by A. Marie
Walking into the boys’ apartment, I spot empty coffee mugs littering the counter. The reminder of Faye heavy on my mind, I decide to call her myself about the barista job.
The adrenaline from today’s events begins to fade, its absence making room for the panic at my current situation. If they’re serious about their proposition, then I’ll need something to hold me over until this new endeavor is a viable reality. I won’t wait around in the meantime. Sharks don’t stop when they’re tired and neither will I.
* * *
“Like what you see, Tom?” I crack an eye to see Coty standing on his balcony, grinning without an ounce of shame at being caught.
“Tom?”
“Peeping Tom,” Beckett guffaws as he and Marc join him.
Coty smiles at his roommates then looks back to me, his humor suddenly gone. In the next instant he’s up and over the railing—on the second level—then dropping to the ground and landing on his feet like a frickin’ cat.
I scramble up from the lounge chair I’ve been glued to for the last hour. After taking things into my own hands and calling the coffee stand owner, she hired me over the phone. I ran right over to fill out all the necessary paperwork before she could change her mind and I’ve been hanging here for the boys to return ever since.
“Holy shit. Is that how you guys always get down so fast?”
“Maybe. Only for things that are really important though.” He shrugs as he takes my vacated seat, pulling me into his lap.
“Things, huh?”
His lips trace the shell of my ear, tugging on a piercing he finds there. “People,” he whispers. “Person. Specifically, my girlfriend.”
I pull away as he travels down my neck. “Is that what I am?”
Coty’s breath blows over my bare shoulder making my skin pebble. “We can use whatever term you want, as long as you’re mine. And before you ask, yes, I’m yours. Have been since I laid eyes on you, babe. My beautifully broken neighbor girl.”
I scoff just as his teeth make an appearance at the base of my neck. Batting him away, I sit forward to face him.
“And you want to be attached to this mess?”
Coty’s face grows serious and his hands grip my thighs, rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs.
“We’re all broken in some way or another. That’s what binds us together, finding someone you trust enough to protect the pieces that need it most. I can’t promise you perfect ‘cause I’m not perfect. I can’t promise you easy ‘cause it won’t be. But I can promise to be here for you through it all no matter what, loving you in any way you’ll allow me for as long as I’m breathing. Whether that makes you my girlfriend or not is up to you, but my feelings remain the same. I see your wreckage and want to fix my own just so I can be the armor yours is missing. I love you, Angela.”
His intense gaze never breaks even as mine grows blurry. The L word was tossed around earlier but this is different. There’s no mistaking his intent this time. Coty loves me. The boy that taught me how to live is now showing me what it is to love. As much as my mind rejects the notion, my heart decides it’s time to take control for once.
I lean my forehead against his and whisper, “I’m not making any promises either but I fell for you, I fell so damn hard I’m still waiting for the ground to catch up with me and that scares me, so much. I trust you to hold my many, many broken pieces safely while I find my way though.”
“Find our way.”
“Together,” I agree. “I love you.”
His insistent mouth kisses me deep and rough, claiming what’s already his.
“About damn time you two make it official.”
Breathless, we pull apart.
“Did you think more about what we talked about, neighbor girl?”
Marc, still in work clothes, sits on the lounger next to ours, pulling out a cigarette while Beckett stands with his arms crossed over a gray shirt that says Does This Bike Make My Ass Look Fast?.
I twist in Coty’s arms, melting into him as he reclines. He brings his nose to my hair and kisses my temple.
“I did. But I have some concerns.” The tallest of the three motions for me to continue. “This is new for me. A relationship. Friendships. Trusting anyone in general, especially men. I’m bad at it. All of it.” I bite my lip, looking between Coty’s friends—my friends.
“And you think we aren’t?” Beckett bursts. “Look at us. We can’t rub together a healthy relationship between the three of us except the one we shaped from scratch ourselves. Nobody showed us how, we just did what felt right, making mistakes as we went. Hell, you’re the first girl we’ve ever had around for more than just fu-”
“What he means is, this is new for us, too,” Marc quickly interrupts. “But we’re willing to try because it feels right. The same way it did years ago at the track, riding without a clue as to what would come next but knowing it’d be okay with these two in my corner. You’re not used to anyone being in yours but know that from here on out, we are. This one’s taking up the whole fucking thing anyway and where he goes, we go.” He jerks his thumb behind me making Coty’s chest rumble.
“I think you mean where we go, he goes.” Beckett pretends to beat his fists on his chest.
Coty runs his hands up my sides before wrapping his arms around my middle. “Dude, it’s where she goes, I go. I’ve just been biding my time, waiting for her to show up.”
“So, what do you say, Angie?”
“All for one and one for all?” I joke.
“I’ll settle for a foursome.”
“Motherfucker.”
I’m set to the side as Coty makes a grab for Beckett. Marc hops up, tossing his cigarette butt and joins the others poolside. They play fight and trash talk amongst themselves, having momentarily forgotten about me. I sit back, watching their dynamic, the ease of it all. The love, the trust. They have each other’s backs, but like Coty said, it’s more than that. They respect the damaged parts in one another, never using it against each other, always keeping it safe from outsiders. Each man is strong on his own but together they’re a force to be reckoned with. One I’ve found myself in the middle of. The comfort and security I never thought would come has settled over me like a blanket on a cold night and I’m growing more and more fond of the refuge it’s provided. The three nosey neighbors refusing to give up on me has generated warmth where only cold previously lived.
Fighting to constantly stand alone was necessary but has left me tired, run down. These three provide a safe place for me to take a rest—should I decide to take one.
Today, though, is not that day.
Laughing, I walk over and shove the unsuspecting trio toward the water. Three different hands shoot out, latching onto mine and together we fall in giving Beckett a version of his foursome after all.
CHAPTER 37
Angela
“There we go.”
A smudge on the window’s been bothering me all day but I haven’t had time to properly clean it until the afternoon rush passed. I glance over as a junky car pulls in then hustle back inside to the glorious air conditioning.
It’s been several weeks since I started at Latte Da Coffee Stand and I’m finally getting the hang of this barista stuff. Luckily, my excellent customer service makes up for any mishaps I’ve had serving less than perfect orders. I haven’t lost Faye any returning customers, that I know of, so that’s a plus.
Apparently with all the college kids back in town after graduation and looking for a local coffee spot—not a chain!—to support, business has been booming. It’s not the easiest job for someone like me who’s not food gifted in the slightest, but the schedule allows for my night course to continue unhindered and the tips are great. Although, after falling in love with a certain someone with mocha swirled eyes, I will say I’ve become obsessed with the drink, giving me more motivation in learning how to make it correctly.
There hasn’t been a lot of alone time for me and Coty with the long hours I’ve had to
put in, but we’ve been making it work. Coty’s also developed a serious coffee addiction but only during my shifts coincidentally. And I’ll admit that living next door to your boyfriend does have its benefits when you’re strapped for time.
With the offer on the property for their garage being accepted, the guys have been laying it on pretty damn thick in trying to convince me to accept the last remaining management position—that they made specifically for me. Digging my heels in with apprehension has only encouraged their efforts, much to my immense enjoyment. I finally conceded but only under the condition that we’d all get to know each other better, both as a unit and separately. Now every Friday before their usual parties we have family dinners together. It’s been going well so far—as long as I’m not the one cooking. This week I invited Drew, too, and am looking forward to seeing all the men in my life getting along.
Joe’s absence from my life has helped everyone to relax. Word has it his wife found out about the video and kicked him to the curb. I also heard a very pregnant Amity let him move in with her and the two are perfectly miserable together. Karma loves a good plot twist, doesn’t she?
The ding of the drive-thru sensor draws my attention to the window and I open it, ready to take the next order. Freezing in my spot, my chest tightens to almost painful and my lips clamp together. My mother’s smug grin tells me this is no coincidence and I exhale through my nose.
“What can I get you?”
“Oh, don’t play dumb, Ang. You’re a lot of things but naïve isn’t one of them. You know what I want.”
I relax my hold on the counter to lean forward on a heavy sigh.
“What happened to your other car?”
She waves a hand. “This is a loaner from a…friend.” I roll my eyes, knowing exactly what kind of friends Rianne keeps. “Just until I can get mine back. That’s why I’m here. I thought you should help with that.”
Dropping my head back, I stare at the ceiling, filling my lungs to the hilt. “And why should I help with that?” I pop up, meeting eyes that match my own in color but not in substance. “You somehow got a car that you couldn’t afford and I’m supposed to pay the bill? I don’t think so.” Maybe her friend should just let her keep this one, it fits her better anyway.
The bumper hanging off the front reminds me of the fake façade my mother puts up but has been slipping more and more lately, showing the true ruin lurking beneath. The rust spots are like the holes in her armor she’s spent so long using against both the world and me. Whiny clangs from the engine speak of an exhaustion her soul carries from never measuring up to society’s standards.
“Where are your guard dogs? I’m surprised they let you out of their sight after threatening my life.” I stifle another eye roll. “What? Did they give up on your Ice Queen act already, seeing you for the total nuisance you really are?”
Before I can respond, smoke begins to billow out from under the hood of her car.
“Shit!” Gripping both sides of the window, I jump out feet first and land on the blistering asphalt next to the driver’s door. I immediately reach through her open window to turn the keys, effectively shutting off the engine. My mother, frozen from either shock or embarrassment, starts to cry.
I quickly turn away, pulling out my phone. Coty talks me through a few simple steps to open the hood, then promises to handle the rest when he gets here.
With a swipe across my forehead, I see her shaking develop into a rolling boil and stop short. Car trouble is nothing new in Rianne’s life, having driven many lemons between boy-toys, but I’ve never seen her react like this. This is more. More than a crappy car overheating on a summer day. This is something else entirely. My heart squeezes as I push forward with a shaky façade of my own.
Even though she was just being a wretched bitch, she’s still blocking the only path for actual customers and I need her to leave as soon as possible—for everybody’s sake.
“Hey, it’s not that big of a deal. This summer’s been hard on everyone.” I nudge her shoulder, then drop my hand unsure what else to do with it before blurting, “I’m thirsty.”
Happy to have something to occupy my hands, I pour us frozen hot chocolates with whipped cream, making sure to put extra on mine. I inspect the drinks, then add more to hers.
Out back, I find her sitting in the shade. She accepts the frosty drink with a trembling hand. She doesn’t so much as thank me as I continue to stand, taking her in. Her smudged eyes have dark circles under them and her hair is matted in places I didn’t notice before. Her clothes are wrinkled and one of her flip-flops is being held together with a piece of duct tape. It’s a far cry from her usual put together self. The Rianne I know would never be out in public looking like the hot mess I see before me.
Squinting, I focus on a passing car. “You doing okay?” I grimace at my warbled voice before turning back to her.
Her tired eyes meet mine as she swallows noisily. “Like you care.”
“I may not like you, but I don’t wish harm on you. You’ve been blaming me for your life going to shit for years but I think it’s time you take a look in the mirror. Kelsie chose to live with her dad for a reason. And that reason sure as hell wasn’t me, no matter what you say. Blaming an innocent child born from an undesirable circumstance for your fuck-ups is just shitty. Stealing anything good from your own flesh and blood is even worse. Take some responsibility already.”
Her attention flits past my shoulder as I hear a few engines pull up but I don’t need see to know who it is. My real family just arrived. The one I chose.
“Did they teach you to talk like that?”
My body relaxes the moment I see the boys dismount their bikes. I called one yet they all came running—for me. Warmth that has nothing to do with the blazing sun settles deep in my bones. It glides through my body, spreading calm as it goes, quieting the constant nag in the back of my head wondering if I’m enough, if I deserve them. It’s amazing what love and care can do to a person, to an open wound left abandoned and exposed. Their consideration helped soothe the pain caused by others even when they didn’t have to. Even when they shouldn’t have. When they had every reason to walk away, they refused to give up and I’m forever grateful. When you’re told you’re not loveable enough, you start to believe it. They’ve shown me what it feels like to be loved. That’s not what my mother provided me. That wasn’t love. Love isn’t used as a weapon. It’s a gift one should offer freely and receive with humility.
After years of living with the reason for them, my carefully constructed walls came crumbling down for the boys just next door. Go figure.
“They taught me a lot actually. Mostly about family and what it means to love, not just yourself but others.” I bend down to her level. “They taught me what it’s like to be loved, too, something I’ve never felt before. Not from friends, not from a father or sister, not even from my own mom.” She, of all people, should understand what that feels like.
Her eyes fill with unshed tears as she looks away. I straighten then turn to the guys, catching Coty’s hand as he reaches for me. Three sets of tight eyes greet me but I usher them toward something they’re more equipped to take on.
Beckett and Marc slowly walk to the front of the car while Coty pulls me against his chest, speaking low in my ear.
“What the hell is she doing here?”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t like it.”
I peek over his shoulder to see her wiping roughly at her eyes, knocking over her drink in the process.
“I don’t either.”
A loud curse steals our attention.
“Fucking idiot. What is this, amateur hour?”
Beckett smacks the hood. “Fuck off, bro. I didn’t bring a rag.”
We rush over, finding an angry burn on Beckett’s hand. He’s already rubbing furiously at the wound, clearly making it worse.
“Stop that.” I yank his uninjured hand away, saying, “I’ll get the first aid kit.”
<
br /> Coty joins me in the kiosk, grabbing a towel and a cup of water. Returning to the car, Coty and Marc confer by the hood while I treat Beckett’s burn. His pinched eyebrows soften as I smooth on some of the ointment from the small kit.
“Why are you helping her?” he asks softly.
I attach a large bandage, keeping my eyes trained on my movements. “Faye won’t be happy finding that piece of shit blocking her business tomorrow morning. How’s your hand?”
He flexes his fingers, testing his mobility with the binding.
“Good, thanks. I still can’t believe I did that shit.”
“We all make mistakes. Treat it as a lesson learned and move on.” I’m suddenly reminded of Coty telling me something very similar but about burning your hand in the kitchen.
“This was a lesson I’ve been taught many, many times though. It was just stupid.”
I nod, wiping the excess goop on a towel. “Maybe, but being mad at yourself isn’t going to do any good. And being angry at the car won’t help matters either,” I add, seeing his glare. “Don’t let anger get the better of you. You’re smarter than that. That thing,” I gesture to his hand, “will only get infected if you don’t treat it with care, then your mistake will continue to grow and won’t heal correctly.”
“Why are you so good to us, Angie?”
“Because you’re good to me.”
“We’re only doing this for you. Not for her.” He leans down to kiss my forehead so I lift my eyes to his, silently thanking him.
I mull over my words to Beckett while I drift toward Rianne. By staying angry at my mom—the constant analyzing, the refusing to forgive—it’s kept the hurt at the forefront of my mind, preventing me from moving forward. Being mad at myself hasn’t helped either. By continuously picking at the open wound she’s caused, I’ve been prolonging the healing process all along. Just like Beckett’s burn, I need to treat the injury with care if I want it to improve, for me to be free of the pain I’ve been living with for so long. Deciding to do the opposite of what my anger is trying to trick me into, I forgive the woman who’s caused the damage I’ve grown to resent. As Beckett said, not for her, but for me.