. “I lost track of Abby Warren a long time ago, when she moved out of my life. We were kids then, but I was happy to have the chance to reconnect with her, glad that Calandra and Ryan brought her back to me. Now she tells me she might have to move again, even farther away this time.”
A series of sad ohs, fill the room. Zach’s family, except for Calandra, look at me in surprise. Great Aunt Mary pats my hand.
“She’s been offered a terrific job, a good opportunity for her, so I understand why she wants to go. But Abby also gave me great advice when she told me to speak from the heart.” Zach fixes me with his gaze once more. “My heart says that I don’t want to lose her again.”
My pulse starts to throb, faster, faster. I’m burning inside, scared and hopeful at the same time.
“I’ve been talking it over with Mom and Dad, and they’ve decided it’s a great idea. So I’m going to make a counteroffer to you, Abby. A job at McLaughlin Renovations, doing our marketing and ad sales—help we truly need. No more Austin on the side of a bus.”
Everyone bursts out laughing, including Austin. “Aw, come on,” Austin shouts. “My one chance at fame.”
Zach watches me without smiling as he waits for the laughter to die down. “The salary is not as high probably, but you’ll save on airfare visiting your mom. Plus, you’ll get a window. I know that’s important to you.”
Zach stops, as though he’s run out of words.
I sit with my mouth open. Stunned. Zach offering me what I want—a job in my hometown with freedom from Mr. Beale. No more personality-less cubicles. I’d have the warm friendliness I see between the McLaughlins, and I won’t have to move out of state, or even out of the Phoenix area.
Virginia nods at me. “We decided this even before you told Zach about your job offer in California. He’s right—we need someone like you. Besides, if you leave town, he’ll be impossible to live with.”
Laughter ripples. The whole room watches me, avid, waiting for my answer. Ben, Austin, and Ryan are grinning at me, encouraging. They don’t look at all unhappy that Zach wants me on board.
I’m put on the spot, but on the other hand, Zach is handing me something wonderful.
“But wait, there’s more.” Zach sets down his bottle of beer. “Hold off on that decision, Abby, until you hear my next question.”
He leaves his place and walks down the table to me, scooting around the guests until he’s standing next to me.
Then he goes down on one knee. He takes out a little velvet box, which he opens to reveal a ring with a lovely diamond glittering against white satin.
“Abby Warren,” he says, studying me with fine blue eyes that have gazed down at me in the night. “Will you marry me?”
Now the room holds its breath. I do too. If I breathe, I’ll start hyperventilating or something, making a serious fool of myself.
Zach’s brow puckers as the silence stretches. “Just to be clear—the job offer isn’t contingent on this. You’ll mostly be working with my mom anyway, and you can telecommute if you want. You never even have to see me.”
He smooths out his face, his gorgeous face, and gazes at me alone. The room and the guests fade. As when we’d danced at the wedding reception, it’s Zach and me, by ourselves, the rest of the world inconsequential. I know he’s speaking directly from his heart—to mine.
“I love you, Abs,” he whispers. “Whether you stay or go, whether you say yes or no, I love you. I gotta be honest and tell you that.”
“Well, that’s good,” I whisper back. “Because I love you.”
Great Aunt Mary bounces in her seat. “Was that a yes? You’ll have to speak up. I’m hard of hearing.”
“No, you aren’t,” Zach tells her, and at the same time I say, very loudly: “Yes!”
The room erupts in noise. At the end of the table, Calandra is on her feet, yelling her joy. Ryan hugs her. Zach’
s mom is crying, wiping her eyes with a napkin. Alan puts his arm around her, wearing the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.
Great Aunt Mary gives me a squashing hug, eyes brimming, smile wide. Austin and Ben whoop and high-five each other. Erin laughs in excitement and Ben’s laughter dies when Erin beams across the table at him.
Zach … Zach is still on one knee, holding out the ring. I take the ring, place it on the table, then stand up, pulling him up with me.
Then I kiss him.
I mash my face against his, lips to lips, as we’d done at age thirteen when we’d kissed for the first time. Zach understands and laughs as we part, throwing back his head, his laughter warm and comforting.
He gathers me to him and our mouths meet in a much better kiss. It’s one that goes on and on as everyone cheers and hoots.
If I’d known way back then, when I’d first dared myself to kiss Zach McLaughlin, that I’d have my arms around him today, he fulfilling my wildest dreams, I wouldn’t have troubled myself with unhappiness.
The loneliness wouldn’t have mattered. I’d have known that Zach would be waiting for me at the end of the dark tunnel.
Known he’d put his arms around me, smile, kiss me … and change everything.
Epilogue
Zach
“I didn’t plan it this way,” I say to Abby two weeks later.
We’re strolling alone by the pool in my folks’ backyard, the night cool after a hot day. Oleanders are blooming, anticipating summer. We’re back at the family homestead, a smaller gathering this time, to celebrate our engagement.
“I was supposed to take you to a fancy restaurant, get you liquored up with wine and single malt, and then spring the proposal on you.”
This Changes Everything: McLaughlin Brothers, Book 1 Page 9