Lifetime Risk

by MEGAN MATTHEWS

  “Very important. I’ll meet you in the elementary school parking lot in twenty-five minutes. Okay?”

  “Okay, but I need more time.” It’s a twenty-minute drive to Pelican Bay and I don’t even know if Winnie is at home, much less if she can watch Emma. I can’t just drop my child off on someone else in the blink of an eye.

  Nate’s voice crackles. “It’s taken care of. I’ll see you then,” he finishes and then the line goes dead.

  With the call disconnected, I release a huge breath of air, letting it run between my lips noisily. “I guess here goes nothing, Emma.” She doesn’t even look up to acknowledge the craziness of our current situation.

  I haven’t even gotten off the couch when there’s a knock at the door and it slips open. “Josie, it’s me.”

  Winnie takes a step into my apartment waving her hands. I don’t know when we moved from a friendly knock to a best friend door open, but surprisingly that’s the least of my worries today.

  “Did Nate call you?” I ask suspiciously.

  Winnie smiles, her lips pressed together, but I can tell she has a secret. “He may have suggested you would need some help with Emma, and you know how much I love Emma.”

  “I don’t want to bother you.” She’s playing so well I could take her with me to Pelican Bay.

  Winnie doesn’t listen and walks right past me to sit on the floor with Emma. “I love her. And besides, Huxley may come over later and I want him to have as much baby time as possible.”

  My eyes narrow. “Does he need a lot of baby time?” Is Winnie expecting something she hasn’t told the rest of us?

  Her face blushes. “No, but I’m trying to work him into the idea.”

  “Uh-huh,” I say and nod.

  Winnie checks her watch as if she’s wearing one, but she’s only staring at her naked wrist. “You better get going. You only have about twenty minutes and you need to be in Pelican Bay.”

  “I can’t go like this,” I say, looking down at my pair of ripped jeans and a tight NIN concert T-shirt. When Nate sees me for the first time, I need to look glamorous as a real reminder of what he’s missing out on now that he’s not in our lives anymore. The problem is I don’t own any ball gowns, but I could look better in a pair of slacks and a nice black blouse. Maybe show a little cleavage.

  Winnie shakes her head. “There’s no time. You look great. Just go for it.”

  “Do you know what this is about?” I ask because it’s obvious she does.

  Winnie smiles and then tries very hard not to smile by pressing her lips together. She says no, but I don’t believe it for a second. “I have no idea. He only called and asked if I would be willing to babysit for a few hours.”

  “A few hours?” What could we possibly do in the parking lot of an elementary school for that long?

  I don’t bother asking again because I don’t think she’ll answer.

  “Fine…” I say, drawing it out like a teenager being asked to do the dishes.

  The drive to Pelican Bay has never felt so long… and so short. I try not to obsess over why Nate could be making me meet him at an elementary school, but I can’t come up with anything. Maybe he plans to walk into the school gymnasium and dump a bucket of pig’s blood on me. At this point in my life anything is possible. At least Carrie had cool psychic powers.

  My emotions while driving go from half expecting the worst and brief moments of joy to hoping he’ll pull an eighties movie reconciliation and show up with a boombox. But of the two of us, I should make the grand gestures. Even though they wouldn’t be enough to make up for what I’ve done.

  Seeing Nate now will break my heart again. It hasn’t had a chance to heal from the last time. He’s already rejected me earlier this week. Why does he feel the need to crush me once more? Regardless of how I expect this meeting to go, I can’t trample the piece of my heart wishing this will be our chance to make up. A tiny piece of hope holds on that this time he’ll listen to my apology.

  The parking lot is empty except for a single white four-door car at the far end. Everyone is gone over summer break, so it’s easy to spot Nate behind the wheel. I park my car next to his and turn it off, getting out when he leaves his car.

  “Where’s the truck?” I ask after deciding it’s a harmless question, which won’t cause my heart to leap out of my chest in despair. Probably.

  He doesn’t look right not driving his big oversized tires. Ones I swear are half the size my body.

  He smiles. “Traded it in for this model.” He taps the white car on the trunk. “It’s going to take a bit to get used to.”

  I nod but I’m never going get used to seeing Nate riding in the baby car. It’s just not right. He’s not a car person.

  “Did you need help with something?” I ask, trying to get this meeting over with quicker than the few hours he told Winnie I’d need a babysitter. “I don’t want to keep Winnie babysitting too long.” Plus seeing him and being close is painful. He’s everything I could have had standing right in front of me, but yet he’s not mine and I can’t touch him. And it’s all my fault.

  My self-loathing side kicks in and I want to ask him a million questions. Has he found someone new already? Does he miss me like I miss the hell out of him? Does he realize I’m sorry? Does he not care?

  Nate shakes his head. “You know Winnie will watch Emma all day.”

  “Yes,” I say putting a hand on my hip and trying to ward off his smile. “But I don’t want to make her.”

  “Let’s take a walk,” he says, turning to the area behind him and walking onto the sidewalk.

  I follow. “A walk? You want to walk?” Now?

  “That’s what I said.” His steps are big but not because he walks quickly. Rather his long legs eat up space faster than my short ones do.

  We hit the end of the sidewalk and Nate turns. “How are things going with Emma?”

  “Fine…” I say, drawing the word out, but this time in a completely different way. I have no idea what we’re doing and I don’t like not knowing things.

  Nate talks about how Spencer brought his dog into the office yesterday and she chewed up one of the office chairs. I wasn’t that impressed, considering I’ve heard stories of other things Spencer’s dog, Frankie, has eaten. But then he mentioned the chair was metal and I gained a newfound respect.

  “Here we are,” Nate says, stopping in front of the house.

  It’s a house I remember well, but I hadn’t realized we were headed in that direction.

  “You brought me here?” So, it’s going to be a painful meeting then because standing right in before us is the beacon of everything I want in my life. Everything I want but can’t have. Nate has led me right to the adorable little yellow house I tried to buy — the one I wanted, but someone else purchased right out from under me.

  It’s like I’m being featured on one of those “this is your life” shows, but it’s full of all the wonderful things I’ve lost out on.

  I want to be angry, yell even, but I don’t have it in me. I’m too tired. Life has kicked me one too many times. Nate stands to the side, smiling at the house like an evil villain who gets pleasure out of seeing the despair of his enemy.

  “You get this is the house I tried to buy. Right?” I ask without any humor. Is he so clueless?

  He nods. “We should go see if there’s anyone inside,” he says, and the next thing I notice he’s standing on top of the porch with his hands on the door opening it.

  “Nate!” I yell, walking after him. “Someone else bought this house.” I can’t believe he’s walking in without knocking. We’ll get arrested on trespassing charges. Damn, I really know how to pick the men I fall in love with. That’s for sure.

  He spins, rounding on me after he passes through the front door. “Yeah, me.”

  16

  I shake my head, confused. “You what?”

  “I bought this house. For me… Well, for you,” he says, watching my facial expressions when he drops the news.


  I’m slow to pick it up. “You bought a house?”

  “For you.”

  “A house?” This house?

  “Well for us, but then you dumped me so…”

  “Wait, you bought this house?”

  Nate nods, but slowly, his enthusiasm lost.

  “I knew from the minute I saw you I wanted you in my life, Josie. And then the accident happened,” I don’t miss how he glosses over hitting me with his truck, but I let him. “And I got to meet Emma and be a part of your life and it made me realize that’s what I want. I want a family. My own family. But you wanted this house, and I heard you were having problems getting the loan. I couldn’t let you lose this place after everything else. I bought it that day.”

  “That day?” How did he get a mortgage so fast?

  He grins, ignoring my question about when and launches into other aspects. “It’s a great house. Close enough to the schools that the kids can walk every day. The backyard is big enough for them to play in and host barbecues.”

  I nod because I know all these things. They were the reasons I loved the house, too.

  He spins and my eyes follow his along the dark-grained hardwood floors and the white cut-out fireplace I was sure with a little elbow grease I could get back to the original brick color. You can’t see it from where we stand, but beyond our spot there’s a small dining room and then a kitchen with doors that lead out to the backyard. It’s easy to imagine the whole place fixed up and I spend a second picturing a family growing here. Someone else’s family.

  “I want all of that, Josie. The kids, the barbecues, this house.”

  “But not with me,” I say even though it hurts. “I tried to get you back, but you don’t want me anymore because I’m a dumbass.”

  Nate smiles. “No, I just wanted to wait and surprise you with this house. You needed proof you weren’t just an easy relationship for me. There is no end for us, Josie. I want the whole thing with you and Emma. This house is to show my commitment. If you’ll have me.”

  Now he’s gone mad, but his words become puzzle pieces and fall into place.

  “You bought a house for me?” I ask, smiling and turning back in his direction. Is it enough to think maybe, possibly, he could love me?

  My eyes widen as Nate nods. “I loved you from minute one, Josie.”

  I laugh. The tension I’ve carried around with me for days flows away just being in Nate’s presence and knowing we’re going to be okay. “You could have just told me. You didn’t have to go and hit me with your truck.”

  “Now she tells me,” he says, rolling his eyes.

  Even though he said the words, he hasn’t come closer, so I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around his middle. “I’m so sorry, Nate. It’s just I was scared, and I didn’t know what to do. After everything that’s happened, I hate feeling like I don’t have control of my life.”

  He squeezes me tightly. “You never have to feel that way ever again.”

  “I’ve been strong for so long on my own. I don’t know how to accept help.”

  Nate leans down, kissing me on the head and trailing a finger across my jaw. “Well, I find it’s easiest if you just do everything I say and don’t question my decisions.”

  I laugh as his lips lower and we connect for the last first time.

  “Do you like it?” Nate asks, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

  “Yes, I love it. I was going to buy it.” The house isn’t huge — most of the homes aren’t in Pelican Bay — but the light shines in from the large window of the living room all the way to the kitchen. The staircase leading to the second level is old and weathered, but in a way, it gives a nice patina and there’s the traditional banister I wanted.

  Nate places a kiss to the left of my eye where I hadn’t realized it had grown wet.

  “I’ve never had anyone buy me a house before. Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure and I’ll buy you a lot more than a house.”

  I tilt my head to look him in the eyes. They’re beautiful, I’ll never get enough staring at them. “Of course you’re sure, but I don’t want you to think I’m doing this because of the house.” I wanted Nate back before he bought me a house in Pelican Bay. I don’t want him to consider me some kind of gold digger.

  He laughs. “I figured I’d probably upset you, but I wanted to wait until I had everything finalized. I want us to start a life together right now.”

  “Right… right now?” I ask, with a gleam in my eye.

  Nate’s gaze spans the empty room. “We should break in every room, and it would be easiest to do the living room right now.”

  My eyes widen, looking at the nice glossy hardwood floors beneath us. “Right now.”

  “Unless you have other ideas.”

  “No, right now is good.”

  Nate slips his fingers under the waistband of my pants.

  “Right here?” I ask, looking out the front window that’s not covered by blinds or curtains.

  “Baby, I would do you anywhere.”

  I laugh in nervousness until it dies off as Nate pinches my nipple between two of his fingers.

  I moan and he smiles. “Take off your pants.”

  My eyes dart to the large front window again and I grab him by the hand, pulling him into a small corner that’s more hidden next to the fireplace.

  Nate shakes his head.

  “What? Haven’t you heard about Pearl? We don’t want the whole town to know.” They have cameras.

  In the little alcove, Nate pushes me against the wall and pops the button on my pants. They fall to the floor and his hand snakes down into my underwear.

  I guess we’re doing this quick.

  Not that I’m complaining.

  I moan and rub myself against his hand harder. He pushes his head under my shirt getting high enough next to my chest he can lick the top of my breasts.

  My head bumps against the wall as I lean back, enjoying what he does to me.

  Until it all stops. My eyes pop open and I look into Nate’s as he moves his head and stares back at me wordlessly.

  “I don’t have a condom.”

  My body deflates. “You didn’t bring one with you?” I guess former SEALS no longer follow the “always be prepared” motto. Or maybe that’s the Boy Scouts.

  He looks ashamed for a second. “I’ve had a lot on my mind the last few days.”

  “I’m on the pill, so I’m okay if we… You know,” I say looking at the area of his pants where his cock pushes tightly against his jeans.

  He considers it. “I’m swear I’m clean but I can get a test if you want.”

  I smile. “No, I trust you.”

  He blows out a breath in glee. “Thank fuck.”

  His jeans come off and he tears my shirt from my chest, the cool air of the house tightening my nipples when he exposes them by slipping off my bra.

  “Missed you,” he says, taking a nipple in his mouth and sucking.

  “Oh my word, Nate,” I say, banging my head back against the wall. My hand grabs on to the elastic of his boxers. I try to pull him closer, but his fingers slip into my opening and frazzle my wits.

  Nate steps back, dislodging my hand from his pants. “I can’t wait, babe. I’m sorry. I need to be in you.” He slips himself free and then wraps one of my legs around his hips, stepping away to place my back against the wall. He glides easily inside and my pussy clenches around him. I’ve missed him too.

  “Don’t wait,” I say when he doesn’t start moving.

  Nate chuckles, running his chin stubble across my neck and placing kisses on my collarbone. “I like it when you’re greedy.”

  He doesn’t waste time, setting a steady rhythm right from the beginning as he works to fill me deeper and deeper each time our bodies come together. His fingers slip between our bodies and rub circles on my clit.

  I arch my back, pushing my shoulders against the wall and doing my best to get as close to him as possible. The tightness
builds in my body quickly and I dig my fingers into his shoulders holding on.

  “Faster,” I demand.

  He listens, pumping into me harder. His fingers sink into my ass cheeks as he moves my body up and down on his cock. The stretched feeling fills my entire being with all that Nate gives me.

  “That’s right, baby. Take it.”

  My body clenches and my toes curl as my legs draw him closer.

  “Nate,” I gasp out.

  He picks up speed, hammering into me quicker. Then his fingers tug at my swollen clit, which causes me to jump and lose control, the orgasm taking over when I’m unprepared. I scream, pushing my head against the wall until it hurts as Nate slows and his cum fills me.

  When he stops, he places his forehead against mine as our hearts beat as one. My legs stop twitching when he pulls himself from my body and sets me on the ground, wiping a hand between my legs and sticking two fingers his mouth. Nate smiles and I blush not believing what I’m seeing.

  “We are going to have so much fun christening this house.”

  I laugh. Living the rest of my life with Nate sure will be interesting.

  “Is there any furniture you’re attached to?” Nate asks as he watches me buckle my seatbelt in his brand-new pristine car.

  If he’s serious about this whole being in a relationship thing — which I think he is — I can never let him drive Emma anywhere. His backseat will be full of crackers and melted M&Ms. The commercials lie. They do melt in your hand if you’re under the age of five.

  My attention goes from the pristine back seat, with the light tan leather upholstery, to the furniture in my apartment. I bought it used and from a thrift store, but I love it. Although, the couch has two holes in one cushion that I hide strategically with throw pillows.

  “My furniture sucks. We can use yours.”

  Nate puts the car in drive and pulls out of the parking lot. “Mine is worse. What if we bought new?”

  “All new furniture?”

  He nods.

  “Furniture can be expensive.” Especially when I’m picking it out. I remember back to my previous life when I’d been married and had a more open budget. I once spent six thousand dollars on a living room set. I had no idea back then.