by Zoha Kazemi
“I am fine… I just overslept. I was in the library last night…” Tirad replies, but Hurmaz stops his sentence.
“I sent you a note last night, after dinner. Didn’t you get it?” he asks. Tirad lowers his head and says he didn’t see the note last night. But he never left his room until two hours after dinner and no one came to him at that time. He wants to explain this to Hurmaz, to say that he never saw Mart that morning and to apologise for missing the meeting. He opens his mouth but doesn’t know where to start and how to say it.
“You should have come to the meeting… For your own sake and for mine. They wanted to cancel your mission at first but I told them that you have a personal mission too… Go and get ready now. The arrangements have changes and you are leaving this afternoon!” Hurmaz says with a serious tone. Tirad is confused again and whatever he says comes out of his mouth with a stretched mumbling sound. He finally pulls his thoughts together to explain that he was in the forbidden library and that Mart never gave him the note after dinner and didn’t come to wake him up in the morning. He goes on and Hurmaz listens without any interest until Tirad starts explaining about the pages he had found, Parsana’s handwritten narratives omitted from their copied books. His voice becomes stronger as he talks about his research and tells Hurmaz that he still has to study more and he has so many questions. He begs Hurmaz to give him more chance so he can investigate further what he has found and talk to Hurmaz about the founded pages. Hurmaz signals him with his hand movement, to lower his voice.
“No one must know of such pages! Be careful and never mention them again!” Hurmaz warns him. So, he was right! Hurmaz wanted him to find the pages but didn’t want to hand them straight to Tirad. But why is it such a great secret? The Spawn-Scorching ceremony has come to end and the guards are sending the pilgrims out of the deck. The disciples, maids and students start going towards the cabins, paying respect to Hurmaz and Tirad on their way. They are in hurry not to miss the Ship dinner. Tirad waits for the crowd to scatter. Some pilgrims have lined up behind the Ship entrance for the free food of the Ship. The maids will come out shortly to distribute the food. Hurmaz seems to be in a hurry too. Perhaps it’s the sharp and direct sunlight that bothers him or maybe talking to Tirad as people keep passing by. He doesn’t seem interested in continuing the conversation and wants to send Tirad off. Tirad has to cling to the best question he can find, to delay the end of their talk.
“Why are we leaving today? We were supposed to go tomorrow?” he asks. Hurmaz puts his hand on Tirad’s shoulder again and slowly leads him to the corner of the deck by the wall, to a more private place. Hurmaz tries to stand in the narrow shade of the wall.
“You are leaving today because of the two fugitive women you took in yesterday! They have to leave this Ship as soon as possible. Last night, three women were trying to break in into the Ship. The guards had to stop them. They wanted to come inside in the middle of the night and finish them off!” Hurmaz explains. Tirad doesn’t know whether he should apologise for the trouble or not. It wasn’t his fault, but he feels sorry anyway. Perhaps it was better to leave the two women alone and not protect them. If Mart were responsible for the ruling, what would he have done? Or Hurmaz? But Tirad couldn’t bear to watch the women being beaten to death.
“What do we do about their tattoos? We should have done it today…” Tirad asks.
“I couldn’t let them out! You have to be very careful and take them out of the Island safely and in one piece! Especially when you are boarding the boat. If your ruling becomes undermined, your word will mean nothing anymore… Do the tattoo in Oxan!” Hurmaz replies. Tirad thanks him and shakes his head showing that he has understood. He wants to ask about Dalia, why she doesn’t have any hair or nails. It doesn’t seem like the right moment. He shouldn’t pay any more attention to the girl as it might jeopardise his ruling, making Hurmaz think that he might have some kind of feelings toward them. He changes the subject and asks about the Circle’s decision. Hurmaz takes out a piece of paper from the bag that hangs around his neck.
“I wanted to see you in my office before your journey… But you are always hasty! You’ve kept an old man like me under the sun and asking question! Here… Take this and read it! The Circle handed their peace treaty to Mart to take to Oxan. This is my copy,” he says in a complaining tone. Tirad bites his dry lips, puts his legs together and lowers his head. Hurmaz is obviously mad, but Tirad is not sure whether it’s because of the Circles’ peace treaty or Tirad having missed the meeting.
“It doesn’t matter now. Even if you came to the meeting, you couldn’t change anything. I wanted to overthrow it and I couldn’t… This is not a peace treaty. It’s more of a warrant!” Hurmaz continues. Tirad takes the paper and reads it. It’s the Circle’s order to the Oxan chiefs. According to this order, the Oxan Island is allowed to clear the floating harbour and destroy it after giving warning and enough time to the refugees to leave and go back to their ships. Hurmaz takes his copy back.
“How long is ‘enough time’? What if they don’t leave? They are mostly women and children!” Tirad asks surprised by the content of the peace treaty.
“That’s why I need you to go with them! They must be allowed adequate time to safely leave the Oxan Island… You should go to the refugees as a Saviour Missioner, talk to them and encourage them to go back to their homes,” Hurmaz replies and hands him two more papers.
“Take these letters that I have written to Surnat and Soushia… I have asked them to help you and cooperate with you…and just you! I didn’t mention Mart,” he says. Tirad takes the letters. He knows the two missioners. They are a few years younger than him and have been sent to Oxan as missioners for three years now. He feels relieved. The two old friends will definitely assist him upon seeing Hurmaz’s handwriting. Tirad puts the letters in his bag, next to Parsana’s handwritten pages. Hurmaz leads him to the cabins. Their conversation is over but Tirad wants to get at least one answer to his many questions. He slowly holds Hurmaz’s wrist, as he steps towards the staircase and stops him. Hurmaz surprisingly stares back at him and sees the burning curiosity in Tirad’s eye, begging for some truth and peace of mind.
“Please! Just tell me something about this Exile Sentence! Is it true? Was lady Parsana exiled from the Ship?” Tirad asks. Hurmaz turns his face away. He doesn’t seem mad but he is unsure and restless. Tirad doesn’t know whether he is unsure to answer him or restless because he had stopped him? Hurmaz makes a rustle sound, scratching the edges of the peace treaty with his nails.
“I gave you this in case nothing worked out!” Hurmaz finally speaks out. But his words puzzle Tirad even more. He keeps on asking more questions trying to figure out what Hurmaz means. “What do you mean nothing worked out? What do I do with it?”What else could happen? Is it even true? How could it be true? What happened to Parsana? Why was it omitted and hidden?" he goes on asking until Hurmaz stops him.
“The people of the land have their own way of forgetting things, their own kind of amnesia. One of them is these omitted narratives… When I first saw these many years ago, I was as puzzled as you are now. But it helped me in a certain unpredictable situation. It helped me to make the most difficult decision of my life. And you know that I never regret any of my decisions,” Hurmaz explains. Tirad wants more clear statements and this kind of mysterious talks makes him feel anxious.
“Perhaps truth is not always the written texts passed along to us… You will know when you’ll need them. Now! Go on and get ready before your boat leaves for Oxan…” he says and this time hurries before Tirad is able to stop him. Tirad stands there. He feels like something is squeezing his heart. He knows Hurmaz will come to say goodbye at the harbour. He probably won’t need to stay in Oxan for too long but he already feels like he deeply misses Hurmaz, he feels homesick already.
Chapter 13
The young boatman turns off the engine and the spotlights, says goodnight and goes to his cabin. The other boatman is a middle-aged ma
n with grey hair and shaggy clothes. He throws the anchor into the sea and walks around the boat inspecting it. Obviously, they will not ride anymore at this time of night. Tirad hadn’t seen the middle-aged boatman since they sailed. The boatman had been resting the whole afternoon so he could stay awake at night and guard the boat. Tirad has to spend the night in the boatmen’s cabin. It is a well-equipped boat but it only has three cabins, one taken by the women, the second one by Mart and Yuma and the third is for the boatmen that Tirad will also use. All the passengers except for Lealy and the young boatman are on the deck and no one seems willing to break the silence of the night. Even Mart and Yuma, who are old friends, won’t speak to each other. Asin, still bruised by yesterday’s beatings, is leaning against the gunwale; she could hardly walk as they were embarking the boat. Dalia is sitting next to her mother and once in a while soaks her head from a bucket of water that she had filled when they got on board. She has done this less times since the sun went down, maybe the sunshine or the humidity of the dry season annoys her. Tirad wanted to ask her why she does this but didn’t want to talk to the girl in front of Mart. Dalia unties her nails one by one and hands them to her mother. She peeks at Tirad as she takes off her nails.
Tirad tries not to look back at Dalia, but ever since they got on the boat, she has been staring at him, even when she soaks herself. The humid weather has made Tirad’s clothes stick to his body. He feels sweaty and moist. He thinks about cooling himself down by soaking himself like Dalia does. But he has to distract himself from the warm weather and from Dalia. He stares at the dark waves that fade into the dim sky and make the horizon seem closer and shorter. He wants to talk to Mart about their mission before they get to Oxan. He has decided to leave behind all their past disputes and look at this trip as a new start for developing a constructive friendship relationship with Mart. But the more he tries to break the silence with Mart, the less he is successful. The blurred horizon seems more interesting than talking to Mart. He won’t move. Perhaps Mart is also thinking about the same thing and that’s why he is staring at the dark sea in front. He is already one-step ahead of Tirad; he hadn’t missed the Circle meeting and the peace treaty was handed to him. Tirad has to fill this gap. He already feels anxious about the meeting with the Oxan chiefs and he has no idea how to speak to the refugees and convince them of leaving the Island. What if they don’t do as they are told? What if there aren’t enough boats to take them back and they ran out of the time set for them by the Circle? All these seem too difficult and time consuming. They have to meet the Oxan chiefs first and then plan an exit strategy, assign boats and send the refugees according to a well-planned schedule. He also has to continue his investigation about the dead pregnant women, send Dalia and Asin to their ship and…the work load is too much for him and he has no idea which one of them would be handled smoothly. His stomach is soaring again. He hasn’t eaten to avoid throwing up on the boat and now he is starving, and both the hunger and the stress makes him feel nauseas. He drinks from the bottle that Lealy gave him before she went to bed. It is water sweetened with rock candy! It’s the most expensive of her medicines that she has given him to prevent sea sickness. His stomach soothes and he thanks Lealy in his heart.
The sudden sound of waves breaking disturbs the silence. Something must have fallen into the water. The boatman, Yuma and Mart rush towards the gunwale. Tirad turns and sees Asin lying down by the buckle of water. Dalia is not there. He turns towards the small crowd of the boat passengers. Dalia has jumped into the sea and she is swimming around the boat. Tirad looks at her fine and powerful motion with wonder. She moves quickly from one place to the next with the smooth movement of her arms and feet. Her bald hair reflects the light of the stars shining in the sky. Dalia, unawares of her audience, playfully dives in and out of the water, turns in all directions and swims away and towards the boat. She looks like a fish freed from the fishing net and thrown back into the water. Her nimble and dancelike movement makes a sound in the water, a melody played by her skin as it touches the waves, piercing it gently to move and turn. Her mastery on the water excites Tirad. It is not an excitement towards the girl, mostly to her naturally beautiful movement in the sea. Although she is unconscious of her masterful swimming, she is aware of her surroundings and won’t get too far from the boat. She swims towards the boat, takes a deep breath and gently slides into the water. Tirad can’t see her anymore. Mart and Yuma also seem a little worried and look around the boat as if they are awaiting a shark to attack them from the sea. But the boatman is cool.
“She is a competent swimmer… Don’t worry about her!” he says, as he calmly goes back to the Boat rudder. Mart mumbles that they are not least worried about her and they don’t even care. He curses the boatman who doesn’t seem to pay attention to him and then turns back to Tirad.
“This is all your doing! You should have ordered her death when you had the chance! Who knows what this animal would do to us!” Mart says frowning. Tirad grins. Mart’s fear is a sign of his weakness which he always tries so hard to hide and what he is afraid of is amiss, now revealed unknowingly. But he doesn’t like Tirad laughing at him. He leaps over to punch him, but Tirad steps back dodging him. Mart falls hitting the gunwale.
“Don’t you dare laugh at me!” he says shouting.
“If you ever laugh at me again, I will throw you in the water! And we’ll see how long you’re going to survive till you drown… And then I’ll take care of those animals myself!” he continues. Tirad feels threatened. Mart knows very well that he can’t swim for long and will lose his breath quickly and he has used his weakness to his advantage. Yuma interferes, pulls back Mart to give Tirad enough room to distance himself from the gunwale, reducing his chance of falling into the water or being pushed into it. Tirad steps towards the middle of the deck. He tries to walk as he normally does, even though he is hurrying to get away from the wall as fast as possible. He sees Dalia in the water staring at the scene that Mart has started. He wants her to see and listen as he is going to defend her.
“You tell me! Which Saviour Rule allows innocent women to be killed but doesn’t allow the killing of giant fish that attack the ships? Making so many women and children flee their homes? Ha?” Tirad asks arrogantly. But Mart ignores him, turns his face away and walks towards the cabins. Yuma follows his friend, but stops and takes Mart’s side.
“You can fool yourself…but you don’t fool anyone else! Everyone knows that these women had disobeyed the Saviour!” Yuma says with a disgusted tone.
“This woman doesn’t even know who the Saviour is!” Tirad says excitedly, pointing to Asin who gives him a confused look as if she didn’t expect to be brought up like this in their conversation.
“Her daughter hasn’t done anything wrong to be punished for!” Tirad continues. Mart takes another leap towards Tirad.
“So! You have finally fallen for someone! An animal it seems!” Mart sneers. Tirad didn’t expect such a reaction, although he knew that defending these two women might have brought suspicion towards him but he had done everything he could not to pay attention to them. He knows this conversation is not going to go in his favour. It is not in favour of getting closer to Mart and gaining more information about their mission either, let alone developing a positive relationship with him. If he doesn’t step back now from this quarrel, it may end up bad for everyone, even the poor refugees as Mart may exclude Tirad from all decisions. He isn’t tired yet to go to bed but he would like to draw something to calm him down. He goes towards the cabin to fetch his bag, paper and charcoal. But Mart is in his way. He is blocking the short corridor that leads to the cabins. As Tirad tries to pass, Mart shoves him pushing him to the corridor frame. Tirad groans. Mart stands in front of him. He is a lot taller than Tirad. He puts one hand on Tirad’s shoulder and leans his other hand against the wall behind Tirad’s head. Tirad’s burns from that morning’s Spawn-Scorching ceremony still hurt and soar more with the touch of Mart’s hairy hands.
; “Where do you think you’re going now? To Lealy’s room, I suppose!” Mart says mockingly.
“How dare you! You bastard!” Tirad replies angrily trying to move past him. He puts his palms against Mart’s chest to push him away, but he won’t move. He seems to have enjoyed the game, having captured Tirad like a little fish caught in a puddle of water.
As he speaks, he spits into Tirad’s face which disgusts him. He has stopped pushing Mart; it’s useless, the more he tries, the less he can move him and this surely gives Mart more confidence. Even if he can get away from Mart now, Yuma would get him. He is leaning on one leg with his hands folded, waiting to punch Tirad.
“Everyone knows about you and Lealy sleeping together!” Mart says spitting again and laughing aloud. Yama laughs as well.
Tirad fold her knees and with a sudden kick under Mart’s testicles, pushes Mart away.
“Shut up! I never slept with anyone!” Tirad replies furiously. Mart continues his fake laughter. He lets his prey get out of his trap but won’t let him escape.
“What do you do with her then? You don’t expect us to believe you just lie by her side, do you?” he continues his mocking and laughs louder. Tirad didn’t expect to hear such accusations. But he had been too ignorant. How could he have been such a fool not to think that others would peek into Lealy’s room as he does himself? Maybe he didn’t care since he thought he didn’t do anything wrong. If they had really seen them together, then they would know it was nothing more than a simple cuddling. But he can never stop what other people think or say.
“You know that there’s nothing between me and Lealy…she is just a like a sister to me, you could ask her yourself!” Tirad replies with a lowered voice, trying to end the dispute.
“There’s no use in asking, I shall have to see for myself!” Mart says in a mischievous tone, as he turns the doorknob of Lealy’s cabin.