by Anna Bloom
The traffic snaked in a long slow crawl on the way back into town. Friday weekenders arriving for a night in the city. I drummed the wheel, wishing that I headed anywhere other than Julie's.
I needed to speak to my solicitor again, see how things were moving. My skin prickled along the back of my neck when I thought of how manipulative she was. Probably better I got the boys. Maybe if Jack was okay, we could drive down to Ronnie’s.
Drive? I’d officially lost my mind. Ten hours in a car just so I could lay my hands on her?
In frustration I beeped my horn at the traffic. It didn’t take the edge off.
Ronnie’s name flashed up and I answered. “Hey.”
“Jack’s sick, or Julie is playing?”
“Hard to tell.” I sighed, wishing anything else were true. “Can you and Hannah come here? I’ll book you some flights?”
Ronnie hesitated. “She’s got a party, Matthew. I can’t ask her to not go.”
“Okay. That’s all?”
Jesus, my suspicion meter was faulty today.
“I feel a bit under the weather.”
“Oh, well maybe Jack is sick. You both could have picked something up last weekend.” I pulled a face, hating the fact that Julie may have been telling the truth.
“Maybe.” She didn’t sound convinced.
My turning came up and I indicated to turn left. “I’ll ring once I’ve seen Jack, let you know what it is.”
“Okay.” A fraction of a pause made my heart stutter. “Matthew. I really need to talk to you.”
“I know. You can talk to me now. You’re freaking me out a bit.” I tried to laugh it off in the most unconvincing way known to man, involving a voice crack and a cough to clear the frog in my throat.
She chuckled softly down the phone and sighed, and I clutched onto the sound.
“It’s hard this dating with kids thing isn’t it?” I said as I watched a Volvo cut in front of me, not bothering to sound my horn in annoyance.
“It’s perfect,” she said, and I sighed a little.
“It is.”
“Love you.”
“Call you soon.”
We hung up just as I took the turning back into the city centre. I’d need to ring Morgan at the farm and tell him I couldn’t make it. Unless maybe… I shook my head. No, I wasn’t going ask Ryan to go. The shop was my responsibility, no one else’s.
Cutting through some back streets just north of the main city the phone rang again.
“Matt, Julie’s just dropped Jack off.”
At Mam’s words I nearly rear-ended a delivery truck.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “I’m on my way there now. Julie said Jack has a temp, she was going on about the hospital.”
Mam dropped the phone and I could hear her calling Jack over, part of their conversation drowned by the sound of footsteps.
“He’s fine, bit of a runny nose and a sore throat, but nothing that some good fresh air and a bowl of soup won’t fix.”
Checking the traffic in the rear-view, I smiled to myself. Mam firmly believed that there was nothing a bowl of chicken soup couldn’t fix. She’d taken the title of a book she’d once read to heart—literally. I think she might have missed the point of it.
“What’s she doing, Mam?”
“Matt, love. She’s making life as difficult as she can. And you know she will. What’s Henricks said this week?”
“Not much. That we have to have grounds to prove she’s unreliable to care for the children.”
I scowled at the memory of my fruitless conversation with my solicitor, knowing that every call cost me money, but didn’t get me anything I needed.
“Well she’s just dropped Jack here because she has a lunch appointment. I don’t know what more you need, Matt.”
“Me neither.” I glared through the window at the blue sky above. “Fuck it. I was meant to be going to London this afternoon.”
“Go. I can have the boys.”
“No. No. Then I’d just be as bad as her.”
“Hardly! Don’t be so sodding dramatic.”
“Listen, I’ve got a meeting out at Wyevale Farm. Can you look after Jack until I’m back from that?”
“Of course. Listen, Matty. Can you go and get Hugo straightaway? You know how the boys worry when he’s left with Julie; she forgets to feed him.”
“Yeah, already on my agenda.” I indicated and darted down a side road so I could go back on myself again. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”
As soon as the call cut off, I hit Julie’s number on speed dial. Unsurprisingly it went to voicemail. A spike of adrenaline pumped through my veins as I pictured Jack, sick and unwell and being bundled off like an unwanted package on Ma’s doorstep. “Julie. We need to talk. This can’t carry on. I’m coming to get Hugo, and you need to seriously think about whether you even want the boys full-time because right now I’m going to say that you don’t. You aren’t fit to be a mother to them, so maybe it’s time you let them live with me. At least that way I won’t have to keep making things better when you let them down.”
I hung up with a rueful smile. Wouldn’t it just be far too easy if she handed them over with a cheery wave. My smile turned grim. She was a McStandish, and she’d fight me, whether she wanted those boys or not.
All the Good Plans
Ronnie
“What about this one?” Ma pushed the laptop across the kitchen table towards me, using her finger to tell me how incredibly amazing the two-bedroom townhouse was. I peered close to where it wagged, and scrunched my face.
“I don’t know why you're renting anyway,” she tsked. “Surely it makes sense to buy and invest.”
I rolled my eyes and groaned in a way Hannah would have given me a high five for. “I don’t want to buy because I don’t know where we will be going long term.”
Ma’s eyebrows rose into her ash and silver hairline. “So Scotland is a possibility?”
I shrugged, unwilling to speculate either way.
What I really wanted was for Matthew to bloody be here so I could decide if I needed an extra bedroom. How could I make any decision until I knew either way?
Maybe I should just go upstairs and do it.
No. It felt wrong.
I should probably just pick up the phone and tell him.
There was literally no point looking at two-bedroom houses.
“Anyway, Ma.” I pushed the laptop away and sagged down in my chair. My stomach rolled. I’d barely managed to eat anything the entire day. Part excitement at Matthew coming, part nerves of what we would need to discuss. “This house hasn’t even sold yet.”
Ma lifted her glasses and assessed me with a shrewd glance that made me shift down even lower in my seat.
“You are hiding.”
“Am not.” I pulled a face.
“Hm.”
“Stop analysing me.” I almost slipped off my chair and hid under the table. Anything to get away from the hard stare and the wagging finger of doom. Instead, I took a sip of my mug of tea.
“Anyway,” she said straightening her back. “I wondered if you and Matthew would like to have dinner with a friend of mine over the weekend?”
My mouthful of tea got stuck. Something about the way she said it. The innocence within which the comment passed set off a red alert of Hannah telling fibs of epic proportions.
“A friend?”
“Yes.”
For the first time in my life my mother’s cheeks tinged with pink.
“Oh! You mean a boyfriend.”
“I do not. Don’t be crass, Veronica.”
“Why are you blushing then?”
“So, would you like to?”
This opportunity was too good to pass up. “Do you need me to dress up in my Sunday best and sit quietly while the grownups talk?”
“Veronica. Really. Is it necessary?”
“Very.”
“It was just a suggestion.”
“Come on, what’s his na
me?”
“Ted.” Her cheeks turned from pink to a hot puce.
“Ted? Ooooh.”
“That’s enough. Clearly you can’t be mature.”
I shook my head, my smile wide. “Nope.”
Ma escaped by my phone ringing. “It’s Matthew.” I almost pounced on it, so desperate to hear his voice. My soul needed the majors and minors like it needed good karma and world peace.
“Hey?” I answered breathlessly.
“Why do you sound like you’re running?” I could sense his smile and it made my insides warm.
“Just spending quality time with my mother.” I poked my tongue out at her as I got up from my chair. “Are you on your way to the airport?”
A little kick of adrenaline spiked my heartbeat.
“Ronnie…” The way he said my name made my stomach clench.
“You aren’t coming.”
“Julie’s dropped Jack off at my mams.”
“But it’s not your weekend?”
“I know. She’s manipulating me, making sure I can’t get away.”
“Fucking bitch,” I muttered, earning another one of Ma’s hard glares. I shrugged a ‘whatever’ and turned my back. Taking a deep breath, I caged my disappointment. “Not to worry. I’ll see you next week.”
Another week.
My eyes stung and I blinked hard.
“I’m sorry, Ronnie, but I can’t leave them. It’s not fair.”
“I know. I wouldn’t ask you to.” I firmed up my tone. I didn’t want him feeling guilty for something he couldn’t control. “I just miss you.”
I did. It ached inside of me, stretching like a mist across all my thoughts and actions. Time felt like treading water waiting to see him again.
All these damn years, but still so much stood between us.
“I love you, Ronnie.”
“I know.” I blinked and wiped at a stray tear.
“Are you crying?” His majors tightened.
“No.” I sniffed though and gave the game away.
“Oh, Ronnie.”
“It’s okay. I just had something I needed to tell you.”
“You can tell me now.” My stomach clenched at his low tone.
I almost did. It nearly slipped out, but I held on. “It’s okay. It can wait another week.”
“Sure?”
I almost groaned out loud at the low rumble of his voice. “Yes.”
“I am sorry, Ronnie.”
“Me too.” I sighed. “But I totally get it. Let’s talk later once you’ve got the boys down.”
“How about a FaceTime date night?”
I chuckled, firing some mirth into the sound. I wanted a proper date, where I could touch him, but I guessed FaceTime would bridge the gap for another week. “Sure. I’ll speak to you later.”
We ended the call and I turned to face Ma’s laser beam stare. “What?” I asked.
“How long are you going to keep this going on for?”
“Until Hannah’s finished school.” I shrugged. The time between now and then stretched in front of me like a parched desert.
Ma shook her head, but I didn’t need a lecture. I turned to walk into the hallway just as Hannah barrelled through the front door. At least I thought it was Hannah. Mascara streaked down her red blotched face, her school shirt untucked, tie askew.
“Oh my god, what’s happened?” I grabbed her into my arms. “Has someone hurt you?” My heartbeat thudded in my ears.
“No.” She swiped at her face, palming mascara across her skin.
“What’s going on?” I tried to stop her rushing past me.
“Nothing. Just leave me.” Her sob snatched in her throat and snapped my heart clean in two.
“No way. Talk to me. I thought you and Annabelle were going to the party tonight?”
Her shoulders heaved. “No. Jackson is taking someone else.”
“Who? Annabelle?” I couldn’t keep up with this.
“No. Fran.”
“Who the hell is Fran?”
“A bitch that’s who?”
“Okay, calm down.” I put my hands on her shoulders, hoping I could soothe her a little bit. “So, he’s going out with someone else?”
“Y-e-e-es.” Another heaved sob.
“Well then he’s not worth worrying about.”
She cried harder and my heart cracked deeper and wider with every sob she made. “B-u-t I like him.”
“Oh, sweetie.” I pulled her in tight. “I know you do, but he’s not worth it if he makes you cry like this.”
“B-u-u-t Matthew and you.”
I pushed her back a little so I could meet her eye. “Don’t use us as an example.”
“Mum.” She crushed herself into my chest and I wrapped my arms around her so tight I never wanted to let her go.
“You sure you don’t want to go to the party and show him what he's missing?” Said no sane parent ever. I was pretty sure this advice wasn’t advocated in parenting books, but it seemed sound to me.
“No.” Her tears soaked through my shirt.
“What do you want to do?”
She pulled back to blink up at me. “Can we go to Matthew’s?”
“Now?”
She nodded and her chest heaved. “I want to.”
My chest tightened, unable to shift from under the enormous pressure of my heart swelling and doubling in size. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to get any flights.”
“Let’s try, Mum. I don’t want to be here.”
I sighed deep and low. “Running away isn’t always the best thing to do.” It had taken me thirty-five years to realise this. But then I also knew that Hannah had built within her my most fundamental flaw, the complete inability to face things head on. “Just the weekend, but then Monday you go back to school and show this Jackson that you don’t care.”
“I will, Mum. I promise.”
I knew she would, because I’d march in through the gates myself if I had to. Hannah might have inherited my most inane flaw, but I sure as hell wouldn’t let it ruin her life the way it had damaged mine.
“Oh, hold on. I’ve got something of your dad’s for you. Wait here.” I pointed to the floral sofa and she plopped down on it, her face as blotched as the awful pattern printed on the material below her.
I pounded up the stairs, taking them two at a time and making my heart exert itself in a painful push against my ribs. Yanking the box of old shit towards me I pulled out the keyring. As I walked back down the stairs I twisted the key off the ring and slid it into the pocket of my jeans.
Hannah waited expectantly.
“Here you go.” I dangled it on the end of my finger, the shiny surface catching the light. “I know you like pretty sparkly things.”
Hannah took it and turned it in her palm. “It’s nice, Mum, but why are you giving me Aunty Ange’s keyring?”
I stared between her and the keyring. And then again. And then again.
“Oh god.” It’s all I had to say, but it was definitely worth saying again. “Oh god.”
“Can you wait a minute?” I asked the cab driver. Matthew’s house looked dark and I could almost sense it that he wasn’t the other side of the door. The tingle and fizz of excitement that usually sizzled in my veins when he was close by didn’t burst to life.
“Meter’s running.” The cabbie tapped the machine. Good thing too because I could barely understand his thick accent.
“Sure, won’t be a moment.” I slipped out of the cab leaving our bags inside.
“Mum?” Hannah called after me and I turned and held my palm to her.
“I don’t think he’s here.”
Sure enough my knock on the door remained unanswered.
For some insane reason I couldn’t quite put my finger on, a deep clench made my stomach twist and I thought for a moment I would be sick on the pavement. Shaking it off, I paced back to the waiting cab. “I was right.” I fell in through the door. “Let’s go to Lynn’s.”
�
��Marchant's Way, please.” I told the cabbie and then settled back, trying to ignore the prickle of sweat across the back of my neck. “I don’t know the house number, but I'll recognise it.”
The cabbie grunted something illegible in response and put his foot down. Clearly, he wanted his tea because he swerved in and out of the traffic.
Hannah shot me a wide-eyed glance and we both sniggered as we held onto the seat.
Glad to arrive at Lynn’s in one piece, I paid the man and got out. I needed to go and see Ange, but I wanted to talk to Matthew first. I knew he’d help me talk it through, balance me out. Right now I wanted to rip her into tiny shreds and feed her to a pack of wild dogs.
But I couldn’t deny the strange truth of the matter, and that’s why I needed Matthew. Somehow, deep down, I had a rush of relief. I had a feeling I was playing a nice little game of pass the guilt.
It burned that Ange had kept Matthew and I apart.
That she’d tried to steal my husband… or maybe even loved him behind my back… well actually in a strange way it caused me to breathe out a sigh of relief.
The blame of my awful marriage no longer sat just on my shoulders. No. My best friend could share some of the load.
“Jeez, he was in a rush.” Hannah said, smoothing her hair and bringing me back to the present.
“Maybe it’s a Scottish thing?” I stared after the cab already screeching down the road.
“Come on, Mum, I’m starving. Lynn will have some food.” Hannah pushed in front of me, up the steps to the smart black door and knocked loudly.
Jack's voice came from the other side and I breathed out an utterly irrational breath of air. “He’s here.” I smiled at Hannah, but she just looked at me with confusion.
Lynn answered, doing a double-take as she opened the door. “Ronnie, love? What are you doing here?”
I grinned and raised my shoulders. “Surprise.”
“Oh, he’s going to be so pleased. Why didn’t you call ahead? We would have got you from the airport.”
“Element of surprise.” I walked through the door, the warmth and comfort of Lynn’s home enveloping me in its soothing embrace. “Everyone here?”
“Fish and chips Friday.” Lynn leant over and hugged Hannah just as Jack rounded the corner and squealed at the sight of her.