by Eva LeNoir
We said our goodbyes, they were getting more and more difficult each time we spoke.
Who was I?
I thought I knew but I didn't want to jinx it by actually thinking the words out loud. These feelings though, they were getting stronger and stronger the longer we were apart.
That night, Luca and I met Ethan at the hospital so we could go see Millie before we all got kicked out of the room for the night. Surprisingly, Emma was already there in her leather getup that made her look more like a dominatrix than a tattoo artist. They were both laughing with Millie as she told some god-awful story about Ethan getting caught pissing on the neighbor’s car tire. I remembered that, it was fucking priceless.
“Mr. Wanker deserved it, he was…”
“A wanker!” Luca and I both said as we closed the door behind us and took our turns kissing Millie on the cheek. She looked better than she had earlier, a little less out of it. More like herself, and that was priceless reassurance.
“Shush, the three of you, it’s not nice to talk about those who cannot defend themselves,” she said the words but that smile that crept up her full lips said the exact opposite. Dude was an asshole, we were only defending our mother.
With Emma and Ethan both sitting on opposite sides of the bed, Luca and I stood as we talked. I was fussing over the covers on the bed while Luca checked the medical equipment. As if we knew better than the doctors and nurses. It didn’t really matter, we needed to take care of her, to make sure everything was perfect. We needed to be the sons she’d raised us to be.
“So, while we’re all here, I wanted to tell you that I’m going to call Animal Control,” I would have laughed at Emma’s death glare if I weren’t a tiny bit afraid of her. She was communicating with her eyes, probably afraid that the litany of expletives flying out of her mouth would make Millie upset.
“Relax, Jack,” I told her, glancing at Ethan who’d had his eyes on her since we’d walked in. It looked like unfinished business. Like he was pissed but also horny. Jesus, those two needed to get the shit over with, quickly.
Maybe I should be giving them the same advice Mrs. Summers had given me.
"Did you find out who called animal control about Liberace?" Luca asked, sitting in Emma’s chair when she got up to pace the length of the room, his elbows resting on his knees, a grey suit that fit him like a glove. Of the three of us, he worried the most; about Millie, about us, even about Liberace. His brows were furrowed with concern, his jaw tight with anger.
"Sure did, man, and it's gonna be a bitch to keep this under control," I answered on a sigh.
“Language!” Millie croaked out, her lips puckered in disapproval.
“Sorry, Millie,” just add it to my potty mouth pot.
Emma stopped pacing and crossed her arms, a knowing look planted on her face. Somehow, she knew. That crazy witch knew what I was about to say.
"Calvin Carmichael," I told them as the big reveal, everything making sense to me, but the blank looks on their faces told an entirely different story.
"Never heard of him?" Emma said, shrugging.
"Who's that?" Ethan asked.
"Is he a competitor? An employee? An old client?" Luca fired off; a look of confusion written in his hazel eyes.
"Not exactly, no," I said to them all, taking a deep breath before continuing, "he's Jaidyn's ex boyfriend."
No one in the room even tried to hide the groan they all emitted at the same time.
"Fucking hell, Brooks."
“Language!”
“Sorry, Millie,” everyone answered, all the while shooting missiles my way with their death glares.
It wasn’t easy but a week later, Millie was settled in her new home in Huntington Beach.
Luca had called me the next day, using cuss words I didn’t even know existed, when he found himself telling Millie that her new house was hers for good. Obviously, we didn’t go so far as to sell her city home, that would have been invasive, but once she was healed, she could choose where to live and we’d take care of the arrangements.
She was pissed.
Like, Ethan-got-arrested-for-selling-weed-on-the-corner-you-have-to-bail-him-out pissed. The competition was never with Ethan. Luca was harder to beat for the favorite spot. He was the good kid. Great grades, always with the yes ma’ams and thank you sirs, captain of his football team. Loved by all. My only sport was surfing and that didn’t count for shit.
Our only saving grace and the reason Millie started talking to us again was Justin.
He’d come over to say hello and Millie found another child to foster while his parents were at work. The kid was happy to oblige, playing the poor me card like a pro and getting the puppy eye look mastered before the week was up. It was a great thing because Millie could do very little with a broken arm and Justin was a great apprentice, so he’d told her he’d help her cook.
Win/win and we were suddenly out of the dog house.
We all sighed like kids who’d survived the Great Millie Meltdown.
With all of that settled, I said my goodbyes to my mother, for all intents and purposes, slapped the guys over the head and ruffled Justin’s head of hair before getting on another plane and meeting my girl in Finland.
Christmas was coming up and I had shit I needed to say.
Chapter 46
Marlon
By the time I arrived in Lapland, it was well past eight at night. With only three days until Christmas, I’d had to get all of my planning done ahead of time. I was new to the whole boyfriend label, but I was smart enough to know that Christmas was the perfect occasion to show Jaidyn just how much she meant to me. To show her that I could do this. That I was all in.
When I arrived, I was given the cabin next to Robert and Jaidyn’s, something that had been reserved months in advance, before she and I were sharing a bed. Jaidyn and Robert were scheduled to arrive the next day, a car already booked to pick them up at the airport.
When I’d last spoken to my girl, I’d heard the worry in her voice. Robert was getting more and more violent with her and that didn’t bode well for me. I respected the man and I understood the complications and intricacies of the disease, but it didn’t mean I could sit by and watch the unintended abuse.
The nurse who had been on retainer was staying in the two-bedroom cabin with Robert, to give Jaidyn a little breathing room especially after her stay in Israel and the entire trip up by train. Plus, we’d need some privacy after being apart for over two weeks. The things I wanted to do to her body, the words I wanted to hear from deep inside of her, the screams I wanted to feel in my soul. All of that could only be in the privacy of our own cabin. Hell, I wasn’t even sure that would be enough. I had to have faith that the others in the village were sound sleepers. Not that it mattered. Because once I put my hands on her, it was game over.
Our resort was everything you would expect Finland to be. Wooden cabins enveloped in pure, white snow like a protective cloak. The host gave me my keys and a sled especially made for carrying luggage, that I pushed all the way to cabin number six. Once inside, it was like returning to the simple things in life. Warm wood all around, the deep reds of the carpets and bedspreads giving it an additional Christmas-y feel. At our request and for an additional fee, a tree had been added, decorations to match the interior and giving it that holiday spirit. What Jaidyn wasn’t expecting was that I knew it was her birthday on the twenty-eighth. She’d be twenty-two. So young yet her soul was probably older than mine.
One of my suitcases was filled with gifts for her and Robert, with an envelope of cash and a card for the nurse who’d sacrificed her holidays for Robert’s well-being. It was the least I could do.
But the most breath-taking part of the cabin was the observatory made of glass that opened up into the vast Finnish skies. I was almost happy that the night sky was covered in clouds, the snow falling continuously like a drape of white flurries. Every flake that fell onto the glass dome melting from the heat of the inside fireplace. I
t was magical, something I’d never seen with my own eyes, witnessed for myself. Snow wasn’t on my list of priorities and southern California wasn’t exactly the best place for cold nights and snowy Christmases.
When my phone rang around nine, I knew it would be her, the excitement of hearing her voice in a place this mystical was overwhelming.
“Hey gorgeous,” I said, with no preamble.
“Hey! You’re there?” she asked, breathy like talking to me had the same effect on her that hearing her voice had on me. The lilt of her syllables, the breath catching on her questions. I could feel her need because it matched my own.
“Yeah, I can’t wait for you to see it, it’s amazing,” I explained, lying on the bed, the sky falling above me in white droplets of magic.
“I’m so excited to see it and you, of course,” she giggled, like Lapland could possibly be more exciting than being with me, “Although Helsinki is absolutely gorgeous.”
“Little bird, are you saying I’m just a second thought?” I was teasing, we both knew it, but a little levity would hold us over until her arrival.
“Well, I’ve already been with you, this will be a once in a lifetime thing,” she was playing the role of the minx and I’d get her for that.
“Right, right. I’ll remember that when I’m eating your pussy and you’re begging me not to stop,” I could practically hear her cheeks burning from the heat my words caused her.
“Marlon,” she said, her voice the epitome of sultry, “Are you trying to seduce me?” She knew me so well.
“I feel like that should be a given, little bird,” I reminded her, adjusting my dick, her voice causing a hard on that wouldn’t quit.
“Thank you for this hotel, by the way, the view of the Christmas market is breathtaking,” she said and I could picture her standing at the windows, taking in the iconic Senate Square Cathedral as it overlooked the snow covered market, traders busy serving the hundreds of thousands of visitors every winter.
“It was the best, so I booked it. I’m not gonna lie, I was hoping I could fuck you from behind all the while contemplating the delicious food being sold down there. Food I could use on every inch of your body,” I explained, hand on my cock, not even pretending to adjust myself and outright rubbing my erection, her voice my auditory porn.
“As if we’d be paying any attention to that stuff,” she purred, “I’d be too busy contemplating you.”
And fuck.
Those words were my undoing.
“Jesus, Jaidyn, the things you do to me,” I confessed, quickly pushing my jeans and boxer briefs off and stroking my cock in earnest.
“Get on your bed, little bird, spread your beautiful thighs for me and rub your fingers along your slit,” I ordered, visualizing her delicate hands where I wanted my mouth to be.
“I’m so wet, Marlon,” she confessed, almost surprise lining her voice.
“That’s how you should be, always. Wet and ready for me to fuck you within an inch of your life.” My cock was so hard it practically hurt to stroke it. The relief was nothing compared to her mouth or her pussy. My hand doing a piss poor job of satisfying any part of me.
She gasped, it was light, but it was there.
“Circle your clit, little bird, think of my mouth, my tongue lapping up every drop of you,” I wasn’t sure how I could throw out coherent phrases, my words eliciting images that my mind longed to live.
“I am and it’s so hard and sensitive,” she said, the words hitching on the last syllable as though every touch was bringing her close to orgasm.
“Next time I see you, little bird, I’m going to feast on you. I’m going to spread you wide and bury my tongue so deep your body will remember me, your pussy will know who owns it.” I was rambling, I knew that, but every word was true. I wouldn’t be letting her go anytime soon. In fact, I wouldn’t be letting her go at all. Ever.
“Oh god, I’m so close,” she whispered and so was I. So fucking close.
“Let me hear you come, little bird. Let me hear your pleasure.”
And holy fuck, the sounds she made were so demure, so contained, so breathless that it felt wrong. Like a travesty. Because Jaidyn should be wild and her coming should be earth shattering, incoherent mumbles, and breathless gasps mixed in with screams that came from so deep inside her they couldn’t possibly stay contained.
And yet, I came on her last gasp, just imagining her hips arching above the bed, her head thrown back, her eyes closed as she controlled herself in the privacy of her hotel room.
I made a vow in that very second, alone in a cabin in bum-fuck-winter-land-nowhere, that Jaidyn Hughes would never come without crying out my name, ever again.
Chapter 47
Jaidyn
When we first looked at the flight from Rome to Helsinki, we’d hesitated with booking a train all the way through Europe. It seemed fun and a great way to travel through a multitude of countries without having to fly, again. The scenery alone, would have been heart-stopping magnificence. From the southern countries like Italy, to the snow riddled Alps shared between Northern Italy, Switzerland, and Austria, the cold, frozen plains of northern Germany, all would have been beautiful to watch as they rushed by like a movie reel. Alas, Dad was too weak for the interminable hours of travel that would have entailed. The numerous stops, the hotel check-ins and check-outs would have been too much. Thankfully, I’d been lucid enough in the planning stages to get a flight out instead. It wouldn’t help us make memories but would be more efficient and less tiring.
Dad was quiet, watching the white covered land as we travelled our last leg from Helsinki to Lapland, commenting on places he’d seen and others he would have liked to visit. I kept telling myself that he still had time, but I knew it was a lie. Even with five, ten or fifteen years to go, they wouldn’t be the greatest five. They would be the worst years of his life, the most frustrating and the most painful.
“There’s something I have to tell you, baby girl,” he said out of the blue never taking his eyes off the clear blue skies, a contrast to last night’s heavy snowfall.
“What’s that, Dad?” I asked, giving him my attention as I sipped on the less than stellar coffee the flight attendant had served us just minutes prior.
“I called your mother a few months ago,” he started, “I’ve invited her to come see us for Christmas.” The words came out as though he were talking about taking a walk or going on a sled ride. So casual. Not a clue that he was ripping my heart out and throwing it in the icy waters of the Baltic Sea.
I legitimately spit out the disgusting coffee. The hot liquid burning my tongue and lips, my breath unable to catch through the coughing.
He watched me as I tried to regain my breathing, and my sanity, for that matter. I tried not to shoot him daggers, but I couldn’t help it. I could take the abuse, the mood swings, the cries in the night when the shaking would wake him from a deep sleep. I could take the constant worry, his psychological well-being deteriorating with every increased symptom. The middle of the night wake-up calls because he’d forgotten himself. Cleaning him up after a bowel incident was uncomfortable for me but morally devastating for him. I was strong enough to take all of that in, but my mother?
No.
I wasn’t strong enough for that shitshow.
I didn’t know what to say so even as I regained my composure, I still didn’t speak, I let him go on and explain why he would do this. Why he would do this to me.
“She has agreed to come, she’s excited to see you again,” he said, as though this should make me happy. As though the near-decade old wound she’d planted firmly in my heart would disintegrate without a hitch because they decided to spend Christmas together.
Fucking swell.
“Maybe she should have thought of that, oh I don’t know…for the last six years?” I crossed my arms, redirecting my attention to the book I wanted to read during the flight. Those plans were destroyed with two simple phrases.
“Baby doll, she…�
� he took on that voice that was always meant to appease me, to curb my anger or my frustrations. The soothing, balm-like voice that brought reason back so I could concentrate on the positives instead of the dread and the fear.
“Don’t you dare try to make this sound like I’m being unreasonable,” I bit out, aware that we were in a very public place with people close enough to eavesdrop despite their best intentions. He’d planned it like this. Waited until we were prisoners of this tin can, surrounded by people and barely an hour away from our final destination. He’d literally had months to get me used to the idea, months to prepare for the sight of my mother and her…
“Is Landry going to be there, too?” My father visibly flinched at the name of her husband. The man, who for all intents and purposes, had been the reason my mother left.
“No, I asked that she come alone,” he was back to looking out the aircraft window, sinking back into his thoughts. Or so it seemed.
“It wasn’t her fault, baby doll. I was to blame for so much of it,” he spoke so softly I had to strain to hear every word. I wished I hadn’t. The fact he was blaming himself had me seeing a red so bloody I was certain I’d bust a blood vessel.
“Don’t you dare,” I seethed, my mouth barely moving but my words sharp as venom and just as deadly, “She left. End of story. She didn’t call, write, send a fucking postcard. Nothing. Not a fucking peep and this is your fault? Really, Dad?” I had to get up, go to the bathroom and cool down before I turned into a ball of raging hatred.
As I unbuckled my seatbelt, the light above signaling we were at cruising altitude, I felt my dad’s hand on my forearm. My first instinct was to deflate, to sink into his protective arms and tell him to cancel. I wanted to be his little girl again. I wanted to be the one taken care of and not the other way around.
“She did,” I looked up to read his eyes, a light watery sheen making them brighter than usual, “She wrote every week for a year, asking about you. Asking to speak to you every time she called.”