Sitting cross-legged, he closed his eyes and held the rocks. Rolling them from hand to hand, he let the weight and texture talk to him. Memories hit him like waves, threatening to take him under, but he relaxed. Giving in to the panic was a surefire way to drown.
After the waves eased, laughter filled the void. Selena’s. She was a part of his memory, and he gave himself over to it.
The wind had taken her hat. Wanting to play the hero, he had jumped off his horse and slid down the sandy dunes they’d been riding along to the rocky beach below. The hat had gone out to sea, so he’d climbed back up to where she waited.
To escape his father, they had snuck out to the pasture and taken two of the horses for a ride. No saddles or bridles, just halters and lead ropes.
The wind had blown her long hair back and she sat on the back of a big gray. The sun had kissed her already golden skin.
She’d looked like a queen, even in her white tank top and cutoff jeans. Her bare feet had dangled as she’d laughed at his gallant attempt at knightly duties.
He hadn’t gotten her hat, but he had returned to her with something. A rock. On impulse, he’d gone down on one knee and held the rock up to her.
“It’s not a diamond, but it’s a rock we can build our future on. One day this ranch will be mine. If you marry me, this rock and all the others will be yours. Will you be my wife?”
She had slid off her horse and dropped to her knees in front of him. “I thought you wanted to leave Port Del Mar.”
“I can join the army and make my own money, then we can come back here. My father won’t be able to tell me what to do then. We’ll see the world, then settle here, just like you want. And have all those kids you’ve already named. We can have it all. I promise. Say yes.”
“Really? We’re still in high school, Xavier.”
He’d stood, pulling her to her feet and into his arms. “Just for a few more months. We’ll graduate soon, and no one can tell us what to do. I love you, Selena, and I don’t want anyone else in my life, so as soon as school’s out, we should make it official. Will you marry me?”
She had grabbed his face and kissed him.
With the touch of her lips, the memory dissolved and he was once again in the attic. He opened his eyes and looked at the rock. As an seventeen-year-old, he couldn’t imagine anything going wrong once he was out from under his father’s roof. As a man now, he knew he had promised Selena so much more than he would ever be able to deliver.
She had been too young and inexperienced to know better than to marry a De La Rosa.
He tossed the rock back into the box. It landed on some official-looking documents. They looked important. Blood rushed into his ears. This could be it. Lifting them from the stack, he slid them out of the legal envelope.
At first, he couldn’t figure out what he was reading. It couldn’t be right. Numb, he scanned for a date. Icy coldness started at his head, then crept down.
Divorce papers.
Selena was going to serve him with divorce papers. They were dated the week after he’d left. She had needed him, and he had gone to Colombia to save another family.
He wasn’t sure how long he had sat there staring at the papers. But when he went to stand, his legs had gone numb. Shaking them out, he managed to get on his feet. She hadn’t said a word about the divorce papers. Tilting his head back, he stretched his spine and filled his lungs to capacity.
He held the breath for a count of twenty before letting it out slowly. He wanted to barge into her room and ask her what was going on.
Checking the time, he rerouted his thoughts. He’d spend another hour going through boxes, then go to the kitchen and make coffee. She was always the first to wake up, and he’d be waiting.
* * *
Selena checked on the boys. Oliver was the only one awake and he liked staying in his bed, so she quickly changed him and put him back in the crib. He snuggled with his floppy pup and smiled at her.
Stifling a yawn, she went down the steps. The schedule for the day was already playing in her head. This was it. The big day she’d been planning and working on for almost two years now. Christmas by the Sea. It was her chance to prove to the chamber of commerce that Port Del Mar could be a year-round family destination and not have to put up with drunk college kids during Spring Break to make a profit.
Humming a Christmas song, she went into the kitchen. Turning to the pantry, she bumped into a male form. With a scream, she jumped.
He grunted, and her lungs expanded in relief. “Xavier De La Rosa.” She slapped his arm. “What are you doing hiding in the kitchen this time of the morning?”
“First, I’m not hiding. I’m fixing coffee for us.” He spooned sugar into a cup and stirred it. “Second, this is the time of day when I know you’ll be here. We need to talk.”
“Did you remember more?”
“I was trying to put some loose pieces together. I thought maybe I’d left some stuff behind, so I went to the attic and went through the boxes stored up there.”
Her mouth dropped open. “That never occurred to me. Great idea.” She slid onto a stool and took the coffee he handed her. “Did it work? What did you find?”
“Enough to trigger more memories. More of my family. This.” He placed the rock on the island.
At first, she looked confused. “A rock?”
He saw the moment the connection clicked. Her hand went to her heart and her gaze met his. “Your proposal.”
“Yes. The rock I gave you when I asked you to marry me.”
“Oh, Xavier. I didn’t even know you’d kept it.” Her fingers brushed the stone. “I always thought it was a good symbol for your life. Strong and solid, but able to roll and move from one place to another.” She pulled her hand away. “You were my rolling stone.”
“I made you promises I didn’t keep. Told you things that ended up being lies.”
Cupping her hands around the mug, she inhaled the richness of the dark brew. “We were babies. We had no way of knowing that so many of the things we planned were out of our control.”
He slid the envelope toward her. “I also found this.”
She put the coffee down and stared at the papers, then back to him. She lost some of her coloring, but she didn’t look at him. Instead, she glared at the papers. “How did those end up in your stuff?” she asked him. Or maybe she asked herself. “Oh. My dad. After we got word that you’d been killed, he helped me clean out your things. We donated most. But there were some things he said he didn’t know what to do with, so he boxed them and...” Her hands shook. “I’m sorry.”
“These were drawn up right after I left.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything.
“Did I know? Had we discussed getting a...” He looked at her, his eyes the darkest green she’d ever seen. All the light was gone.
“Divorce?” she supplied.
He smacked the counter, then turned his back to her. “I can’t even say the word. Do you still want one?” He faced her, bracing his arms on the counter. “Did I want one?”
For a moment, she studied the steam swirling from the dark liquid in her cup. “We argued. You took a mission and told me about it the week after we thought the fertility treatment had failed. We thought it was over. I didn’t handle it well. You tried but you didn’t know what to say or do.”
She took a slow sip of coffee. “Looking back, I know we needed counseling. We were so used to hiding our hurt and pain that we didn’t know how to talk to each other. I thought you didn’t love me anymore, but I wasn’t going to ask. I wasn’t going to beg you to stay. You had to make that decision.”
“You didn’t want me to leave, but you didn’t ask me to stay?”
She rubbed her forehead. “When you put it like that... I was so messed up, but I thought that, if you loved me, you’d know without me having to sa
y it.”
“What about now? Do you want me to stay?”
She gestured to the living room. “After seeing all those faces you saved? How can I tell you not to go?” Tears ran down her face. “I don’t know what to say. How can I make that kind of decision when you don’t even remember us?”
He came around to her side of the counter and pulled both of her hands against his chest. “I remember the love that I felt on the day I asked you to be my wife. You were amazing. I knew I didn’t deserve you. All I had to offer was darkness and a stupid rock tied to the De La Rosas. Why did you say yes?”
How did she explain that to him if he didn’t remember their relationship? She shook her head. “There’s so much to do today. We’ll talk about this later.” Coffee in hand, she headed to her office. “You have the boys covered? I’m going in early.”
“Buelita, Belle and I will have the boys on the float at the assigned hour.” His fingers tapped on the papers he had showed her. “I shouldn’t have brought this up today.”
He pushed them away. “Sorry. Put this out of your mind. Don’t give us another thought. Take care of your town and make Christmas happen for your boys.”
She nodded but wanted to pull him close. Did he know he was one of her “boys”? From the first time she’d met him, she’d wanted to give him a life full of all the goodness he hadn’t been given, but she couldn’t lose herself in the process. Not like last time.
The corner of his mouth lifted. She wanted to cry for them both. So much had been lost.
“Selena, go. I’m good. You’ve always worried more about others than yourself.” He took a long sip of his coffee.
“But we need to—”
“Stop.” He shook his head and gave her the smile that made the world around them vanish. “It’s a big day for Port Del Mar. Go do your thing. We’ll be at the Painted Dolphin at six thirty.”
“Okay. Call if you need anything.”
He lifted an eyebrow and just stared at her.
“Fine. Fine. I’m going to spread Christmas cheer.” With a sigh, she went to her office. Xavier was going to bring their sons to the parade. It was a true Christmas blessing. She wanted to savor the joy.
But another part of her was worried about looking into the future. Would he be here next Christmas?
Chapter Thirteen
Xavier had never seen so many people in Port Del Mar. Half of them looked as if they had stepped out of a Dickens novel. In full costume, carolers sang, and the smells of hot chocolate and kettle popcorn filled the air. Selena had created this winter wonderland along the beaches of Port Del Mar.
He had told her not to worry about him or the discovery he had made in the attic, but it wouldn’t leave him alone. Divorce papers.
The only reason they hadn’t been filed was because he had died. He had known something was wrong, but what did he do about this? His therapist had warned him his memory loss might be due more to emotional issues than physical ones.
He sighed. There were moments he thought everyone would be better off if he had stayed in Colombia.
Belle bumped into him as she avoided a street vendor. She had Lucy in her arms. “That wife of yours is amazing. Look at this. It’s taken her almost two years, but she’s done it. Look!”
His eyes followed to where she was pointing. An acting troupe was bringing A Christmas Carol to life, complete with the Ghost of Christmas Past and Scrooge.
Buelita laughed. She was using the boys’ empty stroller to walk the boardwalk, even though she claimed she didn’t need help. “That’s my friend Yolanda’s grandson. His theater class is doing all the acting. They even translated some into Spanish. They’ve been practicing at her house. A live telenovela.”
Cassie, Belle’s ten-year-old daughter, held Oliver. The kids were all dressed for the grand float that would end the parade and take Santa to the plaza.
Buelita was dressed as Mrs. Claus and Belle was an elf.
As soon as he got the boys delivered to Selena, he’d go upstairs at the Painted Dolphin and watch the festivities from a safe distance. He’d be close by for Selena and the boys if they needed him. Not that she would ever admit to needing him.
The one word he kept pushing back today was hitting him hard. Divorce. But he didn’t know enough to understand his reaction.
Today was about her and the boys, about the dream Selena had of creating a perfect Christmas, not just for herself or even for her family, but for the whole town and anyone who wanted to join in the fun.
He scanned the crowd. Colors and movement blurred. Closing his eyes for a moment, he calmed his mind. Slowly he reopened them, and the world came into focus again. Selena was responsible for all these smiles. Their boys were growing up in a world of childhood dreams. They knew they belonged and were loved. All kids everywhere deserved that.
Could he give up on the work he was doing around the globe and stay home? He rubbed his head.
“There you are.” Bells jingled as Selena ran over to them. There was a frantic look in her eyes he’d never seen before.
He scanned the area for danger. He’d let his guard down. Where would be the safest place to move everyone? They were in the open and the babies and Buelita couldn’t move fast.
“Xavier, I need your help. Mr. Gavord is sick.” She looked over her shoulder, then leaned into him so close that no one could hear her. “I know you hate this stuff, but I need a Santa Claus right now. Mr. Gavord gave it a good attempt, but he’s too sick to ride on the carriage. Elijah is too far away and everyone else has jobs assigned. The Mayor is in place at the front waiting for the parade to start. There is no time to find someone else. Please. I’ll owe you big-time.”
Leaning back to look in his eyes, she gave a tight smile, more like she was in pain.
“I don’t have a suit.” He had no idea what else to say.
“Mr. Gavord is here. He brought the suit, but he couldn’t even get in it. The poor man.”
Belle moved in close to them. “What’s going on?” she asked in a whisper.
“I don’t have a Santa.” Selena looked at Xavier, her eyes big. “Please.”
“Okay. But I have no idea what—”
“Just sit there and wave. You don’t even have to say ‘Ho. Ho. Ho.’” She stepped back and looked at Belle. “Will you get the kids settled?”
“Go. Go. Go.” Belle shooed them away. “I’ve got the elf patrol covered. Are the horses here and ready?”
“Yes. They’re stationed on spot seventy. It’s behind the chamber’s big gingerbread house.” She grabbed Xavier’s hand. “Come on.” She dragged him through the parking lot and into the building next to the Painted Dolphin. Going through the back door, she didn’t stop until he stood in front of a red-and-white suit.
“Thank you so, so much.” Her words came in a rush. “I promise Elijah will rescue you at the end of the parade. He said he’d play Santa at the plaza. I knew that would be too much for you.”
He frowned and was about to argue. He could sit at the plaza if that’s what she needed him to do, but she was right. It wasn’t about him not liking Christmas. That he could deal with.
She knew he was too weak to do the job for her. He hated that he wasn’t strong enough.
“I’m good. So, the suit goes on, I sit on the float and wave?”
Nodding, she smiled. “It’s not really a float. Belle will be driving a team of horses. We’re wrapping up the parade with Santa arriving in a horse-drawn carriage. Buelita, the kids and I will be with you. If your sight goes or it gets too much, just let me or Belle know. You won’t be alone.”
With a grimace, he lifted the suit. “I’m not that fragile,” he gritted out.
“Okay, buttercup.”
* * *
Selena had no idea the muscles in her face could hurt so much. She had a whole new appreciation for beauty q
ueens and royalty. Sitting across from Santa, she waved with one hand while holding Oliver with her other. He’d fallen asleep about an hour into the parade. Xavier had Sawyer and Lucy on his lap. Buelita sat on his side, and on the other, Finn was hanging over the back of the seat, waving like crazy. Luna lay at his feet, watching the crowd.
Cassie was on the other side of her and Rosie sat in the front next to Belle.
The giant open carriage and horses were straight out of a fairy tale. The white lights that covered it made her heart melt. Until about halfway down the main strip, when the lights went out.
She almost broke down. The tears had been so close. It was a night parade. Santa’s sleigh had to have lights. It could not go down Shoreline in the dark. But before she could freak out, Santa did something to the small battery and restored the sparkle.
As they turned the corner to the plaza, the snow machine kicked in and white flurries swirled around them. It was as if they were in her snow globe.
“Oliver. Wake up, baby.”
He lifted his head and blinked. “Snow!”
Xavier let out a robust “Ho, ho, ho,” and the kids all cheered. Buelita’s eyes twinkled just like theirs. God’s love surrounded them. Selena wanted to stay in this moment forever.
This was the stuff of her childhood dreams. Before they were married, this was the Christmas she imagined she and Xavier would have with their children.
She’d given up on those dreams a long time ago. First, it appeared that they wouldn’t have children, and then...well, then her husband had been killed. The impossible was actually happening.
She looked at Santa and he winked at her. Xavier was playing Santa and flirting with her. That was the definition of impossible.
The horses stopped at the plaza. A couple of the guys who worked for Saltwater Cowboys were there, ready to make sure the horses were safe. Belle jumped down.
Across the street at the library’s back door, Elijah waved at her. Carolers led by her father filled the plaza with song, “Angels and Shepherds” ringing through the air. With the help of Cassie and Buelita, Belle ushered the kids to the space behind the plaza, Luna following with the boys.
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