Lifetime Risk

by MEGAN MATTHEWS

  “Don’t worry about it,” he says.

  How can I not worry about it? My entire life is built around worry. I have a child. Worrying is the one part of motherhood I might actually be successful at.

  “Did you sign for the house? When are you moving in?”

  Nate looks to me and I swear his eyes call me crazy. “We’re moving in as soon as possible.”

  “But I have a lease, and breaking it will be expensive.” I can’t remember what my lease said, but it has to be a few months’ rent. It’s not that I’m against living with Nate, but I can’t pack up and move as fast as he can. I have commitments, attachments, signed legally binding contracts.

  Nate slows the car stop at a stop sign. “Are you having second thoughts?” He places his hand on my knee.

  “Absolutely not,” I promise because it’s the truth. “This is a lot of stuff to plan. I didn’t have much notice.” There’re loads of lists to make. Timelines. Movers. And packing. I don’t have any boxes.

  Nate squeezes my knee reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Josie. I’ll take care of everything. We’ll handle it one step at a time.”

  “One step at a time?” That will take years.

  He nods like he’s not worried at all about how we’ll figure it out. “I want to hire some people to come in and paint the house first, so it’ll probably be a week or two before we can move in.”

  He’s going to pay for movers and painters?

  “You can’t pay someone to paint, Nate. I don’t have a job. I can paint.”

  He shakes his head. “Josie, it’ll be fine.”

  “But it’s a lot of money.”

  He pulls in front of a building on the opposite side of Main Street in downtown Pelican Bay. It’s a block I haven’t visited yet because it is not down the main strip and most people don’t have a reason to go unless they’re looking for the hot guy who works at the hardware. I’ve heard a lot about him from the ladies.

  Nate shuts the car off and pats my leg. “I have a lot of money.”

  “You do?”

  “I was a single guy in the military on high-risk missions who had no life or girlfriend for years. Without housing, food, or any expenses, I’ve managed to save most of my money and I also made some good investments.” He smiles at the last bit and I want to ask more, but there’s no time when he opens the door and steps out of the car.

  “Where are we going?” I ask, following him.

  Let’s be honest, this man could lead me into a burning house and I’d follow along with a smile.

  “I have to stop by the office right quick. Ridge said one of his outside contractors is stopping by this morning with information.”

  We walk up to a building. The glass front door has Pelican Bay Security etched on it but nothing else.

  The inside of the building is boring — a place like you’d expect a bunch of men to work. There’s lots of grey and not a single potted plant to be found.

  There’s a reception desk with a woman sitting behind it filing a long red fingernail. She looks up as we walk in and smiles in my direction.

  “You’re Nate’s woman?”

  Nate nods. “Be nice.”

  The receptionist rolls her eyes and points to the hallway behind her. “They’re waiting for you.”

  Nate’s eyes flicker between her and me, and then he grabs ahold of my hand, wrapping our fingers together as he shuffles me down the hallway with him.

  It’s not until we’re passed it when I realized the front desk was empty. Not a phone or computer in sight. Just a lone woman with her nail file.

  “Nate,” Ridge says, stepping out in the hallway from the room. He closes the door behind him when he sees me. “Lukis is in here with the intel, but he brought someone with him and she’s in the conference room. I’m sure she could use a friend to chat with, if you know what I mean?”

  Ridge tilts his head in my direction indicating I should be said friend.

  “Are you okay with that?” Nate asks.

  “Sure.”

  Nate deposits me in a large open room full of windows and the biggest table I have never seen in real life. It would fit twenty people although I only count sixteen chairs.

  “Hey, they sent you to babysit me,” the redhead at the head of the table says, typing away on her cell phone.

  I look around. “Or you’re supposed to babysit me. I’m not sure which. I have gotten in trouble lately.”

  She laughs. “It’s not life until you have a little trouble. Right?”

  “I don’t know.” There’s been a lot of trouble since I moved to Pelican Bay.

  “I saw the guy who dropped you off, and it’s best to keep these men on their toes. Trust me. I have one of my own.”

  “Where are you from?” I don’t know everyone in Pelican Bay, but I feel like her fiery red hair would set her apart from others.

  She stares in the corner of the ceiling as if my question is hard. “Most recently, riding around with Lukis. Causing mischief and getting on his nerves. I’m Hannah.”

  I take her hand when she reaches across the table to shake mine. “Josie.”

  “So, this office building is hot guy central and they all walk around with permanent scowls on their faces kind of like my Lukis. Are all the men who work for Ridge like this?”

  I picture Nate’s beautiful smile and the fact he rarely ever scowls. “I think it’s only some of them.”

  “Lukis is bossy and acts like he knows what’s best for me, but I think I may be falling for him.”

  “You guys been together a long time?”

  Hannah giggles. “Like a week. The length of time it takes to drive here from Las Vegas.”

  “Oh.” That is fast. “Sometimes you just know.” It didn’t take me long with Nate.

  Hannah sighs, her eyes dreamy. “Yup, sometimes it’s obvious. After this we’re headed up to Wisconsin to see one of his buddies and then who knows from there.”

  “You just travel around together?”

  “For now. I used to have a job, but Lukis works freelance and goes were he’s needed. I don’t plan to let him out of my sight, so I guess that’s means I’m along for the ride.”

  “What does he do for Ridge?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. But it involves guns, the mob, and papers with a lot of dates on them. Once we had those, we hightailed it here, and he wasn’t great about answering questions.”

  I take a minute to visualize what her life must be like.

  And fail.

  I can’t imagine what it would be like to live out of a truck and drive around the United States. Sounds dreadful, but from the way Hannah talks and how her facial expressions change when Lukis is brought up, I have a feeling she loves every minute of their time together.

  It seems I’m not the only one in Pelican Bay who is falling hard and fast for a former SEAL. Maybe everyone is right, and it really does happen this quickly. When you know, you know.

  And right now sitting in an oversized conference room with someone I’ve never met before but who seems as in love with her man as I am with mine, I realize it’s true. I absolutely do love Nate. The emotions hit me like a brick and I smile. The fear and worry about having the two of us move in together fades away because all that matters is we’re together. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to get there or how hard the journey is. We’ll be together and that’s the important part of our equation.

  “Has it been a month already?” Nate asks as I stack a multitude of clothes in the overnight bag for Emma.

  I stop while folding a light sweater. It’s the middle of the summer, but she might get cold. I finish folding the little sleeves in and tuck it in the bag. “Don’t remind me. The time between Emma’s father’s visits seems to get shorter every month.”

  The only difference this month is while I’m nervous, I’m not as worried as I normally am. It’s more of a distinction. Nate and my relationship is going well since my big screwup. I have spent most of my free time p
ainting the new house. I refused to let him hire painters when I’m jobless and have working arms. Nate makes Emma and me breakfast and then goes off to a day at work. It would be rather normal if I wasn’t aware of the fact that working for Nate is spying on the town’s motorcycle club or watching a bazillion cameras keeping track of Pelican Bay’s citizens as they buy cupcakes.

  Talk about big brother. Pelican Bay has about thirty of them when you consider Ridge’s forces. With Emma gone this weekend, it seemed the perfect time to do the big push to get all of our belongings to the new house. In a little under twenty-four hours I will leave this tiny apartment behind and take up residence in a new life with Nate and the cute little house a block away from Emma’s future school.

  Sending Emma off today — while scary — isn’t as bad as it could be because when I get my baby back, our future will be bright and we’ll be off to a new adventure.

  There’s a knock at the door — presumably my ex — and Nate tenses before he turns, acting like plans to walk to the living room and answer it.

  I pull him back. “Nate, let me handle this.”

  17

  Barry didn’t seem keen about having to pick Emma up and drop her off again this month. He was even less excited about it when I explained we needed the extra help because we were moving. I don’t need him and Nate to get into an argument in front of Emma. Hopefully he got his yelling done over the phone.

  Nate scowls but takes a deep breath and hands Emma to my waiting arms after I loop her bag over my shoulder.

  “I’ll be right back,” I say and kiss him on his cheek.

  Emma giggles and babbles on about her dad as we walk to the front door together, her bouncing on my hip. “You’re going to be good for your daddy. Right?” I ask and she smiles. “But not too good.”

  I whisper the last encouragement so her father doesn’t hear.

  She’s all smiles as I open the door and even yells out “Daddy” when she sees him. But both of our faces fall when we get an eyeful of Barry’s expression. His eyes are already narrowed and his lips pursed together in annoyance. I guess he assumes I took too long. He always had a corn cob up his butt at the slightest inconvenience.

  His eyes search the visible space in my apartment, stopping just a second on each box. “So it’s true, then?”

  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what his anger pertains to. “Yes,” I say doing my best not to roll my eyes. “I don’t know why you would think I’d lie about moving.”

  “Half the things you do I think you only do to annoy me, Josie. Who knows what the truth is?”

  He’s in a pleasant mood. Not.

  “Just please remember when you drop her off we’ll be at the new house. I texted you the address.”

  “Fucking A, Josie, I just can’t believe you would be so irresponsible to move in with someone this quickly. I expected better from you,” he says, his pissed off facial expression miraculously never changing.

  For a second I consider asking if he’s had Botox, but it’s not a good time. Although I’ve heard if you make a face while getting Botox is sticks like that for hours, so it could explain his current situation.

  “If I recall, you moved in with Lindsey quickly.” I would call her The Whore but after our session a few weeks ago, I feel she deserves a name. “How is she doing?” she never called to give me an update, and I never searched one out.

  Barry rolls his eyes. “That situation is different. Emma already had a relationship with Lindsey.”

  My eyes widen and I have to swallow back anger so I don’t lose my cool in front of Emma. I do a little bit anyway. “Yeah, because she was the babysitter!” Why has he never understood his own bullshit?

  He doesn’t respond and I’m left standing in my doorway shaking my head and questioning why I ever cried a single tear over him. I hand Emma to her Nimrod of a father along with her overnight bag and practice deep breathing so I don’t argue with him more. It’s never worth it. Barry has never seen his part in our divorce and he never will. It’s about time I give up the fight.

  Barry struggles to hold Emma and her bag — he doesn’t have as much practice — and without even a goodbye from him he barely gives me time to kiss Emma twice and wave to her as he walks down the hallway. A hand settles on my shoulder and I turn, greeted with Nate’s chest. I lean my head against his pecs and watch as the two of them walk away.

  “Co-parenting with him will be so much fun.”

  Nate’s body shakes for a moment and then he places a soft kiss on top of my head. “We’ll make it work.”

  I smile as Emma’s form disappears when they turn the corner, not because my baby is leaving for the weekend, but because I believe Nate. Even if Barry continues his asshole behavior for the rest of his life, somehow Nate and I will work through it together. For Emma’s sake.

  “Why is there an entire box labeled ‘Emma shoes’?” One of the guys who Nate invited over asks as he stops in front of Tabitha and me at the kitchen table.

  I stumble over my words, not sure how to explain that every time I see a cute pair of shoes, I buy them. My child will have enough footwear to get her through high school.

  “You don’t ask a woman about her delicates,” Tabitha says, jumping in to save the day.

  The man — I’m pretty sure he was introduced as Elliot — looks down at the box and then up at Tabitha and then down to the box again. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”

  Tabitha shakes her head like it’s a job well done as he turns and carries the box out of my apartment.

  Katy smacks her gum, not taking her eyes off the retreating man’s butt. “If I had known they were all like this, I would’ve started showing up to these things a lot more. That’s a heavy box. Look at those muscles.”

  Tabitha covers her friend’s eyes. “Don’t look at that one. He’s taken by me,” she says laughing as Katy pushes her hand down while Ridge walks by carrying a box. He winks in Tabitha’s direction and she sighs, her eyes falling to her large engagement ring as he walks out the door.

  Katy looks to me. “If I’m ever that ridiculous over a man, please take me out back and shoot me.”

  “Okay,” I agree laughing, hoping I never have to do anything of the sort.

  “You can look at that one,” Tabitha says as Crispin walks by. “He’s single.”

  “Have you and Ridge decided when you’ll tie the knot?” Katy asks, her eyes following Crispin as her tongue rubs across her top lip. “I’ve seen that one. He’s pleasant but not… preppy enough. Too much stubble.”

  Tabitha’s eyes fall to the ring again. “I think the spring. If we start planning now, we can have a wedding together by then.”

  “I hope you’re prepared to invite the whole town to the reception.” Katy leans to the side so she doesn’t lose her view of Crispin walking away. She doesn’t appear too upset over his stubble from this angle.

  “Absolutely not. I want a small intimate affair, maybe thirty people.”

  “A small wedding would be beautiful in the spring,” I say, thinking of the little white chapel in town.

  Katy shakes her head. “You are marrying Ridge Jefferson. The Ridge Jefferson. Everyone expects an invitation. The whole town wants to witness the event.”

  “You think so?” Tabitha asks hesitantly.

  Katy nods. “Do you know he once dated and dumped a girl because he said she was obsessed with her nails?”

  “What does that mean?” I ask.

  Katy and Tabitha both shake their heads. They have no idea. “Believe me when I say it’s not even the most ridiculous reason Ridge broke up with someone in the past. Our friend Tabitha here is the only one who’s ever been able to keep him. And now she’s marrying him. The whole town wants pictures.”

  “We’ll put an announcement in the paper.”

  Katy smiles a little wickedly. “Girl, this shit will make the front page of the paper.”

  Tabitha’s face falls into a mixture of shock and horror. “C
an they do that?”

  “If you live in Pelican Bay, they can.”

  The living room having been placed into boxes, Nate walks out from the hallway and stops where we’ve gathered.

  “This is the last one from the bedrooms. I think we’re ready to go.”

  Behind him, five guys stand, each of them wearing matching black polo shirts.

  “Thank you so much.” The thought of hiring movers and paying for them was almost scarier than thinking of having to move all these boxes ourselves. But Nate said when you’re in Ridge’s family you have lots of help. They don’t even bring over the whole crew, just Nate, Crispin, and a few stragglers.

  There wasn’t much furniture in the apartment anyway, and most of what I had we donated to neighbors. So they didn’t even need all five of the big black trucks they dedicated to the cause. I kept Emma’s crib and my favorite bedside table, but everything else furniture-wise in the new house is new. It makes the moving easier.

  “Don’t worry about it. Anything for Nate’s woman,” Crispin says, slapping Nate on the back of his shoulder.

  I blush. In the past being called someone’s woman would be completely un-feminist, but something about being Nate’s woman makes it okay.

  Nate and his merry band of men leave the apartment getting ready to tie everything down to make sure it’s safe for the drive to Pelican Bay. I take a moment to glance around the empty apartment. I’m happy to leave and start my new adventure with Nate, but still a little sad to see this place go. Emma and I shared this home as we restarted our life. It’s where I fell in love with Nate.

  “Are you ready?” Tabitha asks.

  I nod. This is it and I’m ready to start the next leg of my life. “I’m just not used to this whole group thing. Everyone is so nice.” And none of the men let any of us women pick up anything. It was weird and a little awesome. I mean, I support feminism and all — making my way and handling my own boxes — but in truth it was nice not having to lift anything heavy. Very different from when I moved into the apartment.